RE: Does age make experience?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Does age make experience?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Does age make experience?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 11:05:12 PM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline

My girl is younger then me, yet have more experence.

I may be 23, she three years younger, and has half a decade of experence. In that instance, if I had started in the scene at the same age as she, I'd have 8 years experence. Does that mean that she has more true knowledge? As I constantly find things that she has not tried, or enjoyed with other partners, I'd say no.

Then again, I'm only 23.....

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to JessieMe)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/25/2006 12:41:21 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Age does not make experience. What age does is allow you to gain experience by doing and living through things as well as the chance to gain wisdom. Experience is gained by the Hands on Doing of something and should be trempered with the education available about the thig you are doing. Wisdom if you have it is knowing when and even why you do something as well as knowing when not to do it and the probable and possible causes and effects...

Again the Old Moto which I apply to all things I do:

To Know
To Will
To Dare
To Keep Silent

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to wolffeathers)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/25/2006 4:35:12 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am fair dinkum at the first three, IB.........but all my life have had trouble Mastering the last.

LOLOLOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to IronBear)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 1:16:59 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, but Ron, if you master #4 how boring would that be for the rest of the board members?

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am fair dinkum at the first three, IB.........but all my life have had trouble Mastering the last.

LOLOLOL,
Ron

< Message edited by Vendaval -- 6/26/2006 1:17:40 AM >

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 1:20:14 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Well, if you are factoring the qualities of age, experience, ability,
common sense and wisdom; remember that sometimes they
co-habitate and co-ordinate together and sometimes they remain
resolutely apart and distant.

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 2:03:49 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

Age only matters, in so much as someone can understand and practice the dynamic one is seeking. No one is really raised knowing how to manage a master slave relationship. It's a hit and miss thing, involving time and interactions to gain experience. Now if one has not had to go through the learning curve to get there-it is difficult to relate to what this means. It is often seen as a pomposity or posing game.

In short, it is somethng better done than said. It really all depends on ability and focus-I have seen many people manage it wonderfully in a few years time. And others undergo nothing more than a series of screw ups for 20 years or more. What does matter, is that you take away a bit more insight each time.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 6:54:41 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468
Personally i prefer Men who are older than myself by at least 5 yrs. Does age make expereince when it comes to Doms and Masters ( yes i feel there is a difference between the two). I have been in the Lifestyle for 20yrs and it has been hard to find someone who has at least 15yrs experience. Most of the ones who approach me have anywhere from 1 to 5yrs experience and others as much at 10 but they have never trained anyone and they themselves were never formly with any house or affiliated with any community. How is this suppose to work when you can't find someone who does not have enough expereince to make it work.

I know of a Dominant who is quite well respected by most members of the community. I believe he gets a great deal of respect because he claims 30 years lifestyle experience. Most people don't question that and take it at face value...and therefore he is looked up to and revered, at least by those who don't know him well. You see, while he claims to have 30 years of experience.....25 of those years were spent in a vanilla marriage. When he was in the service as a young man, he did spend some time getting involved in the scene. He claims that he was "trained" in a house in Europe. ooooooo.....impressive right? So when I hear him relating that at lifestyle functions I see the eyes of the newbies widen in awe of him. I never hear him make mention of the 25 vanilla years.

I began my journey in this at the tender age of 15. I will be 44 in just a few months. I have been active in my submission all of those years. So that gives me just under 29 years of experience. It is very difficult to find Dominants who can match those numbers. But you see....matching those numbers is not so important to me. No, I don't really have alot of interest in someone who is fresh out of the box....but they don't have to have to an arm long list of credentials either. Each person that I interact with is a new experience for me. Despite my years of experience, I am a new experience for them. Despite all the ground I have covered...I am still unchartered ground to them....and they are to me. While I want someone who has a good understanding of themselves and how this all works...they don't need to have a Master's degree from the U of BDSM in order for me to find what they bring to the table to be of value. That makes age and number of years "in" to be less relevant.

Now the problem that I find is that while I don't have an "age/experience" issue....many Doms do. I have found that having a submissive who has more experience is sometimes intimidating to them. I have seen at times, that I can be conversing with someone who has a wonderful air of confidence and self-assuredness and suddenly the issue of my experience can give them pause. I still have not figured out a way to work around that hurdle very effectively.

My suggestion to you is to stop looking at the numbers and just look at the person.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/26/2006 6:56:49 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 8:25:57 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

No I don't think age exactly equals experience.

I'm a grown woman, have, of course been in serious "vanilla" relationships and had great sex.
OK = experience.

I have been in WIITWD for 3 years.
OK = moderate experience.

IMHO -D/s is different - there IS a learning curve.
Physically, emotionally, intellectually.

In my journey as a submissive, and one new to harder play-
I find a need for a dominant's caring training, clear expression of rules, behavior, expections, plus advice on how to best please.
This is one reason I do consider dominance to be a gift. It IS hard work, an investment. The reward is possesion of a fine tuned slave, custom made and with heart.

best, fawne

(in reply to wolffeathers)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 9:04:13 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

While there is growth that occurs within the context of a D/s relationship I don't believe there is a learning curve. Skills can be learned....I don't believe that submission or Dominance can be.

As for Dominance being a gift...I don't believe it is anymore a gift than submission is a gift...and I don't believe submission is one. People can be Dominant or submissive and the outward expression of those characteristics to another human being happens because one compliments and inspires the other.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Fawne)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 6:20:49 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

Hello to you, mistoferin!
I'll explain. I understand what you are saying .

I know dominance and submissiveness are traits, characteristics inside a person that make an individual.

I only meant the actions, protocal of D/s have a learning curve. For example: learning to process pain - inflicted pain, beyond what one can handle at that time. Pain that would be unacceptable in any other situation, but one tries to endure to the best of ability. Learning and growing in the skills that are needed to please.

Best, Fawne

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 6:27:01 PM

shyfem

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

We all have our own criteria when seeking a partner. Whether that partner be for a vanilla, bdsm play partner, D/s or M/s relationship.

As for me, I am relatively new to wiitwd, in my short time I have served one Dom for 4mths and another currently for about a month so far. I have also had non-sexual s/m scenes with two other Dom's. Basically in my short time since discovering D/s (about 8 months), I think I have a decent amount of real life experience but still consider myself a newbie and will for some time.

When I was looking for a Dom, I did look for someone with more experience but I wanted to learn the amount of experience they had within those years rather than the "years of experience".

I like a lot of what erin says, as I usually do. I have cut parts of her quote to fit what I am trying to express as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know of a Dominant who is quite well respected by most members of the community. I believe he gets a great deal of respect because he claims 30 years lifestyle experience. .....
....25 of those years were spent in a vanilla marriage..........
.... I don't really have alot of interest in someone who is fresh out of the box....but they don't have to have to an arm long list of credentials either.
.........they don't need to have a Master's degree from the U of BDSM in order for me to find what they bring to the table to be of value. That makes age and number of years "in" to be less relevant.

Respectfully,
~shy
----------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 8:26:23 PM

MasterCurios

Posts: 156
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

this could end up an open ended statement lol=i have been in the lifestyle almost 20yrs but only 2yrs being in the lifestyle public events...going to the public events functions helped solidify my views as to what i view and want. Me and my pet go out of our ways to get to as many functions as we can and in different areas.W/we have amassed a good many real friends and playmates along the way...also and this pertains to your question....we have had the opportunity to see first hand those who claim to be experienced and no matter how much you try and steer them rght thet aare always rght...to this i say good luck you'll need it ...being a Dom/me/Master/Mistress doesnt mean we know all everytime we go out or i post here or the other various groups we belong to i learn something new either about the lifestyle or even about myself or a more magnified self image..thos ewho think they know all are in for a rude awakening when faced with those who actually know.....you asked how does one find the experienced ones well trial and error..on the flip side while we search for a third and fourth we have encountered the similar problems in the reverse order=lol.......Patience and learning will help you find who/what you are looking/serching for...

Master Curios

_____________________________

may the pain be with you

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/26/2006 9:43:00 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

Well...that question is always a tough one.

Some people are really good at things and learn quickly...they are a natural.

Some with age have had longer time to hone those skills,that doesnt mean they get better,than someone new who has a natural talent.

Being relatively new I am very confident in My ability to perform to My abilities.
Plastice wrap being something I like...I do it a lot therefore have more experience than someone who has only dont it a few times over years.Again that doesnt mean I am better than anyone else.I try to learn whenever possible.

Someone said to Me long ago...No matter how good you think you are...Someone better will be out there waiting.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Profile

Post #: 33