MistressMelissa
Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
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Greetings, First we need to separate what we are talking about. There is Ds which defines the relationship between you and the other members of your house and then there is your sex life. These are two different issues. Your sex life and by that, who you beat or play with is your business and no one else's. Leave the kink in the bedroom or dungeon. That leaves the Ds or power dynamic of the relationship. In any relationship someone must be in charge. Than just happens to be me. Thus the rest of my "family" looks to me for guidance in their everyday lives. When having dinner at my parents house, they simply look to me for a nod before they will begin eating. If they are asked something that they know they need my permission for, like going to have coffee or something. They simply state they need to check with me to ensure "we" don't have other plans first. This can be done very politely. By them addressing me as Ma'am at home it is just natural that they do so in public and with the vanilla's around. If someone says something we dismiss it as "Southern Manners" or we are practicing our etiquette to improve ourselves. At Thanksgiving my brother told my girl she did not have to ask me for permission before she could eat. She smiled at him and said "yes sir, I do." As my brother got ready to retort, the kids stuck their head into the dining room from the kitchen to ask if they might eat. My brother just looked disgusted, shut his mouth and ate his dinner. I am who I am, and while much of how I live can be done via subtle nods and eye contact I can still maintain control in whatever public situation I enter. With a waitress in a restaurant they will often quickly pick up that I am who they speak to and only me. Every time they try to address someone else at my table, they look at to me and I answer the waitresses question, thus bringing their attention back to me. A healthy tip and the next visit is trouble free. Money, confidence and carefully choosing your vanilla world contact allows you to be yourself and not cause issue in the vanilla world. They might think me odd ( and probably do) but when they receive their tip, it is soon forgotten. I have had wait staff from past visits take my new waiter aside and bring them up to speed that I might receive the type of service I desire and they in return receive their tip. Always be polite and respectful of others and they will forget about the odd group of people quietly following behind you. If you are up front and confident, the other(s) behind you will be forgotten by you directing their focus upon yourself. It is well known in my family that I walk my own path. My father reads the Ds Haven website and thus understands how I chose to live. Having a slave serve my table at home like a waiter from a fine restaurant might raise an eye brow, but my Mom and I have this agreement. My house, My rules. Thus, while I am visiting her house, she reserves the right to overrule me if she is uncomfortable with something. Her house, Her rules. As to my mom's concerns about how I treat the members of my house. I simply tell her they stay with me because I treat them this way. It is and was a hard concept for her to grasp. Be true to yourself and live your own life. Why should you care about a strangers opinion and as for family, just be subtle and you can keep on being you. MelissaMistress of Ds Havenwww.dshaven.com
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How to deal in a nilla world? - 
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You're an adult. If they give you their first name, you can ask if that's what they prefer you to call them by. If so, then relax. You can use their first name. As for how you met your boy... *shrug* Say you met him on-line. Why not? I met my husband on-line and we've been happily married for 4 years now. It happens. 
( not a BDSM community, just a basic block party type thing )
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