Journey to the inner Domme

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Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 7:36:09 PM

LiaraImmortelle

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

Hello there,

I have been on and off this site and involved in the scene for roughly 6 years now. I have always listed myself as a switch or a sub, and have only practiced at this end of the spectrum. The curious thing I have discovered is that it does nothing for me, in fact I find that I wind up resenting myself or the Dom I am involved with. Now I have questioned why this is, and have come to notice something whilst reading a prospects page. I do not like giving up control, or the idea of handing it over. I have pondered if I am acting more on the social obligation as a woman to be submissive to a man's desire when really I want to control it.

The delhemma that I face here is the lack of knowledge, and or experience in domming a male. It would not be cooth imho to find a willing sub and not know what to do with him. So essentially I suppose I am asking for a few pointers, even a mentour at best.

Thank You in advance.

M

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 8:05:38 PM

GoddessLeena

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/15/2013
Status: offline

Well, what do you *want* to do with a male sub? Do you like the idea of tying him up? Causing pain? Making him clean your house? Do yard work? Pamper you physically? Spoil you financially? You could also simply be a bottom, not a sub, which means that you want to be on the receiving end of kinky play, but don't want to give up control and only want scenes that go exactly how you want them to. If you do decide you want to Top/Dominate then going through a BDSM questionnaire isn't a bad idea, it gives you lots of potential acts to choose from and there's nothing wrong with finding a willing bottom to experiment with for an evening (I find play parties are best for this, but your mileage may vary). I myself started off as a sub, went to switch, then Top and now I'm dipping my toes into the D/s pool. It's scary and nerve-wracking, I'll admit, being handed control over another person isn't something to take lightly, but as long as you're upfront about your newness and uncertainty you shouldn't have any issues. Best of luck!

(in reply to LiaraImmortelle)

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 8:26:27 PM

LiaraImmortelle

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

Good questions Miss Leena. I love the idea of having a sub tied up, bound and gagged, of being in control of his orgasams. Of whipping him with a cane, crop, catonine tails etc. Of forcing him out of the alpha male role society seems to pressure men into. I want him to beg, and to worship. Do I want to be pampered? Yes, yes indeed. House cleaning and yard work would be a plus, that would give me more time to pursue my art.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessLeena

Well, what do you *want* to do with a male sub? Do you like the idea of tying him up? Causing pain? Making him clean your house? Do yard work? Pamper you physically? Spoil you financially? You could also simply be a bottom, not a sub, which means that you want to be on the receiving end of kinky play, but don't want to give up control and only want scenes that go exactly how you want them to. If you do decide you want to Top/Dominate then going through a BDSM questionnaire isn't a bad idea, it gives you lots of potential acts to choose from and there's nothing wrong with finding a willing bottom to experiment with for an evening (I find play parties are best for this, but your mileage may vary). I myself started off as a sub, went to switch, then Top and now I'm dipping my toes into the D/s pool. It's scary and nerve-wracking, I'll admit, being handed control over another person isn't something to take lightly, but as long as you're upfront about your newness and uncertainty you shouldn't have any issues. Best of luck!

(in reply to GoddessLeena)

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 8:26:44 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Liara!!!! Long time no see!

Smoochsmoochsmooch

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GoddessLeena)

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 8:31:12 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I would like to start by saying that at your age your should know that women are no longer expected to just be submissive to men. Having said that dommeing is for the most part what you want it to be, as long as you are the one in control. You have to know what you want. You have to be willing to seek out the person that will give it to you. You then have to be able to tell them to do it. I would suggest that if you are not already part of your local community to become part of it. Attend learning events where you can find out how to correctly....swing a flogger, a whip, even your words. Learn about after care, how to clean toys (safely) , what to do incase of an emergancy. Remind yourself that as the dominant you are responsable for the care of the person that has put themself in your hands.

*You also should be aware* Not all men are the same. There is no one set of rules on the correct way to dominate all men anymore than there is one set of rules on how to dominate all women.

Good luck.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to LiaraImmortelle)

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 9:25:51 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiaraImmortelle

Hello there,
I want to control it.

The delhemma that I face here is the lack of knowledge, and or experience in domming a male. It would not be cooth imho to find a willing sub and not know what to do with him. So essentially I suppose I am asking for a few pointers, even a mentour at best.
Thank You in advance.
M

Oh dear LiaraImmortelle, don't worry too much about the labels, open your mind/heart, and give whatever you desire a try.
I've always known I am dominant, but had no idea what that meant for me as a woman, other than knowing I could not stand most of the dominant men I attracted for any extended period of time. When I learned about this lifestyle accidentaly online, I had not a single clue what to do with it. I've come to learn, that being dominant is not necessarily about any particular act/play. I did want to do some learning/experimenting with some BDSM play, and was upfront with any potential suitor/guinea pig, that it would be a learning process, and they would be subjecting selves to my experimentation.

I've no doubt that you will find friends, and gentlemen, that are willing, and experimented enough, to play with you, give you some direction regarding topping them, or leading. In time, you will come to figure out, what it is you need/want/desire, and feel good doing.
Good luck, M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LiaraImmortelle)

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/3/2013 11:45:12 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiaraImmortelle
The delhemma that I face here is the lack of knowledge, and or experience in domming a male. It would not be cooth imho to find a willing sub and not know what to do with him. So essentially I suppose I am asking for a few pointers, even a mentour at best.

gosh.., why is that do uncouth? I find a lot of charm n two people exploring together. I also see no reason why a friend wouldn't be happy to stunt bottom

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LiaraImmortelle)

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RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/4/2013 12:14:35 AM

thezeppo

Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

Stunt bottom? Can I make a career from that?

OP: You seem like you would take the responsibility of being a domme seriously, so you should definitely reconsider finding a sub to experiment with. From the subs perspective it doesn't seem uncouth to me at all. How else would dommes or subs, or even vanilla, find out their likes and dislikes other than experimentation?

(in reply to JeffBC)

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Post #: 8

RE: Journey to the inner Domme - 4/4/2013 7:03:25 AM

Sillyfun1

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/11/2013
Status: offline

I started as a sub and then my play partner let me be in charge. If I had a penis my boner would have been huge after that. I never wanted to sub again. :) I do think it was a good learning lesson for me though.