RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off?

RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (Full Version)

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seekingreality -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/19/2013 11:02:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cilicia I realize this is a dumb question, as there is nothing typical nor common to everyone - yet - I still have questions, having met one potential Domme for coffee. What I learned from her, is that it's all about her, which, makes sense, but what about the reciprocity? Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? I can only speak about my experiences. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. When I do get off, it is usually with a domme with whom I have established a meaningful relationship. Some dommes are all about themselves at the start, and become more interested in your pleasure as they know and like you over time. Some stay all about themselves. I guess the bottom line is if you expect to get off with a domme, you should expect to invest some meaningful time with her first, and then there is no guarantee it will happen.

LadyPact -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 4:48:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cilicia I realize this is a dumb question, as there is nothing typical nor common to everyone - yet - I still have questions, having met one potential Domme for coffee. What I learned from her, is that it's all about her, which, makes sense, but what about the reciprocity? Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? The reason I ask this is that I fantasize about SERVING a Domina, doing ANYTHING she wants me to do, whatever that may be, and allowing her to use me any way she likes, but, after all that, in the end, I'd like to get off. However, the Domina I spoke to said that's never the case. So now I'm confused. No need for wank fodder - but - do TYPICAL male:Domina encouters end up with NO ORGASM for the male? Let's try to flesh this out a bit. If you were talking to a pro about doing a session, you are probably not going to get the answer that you want about a happy ending. That wouldn't be the brightest thing for her to do before you became a paying client. There are those pros who never have sexual contact with their clients at all. Those who do aren't going to allow that happy ending to happen until she knows for sure that she isn't going to be taking legal risks. Yep. A happy ending (and sometimes just mentioning it on the menu) really can result in a potential prostitution charge, so nobody is going to say that up front. If you met with a lifestyle Dominant, we have a wide range of how we interact with those that we play with. For example, I engage in casual S/m play. I do not, however, engage in casual sex. There are other Dominant women out there like Me who don't have sex unless it's an actual dynamic and/or relationship. If you find the lifestyle Domme who is willing to have sex with you from the first encounter, more power to you! Since you used the word "reciprocity" meaning that she is willing to let you give her orgasms, even if you get none, you might want to hold onto her number, too. I can't tell you how many guys would love to meet her. For many Dominant women, you serving her isn't about your orgasms and it's most likely not going to be a barter deal. It's not about 'you serve Me and for that service, I owe you X'. I know this probably doesn't jive with the way you have fantasized about it but the reality is rather different outside of a relationship.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 12:08:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cilicia Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? Firstly, there is no such thing as "typical". Each relationship is different. So all that matters is what happens between you and your partner. Everything else is irrelevant. But having said that, the is a huge sub-culture of male submission that is dedicated to the idea that the male sub DOESN'T get off. Go to FetLife and notice how many groups there are dedicated to "male chastity", "orgasm denial", "tease & denial", "cuckold", "wittol", "and "small cock humiliation". All of these kinks are at least somewhat about NOT getting off. The males who are into male chastity take great pride and enjoyment from NOT being allowed to cum. In fact, many beg for permanent chastity. They want their cock to be locked in a chastity device forever. Among the cuckold crowd, there are many who want their wife/girlfriend to ONLY have sex with other men, and NEVER have sex with them. And then there are those who like to be teased and humiliated about how small and useless their cock is. They enjoy being told that their cock is too small to actually please a woman. Moreover, they don't expect for a woman to actually have sex with them (because their cock is too small). So while it's clear that for you, BDSM is all about "getting off", never forget that not everyone thinks the same way. Many get just as much enjoyment out of NOT getting off as you do from getting off. And on the female side, there are many women who are strictly looking for a "service sub". That's a sub who does domestic chores for her, but whom she doesn't use for sexual pleasure. She may have a husband or other partner that she uses for sex, while the service sub is exclusively used for labor. And of course, there are the Dommes who like to keep their sub's cock locked in a chastity device. After all, all of those men who are into male chastity have to have partners. [;)] I hope that helps. -Roch

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 12:22:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake It seems there are two kinds of people. Those who think kink is about getting off and those who spout unbelievable bullshit. Frosted Flake, I generally enjoy your posts, but this one sounds like it was written by an inexperienced newbie. Yes, for some people BDSM is all about getting off. I'll grant you that. But that's certainly not the case for everyone. There are people who are kept in chastity devices for months, or even years. and of course, there are service subs. I can admit that I have been in a D/s relationship where I was exclusively a "service sub". In the two years that she and I were together, I never had sex with her, and she never allowed me to have an orgasm in her presence. the closest that we ever came to sexual contact was occasional ass worship as a reward for a job that was particularly well done. I've also been kept in forced chastity on many occasions. I can't really relate to those guys who beg for permanent chastity, but I have been kept in a chastity device for 128 days once, and for 90 days on multiple occasions. Perhaps I misunderstood your meaning. If so, please clarify. But based on the way I interpreted your message, I disagree completely.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 4:26:07 PM)
~FR~ quote: ORIGINAL: Cilicia I realize this is a dumb question, as there is nothing typical nor common to everyone - yet - I still have questions, having met one potential Domme for coffee. What I learned from her, is that it's all about her, which, makes sense, but what about the reciprocity? Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? The reason I ask this is that I fantasize about SERVING a Domina, doing ANYTHING she wants me to do, whatever that may be, and allowing her to use me any way she likes, but, after all that, in the end, I'd like to get off. However, the Domina I spoke to said that's never the case. So now I'm confused. No need for wank fodder - but - do TYPICAL male:Domina encouters end up with NO ORGASM for the male? First, I don't buy the "it's all about her" stuff. Any relationship which doesn't fulfill the needs of both the people involved will ultimately not fulfill the needs of either. Second, there is no such thing as a "typical encounter."

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 5:19:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 quote: ORIGINAL: Cilicia Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? Firstly, there is no such thing as "typical". Each relationship is different. So all that matters is what happens between you and your partner. Everything else is irrelevant. But having said that, the is a huge sub-culture of male submission that is dedicated to the idea that the male sub DOESN'T get off. Go to FetLife and notice how many groups there are dedicated to "male chastity", "orgasm denial", "tease & denial", "cuckold", "wittol", "and "small cock humiliation". All of these kinks are at least somewhat about NOT getting off. The males who are into male chastity take great pride and enjoyment from NOT being allowed to cum. In fact, many beg for permanent chastity. They want their cock to be locked in a chastity device forever. Among the cuckold crowd, there are many who want their wife/girlfriend to ONLY have sex with other men, and NEVER have sex with them. And then there are those who like to be teased and humiliated about how small and useless their cock is. They enjoy being told that their cock is too small to actually please a woman. Moreover, they don't expect for a woman to actually have sex with them (because their cock is too small). So while it's clear that for you, BDSM is all about "getting off", never forget that not everyone thinks the same way. Many get just as much enjoyment out of NOT getting off as you do from getting off. And on the female side, there are many women who are strictly looking for a "service sub". That's a sub who does domestic chores for her, but whom she doesn't use for sexual pleasure. She may have a husband or other partner that she uses for sex, while the service sub is exclusively used for labor. And of course, there are the Dommes who like to keep their sub's cock locked in a chastity device. After all, all of those men who are into male chastity have to have partners. [;)] I hope that helps. -Roch Beautiful. Thank you! [sm=cheering.gif] Judging just from the number of "applicants" I get who've first read My profile and are aware of what I'm into, you are absolutely right about there being a large population of males who desire to be locked in Chastity.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 5:29:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake It seems there are two kinds of people. Those who think kink is about getting off and those who spout unbelievable bullshit. Considering that I'm absolutely not the former, I'll have to settle for your belief that I am the latter. It was also disbelieved at one time that the earth is round. Disbelief didn't make it less TRUE. --MM

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 5:48:26 PM)
LOL ... if you are really interested in how to move forward ... see my reply on the "Am I just a bad conversationalist??" thread. I suspect that in time you will learn, Women control the sexual pace in BOTH vanilla AND BDSM relationships. So let them set the agenda ... try to distingish yourself from the male crowd ... and treat Her like a Lady .. in time .. it will all happen. Just LIKE vanila relationships ... the ONLY DIFFERNCE .. is the STYLE of love making. The key is to make Her feel special ... and you do that WITH legitimate, thoughtful actions and words.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/20/2013 6:31:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake It seems there are two kinds of people. Those who think kink is about getting off and those who spout unbelievable bullshit. Frosted Flake, I generally enjoy your posts, but this one sounds like it was written by an inexperienced newbie. Yes, for some people BDSM is all about getting off. I'll grant you that. But that's certainly not the case for everyone. There are people who are kept in chastity devices for months, or even years. and of course, there are service subs. I can admit that I have been in a D/s relationship where I was exclusively a "service sub". In the two years that she and I were together, I never had sex with her, and she never allowed me to have an orgasm in her presence. the closest that we ever came to sexual contact was occasional ass worship as a reward for a job that was particularly well done. I've also been kept in forced chastity on many occasions. I can't really relate to those guys who beg for permanent chastity, but I have been kept in a chastity device for 128 days once, and for 90 days on multiple occasions. Perhaps I misunderstood your meaning. If so, please clarify. But based on the way I interpreted your message, I disagree completely. That was the first shoe. The second shoe dropped once the first shoe elicited the effect expected. Perhaps you read them as separate, unrelated thoughts? Perhaps you read as I intended and interpreted in a way I did not anticipate. Perhaps you simply, completely, disagree. Thank you for the kind word regarding the general impression you have received of my comments. Note that I write to please myself. Read that, Express myself. You need not agree, and the thrust of these two posts is; there are those with whom I disagree. "Unbelievable Bullshit" might seem unnecessarily confrontational. I think otherwise, based upon the tone and tenor of flak sent my way. I find it succinctly states my view. Your mileage may vary. Your kink is not my kink. And what question did the OP pose? Why? What would the OP derive from this thread, without my comments? And, of course, your comments.

MsGypsey -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/23/2013 10:46:18 AM)
Are there really only two kinds of people, or a spectrum of kinky folk that can (and often times do) oscillate between poles?

Baroana -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/23/2013 10:53:23 AM)
Maybe I just don't chat with the right people. It seems to me, though, that female subs don't ask these kinds of questions regarding if and when they're going to get off. I wonder why that is.

LadyPact -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/23/2013 10:57:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsGypsey Are there really only two kinds of people, or a spectrum of kinky folk that can (and often times do) oscillate between poles? I'm sure there are, as I related in an earlier response. I'm beginning to doubt that the OP is one of them. I think he was one of those guys who got all of their ideas about kink from porn and fantasy and upon realizing it wasn't all about his orgasms, all of the time, to all Dominant women, the reality just wasn't what he was hoping it would be.

njlauren -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/23/2013 12:39:34 PM)
I agree with LP, his idea of what this is about is basically a gigantic sexual fantasy (which by the way is perfectly fine), where serving and such as he sees it, doing stuff for the Domme, 'anything she wants', playing with him, etc, builds up sexual tension and then he wants her to 'get him off'. In a sense, what he wants is similar to what many do in pro sessions, they go to 'serve' the dominas there, when in reality, they are paying them to play with them, pretend to dominate them, and then expect to get off. As LP points out, if done legally (BD/SM play itself is not illegal in most places), most of the pro houses I know will either have the guy 'release himself' or potentially, put a vibrator on him and let it 'get him off', both are technically legal, least around here, because no 'real sex' happens. And that is his vision of it, doing stuff for the domme and 'getting rewarded for it' (it is scarily like being married, like getting a spouse to do some chore they don't want to do, by promising them 'a reward' lol). If you went to a professional domme, then I am not surprised she told you that never happens,for legal and other reasons; and for lifestyle dommes with service subs, or even ones whose mate is their sub, they may keep then in chastity and have sex with others or whatever.. The key? It is up to the details of the relationship negotiated between the dominant and submissive and the nature of it. For the OP, one note, while eroticism and sexuality play a big role in the BD/SM world, even in D/s, it depends on the people, and a lot of people separate the two, where being submissive, for example, brings pleasure or fulfillment to the sub that very well can be outside erotic, and to them, if they get the reward of having sex/an orgasm/whatever, it isn't because it is expected, but they treat it as the gift from their dominant, that what they expect is to serve their dominant, and the sexual 'reward' is their at the domme's will. I think arguing, as some have in the past , that this is all about sexuality or fetish or turn on miss the point. When you marry someone vanilla, there is a lot more to it than sex, when a married person does something that makes their other half happy, there is contentment out of doing something nice for the person you love; when I got up at 2am to change our son, and 4am to give him a bottle when he was a baby, so my sweetie could get a couple of hours of more of rest, I wasn't thinking of sex, I was thinking that it was cool to be able to give her the gift of some more time to sleep. As a sub, anticipating her needs, getting praised for thinking ahead, was an incredible feeling. And yes, when sex did happen, or play, it was erotic and hot, but it also was extra special because she was the one who controlled it,contentment that all was good in the world, for both of us....:). Of course, there are people to whom this is nothing but spice in the bedroom, who after playing want to have ravenous sex after getting heated up, and that is cool, just that they aren't everyone.

MadameMarque -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/23/2013 11:32:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake It seems there are two kinds of people. Those who think kink is about getting off and those who spout unbelievable bullshit. hahahahah...ahhhh

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/24/2013 12:32:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cilicia I realize this is a dumb question, as there is nothing typical nor common to everyone - yet - I still have questions, having met one potential Domme for coffee. What I learned from her, is that it's all about her, which, makes sense, but what about the reciprocity? Reciprocity? There is none. You choose the domina you like, and hopefully what she likes, turns you on. Does she owe you anything in return? Absolutely not! quote: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? Typically? I doubt it. quote: The reason I ask this is that I fantasize about SERVING a Domina, doing ANYTHING she wants me to do, whatever that may be, and allowing her to use me any way she likes, but, after all that, in the end, I'd like to get off. I personally think that allowing him to end with a smile is kool, and so I enjoy it. The fact that I would enjoy that, in no way means most dominas would, or care if you get off. quote: However, the Domina I spoke to said that's never the case. Great that she was honest with you. As to always, or never, it's ridiculous/stupid, to assume anything about about anyone else; especially if said person is dominant. quote: So now I'm confused. No need for wank fodder - but - do TYPICAL male:Domina encouters end up with NO ORGASM for the male? I like for my other to enjoy himself, when I'm happy with what he's done with/for me. As to what typical encounters end like, you have got to be kidding me, being an adult male, asking that question! M

JeffBC -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/24/2013 5:27:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo I suspect that in time you will learn, Women control the sexual pace in BOTH vanilla AND BDSM relationships. Wow. That certainly isn't true in at least some male-dom BDSM relationships. It also absolutely wasn't true in my own vanilla relationships. In a vanilla relationship WE controlled the sexual pace as a team. If we failed to be able to do so then we divorced. What makes you think a dominant male personality -- vanilla or otherwise -- would allow the woman to single-handedly control anything? quote: The key is to make Her feel special ... and you do that WITH legitimate, thoughtful actions and words. And in a vanilla relationship, the key is to make me feel special... and she does that with legitimate hotness, blowjobs and anal sex.

GotSteel -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/24/2013 5:42:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Why would you expect an orgasm over simple coffee? Do you actually think that was his expectation?

xssve -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/24/2013 7:00:59 PM)
With you or without you, just try to stop me.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/24/2013 7:19:51 PM)
quote: njlauren : I think arguing, as some have in the past , that this is all about sexuality or fetish or turn on miss the point. When you marry someone vanilla, there is a lot more to it than sex Yeah. Uh-huh. A lot more than sex. Property is one thing. Decision making for ones' S.O. in his/her absence is another. Control of YOUR childs' genetic heritage is another, and the reason men invented marriage. What do we call a marriage without sex? Don't we call it a sexless marriage? Why would anyone of either gender think it was the norm? If it was the norm, why would it be called sexless? The real point you are trying to make, njlauren, is that I SHOULD be as willing or more willing to marry someone who doesn't want sex WITH ME as I would be to marry anyone else. That I SHOULD be as willing or more willing to 'play' with someone who doesn't want sex WITH ME as I would be to 'play' with anyone else. I think I have already made the point I am trying to make. If you don't buy it, that's fine. So long as you are content to allow those who disagree with you to disagree with you. Bottom line, if it wasn't for sex, us guys would be at the beach everyday with our barbeques and coolers full of beer. And I haven't the slightest idea what the women would do with their time.

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter involve the male getting off? (3/24/2013 7:38:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Baroana Maybe I just don't chat with the right people. It seems to me, though, that female subs don't ask these kinds of questions regarding if and when they're going to get off. I wonder why that is. When I had a sub profile years ago I was propositioned by strange men multiple times a day. I never had to worry about going without sex, as long as I lowered my self respect and expectations of the people around me. It's just as easy for men to have multiple offers, but he'd have to lower his standards as well.

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