njlauren
Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
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The ancient greeks were a pain in the ass (probably quite literally *lol*), and they stole the idea from the Egyptians, but the statement "know thyself" comes to mind..what is it you are looking for? Do you seek a woman who will kick your balls and let you worship her feet, but otherwise will be vanilla? Is it a kink kind of thing only? Or are you seeking a dominant woman to have a relationship with in some way??
One of the problems I read time and again is the person who wants a mistress, a domme, whatever, comes out with a long list of things that he is into, as in "I want a domme who will whip me, spank me, pee on me, make me watch a marathon sessions of "housewives of Bayonne, NJ", and then give me the biggest orgasm I ever had". It is basically 'Oh, yeah, I want you to domme me, but here is what I want you to do"..if you want that, it isn't a relationship, go see a pro domme, that is what they are there for (though if you drop that kind of attitude, with a lifestyle pro domme, you can also learn a lot about submission and yourself, if that is what you seek).
I think the better question would be, if you think you want to find a dominant woman, would be 'how do I seek out a dominant woman, I believe I really am submissive and want that in my life"..at that point, you will get answers from some pretty savvy people, on how to find what you are looking for, or even maybe bring it out in the relationship you may already have. Take it from me, plenty of people have found themselves creating a domme/sub relationship out of a vanilla one, and one little hint, with some exceptions, most dommes/doms/subs/slaves whatever, are human beings who are interested in other people and are a little more multi faceted then simply being a dominant, that is part of who they are, maybe expresses a major part, but it is still only part of who they are. A domme is a woman, and from experience they are people, they can love to sit and cuddle as well as use a whip, they can enjoy getting down and dirty planting a garden together, they can enjoy going and seeing an idiotic movie, or sitting and talking about the world going mad, and attempting to laugh at it.....and it can be a lot of fun to learn together, sometimes the one ya create is better then the one that is pre made:). If you want to find someone who is already there, who already knows what she is, then you are going to have to spend the time to show her why she would want to be with a guy like you, not just as a sub, but a person. Forget all the shit you read in stories, or the movies, showing someone care, and kindness, and attention, and little things like flowers (especially good, cause they don't go to the hips like chocolate), and that you find them attractive, not because they are dominant, but because they are a woman you find attractive who also is dominant, it is a big, big difference. One is romancing a fantasy, the other is romancing the person. Years ago one of the groups, it may have been TES, has a session about how to find the person you want in the scene, and several people, of all stripes (dom/me, sub, slave) said the best advice they could give is forget about all the scene crap, all the trappings, pretend like it doesn't exist, and interact as people first, if you are trying to interest someone, keep the list of things you like to do, your fetishes, your limits, tucked away, and if they ask you what you are into, say "right now I am into simply talking to you,getting to know you, and if I am lucky, to be able to take this conversation to another place at some point". Let the relationship build first, then see what happens would be my advice:).
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