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How Did You Get Interested? - 3/17/2013 7:43:23 AM

TieMeInKnottss

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I am becoming a little more open about being a sub (I am careful to only out myself to those I suspect will not condemn me). Often, the question arises of how I became interested in this or how long.. It got me thinking and curious about others... So..what is your story?

Part 2 (trying to save postings!). A male friend of mine has expressed interest in being a Dom...came up as part of the above conversation when I admitted to having sub experience... (He had been involved with a sub woman who gave him a small taste). Other than reading (I pointed him in the direction of several books), how did any of you Dom/Dommes learn? It is easy for a female sub..EVERY man is willing to "teach"!!...I have suggested some starter classes at BESS, Black Rose, The Crucible (reputable groups near us). Is there anything I am missing? No, he is NOT learning from me! 1. I have limited experience& have no business teaching and 2. I know him way too well in vanilla world to not laugh if he started giving me orders! :). Another Dom I know went to professional subs (apparently there was, in the 90s, a reputable underground "house" in DC--no sex, just 3 highly experienced subs who tutored male or female doms...I NEVER find out the fun stuff until too late).

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/17/2013 7:54:16 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I am becoming a little more open about being a sub (I am careful to only out myself to those I suspect will not condemn me). Often, the question arises of how I became interested in this or how long.. It got me thinking and curious about others... So..what is your story?

Ran into Gor in SecondLife. Translated that into reality. Started meeting with people in the real world and frequenting sites like CM which are at least somewhat more reality based than SecondLife. One thing led to another...

how did any of you Dom/Dommes learn?
For me it wasn't that hard. But I'm not a "sexual dominant" so "learning" for me didn't involve technical skills like bondage or whipping. Mostly I didn't need to learn anything. I just needed to unlearn a bunch of stuff then apply what I already knew about leadership to my marriage. For me there would have been little to learn from common BDSM wisdom so BDSM training and courses would only have been counter-productive.

2. I know him way too well in vanilla world to not laugh if he started giving me orders! :).
Given what I know of you I find that statement surprising. I'd automatically interpret that as "he's a top not a dom" and what he needs to learn is topping skills. For that I think BDSM classes held at local venues is a great way to go.

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/17/2013 8:36:15 AM

littlewonder

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I dunno. I'm a submissive personality, always have been. I like submitting to my partner, whether "vanilla" or "bdsm", always have. I've liked "kinky" sex since I lost my virginity at the age of 15 with my future husband.

I found these sites online when I was on Prodigy many years ago. End of story. Yeah, I know, boring. It wasn't a big stretch of imagination or a leap for me. It wasn't much different than the men I dated in the past.

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/17/2013 9:07:00 AM

theRose4U

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I came out of the womb bossy...then discovered animal behavior. Training horses, dogs & men aren't all that different at the root. Riding also allows plausable denyability of why I own so many different whips, crops, querts & "stuff"

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/17/2013 10:00:20 AM

Missokyst

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I started this early when I met the man I married, at age 16. After our divorce the men in my life always seemed to be cut from the same cloth, only a couple of them were from the perfect weave. The other few were kinked and there seemed to be a bit of symbiosis between us. They taught me something and I taught them things. We learned from each other and developed according to what our personalities directed. I have actually only known a few men that learned this from groups, clubs, classes. I never dated those nor found any interest, not sure why.

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/17/2013 11:42:36 AM

theshytype

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I was always the way I am now, just didn't have the words for it. I didn't know the terms, and I didn't fully understand. All I knew, when my husband showed his dominant side, no matter the setting or place, I'd get that special tingly feeling. In the bedroom, I always preferred it rough. What some women may consider romantic, I have always considered boring. A cold shower never worked for me, but slow and gentle will definitely turn me off.

It wasn't until about four years ago, while doing a completely unrelated search, I came across a blog that stood out. As a naturally curious person, I clicked and read and everything sunk in. Finally. One of those moments you go to research something, get side-tracked, then forget what you were looking for.

Since discovering, I am the happiest I have ever been!
I've been more open with my husband as to what I enjoy and he loves it.
I was careful not to express everything at once, in fear of completely freaking him out. There's still some things he won't try, but I can live without.

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/18/2013 3:49:17 AM

Muttling

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I was born with it. I was into dominant women and being disciplined by them long before I entered puberty.

Some of my earliest memories are intentionally getting into trouble so the baby sitter or my 1st grade teacher would spank me. I don't remember masterbating, erections, or any real interest in females beyond discipline and childhood play until 5th grade or so.

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RE: How Did You Get Interested? - 3/18/2013 9:44:25 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
So..what is your story?

I'm what some folks call a 'later in life' Dominant/sadist. That means I was a vanilla person who became interested after My own coming of age as an adult. I was introduced to it all back in the nineties. At first, I was strictly a protocol Domme. The sadism came later.

quote:

Other than reading (I pointed him in the direction of several books), how did any of you Dom/Dommes learn?

My education has always been a mixture of reading, in-person instruction, and hands on. This is particularly true with the topping skills. Female tops have the same advantages, perhaps even more so, as female bottoms. There are plenty of people willing to teach and I'm not shy about asking people to show Me what they know. I also went to every educational event that I was able to attend. I never lacked for willing bottoms, so I was able to become proficient fairly quickly.

quote:

Is there anything I am missing?

Bouncing off of the advantages that females have rather than males, I'll give you that perspective. What he should focus on is gaining instruction and the actual opportunity to put into practice what he knows. I'm a chick. I can walk in and play darn near anywhere. An unknown, inexperienced male top isn't going to have the same results. (My other half, who is also a male top, tends to play 10-20% as much as I do when we go through relocating.) That means two things. One is that he has to be friendly and personable. The other is that he has to work at learning and *show* people that he is very conscientious about topping, his interaction with his bottom during and after the scene, and that he takes these responsibilities seriously.

A good way to start acquiring these two things are hands-on workshops. These are very basic courses where folks can get the introduction to a certain kind of topping *and* there are generally people there to try things out on one another. They tend to be laid back and big on participation. The kind of door opening that your friend could use.

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