Is moving too fast a red flag? (Full Version)

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TheWriter13 -> Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:13:58 AM)

I just started to email this girl and she's telling me that if I'm serious about a session tomorrow I should text her in the am. I'm like wait isn't that a bit fast even if she's a pro I think we should wait at least week or two. I mean would you meet someone the very next day if you started talking to them online?



GoddessManko -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:25:03 AM)

Not fast, she's a Domme, naturally aggressive and maybe lacks patience like I do. Opinion here. Maybe she has been sifting through 30 pages of emails amounting to nada. [sm=mistress.gif][sm=mistress.gif]



TheWriter13 -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:32:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Not fast, she's a Domme, naturally aggressive and maybe lacks patience like I do. Opinion here. Maybe she has been sifting through 30 pages of emails amounting to nada. [sm=mistress.gif][sm=mistress.gif]

She contacted me it was pretty fast.



peppermint -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:34:55 AM)

A professional Domme does not want to waste time talking to someone for a long time.  I'll bet she's been burned by guys who said they wanted a session but really just wanted her to tell them what she would do to them.  In other words, wank fodder for freebie.   

If a person I met online lived within a reasonable distance I would welcome a fairly quick meeting to see if the person might be interesting as a partner.  Meeting over a cup of coffee is not threatening and pretty safe.  When I was looking years ago I ran into quite a few guys who were all talk with no intention of meeting.  Many just wanted the wank fodder I mentioned previously.  I'd bet most of them were married and looking for online erotic chat only even if they said otherwise. 

Meeting someone as a potential partner and setting up a session with a Pro Domme are two entirely different things.  If you are uncomfortable with a meeting then don't do it.  I don't see a fast meeting with a Pro Domme as a red flag but apparently you are not ready for that without more chat.  I can see where a Pro Domme might hate what could turn out to be endless chat with no compensation. 



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:35:14 AM)

You said it yourself. She's a pro. She wants to session tomorrow because she wants to get paid tomorrow, not a week or two from now. You are a business to her.

Perhaps you'd have a better chance connecting with your local community. Google 'munch' and your location to find like-minded folks who don't do this for a living. Best of luck to you.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 4:05:23 AM)

heck yeah - i'd meet them the next day. HOw can you know if there is anything there online.

As for being a pro - do you wait when you want a loaf of bread, or a car? Nope, i go out and get it. If you have an itch, and a pro can help, then what is the point of waiting a week. If she knows what you want, and she can provide it, then go for it.



lizi -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 4:14:57 AM)

That might be a bit fast if it was the usual type of compatibility meeting, but it's not, it's business. Even for the potential relationship type thing I'd do a next day meet, why not? I detest spending months online only to find out that in person the two of you have no chemistry. Better to find out in a half an hour instead of wasting the hours online or on the phone only to chuck them in the end.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 4:37:27 AM)

I don't think it's moving too fast, or a red flag, if you're convinced she's a good pro and that you'll get your money's worth.

If you're not convinced of those two things, yes, it's too fast. Money is tight these days, lots of females decide to set up shop whether they know what they are doing or not, and as a client you have choices.

So, how would *I* assess a prodomme? Does she have a dungeon or a dedicated session space? How about gear? If a major fantasy of yours is being chained to a cross and tortured with a snake whip, and she doesn't possess either of those items, how are you going to feel you got your money's worth?

Speaking of whips, that take's practice. As does wax play, fire play, needle play, mummification, etc etc. I'd certainly think twice before putting myself in the hands of a self professed pro w/o having checked her out thoroughly.

If she's a professional, she should welcome this, so as to differentiate herself from those who bought a crop and decided to call themselves a pro.

This is where knowing your local community and other subs in your area can come in very handy -- you have people you can ask.










LillyBoPeep -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 6:22:16 AM)

For a professional, I'd say no, that's not moving too fast. She has a business and wants to get the business done. =p

And for regular meets (not play dates, admittedly) I have met up with people the day after talking with them online.
Of course, not meeting them with the intention of playing with them, but eh -- it kinda depends on the person.

Chatte is quite right, there are a lot of people advertising as professionals without a lot of skill. Great advice for weeding out the ones who won't quite fit the bill. :)



LadyPact -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 7:26:23 AM)

I have to agree with everyone above.

There's no need to chat for a couple of weeks to book a session. You wouldn't do that to set any other kind of appointment, such as servicing your car or getting a hair cut. It's a business transaction. You are paying for her time and skill. She's not making money for you wanting to talk about doing a session. Only the actual session. Any additional time that is spent that isn't being compensated for doesn't add to her bottom line.

There's a significant number of first timers that back out. That's a waste of her time. She's not going to invest time in a client that isn't going to be an actual client.



DominantJayce -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 8:45:52 AM)

Especially considering she's a professional; no. It's not a red flag. But she probably doesn't want to exchange meaningless (and moneyless) emails with you until you're ready for a session- and that's assuming you actually have a session. She, among others, has probably heard it all about those wasting her time and promise of paid 'dates'. She doesn't want to deal with it, naturally. One way to weed out the ones who will waste her time is to stop email tag and meet up. She doesn't get paid to chat with you. Negotiation is one thing, but even then she may prefer to do that in person.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 9:44:45 AM)

Hey, it should be like and oil change or a pizza. 30 minutes or less. I can't think of any vendor that delivers an hour's service and wants to spend weeks booking that appointment. Don't be silly, don't waste her time and don't be self deluded in thinking that she is a hooker with a heart of gold and will love because you became her client. Sounds to me like you are confusing relationship protocol with business protocol if you think you should wait weeks.

. . . and on that note, even in relationship protocol, some of us are older and more experienced. If some young pup is too scared to stand up and meet in person right away, I figure they are way to scared to play at my level. Seriously, I use the same "123" standards and time references I would if we had meet in public.

1 - Phone number
2 - casual coffee date
3 - it's on

No way am I wasting weeks on the phone with some nervous nelly.



Dyfrynt -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 9:45:43 AM)

Am I missing something here? The OP never said she was a Pro. His exact words were "even if she's a pro...."

My two cents. Pro or not, if the OP knows almost nothing about this Domme, which is apparently the case, then yes, absolutely it is too fast. Just because he is a male sub doesn't mean proper etiquette should be ignored.

If the sexes were reversed everyone would be clamoring for the woman to hold back, be careful, don't rush into anything.

That is my advice to the OP.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 9:50:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

Am I missing something here? The OP never said she was a Pro. His exact words were "even if she's a pro...."

My two cents. Pro or not, if the OP knows almost nothing about this Domme, which is apparently the case, then yes, absolutely it is too fast. Just because he is a male sub doesn't mean proper etiquette should be ignored.

If the sexes were reversed everyone would be clamoring for the woman to hold back, be careful, don't rush into anything.

That is my advice to the OP.

You are missing the fact there is no comma before "even if she's a pro", therefore when he is "serious about a session tomorrow" the booking is fast for a pro, not an exception "if" she is a pro.



Dyfrynt -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 10:33:29 AM)

Okay so he is saying, in essence, "even though she is a Pro". Fair enough. Most of the rest of my comments still stand. It is rolling the dice to commit to a session the next day. Unless this Pro is very well known in the community. But even then, it doesn't necessarily follow that she is a good match for him.

Again if this were a woman asking the question, should she commit to seeing a Dom the next day after contact - everyone would be all over this as completely improper, if not dangerous.

Or do the rules of safety no longer apply if we are talking about a Pro (i.e. for hire) Domme? Seems to my way of thinking if she is that interested in getting a new client that her primary interest is not the man, but the money.



searching4mysir -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 10:42:40 AM)

quote:

Again if this were a woman asking the question, should she commit to seeing a Dom the next day after contact - everyone would be all over this as completely improper, if not dangerous.


I don't think we would be if it was a professional relationship whereas she was paying him to render her a service (domination). Particularly if that first meet was in public in a vanilla setting.


This being said, based on other writings of his, I don't think he thinks with his big head all that often because the blood is all being diverted to his lower regions.



Pyramus -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:13:27 PM)

I'd be more worried when things move too slowly.



LadyPact -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 12:39:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

Okay so he is saying, in essence, "even though she is a Pro". Fair enough. Most of the rest of my comments still stand. It is rolling the dice to commit to a session the next day. Unless this Pro is very well known in the community. But even then, it doesn't necessarily follow that she is a good match for him.

Again if this were a woman asking the question, should she commit to seeing a Dom the next day after contact - everyone would be all over this as completely improper, if not dangerous.

Or do the rules of safety no longer apply if we are talking about a Pro (i.e. for hire) Domme? Seems to my way of thinking if she is that interested in getting a new client that her primary interest is not the man, but the money.
Of course her interest is the money. What do you think she is doing pro sessions for? To make friends?

A number of professionals will go through what the client wants and how she works in those areas during the first "session". It's not necessarily play, but that way, she is getting paid for her time. It stops a lot of guys who really just want to talk about kink and don't have any intention of actually booking.



ETA - I do have to agree with s4ms. Knowing this poster's past history, the pro was probably spot on about making sure her time wasn't wasted.




ResidentSadist -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 1:26:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

......................
ETA - I do have to agree with s4ms. Knowing this poster's past history, the pro was probably spot on about making sure her time wasn't wasted.



Suddenly the OP seems much clearer.



Thaz -> RE: Is moving too fast a red flag? (3/15/2013 1:44:03 PM)

Yup knowing a pro domme or two moderately well then this is their livelyhood. They get stood up A LOT. So go to it or dont waste they're time sonny.



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