RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this?

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TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 5:47:12 PM)
This is easy, really. Don't focus on reading people's minds, rather; Mind your manners. Approach others, knowing they are your equals, until such time as an individual proves themselves to be superior, or inferior, to you. Then, adjust accordingly. That's for vanilla or BDSM interactions. For instance, in your OP, you show a lack of refinement and reveal either ignorance of, or disdain for, decorum. Lots of people are reading what you write - why be crass towards them? So my view: 1) Eliminate all confusion regarding how to approach anyone by using good manners. 2) Show friendly respect and exhibit solid self-esteem by using good manners. 3) Raise standards for social interaction by using good manners. If you do these things, you may find the seed of a friendship. As the friendship grows, you will learn about the 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of things that an internet profile doesn't address. Best of luck to you.

OsideGirl -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 5:55:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake quote: ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle I did this once a long, long time ago. (She) was MistressCruelNEvil, or something like that. It was a killer profile, one that would definitely appeal to the fantasies of a masoguy like me, even without a picture. (She) gave a very detailed description of just what kind of man (she) was looking for and very explicit and detailed directions as to the introductory letter they were to write. In the first 24 hours, (she) got a couple of hundred responses. Of them, precisely two matched what (she) said she was looking for and followed the instructions. I sent those two polite notes thanking them but turning them down, then deleted that profile because I felt guilty as hell about wasting the time and effort that those two put to responding to a fraud. Since then, the only times I write to women on CM are: to answer their emails to me (It's rare, but it happens), to say something in response to something they've posted that I think would be better said privately, when I recognize them as people I've actually met in the r/t BDSM community, to offer some advice concerning their profiles (also very rare) and when they seem like people I'd like to meet and actually live close enough that meeting them very soon is doable. I've made several playmates that way. Lately, I've given brief thought of reviving MistressCruelNEvil, with a paypal account, as a 21 year old "findomme", with pictures stolen from some other site that doesn't use English. I could sure as hell use the money and I'd bet I could do it much better than most on the other side, but I just can't seem to talk myself into deliberately committing fraud. quote: ORIGINAL: WithBellsOn If you want some insight into why all of these women are writing stuff like that in their profiles, just make a female profile yourself. See what kind of messages you get. Data says : 1%. A gal could get jaded. I have a friend that is currently looking on the other side. She was very specific about orientation, relationship status, age and location. She was deliberately vague on what her ideal D/s relationship is because experience has taught her that asking them that question first has better results. It's amazing how many people ignore what she wants.

searching4mysir -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:24:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake quote: ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle I did this once a long, long time ago. (She) was MistressCruelNEvil, or something like that. It was a killer profile, one that would definitely appeal to the fantasies of a masoguy like me, even without a picture. (She) gave a very detailed description of just what kind of man (she) was looking for and very explicit and detailed directions as to the introductory letter they were to write. In the first 24 hours, (she) got a couple of hundred responses. Of them, precisely two matched what (she) said she was looking for and followed the instructions. I sent those two polite notes thanking them but turning them down, then deleted that profile because I felt guilty as hell about wasting the time and effort that those two put to responding to a fraud. Since then, the only times I write to women on CM are: to answer their emails to me (It's rare, but it happens), to say something in response to something they've posted that I think would be better said privately, when I recognize them as people I've actually met in the r/t BDSM community, to offer some advice concerning their profiles (also very rare) and when they seem like people I'd like to meet and actually live close enough that meeting them very soon is doable. I've made several playmates that way. Lately, I've given brief thought of reviving MistressCruelNEvil, with a paypal account, as a 21 year old "findomme", with pictures stolen from some other site that doesn't use English. I could sure as hell use the money and I'd bet I could do it much better than most on the other side, but I just can't seem to talk myself into deliberately committing fraud. quote: ORIGINAL: WithBellsOn If you want some insight into why all of these women are writing stuff like that in their profiles, just make a female profile yourself. See what kind of messages you get. Data says : 1%. A gal could get jaded. I have a friend that is currently looking on the other side. She was very specific about orientation, relationship status, age and location. She was deliberately vague on what her ideal D/s relationship is because experience has taught her that asking them that question first has better results. It's amazing how many people ignore what she wants. The very first line of my profile says that I'm owned and no longer looking. That doesn't stop dumbass desktop dominants from telling me they want me to eat their shit and drink their piss and beat me. It also doesn't stop male subs/switches from offering to pay me to "force" them into bestiality. Both of these occurred this week alone.

LadyPact -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:25:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stebbinsd Yeah, of course they're not my submissive. But then again, if you're not going to actually put forth any effort in finding a soulmate, why are you even here? That might have something to do with the fact that lots of people here aren't searching for a soul mate. It's not an exclusive for single's only kind of joint.

DesFIP -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:36:13 PM)
OP, you're overinvesting. It's a waste of your time and energy to go about being upset about everything strangers do that isn't up to your standards. Keep this up and you'll have a stroke. Worse, it gives people a really bad impression of you. Because if you go this over the top upset about nonsense on the internet, then what would you do if your partner forgot to buy milk on the way home? Cane her till she needed stitches? Moreover, if instead of ranting you had asked why people do that, we would have informed you and you would have appeared to be a sensible sort of person instead of someone with anger management problems. Because people have since told you why so many profiles are written like this, as a reaction from the drivel they get sent by strangers. Honestly, my first reaction is that if you get like this from a profile then you're probably sending out the sort of nastiness that causes women to write profiles like this. I'm probably wrong about you, at least I hope I am. But in a text only medium, all we have to judge your by are your words. And yours are overly impassioned and angry.

sexyred1 -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:41:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stebbinsd I just read a profile that says this: quote: I'm not the easiest sub to lay down and roll over. I have walls. And if you don't approach me the correct way you won't be spoken to. The problem is that... she doesn't actually give us any details. She doesn't tell us anything about herself, so she expects us to just read her mind and just magically know what makes her tick, and to just magically know how to go about getting through these alleged "walls." Oh no, why should I have to lift a finger?! Shouldn't my soulmate come to me, on a silver fucking platter? The reason I'm making a thread and bitching about this is because... this isn't just one profile. I don't limit my search results very restrictively, so I see just about every female slave that has been online recently, save for those who are older than me, and this site is littered with profiles that give cryptic shit like this... or better still, aren't even filled-out at all. Am I overreacting, or am I justified in being frustrated about this? Why shouldn't she be cryptic? Most men do not want to hear about the background or issues a woman has had here. You are probably failing to realize that that woman may be as equally frustrated in her attempts to meet someone normal and suited for her. She might be tired of all the silly male profiles that sound delusional. Or the men who write to women without addressing anything particular to that woman. Or the men who expect insta-fantasy or the men who write pages of unremarkable and amateurish boring porn and think women will be turned on by it. Frustration goes both ways.

littlewonder -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:48:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stebbinsd I just read a profile that says this: quote: I'm not the easiest sub to lay down and roll over. I have walls. And if you don't approach me the correct way you won't be spoken to. The problem is that... she doesn't actually give us any details. She doesn't tell us anything about herself, so she expects us to just read her mind and just magically know what makes her tick, and to just magically know how to go about getting through these alleged "walls." Oh no, why should I have to lift a finger?! Shouldn't my soulmate come to me, on a silver fucking platter? The reason I'm making a thread and bitching about this is because... this isn't just one profile. I don't limit my search results very restrictively, so I see just about every female slave that has been online recently, save for those who are older than me, and this site is littered with profiles that give cryptic shit like this... or better still, aren't even filled-out at all. Am I overreacting, or am I justified in being frustrated about this? I wouldn't say you aren't justified but I would say you are overreacting. Why be frustrated? So she's not your type. Just click on the "next profile" button. No big deal. The women you see like this are usually the ones who are jaded, bitter and still angry over a past relationship. Would you really wanna be in their life? I personally wouldn't want to so I just don't give them another thought. Instead of riling yourself up over this and getting frustrated about it, why not just shrug your shoulders and move on? I personally would also find a person like you to be about the same as the way you feel about the women you are complaining about. You're just as bad as they are as far as I would be concerned.

MissAsylum -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:52:11 PM)
~FR~ So, you are perturbed about the profile of somebody whom you've never met. Yeah, totally justified. [end sarcasm]

Baroana -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 6:59:41 PM)
It sounds like OP is upset about one of two things. The first possibility is that this woman, and all those like her, failed to proactively reach out and contact him. The second possibility is that he reached out but got no response. Either way I say get used to disappointment.

searching4mysir -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 7:19:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: stebbinsd I just read a profile that says this: quote: I'm not the easiest sub to lay down and roll over. I have walls. And if you don't approach me the correct way you won't be spoken to. The problem is that... she doesn't actually give us any details. She doesn't tell us anything about herself, so she expects us to just read her mind and just magically know what makes her tick, and to just magically know how to go about getting through these alleged "walls." Oh no, why should I have to lift a finger?! Shouldn't my soulmate come to me, on a silver fucking platter? The reason I'm making a thread and bitching about this is because... this isn't just one profile. I don't limit my search results very restrictively, so I see just about every female slave that has been online recently, save for those who are older than me, and this site is littered with profiles that give cryptic shit like this... or better still, aren't even filled-out at all. Am I overreacting, or am I justified in being frustrated about this? I wouldn't say you aren't justified but I would say you are overreacting. Why be frustrated? So she's not your type. Just click on the "next profile" button. No big deal. The women you see like this are usually the ones who are jaded, bitter and still angry over a past relationship. Would you really wanna be in their life? I personally wouldn't want to so I just don't give them another thought. Instead of riling yourself up over this and getting frustrated about it, why not just shrug your shoulders and move on? I personally would also find a person like you to be about the same as the way you feel about the women you are complaining about. You're just as bad as they are as far as I would be concerned. If it is the profile I think it is (I googled his quote), she is also 21, blonde, thin, and pretty. I can only imagine what ends up in HER inbox.

Duskypearls -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 8:36:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne This is easy, really. Don't focus on reading people's minds, rather; Mind your manners. Approach others, knowing they are your equals, until such time as an individual proves themselves to be superior, or inferior, to you. Then, adjust accordingly. That's for vanilla or BDSM interactions. For instance, in your OP, you show a lack of refinement and reveal either ignorance of, or disdain for, decorum. Lots of people are reading what you write - why be crass towards them? So my view: 1) Eliminate all confusion regarding how to approach anyone by using good manners. 2) Show friendly respect and exhibit solid self-esteem by using good manners. 3) Raise standards for social interaction by using good manners. If you do these things, you may find the seed of a friendship. As the friendship grows, you will learn about the 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of things that an internet profile doesn't address. Best of luck to you. I nominate this person for ^^^^^^^Brilliant Advice of the Year Award! Took the words right out of my mouth, and even said them better.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/13/2013 11:30:10 PM)
It does look like it belongs on a refrigerator.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 12:09:56 AM)
Fast reply 1) You are entitled to your feelings. If you get this upset about a vague profile though, the world of internet dating may not be for you, because it also tends to come with the risk of scammers, men pretending to be women, people who stand you up etc - more distressing things. 2) You have no idea how proactive she is being in finding a partner. She may be messaging profiles she likes, signing up to other sites, joining social groups, going to bars... 3) You do not in fact see 'just about every female slave' that has been online recently if you see only people 23 and under. You see a small fraction of the youngest users. Common sense might say that a) younger people are less likely to look for a soul mate b) younger people may sometimes be less sure of what they want or how to express that c) people who do make fake profiles are likely to do so using young beautiful female photos - you have a self-selecting group 4) The profile in question has one specific instruction about how to contact her, a photo of her doing a vanilla hobby which you could easily talk about, and several comments on what type of personality she has (she sounds a little world-weary for her age but whatever works for you). If you are able to read between the lines in even a basic way you should be able to glean quite a lot about her and use that to message her. 5) Ishtar's advice was very good. Even if we could force this woman to tell us exactly how she wants to be approached, you're likely not compatible - you believe she should be looking in a very specific way and she has different ideas, so you'd probably have different ideas about communication in general. 5) You aren't entitled to access to this woman or any other; she doesn't owe it to you to help you out or do things that give you better chances. Your post has a slight whiff of 'Nice Guy'.

theshytype -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 7:18:14 AM)
I don't understand why you're frustrated at the profiles. If you don't agree with what they've written, they're simply not for you. Move on. If she's not getting any responses because of her vagueness, that's her problem not yours. Nobody wants to include a manual of the best ways to be approached. The only way to get to know someone is by talking to them - a profile will not provide too much insight into a person, regardless of how much is completed. To be honest, it seems to me you're not frustrated because of how they've written their profiles. Instead, it seems you're frustrated because you're not finding someone that clicks with you.

JeffBC -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 12:39:32 PM)
~fast reply~ I try to avoid getting frustrated at the profiles of random strangers. Insofar as whether her attitude and profile forwards her objectives I can't possibly know. I have no idea what she is looking for nor do I have any idea how effectively that profile has helped attract the right ones and repel the wrong ones. To me personally that profile engenders an immediate response of "Don't fucking play games with me" in me. But you know, the whole world doesn't revolve around me and my responses.

OsideGirl -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 1:18:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC I try to avoid getting frustrated at the profiles of random strangers. Me too. Although, I do frequently point and laugh.

JeffBC -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 2:18:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Me too. Although, I do frequently point and laugh. Yeah, but for me that's mostly the "true slaves" and "true masters". My reaction to the "get the fuck away from me crowd" is to happily comply.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 4:21:52 PM)
quote: If it is the profile I think it is (I googled his quote), she is also 21, blonde, thin, and pretty. I can only imagine what ends up in HER inbox. Wow. I didn't know that was possible. From her pictures, my guess is that what he's really upset about is the fact that he's not welcome in her in-out-in-out box. And, I'll bet he didn't say "blue hippos" in the letter he wrote her.

OsideGirl -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 4:54:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Me too. Although, I do frequently point and laugh. Yeah, but for me that's mostly the "true slaves" and "true masters". My reaction to the "get the fuck away from me crowd" is to happily comply. I did have a good chuckle about the guy who bragged about how he's a rough and gruff biker Dom. And the motorcycle was a Sportster 883. My first reaction was "Does your wife know you have her bike?"

Kaliko -> RE: Am I justified for being pissed off about this? (3/14/2013 5:10:58 PM)
I actually think you're justified. Searching online sucks. People aren't who they seem to be, or who you want them to be, or what you think they should be. You probably have a specific definition in your mind of how your submissive partner is, and some of the profiles you are seeing seem to be going to efforts of shutting others out with their personalities, even when their profiles say they're searching. What's not frustrating about that? Good Lord, I get frustrated when I can't find my debit card in my purse. Imagine how frustrating it is when you can't find a compatible partner among a sea of submissives. Additionally, if I were a dominant man, that kind of wording in a profile would be a huge turnoff. If I were to see many profiles of submissive women with that sort of defensive (or is she on the offense?) language, I'd be frustrated too. But that's just a personality thing. I do think you're exaggerating on how many profiles you actually do see. There are tons that you don't see. There are actually quite a few people in the world that are over 23. :) I also suspect that you were just letting off a little steam by writing the post. ETA...Oooh... I was responding to your post in which you asked if you were justified in being frustrated. Justified in being pissed? Ah, no.

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