What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses need from their submissive boys?

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What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses need ... - 3/27/2013 7:37:12 AM

subinsilicon

Posts: 108
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Having been a salesman in the past, I realize it's not the product that sells, but satisfying the need of the customer that matters.

Assuming my new-found customer is a Domina, and extrapolating myself as the "product", I realize it matters less that I want than what she needs.

Having outlined the question that way, may I ask what handful of 'acts' or 'abilities' you, as a Mistress, need in your submissive slave boy?

Post #: 1

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 7:50:31 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

There's no set of traits that is required to be a submissive. It really depends on what your individual Mistress likes.

Also, a D/s relationship is give and take. You should make sure that her needs, wants and desires are within the realm of things you are comfortable with. So I disagree that your needs don't matter. Though the distribution of power may be unequal, what you get out of the arrangement matters on some level.

(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 2

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 9:50:49 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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I'm not a Domina but since it's a relationship it's easy to assume that the acts or abilities would be the same as any relationship. Let's face it. If you are going to spend time together it should be fun time that is enjoyable. The male slave and the Domina would have to have some activities in common. These could include type of music enjoyed, or tennis, or fine dining, or travel, or camping, or hiking, or running, or bicycling, or scuba diving, etc.

This means there is no one size fits all type male slave. You will actually have to find a Domina who has things in common with you.

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(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 3

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 10:05:40 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

I personally am of the opinion when two people are very compatible in their dynamic, both people end up satisfying each other's needs. So while at the surface level her needs and desires appear to be the only thing that matters, if she is the right one for you...your needs and desires just get met by default. I hope that makes sense. My personal feeling is that both my and my submissive partner's needs matter. I don't go out of my way to cater to them, but I hope that they are getting met anyway.

Traits and characteristics that matter in a partner are not kink specific. They are more interchangable whether its a D/s or a vanilla relationship. Loyalty, dedication, honesty, etc are all traits I personally value in a partner.

Focus your "marketing plan" based on emphasizing your skills and attributes

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 3/27/2013 10:07:42 AM >

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 4

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 10:27:40 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I think I'm reading this question differently than others.

To use your example of sales, you aren't looking at a demographic. Instead, you should be looking at the individual customer. In other words, the only answer that is really the important one here, is the one that you would receive from the person that you are involved with. What I would tell you is important in My submissive may not necessarily be what your Dominant wants from you. For example, I'm a leather person. That means that the stuff that is required here isn't necessarily going to apply if you are dealing with somebody who takes a more casual, laid back approach.

This question really should be directed to the Dominant that you have mentioned in prior threads.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 5

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 10:58:53 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

If we're just talking useful skills and such...

... cooking and massage are nice. Knowing how to clean properly.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 12:40:38 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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What LP said
Additionally:

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

I realize it matters less that I want than what she needs.

I think that you have that wrong.

What matter is that what you want and she needs are sufficiently compatible so that she gets what she wants and needs enough of the time that she'd be willing to stay in a relationship with you, and you get what you want and need enough of the time that you're capable of staying in relationship with her.

It's nice to have this idealized vision of how you're going to make this all about her. But if in reality, everything that she wants and needs it opposite of what you want and need, there is no way you're going to be happy, satisfied, or be capable of maintaining the relationships.

So if you want to find out how to market to Dominas, you need to distill a list of the core elements you personally need to see fulfilled in a relationship, and then market those qualities to Dominas who are looking for the other end of that specific equation, in a way that is attractive specifically to them.
Forget about trying to adapt yourself and your core desires in such a way that you could potentially market to every Domina out there. It's not going to work out long term, because you cannot give up expectations/standards of the other person in a relationship, and expect to still be happy.

_____________________________

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I am the dirt you created
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(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 7

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 3:36:14 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

What LP said
Additionally:

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

I realize it matters less that I want than what she needs.

I think that you have that wrong.

What matter is that what you want and she needs are sufficiently compatible so that she gets what she wants and needs enough of the time that she'd be willing to stay in a relationship with you, and you get what you want and need enough of the time that you're capable of staying in relationship with her.

It's nice to have this idealized vision of how you're going to make this all about her. But if in reality, everything that she wants and needs it opposite of what you want and need, there is no way you're going to be happy, satisfied, or be capable of maintaining the relationships.

So if you want to find out how to market to Dominas, you need to distill a list of the core elements you personally need to see fulfilled in a relationship, and then market those qualities to Dominas who are looking for the other end of that specific equation, in a way that is attractive specifically to them.
Forget about trying to adapt yourself and your core desires in such a way that you could potentially market to every Domina out there. It's not going to work out long term, because you cannot give up expectations/standards of the other person in a relationship, and expect to still be happy.

Bingo!

A submissive is not a car, microwave or house. When you shop for one of those items, the only thing that matters is that it have the features you want it to have. You couldn't care less what it thinks of you. An interpersonal relationship, on the other hand, is a two way street. Both (or all) person's wants and needs are of equal importance, no matter how much some people in the femdom community might like to think that "it's all about her."

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 8

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 4:08:29 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon
Assuming my new-found customer is a Domina, and extrapolating myself as the "product", I realize it matters less that I want than what she needs.

There are two customers: you and her. The first question is one to ask yourself: what kind of woman do you want? Maybe you don't know the answer, or your answer is too vague to be useful (e.g., "a dominant one"). The only way you'll be able to flesh out your answer may be through hard experience, meeting and trying with different kinky women.

On the other hand, do you have a history of successful relationships? If so, you probably have a decent sense of the kind of person you can interact with healthily. In that case, look for someone with those characteristics, who is also kinky as hell.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 9

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 4:49:19 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

What LP said
Additionally:

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

I realize it matters less that I want than what she needs.

I think that you have that wrong.

What matter is that what you want and she needs are sufficiently compatible so that she gets what she wants and needs enough of the time that she'd be willing to stay in a relationship with you, and you get what you want and need enough of the time that you're capable of staying in relationship with her.

It's nice to have this idealized vision of how you're going to make this all about her. But if in reality, everything that she wants and needs it opposite of what you want and need, there is no way you're going to be happy, satisfied, or be capable of maintaining the relationships.

So if you want to find out how to market to Dominas, you need to distill a list of the core elements you personally need to see fulfilled in a relationship, and then market those qualities to Dominas who are looking for the other end of that specific equation, in a way that is attractive specifically to them.
Forget about trying to adapt yourself and your core desires in such a way that you could potentially market to every Domina out there. It's not going to work out long term, because you cannot give up expectations/standards of the other person in a relationship, and expect to still be happy.

This is beautiful insight! And thank You UllrsIshtar for sharing !!!

subinsilicon you need to understand the lifestyle concepts, sufficiently to do a personal SWAT analysis. (And i mean Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats ... not a TV show).

You have to discover what aspects of the market would be MOST receptive to Your message, as well as WHERE you would be happy!

It's Marketing .. then Sales .. BUT you will only have the opportunity to CLOSE sales because you understand yourself and what you need!

Trust me ... i have met MORE than one Domme in my Life ... but NOT every ONE.

Only those who are .. well hate to say this ... the "target market" for my product!

Now those are few and far between ... but when I see a possible "Customer" ... i work that hard and smart!

Because I am prepared.

Good luck ... be honest ... but always true to yourself ....

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 10

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 4:54:41 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon
Assuming my new-found customer is a Domina, and extrapolating myself as the "product", I realize it matters less that I want than what she needs.

There are two customers: you and her. The first question is one to ask yourself: what kind of woman do you want? Maybe you don't know the answer, or your answer is too vague to be useful (e.g., "a dominant one"). The only way you'll be able to flesh out your answer may be through hard experience, meeting and trying with different kinky women.

On the other hand, do you have a history of successful relationships? If so, you probably have a decent sense of the kind of person you can interact with healthily. In that case, look for someone with those characteristics, who is also kinky as hell.

Bingo! ... Exactly!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 11

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 8:25:11 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

Also, be prepared that many women are not going to enjoy reading your profile. Men offer women sex on a daily basis, if she's in the right location at the right time. Especially on here. The vast majority of men offering to give cunnilingus to a woman far outweigh the number of men who have other skills that are useful OUTSIDE of her sex organs and his.

Your profile focuses on sex. If that's all you want from a woman, there are plenty out there that will give you that, but just remember that many dominant women want something more than an orgasm or two.

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(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 12

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 8:35:01 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

Also, be prepared that many women are not going to enjoy reading your profile. Men offer women sex on a daily basis, if she's in the right location at the right time. Especially on here. The vast majority of men offering to give cunnilingus to a woman far outweigh the number of men who have other skills that are useful OUTSIDE of her sex organs and his.

Your profile focuses on sex. If that's all you want from a woman, there are plenty out there that will give you that, but just remember that many dominant women want something more than an orgasm or two.

Whooo boy, this ^^^ in spades. Funny, when a man offers to 1) fix a leaky faucet and change the oil on the car or 2) give me hours of tongue and dick, it's actually Door #1 that gets my motor running. Good men who make my day to day life easier soon learn I'm a generous dominant!

OP, good on you for being honest in your journal entries about how you want to serve (sexually, no dishwashing.) While honesty is a great quality, in this instance what you're stating probably won't get you very far with dominant women. The reality for me and many dominant women is...sexual service ain't nothin' special, and with the plethora always available it's going to take more than that to stand out. That we have kinky proclivities is not your ticket to a shortcut. To get to that warm, tingly place you're still going to have to jump through the same hoops as you would with a vanilla person. Unless, of course, you just want to hand over the cash to a ProDomme and have it your way, like Burger King.

Here's a personal example. My preferred way of getting off has nothing to do with someone's dick or yeasty mouth. So your diatribe about how regular condoms don't fit your snake mean zip to me (except to make me think you're bragging, which I consider conduct unbecoming in a potential partner). If you want to learn to be 'of service for my pleasure' so YOU can eventually get your nut, you'd better learn how to give a respectable foot rub, and be willing to do THAT for hours.

In my world, something simple like replacing the porch light bulb, washing a few teacups, weeding the cat house or repairing the gasket on the wood stove could get YOU hours of pleasure. I'd say that's a pretty feckin' good return on your few-minute investment.

No shortcuts except pay-to-play. Pick your preferred currency: actual usefulness or cash, and get comfortable with it.

Good luck to you.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/27/2013 9:35:24 PM >

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 13

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 8:38:13 PM

Tinkerer

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Joined: 7/18/2008
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I don't know who said it, so I'll attribute it to some comedian. Regardless, it holds some truth to it.

"Woman get offered sex constantly. It's not even verbal half the time. A man holds a door open for a lady with a smile, and it's as if he's saying "Here you go. Would you like some dick with that?"

Face it: unless you're filthy rich, or fucking awesome (which means you have a lot of skills and interests that might be sexy, but don't have anything to do with sex) you are competing with other men, not letting the woman compete for you. Make yourself stand out. You have a penis... so what? The sex toys they have these days can do just as good of a job as your dick can, won't get you pregnant, and you don't have to feed them and let them out to use the bathroom. Most dominant woman are interested in the person. They want the mind, and an in shape body helps too. The penis is just a small side perk, regardless of size.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 14

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 8:41:32 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Yup. The sex focus, along with the use of that obnoxious word "alpha," made your profile a quick pass for me. Chances are that many women reach the same conclusion in the first five seconds of reading.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 15

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 9:08:51 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerer

I don't know who said it, so I'll attribute it to some comedian. Regardless, it holds some truth to it.

"Woman get offered sex constantly. It's not even verbal half the time. A man holds a door open for a lady with a smile, and it's as if he's saying "Here you go. Would you like some dick with that?"

Face it: unless you're filthy rich, or fucking awesome (which means you have a lot of skills and interests that might be sexy, but don't have anything to do with sex) you are competing with other men, not letting the woman compete for you. Make yourself stand out. You have a penis... so what? The sex toys they have these days can do just as good of a job as your dick can, won't get you pregnant, and you don't have to feed them and let them out to use the bathroom. Most dominant woman are interested in the person. They want the mind, and an in shape body helps too. The penis is just a small side perk, regardless of size.

OMG Tinkerer, I love you! Will you marry me? Ooops, I see you are already taken.

OP, listen to your bro Tink. He knows from whence he speaks.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/27/2013 9:22:14 PM >

(in reply to Tinkerer)

Post #: 16

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/27/2013 10:41:18 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerer

I don't know who said it, so I'll attribute it to some comedian. Regardless, it holds some truth to it.

"Woman get offered sex constantly. It's not even verbal half the time. A man holds a door open for a lady with a smile, and it's as if he's saying "Here you go. Would you like some dick with that?"

Face it: unless you're filthy rich, or fucking awesome (which means you have a lot of skills and interests that might be sexy, but don't have anything to do with sex) you are competing with other men, not letting the woman compete for you. Make yourself stand out. You have a penis... so what? The sex toys they have these days can do just as good of a job as your dick can, won't get you pregnant, and you don't have to feed them and let them out to use the bathroom. Most dominant woman are interested in the person. They want the mind, and an in shape body helps too. The penis is just a small side perk, regardless of size.

For trivia's sake, that's a Chris Rock routine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90qpDg5y7Lo

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Tinkerer)

Post #: 17

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/28/2013 6:18:32 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon
may I ask what handful of 'acts' or 'abilities' you, as a Mistress, need in your submissive slave boy?

Subinsilicon,
IMO, you're looking behind the wrong curtain. Most Dommes aren't looking for a specific "act or ability". They're looking for a specific type of person. There's a big difference.

I took a look at your profile and your journal entries, and IMO, your biggest barrier to success is.......you.

I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful, and I hope you will receive this feedback in the same spirit in which it is offered.

Having read your profile, here is how I would summarize it:

"Look! I'm naked! And I want sex. Lots of sex. And I have a big dick."

That's really all you say about yourself. You don't tell us anything about your vanilla interests. You don't show your sense of humor. You don't let the ladies know why you are an interesting fellow. Nope, you just talk about your dick.

Every man on the planet has a dick, so if that's your only selling point, then you're not going to stand out from the crowd.

It's your profile, not mine, so you can do with it what you wish. But if it were MY profile, this is what I'd do.

-Get a new avatar picture. Probably one that doesn't say "Look! I'm naked!"
-Delete your entire journal. It is probably having the opposite effect that you think it's having.
-Rewrite your entire profile. Talk about who you are as a person, and not just about what makes you horny.
-Delete all of your forum posts.
-Go back and read some of the threads about "How to find a Mistress/Domme" (10 of these threads appear each week, so you shouldn't have much trouble finding a few).

Once you've done that, start again. But this time, pretend like you're meeting a woman in real life, and not on the internet. Would you walk up to a woman that you've never met before and take off all of your clothes before you've even been introduced? Then why do it on-line? Would you start a conversation with a woman by saying "I really like sex. And I have a big dick"? Then why do that on the internet? Would you begin your first conversation with a woman at the library by saying, "I will lick your pussy for as long as you want me to"? Then why say that on-line?

Think about the things that work when meeting women in real life, and then translate that to the internet. I'm betting that in real life, you probably smile, act charming, say hello in a friendly manner, and then make interesting small talk. So why not try doing that here?

Anyway, good luck to you. I hope that helps.
-Roch

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/28/2013 6:20:14 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 18

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/28/2013 3:02:33 PM

MsGypsey

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline

I don't have a long list of characteristics but somewhere near the top I'd say would be:

Traits - innate ability to use the big brain at the top end of the body
Acts - of kindness

Think I'd be happy with those two to start.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 19

RE: What handful of traits or acts do most Mistresses n... - 3/28/2013 7:03:15 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

The ability to obey, learn what I like/enjoy, and follow directions. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 20

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