Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions?

Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Poloboi234 -> Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:03:56 PM)
We'll I'm leaving the life style (never much got started) But want to know who has left it before.. why did you leave? why did you come back? Also any repercussions good or bad? I mean in the sense of former subs, slaves, masters etc.. outing you in life, family, friends etc... I am scared a bit, because of my field. But I decided if it comes up a simple I was into "S/M" for a bit in my college years is what I'll answer, but it does scare me. I mean people don't quite understand the lifestyle. I did it more for an experience and to explore myself... I think I found out what I wanted to know. (I like control and power, into S/M, like regular sex, not gay or bi.. but don't mind it at all.. (sexuality is for a person to themselves don't care)) But, I feel for me the lifestyle though fun in some instances. I have too much to lose in my normal life (family, friends, business, life style etc...) on a basically a "hobby" for me. I haven't done much (in terms of life style) But I have had play dates with upwards of 15 people. (some randoms on CL, some people I'm friends with..) I have a friend I may occasionally role play with but it will be only him and very rare as we are getting older and moving on in life. I want to know the negatives and goods of leaving, as well as the problems of people in the lifestyle calling you out, or confronting you in front of others.. (if it happens). I don't mean it being a "hobby" as negative to anyone here, that's just how it was for me in my life. I am kind of ready for the dog, a fence, and a regular wife... haha though I will have times I wish I could tie her up... probably won't happen though.. We'll, discuss.. haha

LafayetteLady -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:11:03 PM)
Why would anyone do that to you? Did you seriously piss off these people you played with? Seems like a baseless fear to me. As for good or bad, you do what is right for you. Doesn't sound like you had "relationships" with people, simply playmates.

absolutchocolat -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:16:20 PM)
Well, you just leave. There's no special form to fill out. Also, you'd be surprised at how many of us live "normal" lives. You can have the house, the dog, the hot wife that bakes cookies and drives the kids to soccer. But if you feel this stuff isn't for you, I wish you well in your departure.

muhly22222 -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:18:36 PM)
Leaving the lifestyle...you make it sound like there's a big yearbook somewhere with all of our names and pictures in it. (There isn't, is there? I bet LadyPact would know if there was one[8D]) Nobody cares what you do in terms of staying in "the lifestyle" or leaving it. I don't know why you're so worried about being outed...lots of people are out and very few people care. You're into kinky sex...big fuckin' whoop, so are lots of other people.

itsapixie -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:20:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Why would anyone do that to you? Did you seriously piss off these people you played with? That. Why are you so freaked out? I mean I can understand not wanting your personal life spewed to everyone you know, but you come across as though you're afraid of being blackmailed with something horrible that you're running away from. The desperation in your post is odd to me. And why can't you have a dog, a fence, a wife, AND tie her up sometimes? If it's something you like (as you stated in your OP), why not seek out someone who shares your "hobby"?

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:20:50 PM)
~FRing it~ By your own admission, you never got into the lifestyle. So it's not like its "blood in, blood out" or anything. Geeze, it's not like you are going to walk around wearing a scarlet "I never was in the life to begin with, but I'm out anyway" letter either. I've left and returned a number of times myself over the years. And never once have I been confronted by a BDSM tribunal or roving gang of lifestyles calling me out on it.

peppermint -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:22:24 PM)
The good part is that after a time people will forget you and you won't have to worry about being outed. I personally don't know of one person who would ever out another. I'm not sure what type of people you were around when you were playing. Apparently they were not good friends of yours if you have to worry that they might try to ruin your career and in the process out themselves and ruin their own careers. I can't think of anything bad about you deciding this isn't for you. One thing to remember please. Don't come back here in a few years, married to a lovely vanilla lady who doesn't understand your need for kink and complain that you just HAVE to cheat or your needs will not be met. You will not be greeted with sympathy.

Poloboi234 -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:36:30 PM)
haha, let me answer the questions. The fear with leaving for me is simple. I work in "Entertainment" (in a capacity) and if I ever get really good at something, or have a hit. Boom TMZ or whatever... that's it. I don't think anyone would "out me" as the people I played with were mainly (one night) coming over at 2am or something and playing until like 5am and then leaving, no kisses, no names, just a face... (I have distinct face) I just don't ever underestimate the goal of people with nothing to lose, or money. That is kind of a fear. But I didn't do much to tell about, (spanked a person once). and engaged in a couple BJ's. (mainly just power control, foot worship...) but CL is scarey. I mean some of the people I played with used there "real photos" on there craiglist Ad.. that's a redflag to me. I mean to put yourself out like that (if your secure in your life, then that is for you... I'm a more discreet person). I think my fear is that if I keep on with this lifestyle I'm going to need it all the time, or in real time play. I like many things separated in my life. I have different groups of friends, difference social circles, and I explore everything (drugs, friends, partying etc...) I mixed groups in back when I was young and it was the worst thing ever, fights, and a host of problems... learned my lesson. I may still play again... but only with a very trusted person with no plans of being grandiose in the lifestyle or something. I'm just a worst case scenario type of person. This is from past experiences.. sad part is that in my field I could lose a lot, is it worth it to tie a chick up and crop her tits every once in while? (I'm thinking yes, but no..) so I have to minimize that if I am fully going to engage in that industry. So I guess I'm not going to participate but I will still be on here, ask questions and learn. If I find someone that is super trust worthy, and I feel is like me in regards to concerns, you best believe my paddle is coming out. But until then... nah.

LadyPact -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:41:56 PM)
I left once and came back. Long story short, I got into it because I was in a dynamic with a certain person. When that dynamic ended (it was only about a year or so) I just considered it a part of that relationship closing. I was pretty much a protocol Domme back then and had no interest in sadism. I got back into it for the protocol reasons. I had a friend who was a submissive and that started the road back. When it became really apparent that it wasn't My first rodeo, My other half and I talked about it and he was cool with Me getting back into the lifestyle. The sadism part came a bit later. I've always been kink and poly optional. I can be just as happy either way. Now, I just have a collection of really cool toys and a lot of topping skills. You say you've had a bunch of play dates. Is there a reason those folks would be hell bent on outing you? My casual play dates would have to work damn hard to out Me. I don't give people My personal information without knowing them. I've had a few people from the net try to dig Me up. Never anybody that I've actually played with. The people that you've played with didn't out you before. Why would they now? It's not like they are going to have a grudge that you left. They'll just move on to the next male top who is into pretending that it's 'forced-bi' or playing bull. Frankly, nobody is going to care that you aren't doing it any more.

peppermint -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:49:52 PM)
You engaged with people doing kinky things from Craigslist??!! That was one night stand sex, not a D/s or M/s lifestyle. If your face is so very distinct then you could have a problem. Strangers you were kinky with from Craigslist might just tell their friends that they spent the night doing kinky stuff with someone who looks just like you look. Since they know where you live it probably wouldn't be so very difficult to confirm it was you doing sex from Craigslist. You have been very very foolish.

Poloboi234 -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:52:43 PM)
LadyPact- that's great to hear, if they don't remember me or anything. haha I doubt they do. (a guy emailed me off of CL that I messed with before as if I was a new person. So it is what it is... I hope that's how it stays..) No, reason to out me. I just am a paranoid guy when it comes to that. But in Entertainment gotta be extra careful. I'm not an actor or anything, But being in the business or a director etc... then it get's fuzzy. But it is what it is. I don't regret doing anything... just people wouldn't think I'd be into something like this. But it is what it is.. if asked. I got into "S/M" for a couple months. But it's alright. I just wanted other's views on this.. and if it's a problem..

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:53:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: muhly22222 Leaving the lifestyle...you make it sound like there's a big yearbook somewhere with all of our names and pictures in it. (There isn't, is there? I bet LadyPact would know if there was one[8D]) Nobody cares what you do in terms of staying in "the lifestyle" or leaving it. I don't know why you're so worried about being outed...lots of people are out and very few people care. You're into kinky sex...big fuckin' whoop, so are lots of other people. There is a few yearbooks for events ive been too and of course theres the leather library.... which has lots of stuffs that could be yearbook like...

Poloboi234 -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:55:10 PM)
Peppermint- yes, and "no" the place I was at, was a rundown slum apartment, they could never find me out there (as my name wasn't on the residence or the lease or something...) but I have messed with people from CL (one night stands) but no sex happened, just S/M. So I have been foolish. In fact I'm friends with some of those now. But the people I have messed with I checked out for a really long time before we played. Only one was on a "rare" type thing. And the guy wouldn't come out or tell anyone.. "WIFE KID"S THE WHOLE NINE YARDS", but I did learn from it, and never again, Thanks for your concern..

FrostedFlake -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:57:03 PM)
Good luck with the fence.

absolutchocolat -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 10:59:34 PM)
There was another person discussing that they "have a lot to lose" if they were outed, because they were some big shot entertainer. I will tell you what I told them -- get over yourself. If you are so scared about losing your livelihood, use non disclosure agreements with your future partners. Really though, you aren't the only "almost famous" person we have come into contact with. I say, if you have something to hide, you can choose to live in the closet or not let fear rule you. The choice is yours.

breagha -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/30/2013 11:07:25 PM)
my experience is not one that i would call leaving the lifestyle but i stepped away from submitting to anyone for a long time after my relationship ended. i was deeply hurt though and just didn't feel like i wanted to submit in the way i had again. i dated. i attempted just having a playmate for kink. eventually i became unsatisfied with that though and i "came back" to seeking out M/s. what you described as a normal lifestyle isn't really that different from what many people here have going on. kind of proof that you can have what you desire from this lifestyle and still have a "normal, functioning life"... the wife kids picket fence the whole nine yards...

littlewonder -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/31/2013 7:54:00 AM)
eehh...I've left kinky sex behind. I've left bdsm sites behind. I stopped dating, period, anyone at all. Repercussions? None. Why did I stop doing those things for awhile? I either wasn't dating anyone and I'm not into casual sex or play. I stopped because my life was fucked up and I needed to concentrate on other parts of my life. I stopped because I simply was was not in the mood for it or life was just too busy. I never worried about my career or family or friends though. It's just never been a concern to me but then I'm not one who gets on the rooftop and tells the entire world that I like a man to beat me. I can't give up being a submissive personality. It's who I am as a person. I submit to lots of people all day long. This has nothing to do with bdsm for me. ETA: If you're ever outed on TMZ that will actually make your career skyrocket. Do you really think anyone in Hollywood or elsewhere really care what you do sexually? Hell, Angelina Jolie has been outed umpteenth times and it only makes her more popular. I can think of about 20 other stars where that's just as true. Geez. If I were a part of Hollywood, I would join sites like these and do such things just for the rumors alone and probably even out myself knowing the more outrageous the more popular I will be. All news is good news in Hollywood.

DesFIP -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/31/2013 9:27:29 AM)
There are lots of us who maintain a d/s relationship, play privately in the bedroom, and are married with kids and dogs. It isn't a requirement that you play publicly.

OsideGirl -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/31/2013 9:34:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat There was another person discussing that they "have a lot to lose" if they were outed, because they were some big shot entertainer. I will tell you what I told them -- get over yourself. If you are so scared about losing your livelihood, use non disclosure agreements with your future partners. Really though, you aren't the only "almost famous" person we have come into contact with. I say, if you have something to hide, you can choose to live in the closet or not let fear rule you. The choice is yours. Honestly, Hollywood doesn't much care. My first Dom was a VP of a radio network and my second was an author and co-owner of a recording studio. We met a ton of people that were big in the front and behind the scenes. I've never once seen them outted for their choices unless they wished to be.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Leaving the lifestyle... How do you? and repercussions? (3/31/2013 9:48:59 AM)
~FRing it~ Personally, OP...everything I've seen you write indicated that you like to make life way more complicated than it really is. And perhaps a little bit of you thinking you are way more important to the lives of others than you really honestly are. Lets face it, you had random one night stands with meaningless people you met off CL. What a coincidence...they had random one night stands with a meaningless person (you) too. I honestly doubt that there are masses of people pining away for you and will be upset that you are leaving a lifestyle you were never involved in. You sound like you are making a big deal over something that isn't a big deal. And I'm kinda getting the impression that you like to have attention focused on you quite a bit. It's super easy...if you are done, you can be done. If people were going to shame you for your past indiscretions, they would have done it already. I maintain a home life and a private life very successfully. Many of us do. You aren't the only one in the public eye in one way or another.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.699707E-02