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The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/15/2013 9:33:49 PM

cloudboy

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The desire of the man is for the woman; the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man

This is the general theme of popular romance novels. It was the driving force in 50 Shades of Grey according to the reviews.

Query: Does a woman ever desire a man (or does it not work that way?) If you desire a man, what follows from that? Hope? Action? What kind of actions?

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 4/15/2013 9:34:09 PM >

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/15/2013 9:55:27 PM

Missokyst

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Its kind of nonsense. I have had a few men desire me, it didn't do anything for me emotionally. I have wanted a man, it kept me in a bad situation for 3 yrs. He desired me, but I was far from the only one and I knew it, so no perks regarding his wanting me. What followed from that desire was sex. LOTS of sex. Hope had nothing to do with it.
That line is basically saying women have no sexual needs on their own. Did a man write it?
I can tell you that many of us DO masturbate, get horny, needy, desirous, and it starts with or without a man.

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/15/2013 10:23:13 PM

LafayetteLady

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If you believe that a man can desire a woman, why would you think a woman couldn't desire a man?

What does a man get from his desire? Why would the woman not get the same thing?

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/15/2013 10:57:54 PM

ARIES83

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What romance novels have you been reading man?
Beneath the social convention and propriety, lurks
a wanton, sweaty little beast. Salivating and Hungry,
Belly aching to be filled...

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 4/15/2013 10:59:45 PM >

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/16/2013 12:20:27 AM

LadyPact

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Why would you think women don't have the capacity to desire a man?

Granted, desire generally isn't a category that comes up for Me unless I have the emotional attachment. I tend to think that is why My libido drops any time that MP has been stationed anywhere. Casual sex does very little for Me. I'd probably rather paint My nails.

When threads like this come up, I'm often reminded of a great article that LadyNTrainer used to post. You'd like it, OP. It was connected with Dan Savage in some way, if I recall correctly. The basis of the article was regarding how few men in the general population know what it is like to *really* feel desired in a sexual context. It's one of the very reasons, I believe, that so many males become interested in kink. Women feel desired all of the time by our partners, sometimes by our friends, often by the guy who stands next to us in the grocery store line. (See the famous Chris Rock routine 'would you like some dick with that'.) Most men don't experience that and they want to feel that way. This runs on both sides of the kneel from the Dominant man who wants his cock worshiped to the male sub who wants to be 'taken' because someone desires him that much.

Rest assured, some men do have these experiences. Those that don't tend to fantasize about it.

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/16/2013 1:30:28 AM

Winterapple

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In the romance novels I've read the women desired the men.
Strongly and vice versa.

In life I desire the man and want him to desire me back.
I have no desire to be desired by a man I don't desire.
His desire doesn't waken desire in me. It usually makes
me desirous of him to find another object to desire.

I desire mutual desire and the exploration and fulfillment
of our mutual desire.

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/16/2013 6:46:42 AM

HisPet21

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quote:

Women feel desired all of the time by our partners, sometimes by our friends, often by the guy who stands next to us in the grocery store line.

Hmmm, I think this is pretty true and the "grocery store guy" is a particularly interesting concept. I've been hit on all the time by guys I just met at the store, the mall, the pet shop. But I've never looked at someone I just met and know nothing about and felt, "Hot damn, I would like to tap that ass." I don't know if that's a common thing--that generally, women don't suddenly get the hots for someone they see in line ahead of them--or if it is just me.

When I first met Dunamis, I wasn't suddenly overcome with desire. But now that I know him, I most certainly do swoon at the sight and want him deeply. But you won't catch me feeling sexually attracted to random guys on the street, even if they do have six pack abs and chiseled jaws. I need an emotional connection to be attracted to and want someone.

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/16/2013 6:59:17 AM

theshytype

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I've desired many men. Many men have desired me. Unless we both desire each other, it's not going anywhere.
I will see a man and think of the things I'd like him to do to me. Some men don't spark my attention until I get to know him a bit. Either way, I'm a very sexual creature with the same, if not more, desires than a man.

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/16/2013 8:38:14 AM

NuevaVida

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Back in a former life, when I was terribly insecure and didn't think much of myself, I didn't find myself desirable at all, much less see why anyone would want me in their life. I also didn't "get" that I could pick and choose who I could allow into my life, nor did I "get" the concept of looking out for myself or being in a healthy relationship. I suffered from depression, and had a lot of feelings of worthlessness.

Soooo.....when someone came to desire me, it fed my need for acceptance, and I'd lap it up like a starving puppy. Their desire in me created a reciprocal response, because of my need to be liked and accepted, even though I couldn't see what a lie that was. Even if it was just for a few moments in time that would soon disappear, I responded to it, only to feel even emptier than I did before he came along. That's the unhealthy picture of a lack of self acceptance.

So yeah, those unrealistic romance stories spoke to my own false reality.

These days? I'm in a much different place. I desire a man but if I don't sense his returned desire, my own desire for him dwindles and eventually dies. I do not put energy toward people who are indifferent to me; I just move along and enjoy my life. No biggy.

When I met the Mister, I had a cautious desire for him. It was clear that he reciprocated, and we moved forward together from there. My stance of "I won't be where I'm not wanted" remained (and still remains) so anytime I sensed a lack of interest from him I'd start to shrug him off and go about my business. I don't chase after people, and I'm not the type who pines over a man.

So now these romance novels are pretty silly to me, totally unrealistic, and a little sad. But there was a time when I related to them, for sure.

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RE: The Romance Novel - Desire - 4/16/2013 6:55:31 PM

littlewonder

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I desire men all the time.

I desired Master from the very second I saw him.

I desired my husband from the first time we went out.

I desired my ex-Dom after we went out a few times.

I desire men I see on the street because I think they're hot.

I desire all kinds of things.

Doesn't mean I will always get what I desire though.

Sometimes those desires lead to fucking.
Sometimes those desires lead to me talking to him and hoping he feels the same way.
Sometimes those desires lead to fantasies.
Sometimes those desires lead to absolutely nothing at all except a fleeting thought of "he's hot".

This really does seem like an extremely odd question. Maybe it's just me.

I'm going to guess women never have desires in your opinion? We're just cold, emotionless fish???

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 4/16/2013 6:57:10 PM >

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