Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (Full Version)

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donforu -> Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 3:58:06 AM)

Why do I find it hard to make regular conversation when chatting with a Mistress??



DarkSteven -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 5:08:49 AM)

If your profile is any indication, then yes.



QueenRah -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 5:37:58 AM)

Don, generally, the "essay" portion of your profile is used to tell the viewer about who you are, outside of kink. Most use it to prove they are multi-faceted, and not just here to get their kink on. So, if an interested lady checks you out, you haven't yet provided her anything to work with. Consider fleshing that out, a bit.

Also, I, for one, detest the term "mistress." The connotations make me cringe. Mind you, that is my take on word, which makes me see unsavory connotations. I prefer " Lady" capital L, or Domina.

Thirdly, and this may seem counterintuitive to you s types, many women, even Dominants, expect to be pursued. If a man cannot or will not pursue the person of his interest, he appears lazy and unmotivated. Not very appealing.

Typing with my index finger, alone, as I have only a smartphone to worl on. Forgive typos and I'm out.



MissBlueangel -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 5:46:11 AM)

Yep OP I guess you missed the 'Blarney' stone when it was being passed around to be kissed.
That profile isnt going to get any interest and judging by it I agree with DS



LittleMsMary -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 5:54:16 AM)

Wait, do you mean chatting with a "Mistress" live, as in face to face, or on the phone, or online, or what? The way you wrote the post isn't really clear where you're having problems.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 8:14:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: donforu
Why do I find it hard to make regular conversation when chatting with a Mistress??


I usually don't respond to these "guys seeking help finding a girl" threads. But I'm bored right now, so I'll make an exception.

To answer your first question, none of us knows you in real life, so we can't tell you if you're a bad conversationalist or not. But the mere fact that you had to ask probably indicates that you may be a bad conversationalist.

Despite not knowing you, we can all look at your profile, and that is the only thing that most of us have to go on when making assumptions about you. Here is what I get from your profile.

You don't say anything interesting about yourself, so why would a complete stranger want to get to know you? Would you go to a bar and sit in a corner all by yourself and expect women to come talk to you? Then why do that on the internet? Your profile reads like it was written by an extreme introvert.

Secondly, remember that none of us know you. So it's important to make a good first impression. But your profile makes a bad first impression. It is full of typos, grammatical errors, and text speak. Most women aren't going to be attracted to that. Why not show them that you're intelligent. Eliminate the typos. Get rid of the text speak and use complete words and sentences. Then fix the grammatical errors.

Finally, say something meaningful and interesting about yourself. To paraphrase your current profile, it basically says "I'm lonely and want to meet a Mistress". Yawn!

Hopefully you'll take these suggestions to heart. Good luck in your search.



LadyPact -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 9:06:30 AM)

I'm not going to research the profile on this one.

It could very well be that you aren't a good conversationalist. Why can't you make small talk? I don't know. It could be a variety of factors. Is your range of topics that interests you limited so that the other person has little to engage with? Are you not familiar in the aspects of two-way communication where you don't add in participation and expect the other person to carry the responsibility of the flow of exchange? Do you contribute as little as possible and expect to remain interesting?

I can't speak for anybody else, but I get sick to death of the 'wanna chat' guys. Particularly when they don't have anything interesting to say. If you can't make small talk, there's no way on earth you're going to hold My attention.



donforu -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 3:46:14 PM)

Thanks for the replies everyone I took some of the criticisms on board. I changed my profile around somewhat and for the record I can make small talk its just that I'm relatively new to the lifestyle and I tend to over think what I should and shouldn't say when chatting with a Domme online




LadyPact -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 4:10:35 PM)

Well, I'm not much help, I'm afraid. I really don't tend to chat with those that I don't know, so if you are chatting (the step above email exchange) with Dominant women, you're actually getting further than most folks get with Me. Heck, I tend to turn down even random email crap. Not long after I wrote the prior post, I got a mail from someone in another state that asked Me how much snow we still had here and to say that it was still winter in his location.

I mean, seriously, does that kind of random crap interest anyone from people that they don't know?



donforu -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 4:41:19 PM)

Lol I struggle a bit with conversation but I haven't resorted to talking about the weather.I could see how that could get annoying..I'm sure I have been guilty of sending stupid messages when I first joined collarme but I'm learning, that's the good thing about these forms it educates us lesser mortals :)



searching4mysir -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 5:12:56 PM)

Don,

Do you have a difficult time holding a conversation with a vanilla woman that you might meet face-to-face?

The reason I ask, is by pulling the "Mistress" card too early it may be sending you into a panic. Until there is an agreed upon dynamic, she really is just another woman. Just be respectful, but be yourself. Even in a 24/7 dynamic, there are far more "vanilla" moments than funtime. There will always be the undercurrant of the dynamic (when there actually IS a dynamic) during those vanilla times but you have to get to that point. When you approach, you are equals until such time as you are not.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 7:04:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: donforu

Why do I find it hard to make regular conversation when chatting with a Mistress??


I think it's the vowels....could be the consonants.

(I'm guessing).



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 7:19:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Well, I'm not much help, I'm afraid. I really don't tend to chat with those that I don't know, so if you are chatting (the step above email exchange) with Dominant women, you're actually getting further than most folks get with Me. Heck, I tend to turn down even random email crap. Not long after I wrote the prior post, I got a mail from someone in another state that asked Me how much snow we still had here and to say that it was still winter in his location.

I mean, seriously, does that kind of random crap interest anyone from people that they don't know?


Actually, I prefer THAT type of conversation approach better than, "Hey wanna watch me masturbate on camera?" I just wish guys who live 12 states away wouldn't write to Me as if they even have a chance. It's SUCH a waste of everyone's time and My inbox is usually full enough every time I check it (as many Dommes have experienced) that I certainly don't need someone contacting Me from some impossible distance. Iran? Sweden? REEEEALLY???
Subs should be realistic. Is distance reasonable? Do your skills match up with Her needs, and your desires match up with Her own kink? Do you both have similar vanilla interests? If She hasn't listed Her needs and desires on Her profile, consider asking Her for more info to see if you two are a match.
--MM



njlauren -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 7:32:09 PM)

I think what others have written is valuable, forget for the moment that the woman in question is a mistress/lady/dominant and simply remember she is a woman, a person, not an exotic object of your fantasy, but rather someone that has to live like other women. I can't speak for any particular dominant women, but from the ones I have known, they kind of like it when they meet someone who shows interest in them, is interested in hearing what they have to say, and otherwise is nice to them. Reminds me of a scene in a really bad movie made more then a few years ago, called PCU (it was a college movie, pretty lame with some funny scenes), and this kind of radical chick is talking to this kind of femme girl, and she says "you mean if we are nice to guys, smile at them, they will do things like get us a beer and talk to us and treat us well? I never thought of that!"......

I can't speak as a dominant, but as a trans something or other (well, at least these days), one of the things that sucked was that people who had an interest in me seemed to think being trans was who I was, instead of simply what I was, they saw me as this exotic 'trans' creature, and that is all they saw. I told one clown (whom I will not mention what he actually said to me, still makes me want to vomit), that he should take the time to pretend he was a human being, reach deep down inside himself to pretend I was a human being, and then maybe then I could turn him down.....seriously, if there is someone you know is a dominant women that you think you want to get to know, then remember she is a woman, she wants to feel like the other person sees her as one, and the person who takes the time to get to know her, show her about themselves, make her feel like the interest is real, may eventually end up morphing into a relationship, that may in turn morph into a domme/sub one. She didn't stop being a woman when she found out she was dominant, any more then a sub stops being a man or woman cause they are sub:)



bamabbwsub -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 7:36:23 PM)

~FR~

Don, my small piece of advice is to read her profile and, when you initiate contact with her online, find something within her profile to comment upon and let her know that you have read her profile and that you're interested in her as a woman, not just as a mistress. When/If she replies, keep the conversation centered around her, especially the non-kinky topics that she has listed in her profile. For example, if she has listed "scuba diving" as one of her interests, ask if she's certified, where her favorite place is to dive, etc.

A good method of keeping a conversation flowing is to ask mostly open-ended questions (rather than "yes/no" questions) and, of course, to be polite and respectful.

Best of luck!



PeonForHer -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 7:45:06 PM)

Don, it seems to me that you're actually getting better in the very process of writing on this thread. You need practice, my man!



theRose4U -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/18/2013 9:42:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Well, I'm not much help, I'm afraid. I really don't tend to chat with those that I don't know, so if you are chatting (the step above email exchange) with Dominant women, you're actually getting further than most folks get with Me. Heck, I tend to turn down even random email crap. Not long after I wrote the prior post, I got a mail from someone in another state that asked Me how much snow we still had here and to say that it was still winter in his location.

I mean, seriously, does that kind of random crap interest anyone from people that they don't know?


No idea, I checked my bulk folder only to discover I apparently won (from people I don't know) a slave for the weekend (that I don't know) as part of fraternity hazing. Some peoples children!!! Worse this is an $80000 school pulling this crap!



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/19/2013 3:59:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: donforu

Thanks for the replies everyone I took some of the criticisms on board. I changed my profile around somewhat.....



Don,
I just took a look at your revised profile, and it is a big improvement. Good job.

The one negative thing about your revised profile is that it says "willing to relocate". I'm not a woman, but that would be a red flag for me. A guy who is willing to relocate at the drop of a hat probably doesn't have a meaningful job/career, and therefore may not make a good long-term partner. Just something to think about.



donforu -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/19/2013 7:13:44 AM)

Thank you for checking it out for me, its much appreciated. I might remove the willing to relocate checkbox. I think you are right it does send the wrong message.



thursdays -> RE: Am I just a bad conversationalist?? (3/19/2013 7:16:12 AM)

Your new profile doesn't seem too bad at all.

What do you find you get stuck on when it comes to conversing with a domme?



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