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EligibleOwner -> RE: Is it too much? (4/8/2013 7:10:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I can't tell you how refreshing your posts are. You want to learn and want to hear what others say about their experiences. Your obvious interest in information means that you should do well on your quest.
I totally agree. This thread's a breath of fresh air.
You're certainly not asking too much. Not only is it okay to want a serious relationship - I think that shows how serious you are. You're right to go for it, and I'd advise you not to let any man talk you into anything that's more casual than you like, or that goes quicker then you'd like.
No, more "sexual experience" won't help you. The type of relationship you want isn't about sexual experience - it's an emotional thing.
There's no reason why an "experienced" dominant man (by which I mean experienced in D/s relationships; and I don't mean to imply that having this experience, or a man saying he has it, necessarily makes him better, or better for you) shouldn't want you. A man who's serious and suitable will be prepared to put a lot of work, energy and communication into your relationship, and into establishing and maintaining a dominance that works for you both. A man who's serious does not (in my view) expect a submissive woman to fall into his lap with all sorts of certified skills and abilities. It doesn't work like that. Every relationship is unique, just like in the vanilla world.
I agree with everything OsideGirl said - and I especially agree that you should avoid men who offer to "train" you in the sense of playing with you themselves in order to "train" you to be ready for other men. I feel, too, that that's a way of trying to exploit you.
I'm not sure I'm totally hostile just to the word "training" itself, though; when you find a serious relationship, I think you will need to put work into adapting to the way you agree to interact, and do lots of learning. And he'll need to put work into it, too, which you could call coaching or mentoring, or management or leadership, or something. I don't think it's unreasonable to use the word "training" for that. Perhaps the best way of saying it is this: when you're in a serious relationship, your dominant will give you all the "training" you need. You don't have to worry about getting it from anyone else beforehand.
The good news for you is that you're young and attractive and (most importantly from the point of view of serious men) your attitude is serious and impressive. You can afford to have high standards, and you should. Take your time, focus on what you need emotionally, and make sure you give the many who just want a bit of kinky sex with a pretty girl plenty of time to get bored with you and select themselves out. In time, I'm sure you'll find someone you can feel good about really discovering this with.
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