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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/18/2013 8:42:29 AM

ServiceBoy89

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Joined: 10/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: ServiceBoy89

seekingOwnertoo what is the problem with switches?

The general view, especially for single men, is they are greedy & trying to increase the odds of kinky sex over actually finding a partner that matches them or their situation.

Hey jeff or kana can you ask the girls how they would feel if their big bad master "forced" oral sex & associated orgasms on them??

I'am not like everyone.I have my own personality and ideals.I'am not greedy definetly I think that money ruined people.You can be happy and with little money if you know how to spend them.I like a lot ot things reading books(a lot),cryptozoology,archeology,history,supernatural,universe,museiums,night clubs,nature,animals,,fashion,movies,music and so on.I'am shy but when someone know me I can became his best friend .I hate two-faced,liers and freeloaders.
Like a monogamous I alway do everything to make my partner happy and never never cheat.

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: ServiceBoy89

JeffBC we are all differend I can't forgive myself if do something I don't like.That's where is my limit and I don't pass it.It sounds may be a bit selfish but this is it.How can I be a full toilet slave or to let her fack me with strapon and call a man after that?If she is the most beautifull woman on the planet I will refuse.I can pleased a normal dominant woman not a supreme dominant.I'am not a doll to do everything she want.

Your narrow porn education is sticking out!!
The way submissive men deal with this is called limits. Most are found on the BDSM checklist. It lists "live for" all the way down to "oh hell no, I can't imagine the sicko that likes that"
There will be far more isssues with things "beneath you" in finding a relationship that what someone hypothetically might maybe want up your ass during the search

You are wrong.I don't like to watch porn movies.And your sarcasm is funny lol.Look I will wait for the right person.Someone who understand me entirely.

< Message edited by ServiceBoy89 -- 3/18/2013 8:59:47 AM >

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/18/2013 9:12:51 AM

JeffBC

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Hey jeff or kana can you ask the girls how they would feel if their big bad master "forced" oral sex & associated orgasms on them??

Carol would be THRILLED if I were to force more sex of any sort on her. That's the place where my "dominance" is the weakest by far and it causes problems in our marriage. It'd have nothing to do with her getting orgasms. It'd have to do with serving me and us.

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/19/2013 12:42:26 PM

trancespottingpl

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Lol wow, I didn't expect so many replies.. but thanks..

GoddessLeena - I think your reply was most helpful.. I think you're right, I guess I fall into the more "kinky bottom/kinkster" class or whatever.. I would only want submission in the bedroom, not a 24/7 thing. I do have a bit of a dom side but do enjoy serving a woman. Nonetheless, it would be difficult for me to completely give up control and cede to the will of another. I'm very independent, don't like to rely on others, and like to be the leader or the one in charge (for the most part) so there'd be a bit of a personality conflict.. That's why I think for me submission would be best left for the bedroom. Thank you though, I guess it helps learning about who I am and more or less what category I fall into and that way it's much easier for me to find who I'm looking for. Also, learning the terminology helps. Your reply was really respectful, informative, and helpful - Thank You = )

Baroana - Thanks for your advice. I think I'll change it to my body pic lol I like to work out so I might as well show it off. Esp if a woman is trying to find a guy with a nice body.. Also, I actually don't watch porno very often; like maybe 1-2x a week. As far as calling women "girls" I apologize, I guess that's just more since I'm in school, so we call our co-eds "college girls" instead of like "college women" for example. But yeah, I guess for this forum (and in general) ur right I should use "women" instead of "girls."

seekingOwnerToo - thanks for your advice as well.. and yeah sorry.. I work as a commodity broker so I kind of have a cocky/arrogant tone sometimes.... I don't really do it on purpose, but I do like to show I'm at least confident since most women want a confident man afterall. Sometimes I take it overboard and don't notice it though. And as far as money, I do have it contrary to being a college student. I've been working since I was in high school and saved a lot, I make good money working only 20-30 hours a week now, and I have an inheritance from my family. So money has never been an issue in my life. Again, I'm saying this to clear things up not be cocky or arrogant. Also, if I could attract some adventerous sophomore or junior college girls that'd be fine with me too = ) As far as a domme finding me to be a nice piece of meat at some event, that's happened before lol no lie.. I went to a lil BDSM club called Fetish Factory while I was living in Florida and this sexy pro domme that was like 10 years older than me but very sexy nonetheless took me and the slave she came with to her house that night. It was great lol! She like bound her slave with duct tupe and pvc pipes and fucked him in the ass with a strap on while me and her laughed and drank wine. I worshipped her boots and did some light BDSM things but I couldn't of taken the same punishment she dished out on that dude, trust me she tried though lol... I've had a strap-on used on me before but that one was huge and as soon as it just touched my butt I lunged like 10 feet and said no way! lol.. He was bleeding out of his ass, I didn't want the same happening to me.. We ended up having sex though with her mostly in charge and her slave watching us.. Kinda weird b.c. she kept questioning her "domme'ness" since she was having sex with a guy who said he was a subby and she said she never did that before.. I took her out on a few dates but our personalities didn't really match but I still talk to her on facebook sometimes..

LadyPact - I was with a dominant girl for 2+ years and it was a good relationship for the most part... Like 99% of the time she was in control in the bed and I felt great with that. She was into a lot of the same fetishes as me.. However, I consider myself way more subby than dom though. To me, a relationship with a female that is only submissive would be a lil difficult if she never wanted to explore some of the fetishes I have that involve me being dominated... Thanks for standing up for the switches though lol... But yeah, that's my 2 cents since I'm a switch. I do see though how switches get bad press and how many aren't subby enough or not domme enough - that's a difficult balance for me.. Most of the dominating/submitting I enjoy is of the more sensual nature... Although I do like slapping, pulling hair, spanking, etc. being done to me and me doing it to a subby girl...

SomethingCatchy - Well it would certainly be nice to meet you and I'm sure we'd have a great convo over coffee even if that's all that happened, but I clicked on your profile and it showed you were from Michigan unless I'm mistaken. At the moment, I have two job offers in Chicago but I am considering staying in Cincinnati after I grad but if I could find a good job at P&G, US Bank or some corporate place downtown I'd stay in Cincinnati. I just don't really like it here as much as Chicago since it's much less sophisticated and there's not nearly as much to do so unless I got a fantastic offer, I'd def want to move away from here. As far as travelling the world, that's something I'm going to do after my master's degree. But yeah that's why I'm trying to find a girl that'd be willing to travel with me if we were in a good relationship and wanted to take it further. When a company sends a worker overseas, typically they pay for the family/significant other to go with, they find housing for them, give them the same wage they'd make in the U.S., and they find private schooling for the kids if their are children. Also you wrote "I expect anyone who's interested in ME to stay around and do whatever I want him to do." That'd be difficult because I couldn't "do whatever a girl wants me to do" Sorry = / but I figured I'd be honest..

Thanks everyone for all the replies - Great info!! Thank you!!

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/19/2013 2:45:22 PM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

I'm pretty open minded but would really like more something along the lines of dating/ltr with a dominant woman...

quote:

That'd be difficult because I couldn't "do whatever a girl wants me to do" Sorry = / but I figured I'd be honest..

If you're not interested in submitting to a dominant then why are you interested in having a relationship with a dominant woman? Serious question, since I'm thoroughly confused why you're even bothering to waste people's time if you're not interested.

I'm moving to Indianapolis, about 2 hours away from Cinn. and plan to be in Cinn. at least once a week after I've settled in because there's a dog club I'm highly interested in being a member of there.

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/21/2013 12:31:10 PM

trancespottingpl

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I'm new to this so I don't necessarily know exactly how to correctly use all the BDSM related terminology. I'm learning a lot about myself in terms of what category I fall into and what I'm looking for. By dominant woman, or more specifically a "kinky top" as GoddessLena put it, I meant more along the lines of dominant in the bedroom. I do like when a female tells me to do things, even non-sexual. I guess that'd fall into the more service oriented category. For example, the last girl I dated would have me do things like massage her feet and kiss them when she'd get home or when I got back from work/school, make her food, run her a hot bath, massage her, things like that. I thoroughly enjoyed that.
Nonetheless, in all my longer relationships I was usually the decision maker in terms of things such as where we'd live, what kind of car we'd buy, etc. and I think that was more so because I was the bread winner and oftentimes big decisions involve finances like housing for example. Of course we'd compromise and I always valued her input, but ultimately the final decision was mine. I am very generous in my relationships though. MJ (my last gf) didn't complain though lol afterall we had a Mercedes E class and BMW 3 series (her car; I hate BMW since im a Benz fan but she liked it so what could I do haha) in the driveway.

In terms of dating a woman that's dominant outside the bedroom I'd be willing to try it. It would be difficult for me to relinquish control but I think with the right woman it's something I could see myself doing and be happy. It would be quite easy if I was in love with her. It's just something I'm not use to since most of the women I've dated seemed to be the kind to rely on a guy and for the guy to take general control of the relationship. My last gf wasn't really into the whole domme/bdsm type of things but she got into it pretty fast. For example, the first time or two when I worshipped her feet she found it odd but still enjoyed it. Before long though, she'd tell me on her own to get down on my knees and worship her - making it that much hotter. But as far as the big decisions, she left those to me since I already had a career and was in school in another city so she was willing and quite eager to relocate (we moved from Chicago to Cinci where I was going to school - we met in Chicago over my summer break and stayed together for 2+ years) and travel with me once I was done with school or relocate to another city if I found a good job there. However, I broke up with her because she was a compulsive liar about stupid things and I just couldn't take it anymore and figured she might lie about the bigger things or perhaps not be loyal. So I guess that willingness to travel and relocate to new places based on where my job takes me is important to me since that's what I chose to do with my life/career. I started off doing pre-med since my dad owns a rental property that he leases out to some dentists and wanted me to take it over once I finished either medical school or dental school but I didn't want to just stay in Chicago the rest of my life in the same damn office. I grew up in a traditional European household (I was actually born in Europe and came to the U.S. when I was about 5-6 with my mother and father) where my dad was always the bread winner and my mom stayed at home. That's something that I like and would like to eventually have the same kind of relationship in the future if I meet the right woman. So if she's willing to be a homemaker and stay at home while I bring home the bread, it might make it easier to find a girl whose willing to travel/relocate with me since she won't necessarily have ties to her job/career and we can always work something out so she can visit her family and friends.

That's cool your moving to Indianapolis. I travel through there quite often since I travel from Cincinnati to Chicago at least once a month to visit my family and friends and also for Chicago's nightlife since the clubs in Cincinnati SUCK. I haven't really stayed long in Indianapolis though, usually I'll just pull over there or in Lafayette for some food while I'm travelling. I would like to go to the Indy 500 sometime though since I'm into cars and racing. When I moved to Cincy, I couldn't believe that there wasn't a single club that stayed open past 2:30 and that there wasn't a single place that's like 3 levels of dance floors, bars, etc like the clubs in Chicago, Miami, Warsaw, Prague, etc. There's not even many places that play electronic dance music to begin with and the few that do exist are kind of small hole in the wall type places. The people don't even like dress to impress here when they go out to the clubs... Idk, I guess I'm just use to a different type of nightlife. That is important to me though as a young male to live in a place that has a good night life, great museums and cultural spots, an eclectic mix of restaurants and bars, and in general just things to do and places to go out. I'm afraid Cincinnati kind of falls short of that. But hey, if you're into dogs though and you've found a club you want to bbecome a member of, looks like you'll find something to do and have fun = )
If I did find a job at like the P&G headquarters, Macy's, or some other corporate position here I would definately stay in Cincy for a while. I wouldn't stay for good, but I could see myself living here a few more years since housing is very cheap compared to major cities so I could save a lot of money staying here.

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/21/2013 5:22:49 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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I recommend what I usually recommend. Join your local BDSM community. There's a pretty big one in Cincinnati. Go to as many events as possible, especially any that are femdom oriented. Don't "hit" on the women at them; just introduce yourself. If you have a really hard time starting conversations, read Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People".

Edited to note this was a Fast Reply.

< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 3/21/2013 5:23:56 PM >

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/21/2013 8:44:00 PM

SomethingCatchy

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My husband owns a Nissan Frontier and makes a very comfortable living. He grew up next to a millionaire that drove an old rusted out Ford truck. What exactly is the point in listing the make of cars in someones driveway when attempting to attract someone of a high caliber that isn't interested solely in what your bank figures look like?

Good luck trying to find a dominant woman who wants you to submit only in the bedroom but will allow you to make all the decisions outside of it. Sounds like what you want is a top in the bedroom, which is fine, but be CLEAR about what it is you really want instead of leading people on.

That's my advice.

< Message edited by SomethingCatchy -- 3/21/2013 8:46:15 PM >

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/24/2013 5:48:57 PM

trancespottingpl

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Thanks for the advice and that is a great book! It's helped me a lot in my career and in school. I make sure to reread it at least once a year. But yea it's easy for me to attract clients, friends, network, etc. but for some reason w women it's a lil different. Most of the relationships I've been in the girl usually made the first move it just seems to be that way.. idk.. It's not that I have trouble so much starting a convo, I just don't want to fall into the "friend zone" which seems to happen a lot lol.

And I was just talking about cars since that's one of my passions. I wanted to basically explain how my last relationship was but got off topic. But yeah I guess that is more or less what I'm looking for - a top in the bedroom... Again I'm pretty new to the terminology and all so it helps that ppl point me in the right direction. I guess a "mistress" maybe isn't necessarily for me. Also many mistress's have husbands, bfs, etc in addition to slaves/submissives.. I wouldn't want to submit to a woman if she already has like a guy in her a life. I'm more of the monogamous type and loyalty, respect, etc. is big to me. Also, in terms of finances and stuff, I wouldn't necessarily care if a girl liked me because I have a good career, nice cars, or money or whatever but that shouldn't be the only reason. Of course I don't let it be known or floss when I'm on like the first few dates because I want the girl to get to know me for me and it's easy for me to weed out the gold diggers.

I'll have free time in May so I'll most likely begin my search and go to a couple of the bdsm/femdom events here in Cinci and some in Chicago.. Hopefully I'll have the same luck as I did in Florida when I went to Fetish Factory outside of Ft Lauderdale

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/25/2013 11:02:39 AM

GoddessLeena

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I'm glad my advice helped. I'd also like to give you a bit more. You say that you have a hard time approaching women, and I honestly think that's fine and could even work in your favour if you play it right. As a Domme, I love to be the one to approach, to be the one who chases and I know I'm not the only one. The problem is, many guys don't know how to encourage a woman to chase them. That's how women are usually socialized, not men. So I think you might need to learn how to flirt a bit more with your body language, learn how to entice a woman who has that dominant personality you're looking to attract. In fact, there's a study that shows that in the majority of cases, it's a woman who initiates contact by showing body language that she's open to being approached (flirtatious look, big smile, etc), while the man believes he made the "first move" because he was the one who physically approached. So, you could either learn to better read body language in order to pick up on who's approachable, or learn how to adopt a more approachable demeanor. Or both! Maybe experiment and see if you attract different kinds of girls based on how the "approach" is made. Personally, I have found the men who are capable of showing they're interested, while following my lead are the best matches for me. Good luck!

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RE: Some help attracting a mistress plzz = ) - 3/26/2013 11:47:18 AM

trancespottingpl

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Thanks Goddess Leena = ) it's true though, once I notice a woman catches my eye from across the room and I see her smiling or playing with her hair, it's def much easier. But flirting with my own body language?? Yeah I wouldn't really know much what to do besides smile and such lol. And yeah, you're definately not the only one because the last two long relationships I've been in, both of the women seemed to initiate the first move by body language and such and both were quite dominant.

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