What skills? (Full Version)

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DarkSteven -> What skills? (4/7/2013 4:51:31 AM)

I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

And then it hit me - I haven't had that vagrant opinion validated!

So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Thanks!




midmichiganguy -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 7:35:30 AM)

Oh this should be interesting.



MistressEllen444 -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 7:38:36 AM)

know the difference between fantasy and reality and which is appropriate when...



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 12:04:28 PM)

I agree, that general conversation skills is vastly undervalued by a lot of men who call themselves submissive. Why would any grown man ever approach a woman, who hasn't identified herself as a hooker, with overt talk of sex acts before even saying hello, my name is... I would imagine that any other skills necessary would/could be acquired in time, simply from having conversation with someone.

People email one another for weeks, months, sometimes years before meeting sometimes. Oftentimes, that is long enough to actually read up on, and take classes for skills one might desire in a mate: like cooking, massage, manners, protocol, etc. I just responded on another thread, that all I need, is the ability to learn, and obey. M



OsideGirl -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 12:55:30 PM)

The thing I hear over and over from my FemDom friends is the ability to know when it is not about your dick.

What that means is that they provide service and be a companion beyond any of the sex or play.




LadyPact -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 1:02:30 PM)

You're definitely spot on with the communication/conversation skills, Steven. I think that is especially true with a written medium. If you ever notice on the boards, I'm more willing to discuss certain matters with those who tend to write well. I'm the same way via email. I'm far less interested in those with whom I have to carry the conversation. As BTF mentioned above, that includes having some CLASS. Questions about My sex life or intimate kinks probably aren't appropriate unless a certainly level of familiarity has been reached.

All of that is before we even get into the 'fill in the blank' question. Several years ago, I even had it as a part of My profile. If you can't hold an interesting dinner conversation, you are not the play partner and/or sub for Me.

Once a person gets to that stage, I have to go with the leather area. A person has to at least be willing to learn about the leather lifestyle, protocols, and community that are such a big part of My life. If they can't do that, we're never going to be compatible.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 1:27:20 PM)

This should be an interesting thread. I am going to watch this one for awhile and then add my opinion.

NBMG



StrictlyADomina -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 1:32:43 PM)

What skills? Well, pretty much what the other Ladies have shared. I would add multiple interests so we can talk and laugh about more than one thing. Having impeccable manners, exuding warmth, kindness, and charm is needed. Most importantly, I would say, is possessing a servant's heart.



LafayetteLady -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 2:11:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

The thing I hear over and over from my FemDom friends is the ability to know when it is not about your dick.

What that means is that they provide service and be a companion beyond any of the sex or play.




This. So many submissive men are so caught up in the sexual fantasy of it all they can't think past that.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 2:31:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444

know the difference between fantasy and reality and which is appropriate when...



What? I have a hard enough time typing with one hand and masturbating with the other and now I have to keep track of the difference between fantasy and reality?

Sheesh!



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 3:57:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
So, ladies, is that in fact a major issue, getting men with conversational abilities? And if you were to make the statement "If only I could find a man who was able to <fillintheblank>", what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?

Have good conversational skills & intelligence.
Have some common interests, both vanilla and kink, with me.
Be charming and engaging when necessary.
Have good manners.
Dress presentably.
Have good hygiene.
Be honest/have integrity.
Be a manly man and not a sissy.
Really want to submit.
(Have a willingness to)Learn.

Looking back on it, it's kind of a long list. [8|] It would be interesting to see what sorts of things the guys want in a Domme. Maybe I should start a thread about that.....

NBMG



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 4:06:30 PM)

This thread looked so interesting, I just started a thread asking the guys what they'd like in a Domme.....
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4420035/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4420035

NBMG



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 8:48:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
what abilities/qualities would go in the blank?
Have good conversational skills & intelligence.
Have some common interests, both vanilla and kink, with me.
Be charming and engaging when necessary.
Have good manners.
Dress presentably.
Have good hygiene.
Be honest/have integrity.
Be a manly man and not a sissy.
Really want to submit.
(Have a willingness to)Learn.
NBMG
I really like her list, and actually find everything here applicable to my desired list. Needless to say, a long list is it's own problem, but we are here to give up the details. [;)]
The "be a manly man" is one that some people get offended by, because it rejects/omits them[8D]. I wish more men would come on the boads, and read the specifics about partial/covert feminization. For example, I enjoy having my man wear women's undergarments on occasion. However, I would not ever be open to someone being in full fem gear during the day/in public. M



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What skills? (4/7/2013 9:28:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
The "be a manly man" is one that some people get offended by, because it rejects/omits them[8D].

But, again, it's just what I want. I'm not trying to offend anyone, it's just my opinion and what I want. In the past, I've been willing to go as far as frilly panties on a man, but they aren't willing to stop there. They want to go all the way. That's a hard limit of mine.

NBMG



JeffBC -> RE: What skills? (4/8/2013 3:07:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I've advised a few male subs that the key to getting a Domme's interest is in being able to hold a good conversation. Which is clearly my impression.

"Good conversation" is always good for those more interested in relationships than "sex scenes". But honestly that isn't what I'd call my best card for getting a woman's interest. My best card is being interested in them. To quote the line from Avatar, 'I see you' -- not as a pussy with thigh high boots but as a complete human being.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: What skills? (4/8/2013 3:09:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
'I see you' -- not as a pussy with thigh high boots but as a complete human being.

I love that!!!![sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif]

NBMG



UllrsIshtar -> RE: What skills? (4/8/2013 3:13:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
'I see you' -- not as a pussy with thigh high boots


You're not very observant, are you Jeff? [8D]



JeffBC -> RE: What skills? (4/8/2013 3:15:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
You're not very observant, are you Jeff? [8D]

Well, for troublesome wenches like you I also keep my stylish goatee in reserve.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: What skills? (4/8/2013 6:39:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I agree, that general conversation skills is vastly undervalued by a lot of men who call themselves submissive. Why would any grown man ever approach a woman, who hasn't identified herself as a hooker, with overt talk of sex acts before even saying hello, my name is... I would imagine that any other skills necessary would/could be acquired in time, simply from having conversation with someone.

People email one another for weeks, months, sometimes years before meeting sometimes. Oftentimes, that is long enough to actually read up on, and take classes for skills one might desire in a mate: like cooking, massage, manners, protocol, etc. I just responded on another thread, that all I need, is the ability to learn, and obey. M


I for one refuse to lower myself to have a conversation with a Domme as if I actually gave a shit.

What I'm looking for is immediate action....response...titties.

That's it...titties.



DarkSteven -> RE: What skills? (4/8/2013 7:12:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

My best card is being interested in them.


Smacks head

Of course! Thank you!



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