Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the cock cage?

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Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the cock ... - 3/21/2013 10:26:42 AM

subinsilicon

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Just curious since a Domina I interviewed with said she always took both keys, do you generally do that?

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 10:28:57 AM

searching4mysir

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Is she local? Do you trust her to respond responsibly in case of emergency?

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 11:47:02 AM

LadyPact

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I'm not big on the chastity device thing. I look at them more like toys to enhance a situation. I'm more the type that if I say "no" I really shouldn't *need* a device (which is different than want) for control/obedience purposes.

With that said, and because I refuse to spend money on something and waste it, I don't think one person having both keys is the best choice. There's really no guarantee that anybody that doesn't live with you is going to be available for an emergency situation. Even if they do live with you, nobody is going to be in the same room with somebody 24/7. If a medical situation arises, are you really going to wait for a key to arrive or be forced to break the lock because you have to be rushed the to hospital?

In My opinion, there should always be a contingency plan in place. That goes for chastity devices, eternity collars, and anything else that medical personnel would have to take off of you if you ended up in an emergency room. The spare key frozen in ice and kept in your freezer usually fit the bill. It's not a perfect alternative because it doesn't solve the problem for things like car accidents or an emergency from work, but it gives you a better shot at having a recourse should something happen at home.

Odd that your Dominant didn't realize this.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 12:42:33 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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You can buy disposable plastic locks with serial numbers. She can lock you in, make note of the number, and send you on your way without needing a physical key. In an emergency it can be snipped off with regular scissors, but if it was removed for fun she would know because the serial number won't match up. Just something to consider.

If I were you I'd be asking the questions about physical safety to her and considering her answers carefully. If you're gonna be a toy, best belong to someone who takes care of their toys, right?

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 2:05:48 PM

LafayetteLady

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My thoughts exactly.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 3:14:54 PM

TNDommeK

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I take one set and leave the other with the sub. You never know what emergencies might occur.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 3:24:40 PM

LafayetteLady

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That's really the only logical, reasonable thing to do, isn't it?

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 3:50:09 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

With that said, and because I refuse to spend money on something and waste it, I don't think one person having both keys is the best choice. There's really no guarantee that anybody that doesn't live with you is going to be available for an emergency situation. Even if they do live with you, nobody is going to be in the same room with somebody 24/7. If a medical situation arises, are you really going to wait for a key to arrive or be forced to break the lock because you have to be rushed the to hospital?

With rare exceptions, the locks used on such devices are cheap and borderline disposable. If one needs to be cut off, they're out a couple of bucks at the most. You almost certainly spend more on your daily beverage of choice than would be required to replace such a lock.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 4:09:40 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
With rare exceptions, the locks used on such devices are cheap and borderline disposable. If one needs to be cut off, they're out a couple of bucks at the most. You almost certainly spend more on your daily beverage of choice than would be required to replace such a lock.

I agree. The locks on most male chastity devices are little more than disposable toys.

Having said that, I disagree with many of the ladies who said that each person should keep a key. If it's not a 24/7 live-in situation, then why let him have a key? He can let himself out any time. That defeats the whole purpose of locking him up.

Everyone always cites the potential for having to go to the hospital while locked up. But how often does that really happen? I'll bet most hospital emergency rooms have had to cut off very few (if any) chastity devices.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 5:34:57 PM

LafayetteLady

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I understand what you are saying, but like LP said, if someone is told to do something, they should be expected to obey. So them having a key available in an emergency shouldn't be an issue, and they certainly shouldn't be releasing themselves whenever they want, because then they aren't obedient.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 7:37:32 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Everyone always cites the potential for having to go to the hospital while locked up. But how often does that really happen? I'll bet most hospital emergency rooms have had to cut off very few (if any) chastity devices.

I have to admit I see things like that a lot. Often times collarme seems overly conservative in all the wrong places and not nearly safe enough in the right places.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 8:45:26 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
With rare exceptions, the locks used on such devices are cheap and borderline disposable. If one needs to be cut off, they're out a couple of bucks at the most. You almost certainly spend more on your daily beverage of choice than would be required to replace such a lock.

I agree. The locks on most male chastity devices are little more than disposable toys.

Having said that, I disagree with many of the ladies who said that each person should keep a key. If it's not a 24/7 live-in situation, then why let him have a key? He can let himself out any time. That defeats the whole purpose of locking him up.

Everyone always cites the potential for having to go to the hospital while locked up. But how often does that really happen? I'll bet most hospital emergency rooms have had to cut off very few (if any) chastity devices.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, Roch. As I said in My prior post, I really don't see the device as anything more than an enhancement to chastity play. I honestly believe that anybody should have the fortitude to keep their hands off of their cock if they are told to and a device isn't really a requirement.

The arguments about how cheap the locks are would be an aside. I would expect a grown man to obey.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 9:32:19 PM

KidnapPrincess

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The ice cube solution is easy, but clunky and slow.

I prefer something simpler- the spare key being in an envelope. The sub can carry it with him/her at all times if they wish.
Across the closing of the envelope, something is written. It's close to impossible to cheat, but really simple if they get in a pinch.
There are envelopes small enough to be carried in a wallet.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 10:04:10 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, Roch. As I said in My prior post, I really don't see the device as anything more than an enhancement to chastity play. I honestly believe that anybody should have the fortitude to keep their hands off of their cock if they are told to and a device isn't really a requirement.

The arguments about how cheap the locks are would be an aside. I would expect a grown man to obey.

Actually, we don't disagree. We've discussed male chastity before, so you may remember that I agree that the best way to do it is without a device. IMO, it SHOULD be enough to simply tell him not to touch it, and to have him obey.

But having said that, there are those who can't keep their hands off of themselves. For those individuals, having a key would not be a good thing.

For those who of you who are on FetLife, I suggest that you visit one of the male chastity groups, and notice how often the guys say that they can't go more than _____ (usually less than 24 hours) without masturbating. The guys there actually announce that they've been locked up for a whole 3 hours with masturbating (as though that's a major accomplishment).

So in a world where guys can't even go 3 hours without masturbating, giving him a key probably isn't the best idea.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/21/2013 10:06:04 PM >

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 10:17:55 PM

MadamAsianDom

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Fast Reply:

For me personally, the only time this comes up is when someone on fetlife, alt, or here on collarme, send me a note, asking me if I will be their keyholder. More often than not, the people who are writing me aren't even in the same state as me, in some cases, not even the same country.

I really do my best to be polite to people, even when my first thought upon reading a note is "wtf?!". So when I receive the notes, I politely decline their request and let them know that I'm not interested but I wish them well in their search.

For the submissives who have served me in the past, and any who may in the future, I subscribe to the same belief espoused by LadyPact above. If I tell them they aren't allowed to have sex or masturbate, I expect to be obeyed. If I tell them they are only allowed to masturbate on Saturday, in the evening between the hours of 5pm and 9pm, and that they can only ejaculate once, then I expect them to adhere to that. If they disobey, discipline comes into play. If the disobedience becomes a pattern of behavior, then that is cause for dismissal, as I don't tolerate someone who only obeys when it is convenient or "easy" for them to do so.

While I do understand that for some, the chastity device itself is a kink they enjoy, both for the one wearing it, and the one holding the key, it is not a kink that I am into, or have an interest in being a part of, so I don't accept service from those who feel it is a "have to have".

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/21/2013 11:40:50 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I understand what you are saying, but like LP said, if someone is told to do something, they should be expected to obey. So them having a key available in an emergency shouldn't be an issue, and they certainly shouldn't be releasing themselves whenever they want, because then they aren't obedient.

I think the reality is if a domme and sub are living apart, there will be times the sub will jack off against orders and not admit it. And, really, if you think that simply telling the sub not to jack off is enough there doesn't seem to be a need for a chastity cage in the first place. The basic point of a cage is a man/sub is often unwilling or unable to exercise such restraint.

As to the OP's question, whether you give the domme both keys depends on the nature of your relationship and your trust. If your primary concern is the domme will disappear on you, as others hand said cutting the lock off is a fairly simple thing to do.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/22/2013 12:39:37 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I understand what you are saying, but like LP said, if someone is told to do something, they should be expected to obey. So them having a key available in an emergency shouldn't be an issue, and they certainly shouldn't be releasing themselves whenever they want, because then they aren't obedient.

I think the reality is if a domme and sub are living apart, there will be times the sub will jack off against orders and not admit it. And, really, if you think that simply telling the sub not to jack off is enough there doesn't seem to be a need for a chastity cage in the first place. The basic point of a cage is a man/sub is often unwilling or unable to exercise such restraint.

As to the OP's question, whether you give the domme both keys depends on the nature of your relationship and your trust. If your primary concern is the domme will disappear on you, as others hand said cutting the lock off is a fairly simple thing to do.

I understand what you and Roch are saying, however, I still agree with LP. I'm not interested in a child who can't keep from touching himself for a few days, or worse 3 whole hours. As an enhancement to a day or weekend of play, great. But really? If a guy can't survive without masturbating, I wouldn't want him. If he had some real special skills that I found invaluable (this is, of course unlikely), I would send him to a shrink, and also see about having him put on some kind of medication that would make erections impossible, because he obviously has some kind of psychological or physical issue.

Now having said that, if the OP or anyone else wants to lock up his cock indefinitely with no hope of removal or live in a cage all the time, as long as he isn't mine, I don't really care. However, in both cases, I think both parties involved are stupid.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/22/2013 1:38:01 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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While I agree that as part of an obedience dynamic a sub should be trusted not to masturbate with or without a device, I think that many (most?) of the guys into chastity cages are thinking less 'I will show my obedience by not touching' and more 'oooh that bitch-goddess has made it so that I CANT cum'. I can really see that some of the appeal would be taken away if they did feel they could get out. I can also see someone going through a cycle of 'I'm in chastity, I can't cum, that is so hot, I'm so horny, I'll just take it off and rub one out and then put it right back on...'. Disobedient? Sure. But not everyone into chastity is into full on power exchange, some of them are just into the chastity kink part.

When he wants me to be still, he can just say 'be still'. But sometimes I enjoy knowing that I'm tied so tight I couldn't get away, even if I tried. It's hot.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/22/2013 12:16:23 PM

SeekingTrinity

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I think it's all about the context of the dynamic. If she isn't local to you or you just began speaking to her, this gets an "oh, hell no" vote from me. If its someone you have n established dynamic with and the trust is there, that's something that I'd say would be between you both.

I'm not much of a chastity oriented person either, so I can't say one way or the other on the subject.

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RE: Do you generally give the Domina both keys of the c... - 3/22/2013 12:24:11 PM

UllrsIshtar

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Whenever I play with locks in any context, I always have the D-type hold one key, and the s-type hold the other one in a sealed envelop with the D-type's signature on it.

That way, the key can be used in case of emergency, but not without the D-type's knowledge.

I'm personally not a fan of the cheap type near-disposable locks that are sometimes used in BDSM play, because I've had lots of problems with keys breaking, or locks jamming, or the lock refusing to open with those. I always invest in high end, solid construction locks, because I can depend on those actually opening when I need them to.

As far as the argument "he should just not masturbate if told not to" goes.

If that's the case, none of the restraint types toys we use would be necessary.

Gags can be replaced by an order not to speak.
Ropes and cuffs by an order not to move.
Blindfolds by an order not to look.
Collars by an order to "feel owned".

None of these things are needed if you have a dynamic in which the s-type actually obeys.

And yet... we use all of those toys on a regular basis. I therefore submit that toys meant to restrain, like a gag, ropes, cuffs, blindfold, collar AND chastity device are not used because the sub can't be told "don't do X" but because the D-type and s-type feel that adding a physical restraint on top of the command enhances the experience for them.

I personally can't stand still to save my life during impact play. Nor can I stay quiet.
Telling me to "stand still and not make a sound" is stupid. It won't work. You're guaranteeing disobedience if you where to go that route.
So instead, when a top wants me to stand still, they use restraints... I don't see any reason why chastity devices should be any difference.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/22/2013 12:33:48 PM >

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