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how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 5:57:36 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		this is a diffrent take on the more is not better thread. i was thinking yesterday on serving my Mistress and pondered on what i feel is done as service and what is recived as service by my Mistress.
so my question is how much service is enough to satisfy the need to serve; for the slave/sub to feel serving, and for the Mistress/Master how much is needed for service to be felt as recived

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LadyPact
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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 6:05:30 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		If I can keep the house runnin smoothly, clean, and comfortable, and put a meal on the table that meets whatever his specs are most nights, I feel that is probably enough service for most Masters. For myself, I need that plus a dose of prtocol. The protocol doesn't make me more ubersubbie, it just gets my subbie parts tingling.

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 7:03:51 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		Enough to make him happy. If just keeping the house clean makes him happy, then that's all I feel the need to do. If he needs the house clean, a full-course meal cooked, back rubbed, and so on, then that's enough.

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 7:11:51 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hmm...I really don't look at it as serving. What I do satisfies my need to express my love.

I don't really know if he sees it the same or not. I know he tries to keep a healthy balance between what I do for him, what I need to do (chore-wise) for myself, my job, his job, family obligations, etc. Well life around us is crazy, he pulls back what he wants from me at home, or he turns the table and does things for me.

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 7:36:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's enough when he says it's enough.


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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 7:53:23 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip
for the slave/sub to feel serving, and for the Mistress/Master how much is needed for service to be felt as recived

Carol and I don't have a service dynamic. Carol has no need to serve and I have no particular desire to be served. She just wants to make me happy. I just want her to not dick around with me if I'm to be in charge.


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officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/28/2013 11:00:52 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i need to focus on Her being happy not what i think She wants or what i think i need

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LadyPact

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/29/2013 4:45:34 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I probably shouldn't answer this one, but I'm going to anyway.

(Here ya go, folks. Real dynamics at work.)

First things first. Both have to agree on what is really the definition of "service". A lot of people think the whole answer to that is "doing tasks for the Dominant" (hopefully to make their life easier). The part that gets left out is the bit about "things desired/wanted/needed by the Dominant". When the second part is left out, or even worse, is the exact opposite, the concept of service crumbles somewhat.

A really good example of this is why Dominant women sit back and laugh at the twatwaffles who proclaim that they want to "serve orally" for hours. A woman who doesn't want some random dude between her legs, isn't exactly being served. It's just a guy who wants to lick pussy and it isn't about what the woman wants it all. It just gets dressed up in that nice word (service) in an effort to make it come across better, even though Dominant women just see it as another version of 'do-me'.

Taking both parts of the definition in mind, I'd say there is a good bet that when you are assigned a task, whatever that task happens to be, there's a good chance that is service. Keep in mind, nothing about that definition includes *you* liking the task. It doesn't mean that tasks are assigned and you cherry pick the ones that you prefer. Also, it's not about the 'service' being what you *think* it should be so that it becomes more of a hassle on My end than if I just would have done the damn thing, Myself. When the negatives outweigh the positives, that is not service, in My opinion.


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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/29/2013 5:19:58 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I think many (mostly) male subs get all screwed up with the definition of service. Part of this is porn based, LP's example of the 'sub' who wants to orally serve.

That's not service, that's getting your fetish delivered on a pussy platter.

Service, as I define it, is doing whatever you can to make your dominant's life easier, to have it run more smoothly, just, as if you were his/her servant. As if that was your JOB.

So of course you do what is demanded and commanded of you, but you do so much more, you look ahead to foresee future needs, making sure you balance that with not being presumptuous about what those needs are, and without giving a higher level of service than your dom finds comfortable.

This can be a fine line, and the service oriented sub will learn over time how to walk it.



< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 3/29/2013 5:20:51 AM >

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/29/2013 7:41:49 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		consistancy in everyday things for things to run smoothly. But always ready to gladly and willingness to do a little extra. Don't have to be a dom to enjoy that level of care.

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/29/2013 8:50:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

First things first. Both have to agree on what is really the definition of "service". A lot of people think the whole answer to that is "doing tasks for the Dominant" (hopefully to make their life easier). The part that gets left out is the bit about "things desired/wanted/needed by the Dominant".


That was very well put, LP.

Master's definition of service is the household running smoothly. That means that I do household chores even though I despise doing housework. It also means that I get to bake bread, which I adore doing.

He will give me a task every now and then, which is usually paperwork or research for something he is working on.


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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/29/2013 2:02:27 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It's enough when he says it's enough.


Oooh, I pity your poor soul

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/29/2013 5:58:01 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Plus the ways one Dominant wants to be served may be entirely different from the way the next one wants to be served.

NBMG

edited for spelling. lol

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/30/2013 3:35:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Depends on the two of you. We were out all day and got back about an hour and a half ago. I unpacked the groceries, changed the laundry and collapsed into a chair to rest. Now that I'm feeling semi-human I shall go start the brown rice cooking and the pork chops frying. Dinner will be served in front of March Madness in about an hour. Today that's enough service for both of us.

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/31/2013 8:24:40 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It's enough when he says it's enough.


Oooh, I pity your poor soul


For some reason, I'm doubting that.

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/31/2013 8:55:10 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		I also don't view what I do as "service"
I keep the house clean, and that benefits Him...but it benefits me as well. I have an extremely acute sense of smell and the slightest odor that's *off* will make me sick to my stomach...so I keep the house clean.
The laundry gets done every week because I have only 4 or 5 things I like to wear so they need washed regularly...might as well do everyone elses while I'm at it because it would be selfish not to.
As far as actual "service" goes, most of what he requires of me turns out to be sexual in a BDSM D/s context...because all the vanilla shit I do for Him is actually mutually beneficial.
So how much? As much as He wants, and I can't get more specific than that because the answer isn't always the same.

Luci

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/31/2013 9:26:25 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I probably shouldn't answer this one, but I'm going to anyway.

(Here ya go, folks. Real dynamics at work.)

First things first. Both have to agree on what is really the definition of "service". A lot of people think the whole answer to that is "doing tasks for the Dominant" (hopefully to make their life easier). The part that gets left out is the bit about "things desired/wanted/needed by the Dominant". When the second part is left out, or even worse, is the exact opposite, the concept of service crumbles somewhat.

A really good example of this is why Dominant women sit back and laugh at the twatwaffles who proclaim that they want to "serve orally" for hours. A woman who doesn't want some random dude between her legs, isn't exactly being served. It's just a guy who wants to lick pussy and it isn't about what the woman wants it all. It just gets dressed up in that nice word (service) in an effort to make it come across better, even though Dominant women just see it as another version of 'do-me'.

Taking both parts of the definition in mind, I'd say there is a good bet that when you are assigned a task, whatever that task happens to be, there's a good chance that is service. Keep in mind, nothing about that definition includes *you* liking the task. It doesn't mean that tasks are assigned and you cherry pick the ones that you prefer. Also, it's not about the 'service' being what you *think* it should be so that it becomes more of a hassle on My end than if I just would have done the damn thing, Myself. When the negatives outweigh the positives, that is not service, in My opinion.


Well, I was just going to write a detailed explaination, but I see LadyPact beat Me to it, almost word for word in fact, especially Her last paragraph. I would add that "service" details should be communicated early on, for both parties' sakes. If the sub is one of the many "twatwaffles" She mentioned, a Domme doesn't want to waste time interviewing him only to find out later the sub is "allergic" to getting his hands dirty. For example, My needs that I've listed in My journal "Projects List" probably shock a lot of these "twatwaffles" who've been accustomed to porn, and might be considered a little extreme by some not into the "service" thing.
Yes boys, you'll be sweating and grunting, but not in the way depicted in porn videos!
--MM

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/31/2013 9:54:53 AM   
WithBellsOn


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/1/2013
Status: offline 		Obviously it depends on the person receiving the service... but as the person providing it, it doesn't take much for me. I played with someone recently for whom I held a door, carried a bag, and fetched a drink... pretty minimal, but enough to make my service-oriented side happy, because that was all she'd wanted in that context. Well, that and I took a beating... but as a masochist that's not exactly pure service. ;)

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RE: how much is enough for service - 3/31/2013 5:25:50 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Hmm...I really don't look at it as serving. What I do satisfies my need to express my love.

I don't really know if he sees it the same or not. I know he tries to keep a healthy balance between what I do for him, what I need to do (chore-wise) for myself, my job, his job, family obligations, etc. Well life around us is crazy, he pulls back what he wants from me at home, or he turns the table and does things for me.

Same here. I work 40+ hours weekly at my job plus I'm a full-time graduate student working on my master's degree. I have very little time to do much of anything else. I still do basic household chores, make sure He's fed well and any number of other small things He desires. He is wise (and caring) enough to know what that delicate balance is and he doesn't over work me or wear me out. For instance, we both happened to be off today together (which is rare). We spent the morning in bed, sleeping in and then playing. I made us a nice lunch, we watched a movie and then went back to sleep together with our three kitty babies. When we awoke, I had laundry and a class assignment to do as well as shower and gather up some things from my closet to donate tomorrow. I did all this (except drying the clothes) while He enjoyed himself and then He volunteered to take the clothes to the laundromat to dry them since our dryer is out at the moment. That was so helpful of Him. He knows just what I need to get by

luci

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RE: how much is enough for service - 4/1/2013 12:48:35 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		If it isn't wanted, it isn't service.

Why do you ask?

I mean, even I know...

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