Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message


Rattenkonig -> Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 5:35:05 AM)

Now, I know this is the internet and a site based around BDSM, so I try to take things with a very heavy grain of salt. On a regular basis I get more messages than I can handle from potential Doms. There are a lot of copy pasted messages and well, things I wouldn't ever dare say to a person I don't know in public, even in a kink setting.
As someone with a background in advertising, I get it, cast a wide net, try to attract as many people as you can without looking at their profile & what they are about But from the standpoint of someone looking for a serious D/s relationship, why not approach a gal like a human and not a slab of slutmeat? I mean, once again from a marketing perspective- don't you remember those touchy feely adds the most? Even the kinkiest relationship needs a normal human start.

But, this takes me to my actual question: Why do these sorts of men get so violently angry when told you're not interested in what they are selling?
It's not as if there was time, effort, or anxiety put into the messages they send, so why is a polite decline a catalyst for so many expletives? I have thick skin, but it truly worries me that someone would tell me that they hope I get raped or call me harsh names because I tell them I am not interested. I know this isn't all people, it's mostly wankers and cowards and people who are not probably serious about the lifestyle, but any insight onto why this happens would be swell.




UllrsIshtar -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 5:54:33 AM)

I don't have an answer to your question. I've often wondered myself why they're so quick to anger, but I've never been able to figure it out.

I have, however, figured out THE best way to avoid getting hate mail for lack of interest... this works better than a polite decline, better than deleting unread, and better than not giving them any reply at all... (all 3 of which generate frequent angry blow ups... at least for me).

Instead... I've began to tell them to buy me something off my amazon wish list, and send that to them...
You'd expect that to generate more negative responses than when you just ignore them or politely decline, but oddly it doesn't.
If I'm not interested in a guy, and I therefore send him my wish list I have an almost 100% guarantee I'll never hear from him again. [:D]





Rattenkonig -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 5:56:47 AM)

...You're brilliant!




itsapixie -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 5:56:52 AM)

*is not a Master*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rattenkonig
But from the standpoint of someone looking for a serious D/s relationship, why not approach a gal like a human and not a slab of slutmeat?


A lot of them aren't looking for a serious relationships of any sort. They actually do see you as a slab of slutmeat. :)


If you get really rude replies, maybe you should just not send back an initial reply when you can tell the guy is just out for a dirty message exchange. Just block them.




DarkSteven -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 6:00:50 AM)

I blame it on porn and sites like Amazon.com.

Porn teaches us that women are all sluts, lusting after cock.

Amazon.com allows us to do a quick search, select our item, and seal the deal.

Some men think that all women in the lifestyle are an easy lay, and when reality clashes with porn, they blame reality for not conforming to porn. Also, a lot of men get this idea that a sub will suck their cock, no questions asked, and don;t understand the concept of a relationship. And those men are the sort who will throw a tantrum if things don't go their way.




Lucylastic -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 6:24:59 AM)

What Steven said, .... altho I enjoy porn and amazon, I also like UllrsIshtar response:)
good luck and enjoy the non douche canoes here.




ARIES83 -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 11:14:17 AM)

I think that most of the ones that try to take
advantage of the new subs joining or try to
strong arm them, are either adolescent males
or full grown ones with the social skills of boys.

Either way, I'd advise you to stay clear of the
spammers.




mnottertail -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 11:21:30 AM)

I thrive on low standards and no respect.




JeffBC -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 12:02:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rattenkonig
Why do these sorts of men get so violently angry when told you're not interested in what they are selling?

I'm kind of curious about how someone gets "violently angry" over the internet? Where they typing in all caps? Why were you listening?

As someone with a background in advertising, I get it, cast a wide net, try to attract as many people as you can without looking at their profile & what they are about But from the standpoint of someone looking for a serious D/s relationship, why not approach a gal like a human and not a slab of slutmeat?
Define "serious D/s relationship". Because honestly what I'm getting from that is "the kind of relationship I prefer" rather than "serious".

I mean, once again from a marketing perspective- don't you remember those touchy feely adds the most?
No.

Even the kinkiest relationship needs a normal human start.
Really? Says who?




LafayetteLady -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 12:07:11 PM)

You aren't allowed to blacklist people. That's ok, I took the second to report your post. Have a nice day.




BitaTruble -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 12:34:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I don't have an answer to your question. I've often wondered myself why they're so quick to anger, but I've never been able to figure it out.

I have, however, figured out THE best way to avoid getting hate mail for lack of interest... this works better than a polite decline, better than deleting unread, and better than not giving them any reply at all... (all 3 of which generate frequent angry blow ups... at least for me).

Instead... I've began to tell them to buy me something off my amazon wish list, and send that to them...
You'd expect that to generate more negative responses than when you just ignore them or politely decline, but oddly it doesn't.
If I'm not interested in a guy, and I therefore send him my wish list I have an almost 100% guarantee I'll never hear from him again. [:D]




An alternative brought up by CM regular (wish I could remember who - I'd give credit)

Toss the 'wish list' and ask for donations to charity instead. Takes out the whore factor and if someone does follow through, your favorite charity gets some funding.

Personally, I would be worried about that 'almost' 100% and that someone actually 'would' gift or donate to charity and then I'd feel obligated and that's icky since I already 'know' I'm not interested so I don't go that route. A verbal lashing from an idiot with low-self doesn't hurt enough and I'm all about the pain, baby! If they can't take a simple.. "We are not compatible" as a polite response to their inquiry, a shot from a flame-thrower is only going to validate me and then the block button comes into play. I have a thick skin.. I can withstand a single shot but I am not going to let them reload and aim again!









ClassAct2006 -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 1:13:34 PM)

I don't really get nasty emails. Sometimes people don't like being rejected so suggest as they cannot possibly be the reason for the rejection (even if they are obese, out of work and with loads of facial hair and a very low IQ) and suggest it's because my criteria are too strict - along the lines of if I can consider rejecting them I clearly have impossibly high standards as they are the best man on earth but they are few and far between.




UllrsIshtar -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 2:37:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Personally, I would be worried about that 'almost' 100% and that someone actually 'would' gift or donate to charity and then I'd feel obligated and that's icky since I already 'know' I'm not interested so I don't go that route.


I'm selfish, shallow and greedy enough that I wouldn't much care if somebody did actually buy something.

Besides, most of these guys who get pissy just want an online wank fantasy. I'm not actually totally against providing that if it's not a waste of my time... which it always is when it's just a random guy spamming. If he's changing that equation by trowing money in the mix, it'd be much less a waste of my time, and therefore, I'd become much more likely to genuinely be interested.

Either way, after a year and a half, and a couple hundred guys... nobody has bought anything. So as a scarecrow it's working perfectly so far.




UllrsIshtar -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 2:43:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rattenkonig
Why do these sorts of men get so violently angry when told you're not interested in what they are selling?

I'm kind of curious about how someone gets "violently angry" over the internet? Where they typing in all caps? Why were you listening?



Name calling, swearing, caps, sending 5-20 mails to tell you what a cunt you are for turning him down in under 5 minutes (so that by the time you get the time to delete them unread/block him, your inbox is half full with them).

A lot of them really try to get personal. As in, they'll -then finally- take the time to look at your profile, and then based on the the type of person they think you are from that, try to go after what they think are your vulnerabilities/weaknesses.

Most of them will also say they're going to black list you in the online community in general/on collarme/in your local community offline. They will tell you they "know" support, and you're going to be blocked/banned.

All of it's obviously idiotic... and pretty easy to shake off from a total stranger... but the sheer frequency with which it happens makes that it can sometimes really get to you, especially if you're already having a bad day and aren't in a good headspace. But mostly it's just really annoying.




BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 2:53:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rattenkonig
As someone with a background in advertising, I get it, cast a wide net, try to attract as many people as you can without looking at their profile & what they are about But from the standpoint of someone looking for a serious D/s relationship, why not approach a gal like a human and not a slab of slutmeat?
Hahaha [sm=biggrin.gif] Slutmeat?! You actually explained it pretty well. Cast a wide net, but it must work sometimes, or they would stop doing it, I imagine. It happens to all of us. I've gotten more than a few "warning! This person has activated our spam filter" note. Delete and/or block is your only recourse.

quote:

I mean, once again from a marketing perspective- don't you remember those touchy feely adds the most? Even the kinkiest relationship needs a normal human start.
You would think so.

quote:

my actual question: Why do these sorts of men get so violently angry when told you're not interested in what they are selling?
It's not as if there was time, effort, or anxiety put into the messages they send, so why is a polite decline a catalyst for so many expletives? I have thick skin, but it truly worries me that someone would tell me that they hope I get raped or call me harsh names because I tell them I am not interested. I know this isn't all people, it's mostly wankers and cowards and people who are not probably serious about the lifestyle, but any insight onto why this happens would be swell.
Sorry, no insight here, but I like your post, and welcome to the boards.
I can say that it does slow down after a while. I haven't been called names in quite a while. I wonder if it's because I stopped worrying, or caring about it.
I guess you can take it as a sign of desirability, the more virulent they come at you, after the rejection of their thoughtless spam/note. M




lizi -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 3:36:34 PM)

I think the anger and violence that happens with certain people is similar to that of a child who is told they can't have ice cream. These child-like people want something, feel entitled to have it, and then are told they can't have it, which pisses them off.

I also think some men get rejected, a lot, and because they aren't getting anywhere with their goal, they react out of frustration when they are rejected yet again.

I think some men have this idea in their head that because they're on this site with ideas of easy, kinky, sex floating through their minds, that there are equally easy, kinky, women just standing by to hook up with. They're the ones who might not understand that women are here in a lower concentration, and so can be selective in choosing what appeals to them- which is usually a relationship instead of a hookup or online wank.

I think sometimes men take the easy way out. Instead of taking a hard look at themselves, and working at their appearance and/or social skills, they interpret terms like submissive and slave in such a way that they feel this world is the answer for them. When it's not, when women here want the same things as women everywhere want, an attractive, socially adept man, they whine like babies; after all, they already have problems with social things.

I blame porn and the sexual ads here or pics that women post of nudity - men are more visual, they see, they tend to want. I also think that because men have a more simplistic manner of thinking - they're problem solvers - they see a site with naked ladies and it's an instant solution to their problem of wanting naked ladies. Now. When the purty ladies say no, it's a bit of a shock to them. I think it's a bit like a grocery store, you go to the store to buy bread, you have adult content on this site and its like an ad to come get your easy fuck.

I think the subject of BDSM is like a electric wire to the private parts of lots of men, it bypasses their higher thinking powers like sexual things do. When they're given a cock block it's like they feel assaulted themselves, so they hit back with words. It's a more primitive need/reaction on their part to get the hardon in the first place, I think it invokes a primitive reaction in return when they're turned down.

I wonder if sometimes men feel vulnerable when they sally forth with a first move, like a guy asking if a girl wants to dance. When she says no, they feel exposed- like she pushed them, and want to guard themselves by pushing back. They somehow view a rejection as an attempt to be mean on the part of the woman instead of her having a simple right to say no thanks. On that note, some men interpret the words submissive and slave to be literal interpretations. They think they're going to get someone who just accepts them as is with no wants/needs of her own and be ready for instant commanding.

All in all, lots of guys don't think past their initial ticked off reaction of not getting their candy so they want to spew their dissatisfaction all over. If they did, they might see how their reaction isn't acceptable. It's great actually that you get to find out about these guys right from the start and see that they're not what you want, but it can be really hard to wade through that crap in the inbox continually. This is one reason why I have my profile hidden right now.




MasterCaneman -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 3:43:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I think the anger and violence that happens with certain people is similar to that of a child who is told they can't have ice cream. These child-like people want something, feel entitled to have it, and then are told they can't have it, which pisses them off.

I also think some men get rejected, a lot, and because they aren't getting anywhere with their goal, they react out of frustration when they are rejected yet again.

I think some men have this idea in their head that because they're on this site with ideas of easy, kinky, sex floating through their minds, that there are equally easy, kinky, women just standing by to hook up with. They're the ones who might not understand that women are here in a lower concentration, and so can be selective in choosing what appeals to them- which is usually a relationship instead of a hookup or online wank.

I think sometimes men take the easy way out. Instead of taking a hard look at themselves, and working at their appearance and/or social skills, they interpret terms like submissive and slave in such a way that they feel this world is the answer for them. When it's not, when women here want the same things as women everywhere want, an attractive, socially adept man, they whine like babies; after all, they already have problems with social things.

I blame porn and the sexual ads here or pics that women post of nudity - men are more visual, they see, they tend to want. I also think that because men have a more simplistic manner of thinking - they're problem solvers - they see a site with naked ladies and it's an instant solution to their problem of wanting naked ladies. Now. When the purty ladies say no, it's a bit of a shock to them. I think it's a bit like a grocery store, you go to the store to buy bread, you have adult content on this site and its like an ad to come get your easy fuck.

I think the subject of BDSM is like a electric wire to the private parts of lots of men, it bypasses their higher thinking powers like sexual things do. When they're given a cock block it's like they feel assaulted themselves, so they hit back with words. It's a more primitive need/reaction on their part to get the hardon in the first place, I think it invokes a primitive reaction in return when they're turned down.

I wonder if sometimes men feel vulnerable when they sally forth with a first move, like a guy asking if a girl wants to dance. When she says no, they feel exposed- like she pushed them, and want to guard themselves by pushing back. They somehow view a rejection as an attempt to be mean on the part of the woman instead of her having a simple right to say no thanks. On that note, some men interpret the words submissive and slave to be literal interpretations. They think they're going to get someone who just accepts them as is with no wants/needs of her own and be ready for instant commanding.

All in all, lots of guys don't think past their initial ticked off reaction of not getting their candy so they want to spew their dissatisfaction all over. If they did, they might see how their reaction isn't acceptable. It's great actually that you get to find out about these guys right from the start and see that they're not what you want, but it can be really hard to wade through that crap in the inbox continually. This is one reason why I have my profile hidden right now.

This. Since I got on CM, every once in a while I turn off my preferences and just go through the profiles, and the number of deluded souls here both saddens and amuses me. Not on the boards, per se, but it was the reason I quit Alt years ago. And lizi, I don't blame you one bit.




DesFIP -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 4:13:08 PM)

Nobody enjoys being rejected, being told they're not good enough.

Next time, don't tell them no, just don't respond. No response is a response. You don't write Capital One telling them you don't want their credit card, in the same way this is unwanted spam and you are not required to reject them.




JeffBC -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 4:14:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
All of it's obviously idiotic... and pretty easy to shake off from a total stranger... but the sheer frequency with which it happens makes that it can sometimes really get to you, especially if you're already having a bad day and aren't in a good headspace. But mostly it's just really annoying.

Thanks for that bit of insight. It makes sense how it could be "obviously idiotic" on one hand and yet still... on the wrong sort of day...




kalikshama -> RE: Low Standards & No Respect For Standards. (4/2/2013 4:15:09 PM)

They are disappointed that reality doesn't match what they read on http://submissivewomensecrets.com/




Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625