How Many D/D couples are successful at it?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How Many D/D couples are successful at it?

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[Poll]

How Many D/D couples are successful at it?

We started out as a D/D couple and are reasonably successful at it.

5% (1)

We started out as a D/D couple and have control issues.

0% (0)

We were a D/D couple and it didn't work out.

0% (0)

One of us started out on the /s side of the kneel and it worked out.

5% (1)

One of us started out on the /s side of the kneel and we have issues.

10% (2)

One of us started out as /s and we are no longer together.

5% (1)

I'm considering a D/D relationship.

15% (3)

One of us was D, the other vanilla, and s/he came to be D also.

10% (2)

We switch with each other but are both D with others.

10% (2)

I would never consider a D/D relationship.

40% (8)

Total Votes : 20

(last vote on : 4/21/2013 11:49:57 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 12:07:38 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

I have been thinking. I know there are D/D couples here on CM and elsewhere and was wondering how their D/D relationship came to be. Were they both Dominant from the start or did one person start out on the /s side of the kneel, and how successful did it turn out in either case.

No matter what I do, I don't seem to be able to work out how to put an end date on the Poll. Oh well.

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 4/6/2013 12:12:43 PM >

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Post #: 1

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 12:13:52 PM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
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In my long marriage we started off that way and then it wore off (on his side because I suspect it was never really what he wanted although he was almost more than happy with kinky sex). We were probably both a bit too young to understand fully what I needed when I said "you decide" about things - that that was more important to me than anything physical.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 12:33:30 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

My situation is a bit different in general, but I figured I'd chime in too even though my situation doesn't quite fit any of the poll options. I am an identified female dominant. My partner identified as a dominant male. We have evolved from him exploring his submissive side to both of us switching exclusively with each other. He identifies now as a male switch and I guess I technically am a female switch, though I still feel that identifying myself as female dominant feels better.

For us, it works out surprisingly well. Better than I honestly expected. It's still but a year old, but our connection seems to be growing. I'm not out to crush his dominant side, he isn't out to destroy mine.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 4/6/2013 12:35:34 PM >

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 3

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 1:03:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Good Afternoon.

I could not answer your poll. There was not option for 'one person vanilla and came into being a D and other person had prior D experience".

We didn't 'start' as anything. We're just us.

I consider ourselves successful until such time that we are not. I don't see the latter happening easily.

We celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary last month.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 4

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 1:33:19 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I'm considering a D/D relationship.

Why is this the only choice available for a single person?

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 3:26:20 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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I saw and I added some options. Are there any other options I should add?

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Post #: 6

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 3:26:58 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I had a guy tell me once that we both couldn't be Ds because one had to submit. He was an idiot. We are both Ds and we have been together for 15 years. Of course we knock heads, but so do vanilla folk.

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Post #: 7

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 3:28:45 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

It's so nice to hear all this positive feedback! I should have done this Poll sooner!

NBMG

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Post #: 8

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 3:35:19 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

Yay, I've got a poll option

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 3:41:18 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

lol I want to be inclusive and not exclude anyone.

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Post #: 10

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 6:02:28 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

I saw and I added some options. Are there any other options I should add?

I'm sure there are more single people besides me who have been in such relationships, but no longer are.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 7:17:28 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I'm single, but I imagine that knowing, and respecting a dominant's personality, may make a relationship successful if everyone remains aware, and respectful of one another. M

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(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 7:24:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

I saw and I added some options. Are there any other options I should add?

Mine's there, so I voted now.

By the way, I wanted to mention something. In the lifestyle community that I was in before this one, the D/D couple that ran the munch were celebrating their thirtieth anniversary. It really does happen.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/6/2013 9:52:32 PM

bayareacouple

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/4/2011
Status: offline

I can't imagine it working for us.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/8/2013 4:11:54 AM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

The timing of this poll is pretty interesting to me.
We just got back last night from a really amazing leather event. There were quite a few workshops that we attended that even though Mr and I have been at it a long time, we really felt like we took something positive away and really learned stuff from. One of those things is (and Mr claims to have known this already) that He is my dominant, but I am not submissive. We say that all the time, but it was a little different before...the phrase was, I am only submissive to Him. But that didn't quite fit either, because in reality, I am not in fact always submissive to Him, He has to "bring me to a place of submission and take it from me" for it to be true. He sees what a struggle it is for me to submit to Him, which in turn makes Him appreciate the levels I get to for Him when He forces my submission that much more and it also makes me really appreciate what I get out of our relationship that much more because I am aware of what a real challange I am.
The thing is, we didn't need the workshops to teach us how to be this way, the value was, they helped us realize what it was and better define for ourselves the real nature of our dynamic.
It's funny to me as well, because a lot of people are so against being "labeled" and put into categories and boxes, but in this situation, I feel like the way we have now been able to redfine has actually helped us to better clarify. Though the way our relationship runs has not caused us strife, sometimes things come up that makes us (Mr and myself I mean) ask WHY is this happening and WHY are we headed in the direction we are right now? Now we have a more clear answer and a better way to deal with it when neccessary.

I have a really long post about what we did this weekend brewing and once I work it out I will type it out and share. We had a really good time, we learned a lot, and it was sad when it was over because we would have loved for it to last a lot longer.

Luci

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The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to bayareacouple)

Post #: 15

RE: How Many D/D couples are successful at it? - 4/8/2013 4:24:41 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Himself and I do not consider ourselves to be a D/D couple, despite the fact that I am at most times a dominant personality, and he is far more laid back about things than I. We certainly LOOK like a D/D couple from the outside looking in.

There are many area in which I have been given total control within the relationship (our diet comes to mind). But I am submissive to him in the areas he wants me to be (money), and he takes control over areas I need him too (think keeping doctor's appts), so that for us, the D/s thing works well.

As for the rest of your poll (sorry, wasn't sure how to vote) I think much of this is a matter of labeling. I label myself a switch for a reason. I self labeled as a dominant for many years, though I had a dominant male partner at the time.

I don't think a D/D couple has a chance in hell of being successful unless they can agree completely on which specific areas they will dominant over, AND elect one to be the final arbitrator when disagreements occur.

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(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 16

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