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How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 11:13:36 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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The punishment thread got Me thinking a bit. I tend to think that I'm very strict. Nah. I don't need to think it. I know it. I might even call Myself rigid.

Part of this comes from being a protocol person. The quick version of the definition of protocol is 'the standard of the way things are done, in a particular way'. It means I expect a certain way for things to be done, a certain level of cleanliness for the house, a certain level of appropriate behavior when out, and a lot of other things that most people also do that can be thrown under the protocol label, even if they don't call it that.

One thing that irks the hell out of Me is the concept of 'you had the information available, knew what the standard was, and refused to follow it'. Even in casual encounters, that automatically tells Me that somebody would be a bad match for Me. Obedience is really high on My list. When I was looking, a submissive who wasn't good at following rules was automatically disqualified for Me. It didn't even need to be My rules. It could be rules of a munch group or other organized area.

As a Dominant woman, how much attention do you pay to whether or not a submissive follows rules?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 11:36:55 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As a Dominant woman, how much attention do you pay to whether or not a submissive follows rules?

OK, I'm not a dominant woman so if you really meant that I apologize for clouding your responses.

But the answer is pretty similar to yours. I'm not exactly "rule-bound" but I see it as simple courtesy to attempt to fit in and behave when I'm in someone else's place (and accordingly under their rules). Between Carol & I, I'm sort of the same although it isn't exactly "the rules" that I want followed so much as the intent of the rules.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 12:20:41 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

I would say that I am very strict, as strict with myself as I am with my sub. I like pushing the proverbial envelope as far as I can to constructively help a sub become a better person as well as testing my own limits as a woman and a Domme. I am never cruel in my view though, I believe rules are for the unruly and are necessary to have a solid foundation moving forward. PS: I love your dungeon LadyPact. :)
Never been to a much though, I'm not much of a social animal unfortunately. I am trying to learn shibari though so hoping to break out of my introverted shell :)

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The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 12:30:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

OK, I'm not a dominant woman so if you really meant that I apologize for clouding your responses.

But the answer is pretty similar to yours. I'm not exactly "rule-bound" but I see it as simple courtesy to attempt to fit in and behave when I'm in someone else's place (and accordingly under their rules). Between Carol & I, I'm sort of the same although it isn't exactly "the rules" that I want followed so much as the intent of the rules.

Jeff, you didn't cloud anything. Male or female, I tend to think that those of us who are more strict are in the minority these days.

I am 'rule bound' about such things as lighting up right under the "no smoking" sign and such. It's not so hard to move twenty yards down the way.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 4

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 7:42:20 PM

Succi

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/30/2010
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I guess that depends how we want to define things....I used to be quite strict. But I've seriously come down and just mellowed out on a lot of things ever since my girl got cancer. I mean....I have serious moral and emotional issues riding her ass about things like chores when she has trouble taking a shower >.< I guess my situation falls under "extenuating circumstances", though I know, if I REALLY wanted to force the issue, she'd totally go back to it in a heartbeat. So, in my heart, I still love my rituals and rules. But in practice it's been quite a while since I exercised that aspect of myself.

I totally understand the obedience thing, LadyPact. I see this a lot, don't know if it's my generation, or the crowd I hang out with in vanilla world and thus the majority of my dating pool, but there's a lot of "Domme Baiting", I've noticed, and THAT drives me up the wall. Subs who just purposefully mess up or act belligerent on purpose to get the discipline stick. Often it can be reasoned with (especially after I explain "If I want to hit you, I'm just going to do it. Sadist!"), but some people never break the habit, and it starts to feel like they just don't want the dynamic, so why should I waste time on it?

I mean a challenge is a challenge, but at a certain point, it just becomes obnoxious for the sake of that particular dynamic.

_____________________________

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Post #: 5

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 8:12:21 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As a Dominant woman, how much attention do you pay to whether or not a submissive follows rules?
[/color]

I'm not unreasonable but I do expect adherence to the rules. I make sure a sub knows the rules so, if he is going to purposely thumb his nose at said rules, he is up shit creek with me. I don't have time for that shit. I know the rules in various places and I follow them. I make sure he knows the rules too and, if he chooses not to follow them, well again, I don't have time for that shit.

NBMG

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Post #: 6

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 9:04:58 PM

MistressSavageB

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/19/2013
Status: offline

I would describe myself as a nice but firm Mistress, I will not tolerate ignorance for lack of obedience but I tend to enjoy more the manipulation side of domination that just the continuos rules. I like to feel the weak energy I am able to assume from my slaves. This being said, I will become strict and intolerable to continuos time wasting.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 9:18:32 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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My secondary relationship is not too strict --- it's BDSM light. I often wonder if long term D/s couples lose sight of what's strict or permissive. Does something remain strict after its been in place for five years or does it simply become "the norm."

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/19/2013 9:19:19 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 9:22:07 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Would you like clip to write you a fifteen minute long post about the proper way to load a dishwasher?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 9

RE: How strict are you? - 3/19/2013 11:03:02 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Yes, lol.

I would say I'm strict as far as when I say I want something done, it should be done. If there is a question as to "how to" or they didn't understand something, then it can be shown, worked out, etc. but My rules will be followed. I don't think that I am a tough Domme. I actually think we would be considered a medium protocol house. Hubby says I can be very strict at times, but I think some times that keeps them on their toes.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: How strict are you? - 3/20/2013 2:18:51 AM

MadamAsianDom

Posts: 153
Joined: 5/28/2011
Status: offline

I am strict and demanding. These are things I always tell submissives up front. If they can't handle serving someone who is strict and demanding, then there is no chance that we would work out. I believe in being upfront about my expectations and my rules so there is no misunderstanding later. While I know different people have different learning curves, I'm fairly adept at being able to tell the difference between someone who is trying to meet my expectations and rules, but forgetting details here and there, and someone who just can't be bothered to try, for whatever reason.

For those who fall into the latter category, I really can not be bothered to waste my time.

Obedience, for me, ranks very high on the list of qualities that are important to me, along with good manners, and honest communication.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 11

RE: How strict are you? - 3/20/2013 5:18:15 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

~fast reply~

It occurs to me reading some of these responses that there are several related concepts in play here.

For me, I am "strict" because I demand obedience. Specifically, we have a "one strike and you're out" policy. She either follows the rules or it's not "TPE" in my head.

There's legitimate questions about how harsh and demanding I am though. Different people would see that differently. Most people seem to be generally horrified about some of the things I demand but the overall texture of our marriage and dynamic is more "rainbows & butterflies" than it is "dark & dangerous".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MadamAsianDom)

Post #: 12

RE: How strict are you? - 3/20/2013 6:22:49 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As a Dominant woman, how much attention do you pay to whether or not a submissive follows rules?

As a submissive ... i always try to read the Lady ... and from what She says ... adapt to Her desires ...

Indeed, it is tough to try to read a Lady's mind ... and i still can't do THAT!

All i can do ... is listen, absorb and try to adapt.

If She is a person i like (or more) ... i adapt ... if NOT than .. i don't.

It seems so simple, no?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: How strict are you? - 3/28/2013 11:06:15 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm fairly strict. I have specific ways of doing things, most of which are based on logic which I will explain as I instruct the sub on how to do something My way. Only one of My ways is a total foible of Mine and that's hanging laundry on the line with matching pegs! Funny, but My ex hub tells Me he STILL hangs his laundry up that way, and Master (who is now house-husbanding while I work My new job) also does so, but that's more out of niceness! I will correct and re-instruct patiently after the first error, rebuke mildly and have the sub repeat the instructions back to Me after the second error but am likely to be thoroughly pissed off at the third error for the same action. Such pissed-offedness does NOT lead to any spanking/flogging or anything else that might also be construed as play. It is far more likely to lead to the sub writing out the instructions a number of times, or standing in a corner (unless he's a corner-lover) repeating them a number of times, being given extra chores in his free time or losing privileges.

However, I firmly believe that a sub cannot make such a mistake until AFTER he has been instructed in My way, unlike some Dommes I have encountered who love to set traps! Edited to add: So I don't expect a sub to read My mind, just to listen carefully when I speak it!

It's been kind of interesting having Master take on the domestic chores. i can't order Him to do them, let alone dictate the way in which He does them. He doesn't clean often enough or under the dining chairs or table when He does clean LOL but it's put up (and my back won't let me get down under there to do it) or shut up. i tolerate the way He does the dishes (only in a slightly different sequence to me and He does have a logical reason), but out of His kindness He tries to get them done before i come home so i don't have to watch! It's been a bit of a test though to keep violet out and Jay in at those times!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

< Message edited by MaamJay -- 3/28/2013 11:07:14 PM >

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RE: How strict are you? - 3/29/2013 2:54:35 AM

UllrsIshtar

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Joined: 7/28/2012
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I don't consider myself especially strict, or non-strict for that matter. I just don't put up with bullshit, and I happen to be very particular about the way I like things done. Good enough isn't my vocabulary... I'm an all or nothing kind of person, and that shows in the way I top as well.

I don't have much experience in a D/s relationship from the top side, and that's apparently exactly because I'm considered too strict. The last two boys I liked and tried at our house for a couple of days both basically ran screaming because they considered my standards to be insane. I'm very high protocol, I don't have patience with having to repeat myself, and I want things done my way. I don't consider that being particularly strict... just being particular.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: How strict are you? - 3/29/2013 2:56:26 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Would you like clip to write you a fifteen minute long post about the proper way to load a dishwasher?

Actually, I'd love to read that post, if for no other reason than that it'd probably give me a sanity check to confirm getting things done the way you want them done ISN'T really too much too ask... providing you find the right sub.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: How strict are you? - 3/29/2013 6:40:20 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

It depends.

If I'm dealing with S or Cabin Boy, not very. They know me well and don't consciously screw up or push buttons so I usually just make clear what I want and that want gets met well enough to satisfy me.

New people...different story. I spell everything out before anything else commences. If someone agrees, then acts like a twit I cut him loose on the spot. No second chances. Life's too short and there are too many eager fill-ins waiting in line for me to tolerate crap.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: How strict are you? - 3/29/2013 7:23:23 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't think I am all that strict. Others seem to have a different opinion.....

To be honest, I'd say I am quite a bitch in a lot of ways. I want what I want, how I want, when I want.

But......the fact is that none of my wants are really unreasonable. They are deeply rooted in reality and common sense. What, is never beyond what is possible. How, is usually what I believe to be best, most efficient, cost effective, best for all involved, etc etc etc. When, is generally when it makes the most sense.

I don't mind a discussion on what I want, questioning even if it's what's best. If it's genuinely warranted. But IF they cannot convince me to change my mind, or if they are doing so to weasel out of something, then I still want what I want, how I want and when. The problem tends to lie in the ugly place where I feel they've wasted my time or annoyed me by trying to wiggle out of something. Then the bitch part comes into play.

Any sort of disobedience with no perceived sensible reason and I am done. That is seen by me, as their way of ending the whole dynamic. Game over. Pack up your bags and get out.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/29/2013 7:24:10 PM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: How strict are you? - 3/29/2013 10:43:31 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I can be laid back about a Lot of things as, frankly, a lot of stuff I just don't care about... but where I have preferences? Yup, strict.

When I make clear I want X done Y way at Z time(s) that needs to be followed unless there is a good reason for it not... asking for further clarification if I wasn't as clear as I thought, sudden illness, work delay, etc. If it's something hard for a partner, like a long-term habit change or something, then I'm usually happy to work with them and give them time to adjust.

But variations of "nah, didn't feel like it" whether direct or passive-aggressive? That'll get a person booted out of my life very quickly if that's their attitude towards me and our relationship.

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Post #: 19

RE: How strict are you? - 3/30/2013 2:04:29 AM

Subano

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/15/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Would you like clip to write you a fifteen minute long post about the proper way to load a dishwasher?

Whew! For a moment there I read that there would be a clip for fifteen minutes long while someone is tied to a whipping post for not loading the dishwasher!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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