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When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twilight Zone?


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When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twilight ... - 3/25/2013 7:13:20 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		And how the fuck did my second wife get my fucking email address?


This morning at 4AM I woke up with a migraine so bad it made me sick to my stomach and I spent 45 minutes throwing up with five dogs trying to get in the bathroom to see wtf was wrong with daddy.

I overslept and instead of feeding the dogs at 6:45/7:00 AM, they got fed at 7:45.

I still have the migraine.

After feeding, I put them out, brewed me some herbal tea and tried to relax.

I checked my email.

There was a ten page email from my second wife ( the one I divorced after being told I do not pray correctly) in my inbox.

The first few pages were apology after apology for the praying incident, for trying to through my books, bible, rosary and a solid cherry crucifix in the trash.

Followed by a bunch of other stuff she started doing after she joined the Mormon church.

The rest of the email had a very submissive tone (the personality that I fell in love with) basically going on about how she really screwed up in forcing me to leave, how her life has been in the dumps since I left, how her kids will not have anything to do with her because I left and I was the best father figure they had.

Finally, she asked for my physical address since the only thing she could find by doing a person search was my PO Box.

Now I have kept in contact with her kids, her son is in the army, pulled five tours in Iraq and two in Afghanistan, in the Rangers and a sniper. He admits he was inspired by my career, only he has not done anything to screw his up.

Her oldest daughter is a practicing therapist, doing quite well and has five kids, a boy and four girls, and unfortunately divorced because dad could not handle mom having a 6 figure income, (he is a computer tech with his own shop.)

The youngest daughter has not been near as successful, she got a BA in music, got involved in drugs, lost her kids, and now has been clean for about 10 years, and Child Services still will not let her get more than supervised visitation with her kids. I have been helping her with legal costs trying to get her kids back.

The kids use a different email address than the one I got ex's letter on.

I am not sure how to handle the situation with ex, and how to go from this point.

My first thought was to close my email account, send the new addy to my friends and former coworkers and just ignore the message.

The kicker is that with the meds I am on, and some ongoing health problems, I have not been actively looking for anyone to form a relationship with.

My sister is spending two weeks with her husband on a "possible reconcile" trip, so I cant really talk to her about it, and this does not seem like something I need to bother her with whiles she and her husband are actually talking.

So that brings me back to when the fuck did I enter the twilight zone, and if I am not in the twilight zone, how the hell did she find an email address that I have with my local ISP who does not release email addresses to anyone without a court order?

Thus endeth the what the fuck is going on I need to vent part of our show. I will now take two vicadine and return to bed.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI
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RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 7:59:53 AM   
tommonymous


Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline 		Hi Jeff. If you want to hash this out with someone, I'm willing to at least be a sounding board. Either here or via PM, whichever you prefer. I'll be away from the computer until about 9pm tonight, so it will likely be tomorrow before you hear back from me.

Tom.

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

(in reply to jlf1961)
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RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 10:17:35 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Jeff,

Perhaps, instead of simply ignoring the email and changing to a new one, you could take a different approach.

I have no idea what has brought about her apology, or how bad the relationship turned. However, her apology could be quite genuine. What would be so wrong with writing back, accepting her apology, telling her that you moved on, you hope that she has as well, and wishing her luck in the future? Then you can tell her that you would prefer she not write to you again, and change your email.

Holding a grudge doesn't do anything for you. You might find accepting her apology and forgiving her to be a good thing for you.

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 12:00:39 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		I would caution you to tread carefully, and fully examine your motives before you do anything in response to her letter. She might be genuine in her apology, and actually regret her actions. But she might also be looking at her life now, wondering where it went wrong, and mistakenly think that getting you back will magically solve her current problems.

From what you mentioned about her letter, it sounds like the submissive tone she used is messing with you. It could be simply that because you aren't actively looking for someone, combined with your sister possibly making things work with her husband, you are considering (however remotely) the possibility of reconciliation. Think back to what went wrong with the 2 of you in the first place. Those things most likely still exsist. People don't change all that much at their base personality. No matter how much we might want them to.

Personally, I can't say if I would write back. In a normal situation, yeah, I would try to at least be civil with an ex. But, my ex would already have my email address, since it's the same one I've had for over 15 years. What concerns me is that she tracked yours down somehow, and admits to trying to get your home address. That doesn't sound like a healthy person. I would certainly be extra cautious after that.

So, if you think that you can handle writing to her, then follow LL's suggestion and write her back telling her that you've moved on with your life. Start a new email address anyways, and send it out to friends and former colleagues, as you mentioned. Keep the old one active until the point that she oversteps the bounds. If you don't care what she has to say, then close the account.

As tommy offered, if you want to hash it out, feel free to pm me. It never hurts to get a second opinion, or have an outside perspective.

I'm sorry for any typo's. I'm on my phone.

(in reply to jlf1961)
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RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 12:12:05 PM   
DrkOne


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/21/2010
Status: offline 		run boy run ... fast!

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 1:54:21 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovethyself

I'm sorry for any typo's. I'm on my phone.



Dont worry about the typos, as you have no doubt noticed, if you have read my posts, I dont use apostrophes, hate the damn things.

Secondly, I am trying to find out how she found my email address. I mean I dont even use that email addy in connection to my collarme account.

I have also sent messages to my former step kids to see if they have any clue as to what is going on. When I was with her, she was never a scheming type of personality. And looking at the isp on the email she is using, she is still in North Carolina where we lived when we were together.

There is not much she could get out of me financially, I am on a fixed income, a combo of social security disability and an insurance settlement, which means if I went anything out of the ordinary, I have to save for it. Yes I am buying a home, but there is no way she could know that.

She also has no clue my sister and I are partners on this house.

I did send a curt, "apology accepted, what do you really want, and you are not getting my physical addy until I know what is going on" type message.

As for what went wrong in the marriage, it is simple, she joined the Mormon church and went nuts. I stayed Catholic and when she decided to rid the house of "wrong religious influences" and tell me I did not pray properly, I left.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 2:14:39 PM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		It's entirely too easy to find out any information you want on an individual. You don't need a private investigator anymore. Since the two of you were married, she probably has your full name, your birthdate, and social security number. Your name and one of the other two is enough to go to a background check website and get everything. I'm in total agreement with DrkOne when he says "run boy run ... fast!" She's still out of her mind, but now she's turning Fatal Attraction on you, too.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 2:19:39 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Is there anyway that one of your step-kids might have sent you a personally (to them) relevant email and then without thinking forwarded it on to her?



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(in reply to jlf1961)
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RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 2:27:44 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		it might not be a financial motive at all. She might think that all of the bad things in her life started when she 'drove you away'. True or not. Some people have a tendancy to only see the good things they lost, and not remember all of the bad things that killed the relationship. The past takes on this rosy glow. 'If I could get him back, the world and all of my ills will go away.' Not rational, or realistic, but she doesn't sound like the most rational person if she tried to throw away YOUR religious items because SHE had changed faiths.

Going back rarely works. I made that mistake once. We had so much in common, and had some really great times together. But when we got back together, I relearned the fundamental differences all over again. All it did was open up old wounds that took longer healing the second time around.

I have no idea about how she got your email address. I fully admit that I'm not very technically savy when it comes to looking people up. It's never occurred to me to try. I would imagine that if she knows your name, and what internet groups you might be signed up with, it might not be that hard. I know that my main addy is attached to a ton of groups, some of them have it listed, like Linkedin, and possibly facebook (i'd have to check my settings). She wouldn't necessarily have to go through your isp account to get it.

I hope your step kids can shed some light on this for you. All I can do is speculate.

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 3:02:58 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		There are certain steps I think you should take mate.................bloody long ones and bloody fast ones and run like hell !! When the vicar asked me if I would take this woman, I should have asked "Why ? Don't YOU want her ?". Joking aside....DON'T look back and good luck for the future.

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 4:24:54 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Jeff,

Don't stress on the whole thing. Your divorce is settled, your financial situation hasn't changed for the better (like you winning the lottery), which she would be hard pressed to get after the divorce anyway.

You accepted her apology. Have you forgiven her? Even if you only let yourself know, it will really end all this wondering, because it won't matter.

I wouldn't consider reconciling, but I wouldn't be mean or rude to her either. There doesn't seem to be a point, until she says or does something to warrant it.

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 6:12:07 PM   
lmpishlilhellcat


Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline 		Maybe, she just needed some closure? Maybe, she felt she acted badly and needed to own up to her actions. Maybe, she wants to rekindle something. It's hard to tell unless you reply. If you are done and don't want to discuss the issue, then simply ignore the email and move on in a forward direction with your life. Just because she sent you an email doesn't mean you are obligated to reply. I'd suggest determining how you feel first, before you make a decision on how to handle this situation. You don't have to respond right now. Take some time and think about it. She's waited this long to be in contact with you, a little while longer won't hurt anything.


I'm a hopeless romantic, I always hope for the happy ending! Here's hoping that it works out well for you (whatever way that seems to be)

_____________________________

Your IQ test results came back negative.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 6:32:50 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I've recently experienced a totally out-of-left-field apology. However, that person was part of a 12-step program. It may not be the case with your ex, but seeking forgiveness is how some learn to move on in their life.
It's strange, but forgiving the person helped me as well.

(in reply to lmpishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 7:32:00 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Jeff, I mean this in a sincere way...DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THE WOMAN!

I associate with only one exe and that is due to us having a child together (I still care about him but 3 Dominant personalities living in the same household can drive some people crazy). He only asked me for funds one time and that was to establish an internet connection so we can chat on FB. He paid me back because we trust each other. I just brought him a new briefcase because his old one fell apart. Believe me, he was thankful. He also trust me to buy his new computer when I was down in Austin this month (he handed me the money and told me to go buy one, trusting my selection). When I go visit him and our daughter, there is a bed for me so I don't have to use a hotel (unless its an anime con then Lizard and I go play at it). The man is also a former chef so when I go down there, I am sure I get a steak dinner or beef ribs (the man loves catering to me, must be the large breasts ). He is a former Catholic and I am a reverend of Paganism and Lizard was baptisted as Lutheran (she calls herself a heathen now because her views has change as she was growing up.)

I refuse to associate with my other exes because I have been used and abused. I burnt those bridges and am saner for it. Bo has seen me at my mood swings and I have seen him through a TB scare (9 months of therapy of antibiotics).

Just avoid the woman...she can bring back some bad memories...you have enough to deal with.

BTW, tell your neighbor that a couple of collies will keep the coyotes at bay. My neighbor raises goats and he has several dogs, one of which is an Aussie Shepard who comes over when she is not in heat. The kids just love her and she thinks we are a part of her family.

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(in reply to theshytype)
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RE: When the fuck did I take a left turn into the Twili... - 3/25/2013 7:40:22 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

"apology accepted, what do you really want, and you are not getting my physical addy until I know what is going on"


THAT is wisdom. And I am damn glad you have the Vicodin.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to theshytype)
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