profile help (Full Version)

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imalovingmaster -> profile help (3/31/2013 12:36:40 AM)

Hi everyone. I'm going to be 45 in a couple days. I was married about 12 years and I have 3 kids. We were both very dominant personalities and that had to be much of why it didn't work. I recently learned that there is more to this community than just the really shocking stuff. I thought I would have to go to Ukraine to find a beautiful younger woman that wanted an older man for more than money, and be a woman that "knows her role" so to speak.

Anyhow, I really want to find my love. So I welcome constructive criticism and advice.



peppermint -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 12:56:13 AM)

You should make the second picture your first picture.  If you are seeking custody of your children make it clear that she might be mothering them.  Many young ladies might feel they are too young to have to tend to children on a full time basis. 

As to your whining at the end of your profile, delete it all.  No one wants a whiny Dom.  You are an older guy looking for arm candy and new here.  Of course the not so nice elements of the internet are going to notice your profile and write to you.  They figure you'll be desperate soon.  However, the whining makes you look bad, so scrap it. 



smartsub10 -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 1:02:19 AM)

I read your profile and essentially all it says is that you want to be in charge of a "younger" woman and have sex with her whenever you want.

What do you mean by "younger"? 40? 30? 25?

If you want to attract someone significantly younger you are going to have to offer more than just being in charge. Submissive women are still women. They want a relationship. What did you do when you wanted to attract a vanilla woman and develop a relationship? It works the same in D/s. If you're chatting with hot, young babes who want to come over tonight you're going to have to deal with the spammers or at least learn to recognize them.

Write about who you are as a person. What do you have to offer a young woman? What vanilla interests do you have?

BTW, there are successful marriages where both partners are dominant.

Good luck.



imalovingmaster -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 1:56:05 AM)

Thank you, some changes made. Will write more about personal vanilla life. Wasn't sure if that was proper here.
Yes, of course there were many other reasons for the divorce. Much better now. Cancer is cured, depression is medically treated. Feeling better than ever!



DarkSteven -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 2:04:34 AM)

1. From your main pic, I assume you're a veteran.
2. Why younger women? Do you prefer their looks? Do you want more children? Do you want the Daddy Dom dynamic?
3. Change your username. With all due respect, you are not a Master. There are perhaps a dozen in the Denver area, and they typically have well over a decade of experience and give demos and lectures to the local community.
4. Why did you say "loving" in your username? When I read that, I assumed you wanted a Daddy Dom type of relationship, but don't see that.
5. You may want to hold off on serious relationships for a while. You appear to be in the early stages of divorce, and assume it'll go quickly and painlessly. You're going to need extra time for your three children, who will be hurt by the split. You're also used to the finer things in life and will have to make cuts when you lose your wife's income. You've got some serious adjustments ahead and may wish to deal with them yourself instead of having a new relationship to work on as well.
6. You're in Boston. Go to local events. Meet people who are living the lifestyle and see how they make it work.
7. A red flag from your post:

We were both very dominant personalities and that had to be much of why it didn't work.

You were married for 12 years and are not certain why the divorce?

8. A D/s relationship is a hybrid between a vanilla relationship and a parent/child relationship (with kinky sex thrown in of course), A Dom needs to assume a semi-parental role sometimes and be in charge of his submissive - set rules for her and enforce them, and determine what's best for her. IMO it takes more energy and time than vanilla relationships do. I don't get the feel that you're aware of what that effort will entail. Again, see some actual D/s relationships and see what it will take.

You've got an adventure ahead of you. Best of luck!




imalovingmaster -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 2:33:42 AM)

Steven,
Yes, I should not have used master. Is it possible to change the username or do I have to create another profile? No I'm not a vet. I usually shave my head to avoid looking like how I look right now, see the photo with the tie. Been out of the family home for 3 years now. Had to move to Boston because ex wouldn't share the kids. Yes there is much rebuilding to do with them. The daddy dom thing is somewhat appealing, but I don't know that I can say I have those "issues". Younger women, yes I find them more attractive. Maybe I feel like I want to "take care" of them, I don't know. Women my age, the attractive ones, seem to be busy ruling their careers or more interested in better looking richer men than me.
Good advice, much appreciated, however the being alone thing gets tiring. I have come a long way in the 3 years, and I'm ready to exercise the improvements.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 2:48:42 AM)

I disagree with Steve on the username. I think it's appropriate. Unlike him, I don't consider "Master" to be a tittle that's necessarily related to experience, like a master craftsman, anymore than I consider people who engage in puppy play to be actually dogs. If it's a tittle you like to use, and want to be called by, I'd say go for it and keep the username, but be very aware of the fact that, although not everybody shares Steven's reaction to you labeling yourself such as a newbie, very many people do feel that way, and you may get negative reactions because of that. When you get those reactions... don't act like a dickhead, and instead explain that you make no claim to any kind of special status, and merely enjoy the word because of the kinky imagery it creates for you, and for how it makes you feel.

With that out of the way:

1) From how I read your profile, you're looking for a 1950s type relationship. Or a Taken in Hand (http://www.takeninhand.com) kind of relationships. Neither are rare as far as what kinsters are looking for. Reading up on both things, and using the terms if you find them appropriate for yourself may make it easier for people to recognize what you're trying to describe.
2) Lots of kinsters who want "less extreme" BDSM relationships have had great luck finding partners on traditional dating sites, like eHarmony or OKCupid. Certain words in a profile can let the "in" crowd know what you're looking for, and when you fill out all the specifics about your interests their search algorithms are sometimes very good at matching you with compatible partners.
3) While it's important to get to know a woman as a woman first, and not focus only on BDSM interest when seeking a partner, I disagree with your sentiment of "we'll figure out the rest as it comes". Kink can be a very specific, and very personal thing for lots of people. If you're in a very serious relationship before you, for the first time, try to match your interests kink wise, and you then find out that they're completely incompatible, you may as well both be in a vanilla relationship. If you like over the knee spankings, and she hates them, that should probably be discussed at some point in the courting process, despite it not being the first thing you put forward as far as getting to know each other.
4) I'd change the paragraph of wanting voice confirmation to be the last in your profile. While it's a reasonable thing to expect, it doesn't aid anybody in getting to know you, which is what you want the primary focus of your profile to be. Let people read about you first, and decide if they even like you or not, before you tell them what you'd expect from them if they do decide that they like you and want to get to know you better.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 2:49:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: imalovingmaster

Steven,
Yes, I should not have used master. Is it possible to change the username or do I have to create another profile?


You have to create another profile.



imalovingmaster -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 2:53:38 AM)

Gotcha... Will hold for more response on the name and adjust the rest. Also, thanks I will check out that site. Ive tried match, hate it...



littlewonder -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 8:18:27 AM)

personally, I'd concentrate on my children and the divorce right now and not a new relationship. You have way too much going on in your life right now. All I can see coming right now is a rebound which is never, ever good.



poise -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 8:37:56 AM)

Welcome to the forum.
I did not read your profile prior to the changes you made mention of,
but in reading it now, I am pretty confused by the very first paragraph.

I seek a woman for a long term or married, monogomous (women are welcome)
relationship built on trust and mutual respect.

What's the difference between long term and married? And if it's a monogamous
relationship you are seeking, why are you making mention of women? (plural)
Was that a way to communicate that you aren't seeking men?

The rest of the profile was inviting enough, but I would not have read past the
first paragraph had I come across your profile randomly. I'd suggest you make
an attempt to clarify what that paragraph means, so others don't lose interest.



DesFIP -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 10:01:46 AM)

Take out the camming requirement. Smart women do not allow pictures and videos of them to be spread all over the net. And since these are strangers to you, you cannot expect them to trust you not to do just that.

You live in Boston, so you can meet for coffee easily. Ask to do that instead.

But right now you say you've lost your way. That's not the definition I would pick for dominant. Far from it. You have no job yet you're upset if the woman has a career. You want to have total say over someone else's life but you can't even demonstrate that you have all your ducks in a row. I can't but be suspicious that you want to control someone else because you can't control yourself. And that's never a good thing.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 10:15:53 AM)

Careful with that statement, or it might sound like and look like you are calling the women with profile pics of themselves stupid.

It certainly sounds that way to me.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Take out the camming requirement. Smart women do not allow pictures and videos of them to be spread all over the net.

But right now you



SeekingTrinity -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 10:17:48 AM)

~FRing it~

I second the whole verification thing sending a bad message. When someone tells me I'm essentially going to have to prove myself via the phone or Skype, they might as well tell me I'm a liar until proven otherwise. I can still bullshit you just as easily over the phone or Skype if that was how I rolled. All I'd have to do is figure out what you wanted to hear, which isn't all that hard to do when you ask the right questions. Just sayin'

Luckily enough, I use my powers for good. But there are people out there in the world who can do the same thing and they are up to no good.



phoenixasubbie -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 10:34:55 AM)

I agree with UllrsIshtar that it seems you are looking for a 1950's relationship or TIH. But it does come across pretty clear that you have little to no idea how that would really work.

I am in agreement with DarkSteven as well, about the use of Master. To be honest, I have found that those whom I would consider to be Masters, rarely if ever use the title themselves. That isn't to say it never happens, but kind of along the lines of " if you are good, they will see it and know it. You don't have to tell them." Mangled the quote but I'm sure you get the point.

I also agree with him about the divorce. You should know exactly why, and quite frankly take some responsibility. Not in your profile, but just responding to your comment on the forums here. I am divorced myself. I know full well what my part was in why my marriage failed. Marriages fail, but it is rarely if ever a one sided fail.
If you are unable or unwilling to face your own flaws and mistakes, you are not a man who I would ever consider to dominate me.

" The Daddy Dom thing is somewhat appealing, but I don't know that I can say I have those "issues". This statement I find confusing and kind of a red flag that you still have a lot to learn about "the life" in general.

I find Daddys to be very nurturing, caring, strong, strict Doms. If you mean into littles, not ever Daddy is. But even if they are, calling it an issue is not likely to win you friends here.

And I'd lose the "lost my way". Perhaps you edited it since being told that.... but even with being recently found added, it is still a statement that no sub wants to hear from a potential Dom or Master.
I am looking for a strong man who is sure of himself and his direction... one who can guide me, protect me, teach me, etc....

lastly - the opening about woman/women is confusing. You say monogamous but to me it hints at a plural desire. Maybe just wording but I doubt I'm the only one confused.

All in all you sound like a nice person, and I wish you success in your search. Like the others before me, I would encourage you to take some time for yourself to heal and grow... Best to you



imalovingmaster -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 11:29:21 AM)

again, divorce was 3 years ago. im over it. will likely create a new username tonight. thanks to all for the advice.
I will ask your opinions on the new one. need a better username



Furrycat900 -> RE: profile help (3/31/2013 8:59:08 PM)

Your profile pic is not really right- it just says- erm guy in cheap t shirt with brick wall behind him..
The others equally dreadful and low rent, with a strange smirk

Does a girl want to see a smirking bloke and brick wall- prob not,unless she's into cheap T shirts and brick walls.

Try finding a friend or someone to take a really good photos of you out and about-in the city or country etc, one that speaks about you or makes you look cool.
The T shirt is really appalling, sorry-
It looks as if you've just been washing the car!

Wear cool clothes for the pic, jacket, cool plain shirt, be sophisticated, have style, have one of you in a profile shot, vice view, doing something
Maybe just borrow some off someone with really good dress sense and style, about your size!

With the family stuff, just say you've got x children, nuff said really.
No whinging!
With the profile words, needs total re write...
Your dreams and travel.... leave it out.
Everyones travelled- You want to start a business.... & live somewhere fancy
erm but haven't.,or don't at present..
Its kind of very muddled and well, you need to try harder!

Be down to earth, just say you live in the city, or whatever, leave out specifics unless relevant


Just talk about you briefly as a person, what you seek in a relationship, be diplomatic , and see what the girls write-
They are usually savvy with words- pinch ideas off them or a good profile & adapt.

By the way a lot of the East Europeans- Russia etc, there are scammers out there.
Never, ever send money, despite plausable 'disasters' pleas for help, and sob stories.

If they try- tell them to bugger off & block them
I had a Romanian girl ask for me to buy something off ebay for her to establish 'trust' first off, then she got abusive when I told her no.

She puts different profiles on out there, and is the same one I came across a year ago!

I hope you find a nice girl before long!

Best of luck







DesFIP -> RE: profile help (4/1/2013 6:44:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Careful with that statement, or it might sound like and look like you are calling the women with profile pics of themselves stupid.

It certainly sounds that way to me.




It is if they have a high powered career. Or any career working with children. You aren't going to lose your job if you get outed. A woman with 30 years invested in a banking career is going to lose nearly $100,000 a year.

Additionally, when men say cam, they don't mean a photo dressed in street clothes, they mean naked. If the op doesn't understand that, he needs to.

Beyond everything else, demanding proof from a stranger says that you believe they lie, that they are untrustworthy. And saying that isn't the way to start a relationship. Telling someone you think they lie and cheat isn't a good thing to do.



phoenixasubbie -> RE: profile help (4/2/2013 10:10:29 AM)

In agreement with DesFIP. My company routinely scans the internet checking on it's employees and their online endeavors. I would lose my job if I were to be outed.

And with CAM- I have yet to have a request to CAM that didn't include an expectation of either some form of undress or sexual activity. And CAM can be recorded and uploaded other places....I don't think a lot of people are aware of this fact.

A CAM request is something that pretty quickly rules a prospective Dominant out of any chance with me. A CAM demand doesn't even merit my response.





imalovingmaster -> RE: profile help (4/3/2013 2:41:31 PM)

Enough with the cam or identity validation thing already, it's removed. I agree with the picture critique. I have very few of me. It's one of few that are recent nd of a good smile. The brick wall is the patio of a bar in Charlotte, not that that matters. but I understand, I will get some better photos, thanks.



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