njlauren
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Joined: 10/1/2011
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Forlifemyslave
Thank you for your logical reply. It prompted me to think and this is it. I have always dated or owned a specific type of man and he fits the bill from his profile and now that I actually did the background check and know what he has told me is actual fact, it is hard to give up on him. It is hard enough to find a man let alone a slave that meets your check list.
I have come to the conclusion that he views the lifestyle as fantasy and would never actually go through with it.
More then likely, yes. He is probably getting all hot and bothered by the thought, serving a beautiful women as her slave, etc, but for a variety of reasons cannot bring himself to actually 'execute it'. It isn't uncommon with anything, there are a lot of bi guys who fantasize about being with another guy then chicken out/never meet, happens all the time with 'trans' admirers and so forth. Just look how people are with committing to someone else, getting engaged, living together, or married, and you can see what is behind what you seek, which is even more life changing.
Without being judgmental (and understand, I am in no way, shape or form criticizing it), part of the problem is what you seek in a sense is fantasy, and therein lies some of the problem. D/s style slavery in of itself is kind of a fantasy, in that the people are living out something that is not legally binding and also has elements of roles and such that simply is not found in much of society. I am not saying it isn't real to the people into it, I would never disrespect anyone at any level since I know how real it is, personally, in their hearts and minds, but rather that it is almost totally outside the 'normal' social framework. In some sense, it is kind of like the little girl growing up in small town, USA, who dreams of becoming a real princess or something:). If you think about what you are looking for, you are looking for a well off guy, with all these desirable attributes that puts him in a rare class, to be your slave, give everything to you, etc, and what that requires in a sense is to find a counterpart with the same fantasy/desire, and with fantasies, two people sharing the same exact one can be rare.
When someone is looking for someone to spend their lives with/marry, on the other hand, people have their fantasy woman or guy they think of, but when they date and so forth, it is a continual process, and when you find the person you think is it, it usually is not the fantasy , and usually the person you find and fall in love with is going to be a compromise, because few people fit a fantasy signature. Sure, as a woman, it would be great to find the 6' blond haired blue eyes nordic god, who is muscled all over, has an iq of 180, has inherited wealth plus he build a lot of wealth himself, is incredible in bed, thinks of you over himself, is great with kids, who understands fashion and why it is cool to spend 1500 on a pair of boots, isn't afraid to change diapers even though they could have a nanny, looks great in anything from nothing to a tux, knows how to load a dishwasher and *gasp* never leaves the toilet seat up, but to find a guy like that, well, it isn't going to be easy, because it is fantasy, a desire, whatever.
Just based on my experience, most of the people i have known into M/s relationships, don't go in with a laundry list, I can't speak for LP or some of the other dominants who are lifestyle M/s,D/s, but from what I know they have certain things that they expect, but that they can and do take someone as their slave or sub who may not be ideal in everything, but whom they find "adequate" *lol*, like any other relationship.
I'll ask a question now, and please understand, it is sincere. Are you genuinely into being a Mistress, do you enjoy the idea of enslaving a guy, directing him and so forth, or are you more into the pampering and such that you see that bringing? The reason I ask this is because if the answer is you really are into being a Mistress with some guy as your slave, that that is what drives you, then it maybe be better to set your sights lower, I think you would have a better chance finding a guy who is successful but not hyper successful then someone in the elite, for a lot of reasons...and if you are more into the luxury end of it, wanting someone to take care of you in style, you might be better off seeking a well off guy as a mate, and then try and 'convert him'. One thing your ad doesn't really say, is are you looking for a slave in a non romantic/service kind of way, or are you looking for someone that is both service and 'romantic'? For example, there are people on CMC who are married and also are Ms, Ds, or poly people where the M might be married but also has an s that is part of a poly situation (ie between M and s is an emotional/romantic relationship)......
That is important, because speaking only for myself, I suspect a lot of the people who might be s's want to have a relationship with the M outside of being simply the slave, rather then simply being the thrall of the M, they also want to be otherwise emotionally tied to them, too, and feel it is reversed. From your ad, It sounds like you are into the M/s dynamic only, and that is going to make it even harder to find someone that meets your needs. A lot of potential s's, for example, might not handle very well if you as M are dating other men, and so forth, because despite saying they want to be your slave, they also prob would have a hard time with 'sharing' you or whatever.......
It is going to take a lot of shopping to find a guy who truly wants to be a slave, support you the way you wish, be everything you want, and have it only the M/s IMO. There are of course people with relationships like that, ton's of them, but they aren't at your level, either. There are married people who serve an outside M, there are M/s where the s is strictly service, but they are very, very different then what you wish.......this is a kind of total devotion, including financial, that few I think are going to want to do where it is only the M/s.....
I doubt very strongly you are going to find what you wish on a site like Collar Me or Fetlife or any of the others, or even through a BD/SM group, it is just too rarified air in many ways. My advice? Seek out a well off guy who you think might fit your needs, and work towards 'converting' him to your s, I think you would have an easier time doing that then trying to find one ready made:). Kind of like a line from an old tv show, where a female character is complaining about not finding the right guy, and her male friend tells her that is because she is seeking a custom fit in an off the shelf world:).
Again, none of this is criticism, it is simply meant as an answer to your query. If a potential match refuses to meet with you in real life, ducks you several times, it means they aren' serious, if they have second thoughts, they will get back to you, I promise:)
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RE: Is he scared? - 
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