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Long term illness taking a toll - 3/17/2013 10:31:05 PM   
MVMCsalpha


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/7/2012
Status: offline 		I have been essentially bed ridden for a month now, required surgery, and possibly another one, I have been unable to do any of my duties, and while Master and Mistress are very understanding, supportive, and loving, the guilt I feel is cripling. I feel like Im losing my mind not being able to serve and instead being served.

Any suggestions on how to cope? Anyone have a similar situation and found a way to get through it with a measure of sanity intact?

k
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/17/2013 10:42:35 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Your duty at the moment is to do everything you can to get well.  Your Master and Mistress do not want you doing anything that will delay your recovery.  You are serving by doing what you should be doing. 

Do not belittle your Mistress and Master by this guilt trip.  They understand.  They are supportive.  They are loving. 

Are they complaining that you are lazy and laying around in bed?  If not, then apparently they approve of what you are doing. 

Okay..I'm sorry.  I know it's not easy.  However, feeling guilty for something you can not control is silly even if you were not in a M/s relationship.  If  you were doing something wrong on purpose then I could see the guilt. 

Now, please do what you need to do.  Appreciate the support you are getting from your Master and Mistress. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to MVMCsalpha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/17/2013 11:00:23 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you are feeling bad about feeling bad.

Feel better soon, OK?

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/17/2013 11:32:46 PM   
MVMCsalpha


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/7/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks peppermint, I needed that reality check. :) I failed to see that by not doing anything Im not supposed to do in this situation Im serving to the best of my ability and that in itself is something to be proud of.

and

Thanks FrostedFlake for the well wishes

k

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/17/2013 11:49:12 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I'm glad you realize that now.  I do hope all goes well and you regain your health as quickly as possible.   




_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to MVMCsalpha)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 4:20:28 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I can relate, as my Mister has been in the hospital for a week so far, and was rather ill prior to this.
My feelings are more of frustration than guilt though, at not being unable to do much to make him feel better.

I hope that, with the continued support of both your Master and Mistress, you recover from surgery soon.
Keep positive thoughts, as they really do help in healing.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to MVMCsalpha)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 5:09:59 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps there are some tasks they could still give you, such as online research?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 5:14:52 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Perhaps you can do things that require little movement, like paying the bills, or folding laundry, or taking up a craft like cross stitching

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 7:18:18 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MVMCsalpha
Any suggestions on how to cope?

Uh... you probably don't want to hear my answer to this. Bluntly, my ire at Carol for even having such a "lost in fantasy" thought in her head would be immense. To me, "serving" is "doing what the fuck I told her to do. It is not making shit up on her own then doing that instead. In this situation, what I would have told her to do was "get well" and that's where I'd expect her focus to be... both as a matter of obedience and a matter of common sense.

Out of curiosity, do you master and mistress want something other than for you to get well? If that's the case you might want to ponder whether it's wise to have sworn fealty to them. Perhaps it's time to flee?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MVMCsalpha)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 7:53:35 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Here's hoping you get better soon

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 8:29:08 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		peppermint's answer was spot on, as is Jeff's. It is not a matter of what you want to do. It IS a matter of what your Masters want you to do. And from their comments to you, it sounds like your "job" right now is to get better.

_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 8:35:18 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like what the op is asking for is ways to alleviate the guilt, so I'm not all that sure what Jeff is driving at with the "lost in fantasy" thing. I kow that when I get sick, I often feel guilty, but that's a matter of upbringing.

What I do is reflect briefly on what happens if I'm sick any longer than necessary, and why it's best to relax and conncentrate with a clear mind on the healing.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 9:04:57 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notsweet
Sounds like what the op is asking for is ways to alleviate the guilt, so I'm not all that sure what Jeff is driving at with the "lost in fantasy" thing. I kow that when I get sick, I often feel guilty, but that's a matter of upbringing.

Allow me to specify exactly what I meant by that. First, I readily admit that this is a subjective analysis since I sort of think some sort of obedience ought to be involved in a relationship we call "D/s". But I know that's not a widely held view. My answer is predicated on an obedience based dynamic and in my case, a TPE one.

Ergo: If I tell Carol to do something and she wants to do something else then she is not wanting to serve me. She is wanting to serve herself. That same thing extends to what she thinks and feels. I am either her "guiding light" or she is looking somewhere else. I don't give a rat's ass about her upbringing or her wiring or any other of the million other ways she might make excuses -- at least not when the command in question is important.

So to me, the "lost in fantasy" phrase could've been better expressed as, "believes she is serving her master/mistress when in fact is serving herself."


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Notsweet)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 8:10:55 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Jeff, feelings aren't fact. And some people had guilt driven into them from a young age. Learning to not be guilty when you have no reason to is one of those things that keeps psychotherapists in business.

I also would go stir crazy. Is there mending you can do? If you normally do the cooking, you could write out some simple recipes for a person with very few cooking skills. That would help take care of both them and you, since everyone needs good food.

Serve as their secretary. Text them about things they need to do at the appropriate times.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/18/2013 10:27:56 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I am a dominant & have been basically incapacitated for the last year getting celiac & auto immune diagnosis under control. It has meant scaling back all commitments, not going to events if I am already tired & missing out on fun to get well.

Getting better IS YOUR JOB. I get it, bed caring for your health is boring as hell. I am just now getting to where potential subs even raise an eyebrow. The benefit is 6 months of forced rest have helped me differentiate between disease & not feeling good. I can laugh about waiting for a friends memorial service for 45 minutes on a super busy day, that's actually NEXT friday...because I know its from being tired. That oops gave me some badly needed alone time just for me...even if I was ultimately wrong.
Your keepers caring for you is their expression of their affection for you!! Get the hell out is an option with WIITWD, so is replacement with a useful sub...they are caring for you instead of the other options...get it now??

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/19/2013 2:06:50 PM   
vhawk41


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/22/2012
Status: offline 		You don't need to be a slave or submissive to feel guilt at not being able to provide service to those that are important to you. There are millions of people in nursing homes that will struggle with this until they die. The recommendations by my superiors, to recognize your own value, is grand in theory, fails in practice. Simply because the part of the brain that is logical is thinly wired to the part that is emotional. If it were not that way then simple edicts would solve most of our problems; stop eating so much fried shit, stop being depressed, stop smoking so much crack, stop voting for dead white guys.

The advice that seemed weakest, to find some small thing you can do with your hands, is actually one of the few things that older people found some comfort in. Knitting even a small cap that would later be sent to the neonatal unit across town, provided some sense of usefulness, to still be able to serve others.

Good luck

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/19/2013 2:12:39 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MVMCsalpha

I have been essentially bed ridden for a month now, required surgery, and possibly another one, I have been unable to do any of my duties, and while Master and Mistress are very understanding, supportive, and loving, the guilt I feel is cripling. I feel like Im losing my mind not being able to serve and instead being served.

Any suggestions on how to cope? Anyone have a similar situation and found a way to get through it with a measure of sanity intact?

k


If you can exercise at all even bed exercises (no matter how pitiful you think it is, do it. )  If you are not reading on subjects helpful to the household (cleaning, cookery, housework, painting, games, entertaining, facts and issues with your masterseseses work and life that you will be able to do something about..............then you should be guilty, if you are studying for improvement, then you have nothing to go insane about.   

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MVMCsalpha)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/20/2013 6:46:40 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ron, if she's in pain then studying may well be beyond her capabilities. It's hard to focus on learning something new when you're crying in pain or sedated.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/20/2013 7:20:50 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		it is impossible to serve in the capacity that you had before so remember that you have to heal first and accept the time and treatment that will in time again serve, and if you can get online then study and research online. the time spent online will help you get better soon as the longer you are online the less time till you are recovered.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Long term illness taking a toll - 3/21/2013 3:22:36 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		I seldom disagee with Jeff, in this case I disagree only in this: If I have thoughts or feelings that are contrary to my owners, but I choose to do what I'm told, I am in obediance. As someone said, feelings aren't facts. I expect anyone who I serve and serve well to be interesed in hearing my thoughts and feelings - after I obey, not before. Or in the case of long, drawn out, passive, non-playtime obiedence, like 'get well', then, during. But never before. This is not a debate. This is me spplying information about his property - but obiedence comes first. But to simply have a differant thought than his does not make me disobiedant.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 20
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