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Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 3:32:44 PM

AlwaysWantedYou

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline

Just looking for some opinions... and possibly even advice! I've tried this approach once before and had some very constructive advice come my way...

I recently received an email from a woman who was labeled as a “switch”... saying that I was being pushy and trying to top from the bottom. But then when I went to reply and ask for some advice I found that I had been blocked by her... :(

I've made a few changes... but really don't want to strip away too much and possibly mislead anyone and be one of those “time wasters” I keep reading about with what I'm hoping to find. I'd be happy to remain within the vanilla world and bend the rules as much as possible there... well as far as my partner was willing to go that is... instead of entering into something here that I'm not comfortable with... know what I mean? It really is a longshot to find what I'm looking for I'm thinking.

I'm just like any other guy I guess... at least when it comes to thinking I know whats going on inside a woman’s mind... LoL... when of course the truth is... that I may not know a fucking thing... and what I believe is a level headed plea for a particular lifestyle... may actually be a verbal assault just as that woman said it was!! It's a slippery slop indeed...

If anyone would care to take a peek at my file... and share your opinion... it would be greatly appreciated!!

All in all... I still love being here on this site... even though most of it is over my head... Nuthin' like trying to swim in the deep end of the pool!

And to anyone who replies... let me please thank you ahead of time. "Thank You!!"
It's people like YOU... that make this site a success!!

cheers...

AlwaysWantedYou

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Post #: 1

RE: Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 4:21:05 PM

StrictlyADomina

Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline

Well Tommy, you are certainly brave for asking a group of Dominas for advise, we tend not to "sugar coat" anything, So you asked, here goes.
1. Your picture- I get you want to be discrete and hide/blur your face that's fine. However clean up and then take a pic. The background is wildly cluttered. Your belt is askew. Why are you pointing. "I want you?"

2. Edit down to one font color. Multiples are not eye catching. It looks chaotic.

3. Edit down to 2-3 paragraphs. Paragraphs should have the same thought line in them.

4. So you are looking for "petite - physically fit". I think "the freaking audacity and what a superficial jerk" and do not read any further. Your yellow top seems to fit a bit "square" suggesting that perhaps you are not as "buff" as the fantasy lady in your head. Perhaps you sport a slight "muffin top"?

5. How about 'What can YOU bring to the collective table?" and less of the "girl of my dreams is A, B, C,

6. Pull the negative banter out. Why wants to be around Mr. Negativity?

My opinion, you asked
****************************************************************************************************************
Your Mileage May Vary
Strictly A Domina

(in reply to AlwaysWantedYou)

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Post #: 2

RE: Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 5:33:26 PM

SpyUnderCover

Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline

I would second nearly everything Strictly commented on, although I didn't see the word "petite" in there. (Maybe I missed it?) I don't think looking for someone who is physically fit is being too picky, although I'd probably change it to "reasonably fit" or something like that. Would you rule out someone who is a good match in other ways, but who hasn't got abs of steel or a perfect body? (And at 5'11", 210 lbs, are you working on your own fitness?)

I would definitely change the font to all one color, one that's easy on the eyes; eliminate the negative and focus on what you have to offer a domme. I'd also include a few personal tidbits in what you write: your hobbies, something about your personality, etc.

As for the pictures, I'm always a little put off by the ones with the faces blotted out. I like that one of you by the water; I think that would make a very nice front picture for your profile.

One last thing: the word you want in there is "discreet," not "discrete." Some people don't care that much about spelling and grammar. But I know some of us look at a typo like that and think, "He's not very educated." Much like a resume, you want your profile to be flawless in order to present your best side.

Good luck!

Spy

(in reply to StrictlyADomina)

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Post #: 3

RE: Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 6:35:28 PM

muhly22222

Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline

Not a Domme, but I'm replying anyways.

First, your pictures. The water one is good. Move that to the front. Take out the one of you kneeling in your underwear, since it doesn't look very flattering. I feel the same way about the bike one (saggy tank tops just aren't a good look for anybody), though reasonable minds can differ.

The first thing I noticed about your profile was all of the ellipses. I get that it's your style of writing, but I'd try to change that and take out a number of the ellipses. Typing like this...it's distracting...and it really breaks up your thoughts.

I would also do some editing to blend your journal and what you have in your profile now. And focus on the "vanilla you." Talking about what you desire from a femdom relationship is fine, but don't make it the brunt of your profile. Be a real person, and approach the Dommes like they're real people. You might be surprised at how far that gets you.

And everything the people above me said should be taken into account, too.

_____________________________

I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.
-Woodrow Wilson

(in reply to AlwaysWantedYou)

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Post #: 4

RE: Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 8:55:08 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I had a look. First thing's first, I agree with the other posts. Kill that multicolored font. It's not doing the 'hey, I stand out' thing that you are trying to achieve.

The pic by the water is infinitely better. It should be your primary and is *exactly* the kind of pic that people should aim for when they have that "I can't show the face" issue. It shows your build, you have on clothes, and it's a really good shot. Put that thing up front to show others an example when they come complaining that they don't know how to get that across. The shot that has you kneeling is also good, but you could probably improve it by having your head lowered more to obscure your face, rather than do the blur through photo shop. (Keep in mind, that should be the second pic.)

Comments. Yes, trim it down and kill the negativity entirely. You've got that whole long journal entry that you wrote about yourself for another site. If I hadn't been reading it for the purpose of reviewing it, I wouldn't have went all of the way to the end of the profile. I didn't read the whole journal entry.

Something that nobody else has brought up is you waved the "no experience" flag. That makes you the same as every other guy who is on this site because he thinks this stuff is hot, but has never done any of it. You can off-set this by expressing that you are trying to learn and what you are doing for your own kink education until Ms Right comes along. That shows serious, rather than just passing interest.

Make those changes and you'll probably get better results. Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to muhly22222)

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Post #: 5

RE: Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 10:56:51 PM

AlwaysWantedYou

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline

WOW...

Too awesome!!!

I can not thank all of you enough for opening up my eyes.

From the silly pic of me pointing, that I took for something else on a whim, to the lack of experience mantra, and everything inbetween.

I was all ready to defend my actions, to myself of course, but from the very first criticism to the last, I could do nothing but agree... LoL It's so amazing when you see things through someone elses eyes isn't it!?

And you're right, I forget that everyone here are still just people, and I should approach this with that thought in mind!

I'm gonna go make some changes now...

If I could, I'd take you all out for lunch tomorrow!

Thanx so much for taking the time out, and actually responding!!

Cheers...

tommy

:)

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 6

RE: Advice on profile - 4/4/2013 11:43:47 PM

AlwaysWantedYou

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline

Bang... I feel a lot better about my file now... thanx to you guys!!

I may not have hit the mark on all of the advice, but I think I'm more in the ballpark towards being a normal level-headed dude.

But you guys were too funny. From being called overweight to having a small package... LoL...

I simply love your honesty, and well, sometimes I find myself staring through those rose colored glasses a bit too long!! You should have heard how loud the hissing sound was as my ego began deflating LoLoLoL You guys are the best for sure!

Thanx again for everything!!

your pal...

tommy

:)

(in reply to AlwaysWantedYou)

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Post #: 7

RE: Advice on profile - 4/6/2013 2:14:17 PM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline

I didn't get to see the old profile, but the new one is quite good. The only complaint I have is that you say you're bi and would like to experiment with a couple....until the right girl comes along. For some reason this rubs me the wrong way, maybe it was the wording. As a woman who loves bi guys I'd sincerely hope that you'd want to continue exploring that side of yourself, even in a relationship. I mean, any woman who's turned off by bi men isn't going to be interested in you anyways, so why not try and find someone who enjoys that side of you. Know what I mean?

(in reply to AlwaysWantedYou)

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Post #: 8

RE: Advice on profile - 4/6/2013 3:37:58 PM

AlwaysWantedYou

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline

Hey Vee...

Thanx so much for the nice words... and for taking the time to look!!!

I was "assuming"... that whoever read it would understand that it's something I want to explore with her, once we find one another, AS WELL AS with a couple while the search for her continued.

So it looks like I'm going to have to reword that... I don't want to mark myself as fully bisexual within the options and mislead anyone, ya know. Because it's something I want to explore at this point... what if it turns out I'm not into as much as my mind and thoughts are telling me I am...

Thanx for pointing this out... it's just so amazing how when you put your thoughts down in writing, that they could mean something completely different to another person...

I should have asked for advice sooner... LoL

cheers...

Enjoy the weekend Vee...

tommy

: )

(in reply to VioletViolence)

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Post #: 9

RE: Advice on profile - 4/6/2013 10:44:21 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Huge improvement! It's a much more enjoyable read.

Overweight and a small package? Must have been in emails. <shrug> I didn't get that impression.

The way you phrased the bi-curious info was good. I liked the wording.

It's really good to see people taking advice on these things. Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AlwaysWantedYou)

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Post #: 10

RE: Advice on profile - 4/7/2013 8:30:46 AM

AlwaysWantedYou

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline

Morning LadyPact...

Thanx again for the advice and encouragement, priceless, everyone of you guys who reached out!!

LoLoLoL... and the weight and package thing were just some honest observations and opinion in a few of the other posts, and quite frankly, deservedly so... LoL You know us guys, in our minds we all think we're that perfect looking GQ guy with the huge sac on the magazine cover LoL... and most of the time that magazine has a subscription of ONE... LoL

I feel a lot better about the profile now... I still may not find what I'm looking for in a relationship, but at least now it's much more clearer just what it is I'm searching for!! Thanx to you guys!

Have a wonderful Spring and Summer okay...

cheers...

tommy

:)

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 11

RE: Advice on profile - 4/7/2013 1:23:40 PM

StrictlyADomina

Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline

tommy, much better profile after the editing, good job, boy.

(in reply to AlwaysWantedYou)

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Post #: 12

RE: Advice on profile - 4/7/2013 3:02:21 PM

AlwaysWantedYou