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Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:37:25 AM

FreetobeSlave

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

If there is one thing that upsets me the most is when people active within the community can not respect each other, especially doms.

I have noticed this a lot on collarme, where a sub or slave has on her profile that she is owned or is in negotiations with another dom, and all of the sudden she is getting messages from so called doms telling her how much of a loser he is and picking apart their profile.

I am well aware that their are those who do not deserve respect, but unless you know this person, why can we not be happy for them and move on.

Society already thumbs their nose at us in this community, and if we can not stand together then we are sure to die out. The goal here is not to scare people away but to encourage them.

This is also true in regards to Doms respecting subs and slaves including their hard limits, and vise versa. Also if a dom takes the time to send out a good e-mail to a sub or slave and you are not interested in him, why not send them a quick reply saying so?

I am just plain tired of it.

If a sub has been talking with us and decides to choose another couple or person over us, yes I would be disappointed, of course it is only natural, but in no way shape or form would I ever insult the sub, slave, or other couple. She made her choice and I respect that.

Sorry for the rant, but it gets old.

Post #: 1

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:43:54 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

While I'll agree that common courtesy can sometimes be lacking, I'll also point out that the D/s BDSM community is just a slice of society. Expecting that slice of society to behave differently than the mainstream society is futile. You can only control your own actions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave
Also if a dom takes the time to send out a good e-mail to a sub or slave and you are not interested in him, why not send them a quick reply saying so?

I'll address this question specifically. (It's been addressed here many times before) There are a couple of reasons we don't respond.

1) Women don't respond because the men here have taught us that responding generally leads to one of two responses. Either incredibly mean spirited insults or as in in to continue to not take no as an answer. After awhile, you come to the conclusion that it's easier to not respond.

2) Just because the Jehovah's Witness has knocked on my door, doesn't mean I'm obligated to answer it. Just because a mortgage company sends me a solicitation, doesn't mean that I'm obligated to respond.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/22/2013 9:46:01 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 2

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:44:58 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave
Sorry for the rant, but it gets old.

*sigh*
so do these theads.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 3

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:46:58 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Thank you for being a good example of the theme of this thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4406416/tm.htm

ETA after looking at the profile.........

OK, you're here complaining about disrespect. You also say that you understand that some people don't deserve respect. So, tell Me. Except for slapping that "Dom" label on you an your wife (and you've got a pic of a collared female as an avatar, which obviously is NOT you) exactly what have you done for that respect?

Do you answer your junk mail at home? I'll bet you use car insurance and long distance. How come you don't send replies to say that you aren't interested?

Honestly, you don't "deserve" anything. The sooner you get out of the entitlement mindset, I'll betting you'll do better at finding what you are looking for.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/22/2013 10:09:28 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 4

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:51:12 AM

FreetobeSlave

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

I can understand you point here.

My issue I guess is that I am well aware that subs and slave's receive hundreds of messages for every single message a dom sends. Most of the time subs and slaves want doms to come up with well worded messages that take some thinking and time to write, anything less is often ignored.

With all of the fakes and subs or slaves just ignoring the messages, it can be a big waste of time. So yes I see your point, and I do not blame subs, as it is often the doms or wannabe's that cause the problem to begin with.

Thank you for your imput, It can be hard at times to see it from the other side.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:52:50 AM

FreetobeSlave

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

Forgive my ignorance people, I am new to this forum and just trying to figure things out.

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 6

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:54:39 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave
If there is one thing that upsets me the most is when people active within the community can not respect each other, especially doms.

Out of all the world's problems this is what occupies the forefront of your mind and upsets you the most?

Here's a little tip. I don't give a rats ass about someone's chosen label. Nor do I care whether they are dominant or submissive by my own labels. So no, I don't "respect" anyone because they are a "dominant".

I have noticed this a lot on collarme, where a sub or slave has on her profile that she is owned or is in negotiations with another dom, and all of the sudden she is getting messages from so called doms telling her how much of a loser he is and picking apart their profile.
And you don't see the fallacy in this? Really? Look, Carol is my wife and has been for a long time and I don't really care if someone wants to email her and tell her how abusive or otherwise awful I am. If she was just someone I was courting I'd care even less. In point of fact a whole bunch of her friends DID tell her that when we met. I don't hold it against them. Why would I?

I am well aware that their are those who do not deserve respect, but unless you know this person, why can we not be happy for them and move on.
Maybe because the 3rd party was hoping to woo the STILL UNDECIDED sub/slave? And if they can, they should.

Society already thumbs their nose at us in this community, and if we can not stand together then we are sure to die out.
Really, because my assessment as a "vanilla guy" is that vanilla people are MUCH more accepting of weirdness than you kinksters are. I don't think you stand together at all.

The goal here is not to scare people away but to encourage them.
Who's goal is that?

This is also true in regards to Doms respecting subs and slaves including their hard limits, and vise versa.
*chuckles* Ah yes, the "hard limits" gig. So what if I don't really care about Carol's hard limits?

Also if a dom takes the time to send out a good e-mail to a sub or slave and you are not interested in him, why not send them a quick reply saying so?
Because they didn't feel like it and you're not entitled to it? Overall there is this huge sense of entitlement coming from your post. What makes you think that you are so special?

She made her choice and I respect that.
Really because nothing in your posts sounds like that. You sound like you think a woman is something to be fought over by competing doms... chattel. I don't read any respect at all and certainly not of her "choice". If you actually respected your prospective conquest and her choice you'd be perfectly happy to let HER figure out which messages are appealing and which are not. If you were confident and secure these things would not be an issue for you.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 7

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 9:57:45 AM

FreetobeSlave

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

Well obviously I made a complete mistake in this post.

Live and you learn, I just didn't expect so much backlash.

My apologies if I insulted you with my post.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 8

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:06:24 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave
Well obviously I made a complete mistake in this post.

Live and you learn, I just didn't expect so much backlash.

My apologies if I insulted you with my post.

Never a mistake to ask and put forward your own PoV.

If you learn by the response - it wasn't a mistake

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 9

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:07:51 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I get very little mail so I dont have that problem.
ANd honestly I have had very few disrespectful emails in a year even when my profile was different. I must not be the norm though.
I often time wonder why people just dont say " dont mail me" cause most people will honor it. Or least thats been my experience.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:08:25 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

You did not offend me and I don't find the whole "hard limits" business insulting. I just disagreed with your opinion and viewpoint.

I actually DO respect Carol and her choice even though she is my wife, slave, and property. My attitude is that if some other guy, girl, or couple can woo her away from me then they should. If they can accomplish that by insulting me then it's doubly good that they do so (get's Carol a more appropriate match and gets her out of my life.. win-win).

The reason I can think all of that is because I know I'm a good man and I have a lot to offer a good woman. When ALL of Carol's friends did warn her about me when we first met the sum total of my response was to ask with some real curiosity, "So what did you make of all that?" That's because I was more interested in HER choice than anyone else's and I respected her enough to want to give her the freedom to make that choice.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:08:41 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave
I have noticed this a lot on collarme, where a sub or slave has on her profile that she is owned or is in negotiations with another dom, and all of the sudden she is getting messages from so called doms telling her how much of a loser he is and picking apart their profile.

And you don't see the fallacy in this? Really? Look, Carol is my wife and has been for a long time and I don't really care if someone wants to email her and tell her how abusive or otherwise awful I am. If she was just someone I was courting I'd care even less. In point of fact a whole bunch of her friends DID tell her that when we met. I don't hold it against them. Why would I?

This is true too. It's the reason my profile says, "Just here for the forums", because it stopped people from emailing me. It was an annoyance, nothing more. It had no impact on my life.

My view is that the only people that need to know the details of a relationship are the people that actually are in that relationship. If you put every detail of your relationship out into the public, expect people to make a comment about it.

And Jeff, I'll do you one better: When Himself and I got married, some of the people we knew put bets on how long it would last. I recently confronted a couple of them, telling them that since they all lost, they just give us the money.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/22/2013 10:26:23 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 12

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:12:26 AM

TravellerInLife

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

IMO, take OsideGirl's advise and politely say "thank you" to the rest.

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 13

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:14:27 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Unfortunately you have to take the good with the bad. You will get people who won't bother to read what is written or just flat out dont care. My profile clearly states I'm not looking, but I still get messages regularly despite what I've said. It's just the way things are and it's just not worth the time to let it bother me.

I personally don't subscribe to the whole "world shuns me because I'm kinky" thing because I actually don't give a rat's fuzzy little ass what others think of my life. But that's just me I guess.

It's honestly just not worth getting worked up over

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 14

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:34:18 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave

Forgive my ignorance people, I am new to this forum and just trying to figure things out.

That's ok. I reported your profile because being new, you didn't bother to read the TOS and posted personal contact information. This is very disrespectful to the site operators making them do more work.

Thanks for playing and have a nice day

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 15

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:39:12 AM

FreetobeSlave

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

Wow, You don't even know me, I have done nothing to you. I would delete this thread if I could. I made a mistake. But alas, I guess there are people who get insulted to easy these days.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 16

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:44:10 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave

Forgive my ignorance people, I am new to this forum and just trying to figure things out.

That's ok. I reported your profile because being new, you didn't bother to read the TOS and posted personal contact information. This is very disrespectful to the site operators making them do more work.

Thanks for playing and have a nice day

LOL. Whats up with that? Inflammatory..... an apology was made.
If it creates so much work for the site and that really is your worry, why report it? How about messaging the person and say thats against TOS. No work for the site!
Not really necessary to be like that, is it? But hey thats me, and thats how I roll. Whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 17

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:46:52 AM

FreetobeSlave

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

Listen I am not here to make enemies, quite the opposite, I am here to make friends. I mean no disrespect to anyone

It was a rookie mistake.

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 18

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:51:45 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreetobeSlave

Listen I am not here to make enemies, quite the opposite, I am here to make friends. I mean no disrespect to anyone

It was a rookie mistake.

HI Freetobeslave,
Very mature reaction! Welcome to CC. Ive had about 6 or 7 new assholes ripped in me since I came a year ago LOL....cause Im an immature pain in the ass and would go bat shit crazy. Your alright! Stay awhile its a good site but watch out for sadists and pull up your suspenders and enjoy the ride.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to FreetobeSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Respecting one another - 3/22/2013 10:59:24 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

You asked for advice, you were given advice and your response was to shit all over the forums. You expect everyone to forget that you shit all over the boards (not to mention created a sock account to stir up more shit) and then cry victim because we won't forget how you acted. Then just as you're starting to get to the point where you're contributing something of value, you do it all again.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 20

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