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Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 1:50:35 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

Gentlemen, I have a question that came up while I was speaking with a potential playmate the other night. Do you consider the amount, type, and quality of your equipment part of your persona, and this extends to your playspace as well. Or, do you simply consider your position alone as enough, and make do with whatever is at hand?

I am wrestling with this because I've largely rid myself of all but the essential pieces of equipment necessary. This may sound vain, but is it important to you or not?

Post #: 1

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 1:56:46 PM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

I saw this, and the nuts part threw me off.
I hope we're talking toys and not..."equipment."
The other night a friend told me that when a man talks about women's tits sagging, she always wants to know if his nuts are in the same place they've always been.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 2

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 2:14:22 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

So, basically, you're asking if you're defined by the things that you own?

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 4/5/2013 2:21:01 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Notsweet)

Post #: 3

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 2:19:56 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

It's nice to have an arsenal of "costumes and gadgets" and a big play space to use them, but it's not that important to me. I have a small collection of items that I use and I have access to various play spaces if I wish to. But to me, WIIWD is first and foremost about the mind. All I need is the opportunity to get into a girl's mind and play there. I don't need all the other stuff. Control has always been my kink. Don't get me wrong... For example, I absolutely LOVE bondage. The female form bound is beautiful and erotic. I could look at it all day long. I love to play. I admit to being a bit of a sadist at times. I used to say all the time..."All I really need to play is my belt and some rope." But that still is secondary to getting into a girl's mind. That's the real fun for me.
I remember being at the Crucible one time and several Doms there felt the need to show me their toy bags. "I've got this, I've got that." "And this does this, and this does that." I politely listened to them go on, and then put my girl into subspace without having to even open my toy bag, which was considerably smaller than most there. (Don't believe the hype. LOL!)
So, no... it's not that important to me.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to Notsweet)

Post #: 4

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 4:15:38 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, basically, you're asking if you're defined by the things that you own?

In a way. Are the tangible elements important in establishing where you are in you head, or is it only incidental to the whole scene to you?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 4:19:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

He's Dominant no matter what. What he has in his hand doesn't effect who he is or what our relationship is.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 6

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 6:49:16 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, basically, you're asking if you're defined by the things that you own?

In a way. Are the tangible elements important in establishing where you are in you head, or is it only incidental to the whole scene to you?

Who he is in his head was established before toys were ever purchased. Who he is in his head is the result of his life experiences, philosophies, beliefs, morals/ethics, thoughts, feelings, etc. He doesn't need an implement to dominate me, he needs his mind, heart and personality. And of course, my desire to submit to him.

Things don't define us (he & I).

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 7

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 8:09:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

ha ha....if Master's personality was built around our toys, he'd be one of the least dominant people on the planet then. lol.

We rarely ever use any toys. We rarely even play, especially lately since we both work long, hard jobs. When we both get home we're so tired the only energy we have is to crawl into bed together....without even sex.

Doesn't mean he's not a dominant personality. He still runs the household. He still is the leader and the head.

Now, unless you're talking a "persona", a role, then I got nuttin for ya. I don't have a clue about such things.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 8

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 8:12:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Well, we're into bondage, and it's a little hard to restrain someone if you don't have any equipment about. Scarves can work although they're not as versatile as rope of different lengths.

For pain, you come with teeth and fingernails so you can always use them. Beyond that, a quick glance around a kitchen yields wooden spoons, cheese boards or cutting boards with handles, your closet has belts, and the bathroom has hairbrushes. Enough stuff to have a lot of fun without much specifically purchased one use items.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 9

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/5/2013 10:54:40 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Who he is in his head was established before toys were ever purchased. Who he is in his head is the result of his life experiences, philosophies, beliefs, morals/ethics, thoughts, feelings, etc. He doesn't need an implement to dominate me, he needs his mind, heart and personality. And of course, my desire to submit to him.

Things don't define us (he & I).

Beautifully expressed.

OP - a large chunk of us on these boards are or wish to be in a 24/7ish type of arrangement. The details differ of course, but a lot of us consider the dynamic to be an integral part of our relationships and not something which can be switched on or off. This might be why everyone is saying no, it doesn't matter. If there were more people here who were tops and bottoms, as opposed to doms and subs, you might get different answers.

In our household, he's just as dominant whether he's holding a cane or an arm full of laundry. BUT, if he were to decide that he wanted me to top him tonight (if say, hell froze over) or I were to top a friend at a play party, I probably would find it much easier with a set of props to get me into the right headspace. Because I'm not naturally dominant and don't have that undercurrent of power already established in that situation. I would feel more comfortable if I could put on the 'costume' of domme and wield a weapon, it would help me stay on track and be more confident - just like going on stage in character is less intimidating than going on stage as myself.

Nothing wrong with enjoying toys or feeling you have more fun with a big toy collection. Your question phrasing almost sounded like a kinky version of 'does having a nicer car make me a better man?' though.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 10

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 1:21:28 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Gentlemen, I have a question that came up while I was speaking with a potential playmate the other night. Do you consider the amount, type, and quality of your equipment part of your persona, and this extends to your playspace as well. Or, do you simply consider your position alone as enough, and make do with whatever is at hand?

I am wrestling with this because I've largely rid myself of all but the essential pieces of equipment necessary. This may sound vain, but is it important to you or not?

You're a young man of 47, but your only CM friend is a 22-year-old. What's important to remember about younger BDSM participants (and actually many established adults) is the ability to host. Take all things considered equally, this hypothetical man has the necessary education, experience, and principles. If he has 2,000 pounds of assorted toys but cannot host he is less a "master" than the same man with a basement and his bare hands.

I submit that to be a master, you need motive, opportunity, and ability. Motive (whether you want to top or not) is what it is. Opportunity mainly means the ability to host. And the burden for ability is featherlight: A soft whisper can exercise dominance far better than a U-Haul of toys.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 11

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 2:51:50 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

persona

The aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others.

A role or character adopted by an author or an actor.

I've bothered to copy and paste this definition to explain that persona CAN mean an aspect of your character, not merely a role you adopt.

Now that we've got that out of the way, I agree with the others, I don't need a great dungeon space and fancy toys to be dominant or to be perceived as dominant or to be perceived as a bigger better dominant. I get in someone's mind and learn how to control them in ways we both like. That's the essence of what I do and the physical manifestations of this are for me literally the icing on the cake.

I do like my toys though. I've acquired quite a few, made and/or designed even more. But a potential playmate is not going to get anywhere near them if I haven't established the mutual trust necessary to get into their mind. That's my 'real and true' play space.

_____________________________

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 12

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 3:35:24 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

I'm very into toys.

I love having a large collection of high quality toys. Despite the fact that we have a couple thousand dollars worth of gear in the house, we have a wish list of at least another 5-10k of stuff.

I'd love to have a private collection to make the average's pro-Domme's dungeon seem like peanuts.

Toys help create a mood, an atmosphere, a headspace for me. They're part of the fantasy of play.

That being said, if all the toys we had would tomorrow disappear, nothing between me or my husband would change. Neither of our head spaces, persona, relationships, or attitude would change. We'd both miss the toys a lot, but in the same way I would miss my ski-gear if that disappeared. Fundamentally, the toys don't matter, nor does the having, or not having of them make any difference.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 13

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 6:32:58 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Gentlemen, I have a question that came up while I was speaking with a potential playmate the other night. Do you consider the amount, type, and quality of your equipment part of your persona, and this extends to your playspace as well. Or, do you simply consider your position alone as enough, and make do with whatever is at hand?

I am wrestling with this because I've largely rid myself of all but the essential pieces of equipment necessary. This may sound vain, but is it important to you or not?

I see two separate issues here.

First, if basic gear and/or improvisation etc get the job done or makes for the desired scene; go for it.

But me being a Dom of considerable personal pride, the stuff I own or would use is, just like my very submissive, representative of who *I* am.

Away from home and the mood is spontaneous, I make allowances of myself and what's available. At home where I do have greater control of my environment, I don't use crap, I *hate* untidy knots and messy, non-symetrical ropework and I don't appreciate distractions.

Price is that I've spoiled scenes through being too picky and seen my share of sub partners unhappy that I'm unpulling ropes I just spent 15 minutes or more tying.

The question is, what can *you* settle for?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 14

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 8:43:49 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Gentlemen, I have a question that came up while I was speaking with a potential playmate the other night. Do you consider the amount, type, and quality of your equipment part of your persona, and this extends to your playspace as well. Or, do you simply consider your position alone as enough, and make do with whatever is at hand?

I am wrestling with this because I've largely rid myself of all but the essential pieces of equipment necessary. This may sound vain, but is it important to you or not?

I see two separate issues here.

First, if basic gear and/or improvisation etc get the job done or makes for the desired scene; go for it.

But me being a Dom of considerable personal pride, the stuff I own or would use is, just like my very submissive, representative of who *I* am.

Away from home and the mood is spontaneous, I make allowances of myself and what's available. At home where I do have greater control of my environment, I don't use crap, I *hate* untidy knots and messy, non-symetrical ropework and I don't appreciate distractions.

Price is that I've spoiled scenes through being too picky and seen my share of sub partners unhappy that I'm unpulling ropes I just spent 15 minutes or more tying.

The question is, what can *you* settle for?

Focus.

That was in line with what I was looking to find out. Ladies, no offense, but my question was directed solely at the male Doms, which is why I prefaced it with the word "Gentlemen". I don't want to be a dick, but I wanted to see where their heads were regarding this matter. I know full well that toys are ultimately irrelevant to the big picture. As a man, I form associations with objects in relation to the situation. I'll give an example here: when I'm wearing a three-piece suit, I look, act, and feel differently than when I'm in a t-shirt and jeans. Another example would be a home workshop.

If you must know the genesis of this question, it's simple. I suffered a small bout of dungeon envy the other night. A buddy of mine had the house to himself when his lovely wife of 20+ years went out on a ladies night with her friends. He invited a bunch of us over to drink beer and shots, tell lies, all the fun stuff about being a guy. Both of them know I'm a scene player, and he told me to come look at something.

He'd converted his daughter's old bedroom in the basement into a very, very nice play area. As you can guess, they're both players too. He's a carpenter by trade, and he spent a couple of years turning the room into a first-class space. Hell, you could probably shoot a video there, if you removed one wall, it's so good. I wish I had pictures, but he doesn't want them on the internet, because his old lady would probably murder him in his sleep if they ever showed up there. And me too, because she knows I'd post them.

That's why I asked this question...Perhaps I needed to phrase it better.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 15

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 9:01:18 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

OK...makes more sense where you're coming from now. When OsideGirl asked if you were asking if anyone defined themselves by the things they own, and you answered "in a way", that's where we took off with that. Defining oneself is much different than environment affecting head space, which is totally understandable.

Hey I know when I'm wearing a hot designer outfit and my hair and make up look perfect, I carry myself much differently than if I'm slumming around the house in yoga pants lol.

And yes, you did address "Gentlemen" but please understand, this is a public, open forum, where anyone is welcome to participate in any of the boards. You might prefer to read the male dominant responses, but you're going to get responses from everyone. That's just the way it is. Keep in mind, people's posts within threads can affect a much broader audience than just the OP, and can spark thought and conversation amongst various forum members. In other words, an OP might start a thread, but the thread ends up being for everyone. Someone else's answer might prompt me to consider other options for myself, and my answer might prompt someone else, an so on.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 16

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 9:09:51 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

Oh, I know everyone' welcome to their say here, but I was really looking to see if I were alone in this. No harm, no foul.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 17

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 9:25:46 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Vain? Maybe.

I'm a leather chick. A part of that is about the tools of the trade. I can't very well say that I'm proficient in certain skills without owning the necessary objects to make that statement accurate. To Me, that means that I'm going to own a various amount of things that I've acquired along the way. It's a part of My culture. Education for Myself, and in turn, the education for others using those implements is a part of that life.

Yeah, My arsenal is rather extensive. I've got a love affair with those toys. Not just owning them, but the history of them. My collection probably rivals most people's. I'm something of a jack of all trades top. If you're interested in learning about an area of S/m play, you can probably find the things that you need at least to start downstairs in the dungeon.

Play space can be a little more difficult. Not everybody has a huge basement or other space where they can dedicate the area to having multiple play stations. In our last house, I only had a play room and could only throw long whips on the patio outside. I could have never set up the kind of arrangement that I have now. I just didn't have the square footage.

In those cases, you have to work with what you've got and be creative. There's a lot you can do with a small area if the situation calls for it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 18

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 9:45:36 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I AM A WOMAN!

Just wanted to make that clear so you can skip reading me.

I know some of the rest of you do like to read what I have to write though, so you folks can continue if ya want. I'm not going to know either way!

~~~~~~~

It's not easy for me to reach that inner child without toys and games and that's a part of me that is fed by BDSM. The laughs, giggles, and just plain fun that I see in my 4 g-kids when they play with their toys and games is hard to duplicate and hard to beat. I would have to say that 'yes', my inner child is defined by the toys because without them, she's not coming out. If you see me coloring, rest assured that's my inner child.

Then there's the sadomasochist who likes flight! I have not been successful at getting into floaty sub-space without toys, so the aspect of me that 'likes' that would also be defined by the toys that get me there. A doe-skin flogger isn't going to do it but a heavy kangaroo.. now that's a toy that will work for that aspect. The motivations behind the use are of more importance in my opinion but still, I can't color without coloring books, baseballs players can't hit homeruns without bats and so on and so forth. In as much as BDSM define parts of me, toys define "some" of those sub-parts .. if ya know what I mean.

...

well, glad I read the thread to the end before I hit send so I could go back and edit.

::shrug::

... to me it's about the feedback the question warranted not the person who posted it. I must say that I'm a little disappointed. l put time and thought into answering the question only to find out it's a thread about .. well, it's pretty clear at this point what it's about.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 19

RE: Nuts and Bolts - 4/6/2013 9:47:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
That was in line with what I was looking to find out. Ladies, no offense, but my question was directed solely at the male Doms, which is why I prefaced it with the word "Gentlemen". I don't want to be a dick, but I wanted to see where their heads were regarding this matter. I know full well that toys are ultimately irrelevant to the big picture. As a man, I form associations with objects in relation to the situation. I'll give an example here: when I'm wearing a three-piece suit, I look, act, and feel differently than when I'm in a t-shirt and jeans. Another example would be a home workshop.

If you must know the genesis of this question, it's simple. I suffered a small bout of dungeon envy the other night. A buddy of mine had the house to himself when his lovely wife of 20+ years went out on a ladies night with her friends. He invited a bunch of us over to drink beer and shots, tell lies, all the fun stuff about being a guy. Both of them know I'm a scene player, and he told me to come look at something.

He'd converted his daughter's old bedroom in the basement into a very, very nice play area. As you can guess, they're both players too. He's a carpenter by trade, and he spent a couple of years turning the room into a first-class space. Hell, you could probably shoot a video there, if you removed one wall, it's so good. I wish I had pictures, but he doesn't want them on the internet, because his old lady would probably murder him in his sleep if they ever showed up there. And me too, because she knows I'd post them.

That's why I asked this question...Perhaps I needed to phrase it better.

I apologize for what is going to end up being a double post, but what makes you think being a 'guy' has something to do with it. Unless it's coming from the angle of a dick slamming contest, why would you think that female Dominants would be any different? A dungeon space isn't necessarily testosterone related.

I've got thirty to forty pics on the other site of various angles of the dungeon space coming along downstairs. It's one open area with five separate play stations. If I say so, Myself, it's got fantastic uses.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 20

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