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new here - 3/26/2013 6:53:10 PM   
MyMelody


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/26/2013
Status: offline 		This is completely new to me. I've had submissive tendencies for as long as I can remembet. I just didn't know my sexual need had a name and there othet people out there with the same needs. I put my profile up . I've bombarded with request's for chats . Some doms have askef for pictures. Im really not comfortable with giving out photos when this is still so new. Should I give out photos or my numbet? Is it dangerous?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 7:11:24 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome. Don't give out your number until such time as you feel comfortable with the person requesting it.

Get to know them online first. Set up a face-to-face meeting and see if there is compatibility in real life.

Also, don't let anyone tell you to get on cam and do what they demand if it's not something you are comfortable doing. Many males will say you are a fake if you won't cam, but all they're interested in is getting wank fodder by having you show your body. Same goes for males asking for naked photos. If they aren't interested in knowing you as a person, then they are not worth wasting time with.

Always listen to your gut feelings; if something feels wrong, then listen to your gut and use common sense. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Until such time as you begin a D/s relationship with someone, you are equals and they have no control over you.


_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to MyMelody)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 7:14:48 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Do what you feel comfortable with. If he's not willing to respect your comfort levels and the fact that you're absolutely new and just starting to feel your way....then he's not the guy for you. There will be 50 more guys in line behind him.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 7:32:23 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome!

I don't see anything wrong with sending photos (G-rated, and without your face showing if that makes you more comfortable). Guys are visual creatures, so they will likely want to see something. However, the previous posters were correct in saying that you do not have to do anything that you don't want to do. Just remember that your safety is more important than their ego.

As far as giving out your phone number, I recommend getting a Google Voice number. It's an anonymous, untraceable phone number that rings directly to your phone.

Anyway, welcome to CM, and best of luck with your search!

< Message edited by bamabbwsub -- 3/26/2013 7:33:18 PM >

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 7:32:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Did you do this kinda stuff when you were meeting men before you got into bdsm????

If not, then don't now.

If you did, then you may wanna look at why you are still single.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 7:32:27 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMelody

This is completely new to me. I've had submissive tendencies for as long as I can remembet. I just didn't know my sexual need had a name and there othet people out there with the same needs. I put my profile up . I've bombarded with request's for chats . Some doms have askef for pictures. Im really not comfortable with giving out photos when this is still so new. Should I give out photos or my numbet? Is it dangerous?


So BDSM might be new to you, but being an adult certainly isn't. Do you regularly send your photo or phone number to strangers on the internet, just because they asked?

Look, trying to find a partner here is no different than any other dating site, with the exception that the freak flag is flying more conspicuously. You choose who you want to be with just like anywhere else.

(in reply to MyMelody)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 8:03:21 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Others have already given the advice I'd give...do what you feel is comfortable for you.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 8:39:18 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I highly suggest deleting the entire first set of emails you get...many men will send a new email every hour so you have 50 emails but from 1 man! Second, I figured any of the ones I would find acceptable would...a) try again later when things calm down or b) if they were really a good fit then I would probably contact them after reading profiles

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 9:42:21 PM   
ladyincharge2U


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/26/2013
Status: offline 		hello do you have profiles on any other sites, if you want to message me i would be happy to talk to you.
Ms Rose x

(in reply to MyMelody)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 10:50:05 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Why would she need to message you off this page? It isn't like she's not getting answers here.

(in reply to ladyincharge2U)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 10:58:49 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		sweetie, why are Munches a hard limit? They are a great place to meet real people, and get comfortable, and start to find some people you respect to learn from. They are not all that scary. Seet clothes are the norm, it's not a freak fashoin parade. Just some nice people having dinner together. It's the best place to start for a newbie.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to ladyincharge2U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 11:06:39 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Dear Melody.

One of the 'features' of the site is a button labeled New Users. Pushing this button shows... you guessed it. SOME folks message pretty little girls as soon as they sign up. Sometimes it's just a 'Howdy'. I'm told the effect wears off after a certain amount of time. But then, I wouldn't know about that part, because it doesn't happen to guys.

Best wishes and all kinda stuff like that there.

< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 3/26/2013 11:07:15 PM >

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: new here - 3/26/2013 11:15:36 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		You just joined CM.  That puts you on the list of new users.  After a month or so you are off the list and get fewer horny net geeks bothering you. 

Just remember.  Take your time.  Just because someone checks the Dom box on their profile does not mean he is a Dom.  You are under no obligation to obey some online stranger.  If someone wants to put you under consideration, remember that you have the other person under consideration also.  Also please, so many ( I won't say most but I'll bet you it is) online are not what and whom they say they are.  So be careful.  As others have said, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right. 

Munches are safe places to meet people.   They are often held in a restaurant where there will be others there to make sure no one makes unwanted advances toward you.  Munches are a great place to make friends with other submissives and you can learn a lot from them. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to MyMelody)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: new here - 3/27/2013 5:20:25 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome! (as an HK fan, I have to wonder is your name an HK reference? =p)

By all means don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. Giving your number to strangers on the internet has been a no-no since the 90s, and that hasn't changed. Getting to know people and dating in the BDSM world is really not much different from the vanilla world. If someone tells you there's a protocol that requires you to give out personal information, they're lying. If they pop up out of the blue and try to assert authority over you, they don't have the right, etc etc.
You're autonomous until you choose to be otherwise.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: new here - 3/27/2013 4:09:30 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		Don't send anything to anybody online that you're in any way not comfortable with sending. Be extremely wary of any solicitations you get from people you've never met.

Join FetLife.com and use it to find your local BDSM community. Go to munches and meet real people who live near you. Online, people often present themselves as somebody other than they really are. Sometimes this is deliberate deception, sometimes it's due to people's self deception. It's very hard to do that, and maintain it, in the real life community.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: new here - 3/28/2013 6:48:24 AM   
WithBellsOn


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/1/2013
Status: offline 		Seconding the recommendation to join Fetlife and go to local munches. It's a great way to get to know some kinky people without the pressure of being on a date.

One thing you can do if you're nervous about meeting someone, is set up a safe call. Basically you tell someone where you're going, who you're going with, and when you'll be back. And if they don't hear from you then, they should try to contact you... and if they can't reach you, call the cops.

Obviously it's VERY important to make your safe call on time, so I'd suggest setting an alarm on your phone to remind you.

I also never actually use this myself, I think the odds of needing it are extremely small... it's more to make you feel safer than anything else.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: new here - 3/29/2013 11:18:44 PM   
MyMelody


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/26/2013
Status: offline 		I apologize if I explained wrong. I guess I should have said. Are there any additional precautions I should take? I know about the precautions when handing numbers in a vanilla relationship. Thank You apologize once again if offended Im new. I done research but nothing prepares you for real.life.

(in reply to WithBellsOn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: new here - 3/30/2013 12:52:09 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		The precautions for first meets is no different. Bottom line is you are looking for a relationship with someone, yes? So unless you are planning on meeting them for the first time and playing, you are meeting them in a public place, and the same rules apply. If you wouldn't meet a vanilla guy for the first time planning on having sex, then don't do it for a kinky guy either.

If they ask for kinky photos, say no, and goodbye. If they want to meet at a hotel, say no. Their house, no. Get the picture?

(in reply to MyMelody)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: new here - 3/30/2013 9:55:30 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*FR*
You are on the new meat list, expect to get a lot of email in the next 30 days or so because people WILL assume or hope you are clueless and will buy into their line. They count on the new to this factor because you haven't been stung a few times and turned on your BS meter. When I joined I read the mail and laughed my ass off. I simply could not believe how lame some of them were or on the other end of the scale, so polished. Out of curiousity at one point I created another identity and got probably 75% of those same men writing to me, using the same lines. If you are new here put on the tall rubber boots and grab a gas mask, or delete all mail in the first 30 days.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: new here - 3/30/2013 2:24:24 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMelody

I apologize if I explained wrong. I guess I should have said. Are there any additional precautions I should take? I know about the precautions when handing numbers in a vanilla relationship. Thank You apologize once again if offended Im new. I done research but nothing prepares you for real.life.


What is it lately with newbies (most of them 40+) coming in, asking a question and then, when they get calm, neutral replies, assuming that they've "offended" the people whom replied?

How the hell are you supposed to answer a question, without coming off as if you're offended, if any of the above replies counts and sounding "offended"?

I haven't read 50 shades, so did Christian get offended by what's-her-name really quickly or something? Am I missing something else?
Cause the rate at which newbies have apologized for offending people lately has been plainly bizarre.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MyMelody)
Profile   Post #: 20
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