RE: puzzled

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Missokyst -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 1:05:58 PM)
Yeah.. its hard to tell what someone expects, especially in the beginning. Early on in my dating life I dated a man who expected me to muffle my reactions because it distracted him. Sometimes even when we had sex he didn't want to hear a whimper or a moan. I think during those times he wanted me to be a blowup doll and I did my best to comply because by that time I knew him. My most recent x liked more of a fight. He loves it when I struggle, fight, or attempt to get out of owie things. The sadist in him loves to hear and see the agony. I have played it both ways, but it is impossible to know what someone wants until you really get to know how they think. And a lot of people cannot be dissuaded once they put that peg in the wrong hole. quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 On of the things we discuss before play was that he likes to spank, and I like to receive. And we were mostly talking about what I fear most being spanked with and what I enjoy most being spanked with. And his favourite spanking tools, things like that. Thus we both thought, great..., a match. Nothing was mentioned about his need for "verbal stimulation from me" when he spanks me and frankly I never thought to ask that as this is the first time I've heard of a dom wants a sub to voluntarily talk so much during spanking. I've never met anybody who requires this that I just never thought of asking if that was required. Now I know. Then right after the session that didn't work. He was just like, this is not working, and I asked why? And he said, well, you're suppose to say stuffs. And I was like, woah, but you never told me that was a requirement, and because I don't usually say stuffs, what stuffs do you want me to say. Then he said, his previous sub was very verbal when she was spanked and she says alot of things that excites him when she's being spanked, and I asked him like what? And he just couldn't answer. Then when I went home, he smsed me and said, "I really enjoyed talking to you but it's too bad you don't enjoy spanking." I didn't reply his text because it's seriously WTF?

Arturas -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 1:26:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I had a real troubling play recently. I thought we covered all grounds and discussed both our preferences and found alot of common ground. Usually when I get spank, I'd grit it, keep silent unless the doms wants counting or something right? Or if he hits really hard, I may say "ouch" or something. But the dom said I was suppose to be verbal and say stuffs when he spank me, but he was unable to explain what was I suppose to say. He didn't give any instruction to count or anything and he spanked silently too. Anyway, he said he requires a sub to be verbal when getting spanked, what the hell does that mean? He won't explain even though I've asked him. Anybody can shed light? And his conclusion was I didn't enjoy spanking. But it's crazy because I love spanking and was enjoying it. Maybe he needs to work on this. If he does his job right, you will not be quiet...from the journal of a dom very close to me. Me. I love it when[Mod note: removed another users name] drives down here in her open top jeep wrangler looking so bad ass and so fucking hot the sun shines brighter when she smiles and the other women frown when their men look her way. But there's more; I enjoy kissing that smile and dragging her to the bedroom where I blind fold her and bind her southern summer tanned legs (in beautiful cherry red pumps) spread eagle and her hands together to my bed posts with bright white rope and leisurely spend the next three point five hours playing classical music loud enough so she cannot tell where I am and marking her, making her squeal with contrasting ice and hot wax and watching her goose bumps go wild under the track of my stainless steel wartenburg submissive babe ticklier and all around sensitivity gauge (which I am quite fond of using on her when she is all sensitive from my marks and especially on her hot engorged vulva, now trying hard to match her cherry red pumps) and taking her several times while she is powerless as only an alpha Dom can, pausing only to kiss her softly, give her water and smooth her marks with baby oil and my red burgundy feather and oh yes, loosen her too tight binding from thrashing those lovely legs around under my whip .

LafayetteLady -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 4:32:41 PM)
Did you find this post an invitation to post your journal entry? Do you really need your ego stroked that badly?

DesFIP -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 4:45:52 PM)
I thought they broke up a couple of years ago. Anyway op, it sounds like he wants to know your honest responses. He doesn't accidentally want to take you beyond what you can handle or you might not play with him again. He wants to know what you like so when he feels like giving you pleasure, he knows what to do. And what you don't like so he can incorporate that into sadistic play. Around here that varies from yelps to moans, sounds he can easily read.

Arturas -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 5:18:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Did you find this post an invitation to post your journal entry? Do you really need your ego stroked that badly? I like it then and I like it now. Besides, it's mine, it fits, and if it fits put it in there I say.

Arturas -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 5:26:00 AM)
quote: Anyway op, it sounds like he wants to know your honest responses. He doesn't accidentally want to take you beyond what you can handle or you might not play with him again. He wants to know what you like so when he feels like giving you pleasure, he knows what to do. And what you don't like so he can incorporate that into sadistic play. Around here that varies from yelps to moans, sounds he can easily read. ahh...no. One does not use sounds to determine if a Dom has gone too far. Here the answer again from my journals. This was posted to the Gorean forum earlier. July 24, 2009 I broke in the new flogger on [Mod note: removed another users name] last Saturday. She will not use the safe word so it is clear I must always watch her. She did trance out for a few seconds at a time and took water several times while I enjoyed praising her and kissing her soft flushed red lips. She let me know afterward, right after I gently rubbed baby oil all over her and then hot waxed her marked ass that she could free her legs, damn it!. I do love that woman! Arturas June 20,2009 A girl communicates with her body. And don’t we love it when we speak that language because she communicates with all parts of her body. She cannot help it and many times she hopes you don’t know that, but indeed she is wired to do this by the Creator, a Creator who felt pity on us poor men who otherwise would have no clue. Yes, we are talking female body language and how a dom must understand it to perform properly. A girl will constantly communicate silently during a bondage scene. I like to focus on her hands for clues. Focus on her hands when she is bound as you are marking/whipping/penetrating her…watch her hands a split second after contact or penetration, watch her hands very closely. When you begin she will be twisting her hands and pulling her bindings; ignore that behavior, she is simply testing the binding and your skills and getting into the scene. She is ok even when she rhythmically squeezes tight both little hands on her binding in time with each strike or each penetration. You will be amazed at how much strength she can put in that effort so make the bindings sound! But as things heat up, as she begins to tire and stress and overheat, she may be so in the scene and actually into a ‘trance’ of a sort that she will not use the safe word when she should. She is possibly close to this point when she stops the rhythmical squeezing of her bindings and instead is constantly squeezing the binding in each hand so hard her hands are shaking; she is figuratively “biting the bullet” with this effort to endure and she is deeply in the scene trance. To be sure, this is not necessarily bad and indeed you need to get her there but you will need to watch her very closely and you may at that point slow the scene down for a few seconds to see if she will react by arching her back or pelvis for more or she will begin the softer rhythmic squeezing again and you can keep the pace steady and elect to speed it up then down again in some seemingly random cycle keeping from always escalating in a steady fashion but instead contrasting the pace and actions until the final push. Arturas

DesFIP -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 8:11:40 AM)
The problem here is that he expected Greta to be an exact copy of his previous sub without recognizing that if the previous was all that wonderful, why isn't he still with her. I imagine he was hoping you would say stuff on the order of : bring it on daddy, oh god I love your hands, I'm so hot, please don't stop, fuck me now. But he's not recognizing that you're a different person and have different reactions. As long as he's looking for someone who is exactly like his ex, he's going to be disappointed.

Hillwilliam -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 9:04:25 AM)
It looks like someone is trying to be the next "50 shades" author.[8\|]

sexyred1 -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 10:24:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 On of the things we discuss before play was that he likes to spank, and I like to receive. And we were mostly talking about what I fear most being spanked with and what I enjoy most being spanked with. And his favourite spanking tools, things like that. Thus we both thought, great..., a match. Nothing was mentioned about his need for "verbal stimulation from me" when he spanks me and frankly I never thought to ask that as this is the first time I've heard of a dom wants a sub to voluntarily talk so much during spanking. I've never met anybody who requires this that I just never thought of asking if that was required. Now I know. Then right after the session that didn't work. He was just like, this is not working, and I asked why? And he said, well, you're suppose to say stuffs. And I was like, woah, but you never told me that was a requirement, and because I don't usually say stuffs, what stuffs do you want me to say. Then he said, his previous sub was very verbal when she was spanked and she says alot of things that excites him when she's being spanked, and I asked him like what? And he just couldn't answer. Then when I went home, he smsed me and said, "I really enjoyed talking to you but it's too bad you don't enjoy spanking." I didn't reply his text because it's seriously WTF? I am actually puzzled by this whole exchange. You said you talked before, cool. But no one can ever know what it is like to be with someone for the first time. If something fell short of yours and his expectations, discuss it, especially if you think you are a match otherwise. You say that you both are seeking LTR. To me, it sounds like you asked him to explain, he said no, because it was easier to go back to comparing you to his ex. That is really immature on his part and perhaps, he is going to lose someone that he has a great deal in common with.

slaveluci -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 4:41:22 PM)
~FR~ This guy is sure taking a beating based on one confusing "side" of what happened. He's been called immature, not-a-real dom, frat-boy'ish, etc. So what if he wants her vocal? Just because she doesn't seem to understand what that means, that makes him a clueless asshole? Geesh, folks. Whatever happened to not assuming the worst, esp. about a person who's not even around to defend themselves. Unlike anyone else so far, I'm going to lay part of the responsibility for being "puzzled" at the doorstep of the one here posting about it. If I'm that confused about someone's behavior, I'm going to be a big girl and inquire what the hell is going on until I do understand. It's not that hard and it's sure a lot more responsible and mature than running to these forums and asking for a bunch of strangers' analysis and judgement. luci

LafayetteLady -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 5:39:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam It looks like someone is trying to be the next "50 shades" author.[8\|] Haven't read "50 Shades" but heard it is poorly written trash. Guess that would mean he qualifies, lol.

DesFIP -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 5:43:04 PM)
luci, it isn't that he wants her vocal and she's not naturally so. It's that he had unwarranted expectations that she would be a carbon copy of his ex. And because she didn't respond the way the ex did, he concluded that she lied when she said she enjoyed it. Personally I have no interest in guys who assume I lie instead of accepting my words at face value. YMMV.

stef -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 6:49:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam It looks like someone is trying to be the next "50 shades" author.[8\|] Haven't read "50 Shades" but heard it is poorly written trash. Guess that would mean he qualifies, lol. Hey, it worked for John Norman. Trash sells.

Focus50 -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 10:42:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci ~FR~ This guy is sure taking a beating based on one confusing "side" of what happened. He's been called immature, not-a-real dom, frat-boy'ish, etc. So what if he wants her vocal? Just because she doesn't seem to understand what that means, that makes him a clueless asshole? Geesh, folks. Whatever happened to not assuming the worst, esp. about a person who's not even around to defend themselves. Unlike anyone else so far, I'm going to lay part of the responsibility for being "puzzled" at the doorstep of the one here posting about it. If I'm that confused about someone's behavior, I'm going to be a big girl and inquire what the hell is going on until I do understand. It's not that hard and it's sure a lot more responsible and mature than running to these forums and asking for a bunch of strangers' analysis and judgement. This being the forum that it is, it is just possible that we dominant and male types might reason and rationalise things a little bit differently to a slave named luci. Anyway, you, a female, have decided to dump on another female, instead. Big surprise there.... Finally, what exactly is her "crime" in coming to a lifestyle forum for an opinion? There's a lot of knowledge and enlightenment to be gained from those who don't have anything personally invested in the enquirer. Or is all this just a mood? If so, how 'bout you be all "responsible and mature" and NOT bring it here. Focus.

Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 10:44:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci If I'm that confused about someone's behavior, I'm going to be a big girl and inquire what the hell is going on until I do understand. luci But what will you do if the dom refuses to explain? I'm asking here because he refuses to clarify. And frankly, my conclusion is like Des, as in, I believe he missed his previous sub, they had a certain way of playing and chemistry that was very erotic for him and was disappointed I was not like her. Because his only explanation was that, she was verbal, I was not. But could not explain to me what she does verbally. And as a sub, you can't do what he needs if he doesn't make his expectations clear.

Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 10:51:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig I don't particularly care if a boy speaks during a spanking, but have had fun with it, when one would say "thank you Ma'am, or please spank me some more Ma'am, ouch," or attempting to wiggle away. All these things make it fun, and increases the rush for me. M But at least you are clear and give concise instructions on what you expect your sub to say. And you have examples for him to follow.

Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/10/2013 10:56:37 PM)
My previous dom loves humiliation and does make me beg him to spank me more, even though he know I was nearly in tears and wanna cry my safe word, I know that excites him. But it was always like that. I always had to grit. Unless it's mix with pain and pleasure, like with a vibrator involved, the pain dissolves. But thank you for the education on what other people do different in their spanking session, at least next time when I screen, I can also clarify about the dom's expectations on that verbal end for a spanking session to prevent such a disaster again.

littlewonder -> RE: puzzled (4/13/2013 8:09:45 PM)
He wants the porn talk. He wants you to tell him how much you want him and how turned on you are and how hot he makes you and stuff like "fuck yeah....harder, harder! Oh yeah! Just like that! I'm such a slut for you!", yada yada yada

BlackTigerDragon -> RE: puzzled (4/21/2013 3:38:23 AM)
Can't answer the question. I was reading it in the voice of one of the characters from Rugrats. Sorry :(

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