Humiliation - what is the interest?

Humiliation - what is the interest? (Full Version)

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Betafishtester -> Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/8/2013 7:17:42 PM)
I identify as a sub, but I cannot understand the concept of humiliation. Nothing about it is desirable or wanted by me. My Sir is interested in exploring this with me - he hasn't yet. I have a strong desire to please, but I start to shut down mentally, physically when we talk about humiliation sequences. Please describe to me, if humiliation is something you enjoy or seek, what is the attraction? what is the mental connection? just, why?

Poloboi234 -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/8/2013 7:44:18 PM)
We'll as a dom, I love humiliation of my sub. Think of it in terms of when you were a kid (grades 3-6) and you had to ask the permission of the teacher or the coach etc... to use the bathroom, but the coach or teacher is a asshole and told you to use it before hand, or that was the rule agreed upon. Then as you sit there in front of the class, squirming raising your hand to see if you can go.. the teacher ignores your hand up and calls on other students... deliberately... you can do nothing about it, you have no control, your at the mercy of the teacher and he/she decides when to release you, then in that moment you regret every bad thing you did to that teacher, or being late, or being mouthy, then as your friends and peers notice you sitting there squirming, your face gets hot, the thoughts of being called "pee pee" pants all year, or the rest of your life sets in, you know the worst thing you can give kids in grade school is "ammo" and being your pants in public is a "Gernade" in little kid world... then you repent. and beg the teacher... but he/she thinks you didn't learn your lesson, your always coming late, or not going to the bathroom before class... so he/she ignores you, you're trying to hold it in, ready to burst... then you just let it go... all the will, all the inhibition is let go onto your out of you as you feel release... then in a split second dread... as you feel your respect and social standing falling down your leg... as the other kids notice, and the horror on some of there faces, and the laughter on others, as your best friend denies you, as you look up at the teacher with a smirk on his/her face... the smirk that let you know that they control you... and you feel that.. you can't fight it anymore... you learned a painful lesson that won't be erased today or for a long time in your memory or the other students... but you look up at that teacher in repentance... and hope to never disobey again... as they look at you, and ignore you... which makes you vow to be a better kid.. as you walk the walk of shame to the nurses office for new pants... That's humiliation... That's why I like it, it's a form of punishment for me to my slaves, I like to do it with my sub when we are at a party with girls there or other guys, let him come in there all 6'3 , 275 pds of burly, belly mass of man that he is (Offensive Linemen build) and let him get a bit cocky with the girls,talk a bit crass to some of the guys, then I just walk up and while talking to a girl say, " You want to see something funny?", she curious says, "yes", and I call the big lumix over and he walks up, and then I just "pow" ball tap him hard, as he doubles over on the floor as I laugh, and everyone else is in shock, or may think there is going to be a fight, he falls to his knee's puts his hand out and shakes my hand and says.."good show" as people realize that we must be best friends, or teammates or frat bro's etc..", I go around and make him chub some drinks he doesn't want, make bets that put his ass on the line, for instance... My sub and I were at a party with friends, and I bet if the "Celtics lost" that I would get to drink a bottle of Seagrams that the girl had, if they lost, they could Paddle my sub, plus kick him in the balls as hard as they wanted... because he "liked it", to see his face sink, but to know he loved it inside was awesome, as they Celtics won, to watch the girls not let him welch on the bet, him relent then give in, to taking the hard paddling (5 swats, by 5 girls) as he took it hard, as then they each booted him for "glory" in the balls... as he doubled over in pain, and we gave points to how hard each was... (he gave a point scale of that was a 4 or an 8, or a 9) then the one scored the highest won another kick... to have my sub with me, and I in front of guests decide to put on the alligator nipple clamps on him over his shirt (as he protests) is funny, awesome, and great as he relents... or as I sometimes boss him around like an ornery Uncle, or a big brother to do things, or to place the clamps on him and tell people every time we took a shot, they each get to smack his clamps with there hands, or else use him as a seat at a party of buds of mine, or just in front of everyone one, wrestle him, submit him, hog tie him, and give him a huge wedgie or else put a ball gag on him (forcefully) as he struggles to fight me back, as I wrestle him into submission, and make him say he's "my bitch" or " I own him", or when I rack him in the balls in front of friends, and ask him " What are you doing, these are my balls and I just wanted to ring in the new year!, and he repond's back, "they're yours Sir..", and the look on other faces as they realize he's my bitch is priceless... that is why other's claim humiliation...Other's (like me) feel it can't be humiliation if it is truly "wanted" it needs to be embarrassing for the slave, and reaffirm that he is nothing but a "plaything, a toy," etc.. for my amusement, and humiliation does that... (my subs and I have a different role on this as I only usually take on "straight subs" so our humiliation is more test on "manhood" or making him submit, or making him come across as a pussy or submitting to my will in front of others for role play, I love it, feel's like my college days playing rugby, football, etc...)

NuevaVida -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/8/2013 7:54:53 PM)
I don't do humiliation very well anymore. In a past relationship, he humiliated and debased me, for his pleasure. At first I hated it, and then it became a challenge for me (in my own mind), to see how much I could take. It was also a form of "controlled abuse" if you will - from someone I felt would not harm me. Since the emotional abuse in my upbringing was uncontrolled, this was a way for me to wrap my head around it and work things out. Back then I considered myself an emotional masochist. It gave me a charge to be smacked down like that. But I'm not in that place anymore, and while I do endure some humiliation from him, there's a very fine line there now, that if crossed, would be harmful.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/8/2013 8:19:52 PM)
If it is something that you don't want, what was the agreement you made at the start of your relationship? Some limits aren't meant to be pushed. Hearing what other people like about it isn't going to make you get on board with it. This is really something you should discuss with him.

OddBall -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/8/2013 9:17:35 PM)
I can't understand the appeal for some subs to humiliation. Typically in stories and such they'll have the male sub belittled over a small dick publicly or sissy play, whatever. They will have the sub ultimately turned on by the "humiliation". I argue that if they are turned on that it isn't really humiliation. Embarrassment perhaps, but not humiliation. That, to me, goes much much deeper into you and is damaging to one's spirit. Definitely not something you would seek out. Now, as posted above by poloboi234, used as a punishment i guess i can understand though it appears cruel and still potentially damaging.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/8/2013 9:32:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OddBall I can't understand the appeal for some subs to humiliation. Typically in stories and such they'll have the male sub belittled over a small dick publicly or sissy play, whatever. They will have the sub ultimately turned on by the "humiliation". I argue that if they are turned on that it isn't really humiliation. Embarrassment perhaps, but not humiliation. That, to me, goes much much deeper into you and is damaging to one's spirit. Definitely not something you would seek out. Now, as posted above by poloboi234, used as a punishment i guess i can understand though it appears cruel and still potentially damaging. Almost all the subs I've interviewed say they are into being humiliated (and some of their former Dommes really went to extremes). Remember though, the science of physiological changes brought on by many BDSM related activites, and the psychological results. Embarrassment causes blushing and afterward triggers release of endorphines that give the sub a thrill and a sense of euphoria. The euphoria leads to an increased longing to submit. I think THIS is what they are actually into. It could be different for others, but this is how they describe it to Me. Also, don't forget, a proper Dominant is the responsible person in charge of the activity, keeps an eye on their sub and will stop when (before) they believe a sub has had too much. If it goes to the extreme where actual psychological damage is taking place, then they FAIL as a Dominant because they have failed to protect the well-being of their sub. --MM

DesFIP -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/9/2013 4:59:56 PM)
First of all, there's a difference between erotic embarrassment and degradation. Making you admit how much you want something sexual when you come from a background where this was not discussed is the first. Calling them names that attack their core sense of self is the latter. People I've talked to in the past who enjoy it say that it strengthens their sense of self with the rest of the world. If the person who claims to love them, debases them, and still loves them after, then their boss yelling at them has much less power to hurt them. I can understand that, I just don't share it. Does he want you to tell him that you're his wet cunt desperate for his cum, or does he want to call you an ugly, useless pig? And how does he propose to make you trust him again after he's humiliated you? For me, if he tells me my only value is having holes for him to use, and then later he says he loves and respects me, well obviously one of those statements is a lie. And I'm going to believe that the love and respect one is the lie and that he does think of me in the other terms. I'm not flexible enough to believe opposites.

OsideGirl -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/9/2013 5:56:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OddBall. Now, as posted above by poloboi234, used as a punishment i guess i can understand though it appears cruel and still potentially damaging. Not to mention involving bystanders in your kink. I have no interest in humiliation. But, I will say, that I feel one of the important things needed with humiliation play is the after care. After humiliation comes comfort and building up. Continual tearing down of a person's psyche without any healing just leads to resentment and harm.

littlewonder -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/13/2013 10:41:49 PM)
Humiliation works for us because it brings humbleness. Not much else to be said about it.

seekingreality -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/13/2013 11:04:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Betafishtester I identify as a sub, but I cannot understand the concept of humiliation. Nothing about it is desirable or wanted by me. My Sir is interested in exploring this with me - he hasn't yet. I have a strong desire to please, but I start to shut down mentally, physically when we talk about humiliation sequences. Please describe to me, if humiliation is something you enjoy or seek, what is the attraction? what is the mental connection? just, why? I just find it fun, enjoyable and energizing. It simply works for me. But I don't intellectualize it.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/14/2013 2:54:28 AM)
To me personally, humiliation can be sexually stimulating but it doesn't have to be in order for it to be a positive experience. There are positive and negative ways to humiliate me, and my reaction will vary based on what type of humiliation it is. Positive humiliation to me is when the dominant takes a quality I don't like about myself, or I know others don't like about me, and confronts me with that quality while still maintaining an environment in which I know the dominant values and appreciates me for being me. To use an easy example: like so many women I sometimes feel insecure about my weight. Thus if a dominant makes fun of and humiliates me somehow by using my insecurities about my weight against me, while at the same time still very clearly expressing -either by actions or words, during or after the humiliation- that they, the dominant, still care about me, and are still sexually attracted to me, then that humiliation experience is a positive one. This is because the experience somehow translates in my head as: "this person knows the worse about me, and acknowledge that I as a human being am not perfect, they are distinctly aware of my imperfections, and YET while they know the worse about me still care about me as a person, and still find me attractive." I thus feel safe with the dominant, because I feel that I can really be myself with them, and they really know and accept me for who and what I am. Thus, it would affect my self-esteem in a positive way while at the same time still causing distinct feelings of humiliation because I'm confronted with things I don't like about myself. A negative humiliation experience would be if the dominant would humiliate me with something like my insecurities about my weight, and at the same time create a setting in which their actions or words made it clear that they disproved of me as a person, and were repulsed by me to the point of not wanting to be with me because of the thing they are humiliating me with. In that case I'd feel insecure and upset/angry/disappointed with myself, and it would affect my self-esteem in a negative way.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/14/2013 3:07:31 AM)
I find its generally hard to actually humiliate me, and to be honest porn style stuff has never really interested me at all, a bloke calling me fat would just make me want to smack him rather than get wet. However its something different when its about sexuality. When someone laughs at a predicament you are in or draws attention to your arousal it can be embarrassing and humiliating and totally sexy. Of course I am not all people and I know of many who like real insults as part of their play. Its all about security, if you are able to separate the things said to you during sex or play or whatever and the person that you see yourself as at the end of it. It means that the humiliation can be in the time only. Nothing lasting. With everything I don't expect to understand why other people do things, I generally don't care that much about the ins and outs of their emotions I can never really understand that anyway.

OddBall -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/14/2013 5:21:11 AM)
MAINEiacMISTRESS, DesFIP, OsideGirl and UllrsIshtar, Thank you all for your posts. You've helped me understand more.

eleanor94 -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/19/2013 11:24:03 AM)
I have the same fantasy as referred to in the first comment - I fantasise about asking my partner if i can go to the bathroom and he says no. i beg and still he says no. so eventually i wet myself. then i get told off for being a very bad girl and spanked hard while i'm still all wet with my own urine. it's so liberating or something. i want to tell my boyfriend but i don't think he'll understand.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/19/2013 4:42:55 PM)
I will throw my 2 cents behind Oside...I did not think humiliation would be for me but...I found it to be like crawling through glass to get to Eden... My ex would say things to humiliate me.. He knew I am the type that LIKES the self-discipline of NOT being allowed to react..Kind of like being humiliated by a boss or parent & you KNOW you must control yourself from saying anything back and that you also have to mentally discard or invalidate the statements.. He could watch my face & know when I passed from feeling brave to breaking down...and that was when he would bundle me into his lap and hug me, kiss me and tell me what a good girl I was...Like I said...I had reached Eden.

lthrpup -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/19/2013 8:34:05 PM)
You're under no obligation to be into humiliation because you are submissive. If your "Sir" requires it and you have no interest, it might not have been written in the stars. .

njlauren -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/21/2013 9:28:59 AM)
There is a difference between teasing and humiliation and degradation. Personally I could take teasing but I don't react well to humiliation, true humiliation (for example, back in my pro playing days, being tied up, and having a domme show me off to another domme and for example, making fun of my predicament, like having take a large enema and trying to hold it, would not bother me, that was more teasing). But there are times even in pro play when it went to far, I once ripped a set of shackles out of the wood it was secured to in rage. I realize that is my own thing, I have been hurt too much in real life, humiliated for real, to ever get anything out of it, and my wife/domme knows that, she knows it would really hurt me. But the kind of humiliation, where it comes down to who someone is, when it is going after real triggers, always struck me more as abuse then domination (and again, this is me, I own my own reactions). I have read more then a few stories of domination with cuckolding, including supposedly real life ones, and what they come across is as basically cruelty, it seems like the dominant isn't someone I would trust, that a lot of the time it seems like the domme (don't know of too many cuck stories with dom masters) basically actually thinks the sub is a worthless piece of shit and is going out of her way to show it, seems about as loving or caring as a guard at a WWII pow camp shrug. Obviously everyone has their own definition of things, but to me when it gets into real emotional triggers, when it is deliberately playing off of those, it is more akin to breaking someone's bones in play or even if the sub says they get off on it, more like to me an abused spouse covering for his/her abuser than really being into it. On the other hand, I also cannot judge others who are into that, just saying why I cannot do it; I could see getting turned on by my domme having sex with someone else, with erotic teasing, because I trust her and love her enough (never have done it, prob never will, but as a concept), but I also if she went to that level of in the stories I am talking about, would probably irrevocably break us up on any level, because to me it would mean this had moved from loving dominance to disrespect and disdain for me.

usemetopleaseyou -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/22/2013 1:57:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Betafishtester Please describe to me, if humiliation is something you enjoy or seek, what is the attraction? what is the mental connection? just, why? It's different. It's emotional. It's fun. It's erotic.

littleone35 -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/23/2013 11:58:31 AM)
For me that is a total deal breaker . Humilaation does not do it do it for me it makes me mad. angyr or upset and sometimes all 3 at the same time. It is a hard limit. It is all good though cause it is not one of Master's links. Matt's littleone

phoenixasubbie -> RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? (4/24/2013 7:55:23 PM)
I do not enjoy it at all as a sub, but it is something that within my limits I will leave to the discretion of my dominant partner. The only thing I can say about it that I find good is that I please them by doing what they ask of me....and oddly enough to a certain degree it is somewhat intimate and bonding, to do things for them and with them that I really don't want to do.

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