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RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 8:28:20 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

<snip>

I dont really consider it part of BDSM to be honest with you. I dont see spoiling women as a fetish.

This is where the conversations about fin Dommes usually deteriorate, over what individuals see as a viable kink or fetish. Quite honestly, who cares what each of us considers to be part of the kinky world or not? None of us as individuals are arbitrators for what others do and consider to be part of their kink. If there are people out there that want to give someone else their money for a sexual thrill, then that negates anyone's premise that it doesn't exist as a fetish.

This fetish exists, the hordes of duck lipped bird flipping locusts out there are there for a reason. What others think, of it being prostitution, of it not being part of 'real' BDSM, of it being opportunism, etc....well that doesn't really matter does it? Because it's out there being offered to those who want it, because it's wanted. If you don't want it then walk on by, just like not paying attention to commercials that don't pertain to you. The fricking things must work, commercials, but no one seems to like them. And yet as much as we complain about them they exist for a reason and we do actually learn to tune them out most of the time.

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 121

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 11:50:42 AM

vincentML

Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
With a findomme, you give the woman money with no sex in return (and usually nothing else either).

OK, I'm restricting this answer to the non-relationship side of findommery which is what you're talking about. The kind that's more like a phone sex operator. That seems to be where your commented is targeted as opposed to people in some form of active relationship where money is a part of the equation.

So I guess my question is, who pays money for nothing? With no repeat customers, how does one make a business of this? If we're going to look at the hardcore mercenary findommes who the heck does one make any money selling nothing? You might ponder bottled water as a reference point.

The act of compliance to the demand for money is a form of submission. For some it is more powerful than the make believe game of submission that sometimes passes for D/s. What can be more valuable to surrender than your hard earned cash?

There are some femdoms who define nonfindom relationships as a core of service and advertise for "service oriented subs." What do these service subs/slaves get in return if they are totally focused on the needs and wants of their owner? Only a "do me" sub would make his own interests the focus of the relationship. How authentic is that submission?

Who says the finsub is getting nothing and why presume there are no ongoing relationships? A bit of research into the topic might help with the misunderstandings expressed in this thread.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 122

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 11:53:38 AM

vincentML

Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

<snip>

I dont really consider it part of BDSM to be honest with you. I dont see spoiling women as a fetish.

This is where the conversations about fin Dommes usually deteriorate, over what individuals see as a viable kink or fetish. Quite honestly, who cares what each of us considers to be part of the kinky world or not? None of us as individuals are arbitrators for what others do and consider to be part of their kink. If there are people out there that want to give someone else their money for a sexual thrill, then that negates anyone's premise that it doesn't exist as a fetish.

Excellent. Could not agree more. It is so weird to find judgmental posters on these perv boards.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 123

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:00:47 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

With a findomme, you give the woman money with no sex in return (and usually nothing else either).

Fin-Dommes don't give penetration in return, but they sure as hell sell sex as much does playboy, a phone sex operator, a cam girl, or porn movie sell sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
I dont really consider it part of BDSM to be honest with you. I dont see spoiling women as a fetish.

We had a guy on here a while ago who was asking if there were any other people who, as a kink, also enjoyed putting bags of chips up their ass/somebody else's ass.

Apparently, if you would managed to be openminded for just a second, you'd be surprised and shocked by the sheer and awestricken diversity of what the human mind is capable of sexualizing...

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 4/14/2013 12:08:12 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 124

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:05:44 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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I have to disagree. As a matter of fact, I make it known, in plain English...sex will never happen. Hell, I'm married. Hubby would kill me, lol. But seriously, speaking only for myself, I never sell sex.

Lizi, I laughed when I saw your definition..locusts. That was awesome! It seems they do come in swarms.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 125

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:06:38 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

<snip>

I dont really consider it part of BDSM to be honest with you. I dont see spoiling women as a fetish.

This is where the conversations about fin Dommes usually deteriorate, over what individuals see as a viable kink or fetish.

Heck, if you take the financial component out of it, "spoiling a woman" is precisely my fetish: having a man do (or suffering lol) precisely what I want, when I want it, for as long as I want it. If that's not what he plans to get from a relationship with me, we're not a match.

The fact that finances isn't the way I want to be spoiled, or that for other women it's the only way they want to be spoiled is back to compatibility. Life is full of disappointments. If her way of being spoiled not for you (regardless of when you find out about it) shrug, and move on.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 126

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:09:58 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I have to disagree. As a matter of fact, I make it known, in plain English...sex will never happen. Hell, I'm married. Hubby would kill me, lol. But seriously, speaking only for myself, I never sell sex.

Are you saying you don't sell sexual penetration?

Or that nothing you ever do turns on the men who buy from you?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 127

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:20:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
OK but that's not really whats being discussed with financial domination.

With a findomme, you give the woman money with no sex in return (and usually nothing else either).

I dont really consider it part of BDSM to be honest with you. I dont see spoiling women as a fetish.

Good thing that nobody's appointed you to be on the jury to decide what does and does not qualify as a kink. You don't really get a vote on what other people do. If it's not something you want to participate in, that's fine. I'll bet I've got kinks that you wouldn't want to participate in either. That doesn't make any of them not a part of BDSM.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 128

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:34:30 PM

vantage38t

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline

yes but in my mind if she wants money /tribute before she will talk to you she is a sex worker .
respect is earned and not given

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 129

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:50:54 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vantage38t

yes but in my mind if she wants money /tribute before she will talk to you she is a sex worker .

She may be a sex worker... or she may not be a sex worker...

How exactly is whether or not she is a sex worker relevant to whether or not financial domination is a legitimate fetish?

Hookers engage in blow jobs... does that mean blow jobs aren't legitimate vanilla sex?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to vantage38t)

Post #: 130

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 12:52:03 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Respect is earned and not given. I absolutely agree with that point.

I am not a findomme. However, I could absolutely see the logic of findommes who will not talk with potentials without tribute up front. I see that the same as the professional Dommes who limit the time they will spend on prospective clients before they book actual sessions. It's really not that much of a different concept of a lifestyle Domme, such as Myself, who doesn't spend a lot of time talking to anyone who isn't compatible with Me on certain kinks. To be very blunt, if something is not in My best interest, I stick with the folks who will be.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to vantage38t)

Post #: 131

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 1:00:25 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vantage38t

yes but in my mind if she wants money /tribute before she will talk to you she is a sex worker .
respect is earned and not given

Who cares what's in your mind? That's the point. Are you the designator of kink? Does everyone listen to you when they get a hardon as far as how they can get off in an acceptable manner? If so then will you please take anything involving shit off the kinky menu, because that grosses me out. I think shit should not be kinky. But dammit, it is. Some people really love their shit and would raise a holy shitfit if they couldn't call their shit play kinky.

So what if you think she is a sex worker, what does that matter? If some random submissive guy wants to pay someone to talk to him that's his fucking kink, what does it matter if you say it's not a kink and the woman doing it is a sex worker? Hint: Your opinion doesn't matter anything to the guy doing the talking, he's going to talk and he's going to do it as often as he likes. He isn't thinking "Oh, Vantage 38t thinks this is disrespectful and I'm patronizing a sex worker." He could give a crap. Your opinion also doesn't matter to the woman taking the money, she's going to take it, and take it as often as she likes.

What is so hard for people to understand here? People want different things. Whatever they want they are entitled to have. It doesn't matter what the rest of us call it, or say about it, the people who want it will go out and get it. I might think the only car in the world people should drive is an amphibious tank, and I might be very vocal and belligerent in my rantings on that idea. I better get used to the fact that others are going to go out and get whatever freaking car that they want and that suits their life. I can't have all other cars in the world banned because I think they're useless.

Get it?

(in reply to vantage38t)

Post #: 132

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 2:13:01 PM

jj292

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
OK but that's not really whats being discussed with financial domination.

With a findomme, you give the woman money with no sex in return (and usually nothing else either).

I dont really consider it part of BDSM to be honest with you. I dont see spoiling women as a fetish.

Good thing that nobody's appointed you to be on the jury to decide what does and does not qualify as a kink. You don't really get a vote on what other people do. If it's not something you want to participate in, that's fine. I'll bet I've got kinks that you wouldn't want to participate in either. That doesn't make any of them not a part of BDSM.

People can do whatever they want. My point is that I dont consider it a kink because I see it more as a twist on the sugar daddy relationship.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 133

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 5:05:15 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

Whatever they want they are entitled to have.

Yes and no. The only man entitled to fuck me is Master, regardless of who else might want it. We have more than enough entitled assholes whining on these boards about how they can't find what they want because they feel entitled to it.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 134

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 5:52:03 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I have to disagree. As a matter of fact, I make it known, in plain English...sex will never happen. Hell, I'm married. Hubby would kill me, lol. But seriously, speaking only for myself, I never sell sex.

Are you saying you don't sell sexual penetration?

Or that nothing you ever do turns on the men who buy from you?

I'm saying I'm quite sure they are turned on by everything I do. But I make it clear, there will never be sex involved. Is that what you're asking?

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 135

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 8:29:58 PM

vincentML

Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline

quote:

People can do whatever they want. My point is that I dont consider it a kink because I see it more as a twist on the sugar daddy relationship.

Imagine that. It is a twist so not a kink.

There are several complex theories of what constitutes a fetish and how a fetish develops in individuals. Many studies on the subject. Books written on the topic.

And here you rather casually dismiss away all that scholarship and experience with the simple wave of your hand. Such chutzpah! Bravo.

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 136

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 8:45:28 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentML

quote:

People can do whatever they want. My point is that I dont consider it a kink because I see it more as a twist on the sugar daddy relationship.

Imagine that. It is a twist so not a kink.

There are several complex theories of what constitutes a fetish and how a fetish develops in individuals. Many studies on the subject. Books written on the topic.

And here you rather casually dismiss away all that scholarship and experience with the simple wave of your hand. Such chutzpah! Bravo.

Love it!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to vincentML)

Post #: 137

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/14/2013 9:43:16 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Is it just me, or is this all starting to sound like deja vu?

(in reply to vincentML)

Post #: 138

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/15/2013 6:23:35 AM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Is it just me, or is this all starting to sound like deja vu?

Yep. Although, just like in the other thread, everyone seems to think it's an argument over kink, but I think the argument is over money. It's the money that brings out the worst in people. I think that's where the misunderstandings about this subject stem from, not the actual "kink," per se. I think people might be saying something along the lines of "Your kink is okay, but money is the root of all evil." It has shades of class struggle, "haves vs. have-nots" kind of thing.

Even if we all agreed that financial domination is a legitimate fetish, there are poor and working class people who will not be able to indulge in this fetish, if they were so inclined to do so.

So, I imagine what happens is something analogous to a hungry guy peering through the windows of a fancy restaurant, watching people indulge in fine dining and eating their fill, while he's eating out of garbage cans. He might even feel much worse if he saw the people inside flipping him off. So, it's not that surprising that these threads come up. Those who flaunt their wealth create feelings of envy and bitterness in those who don't have it.

It's an age old story, nothing new about this at all. No great mystery behind it either. Of course, many of the underlying issues related to this topic are more in the realm of politics and economics. There might also be some gender/cultural issues in that men and women might perceive money differently. There's also the historical tie-in between sex and money - and to what lengths men will go for sexual gratification.

There are numerous overlapping issues which seem to come into play whenever the topic of financial domination is raised, more so than just the kink aspects.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 139

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/15/2013 6:43:25 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentML
What can be more valuable to surrender than your hard earned cash?

I get your larger point but man, I'd weep for anyone who had no answer to that question.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to vincentML)

Post #: 140

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