If it's not your kink... (Full Version)

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sansa -> If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 1:23:29 AM)

...how do you react to it?

Do you accept it as the other person's kink and just work around it?

Do you berate the other person for being into something that annoys you or that you don't understand?

Do you ignore the person completely, even if you might have been able to make a really great friend in the lifestyle, just because you don't understand their kink?

Or do you react in a completely different way?

This can be in reference to ANY form of kink, from physical acts, to levels of Dominance or submission, to methods of discipline, to anything, literally anything that goes on in the lifestyle.



ladysekhmetka -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 1:33:35 AM)

Not trying to force it down my throat? Eh, whatever floats your boat.

Forcing it down my throat? Screw you buddy.

Asking nicely and it's not a hard limit? If you're someone I love, I'll give it a go for you, but only cause you asked nicely.



sansa -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 1:39:50 AM)

By the way...

This isn't in reference to a potential play partner but more in reference to people you come across in the lifestyle. Those people you are acquainted with who are into things you're not into, those people who you just happen to see at a play party, in a club, at a munch, on a website, who do things differently than you do and your reactions to them and their ways.



MaamJay -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 2:06:15 AM)

If it's not My kink but it is not (a) outside the rules of the play party or (b) clearly dangerous to them or to others at the play party, then depending upon My reaction to it I will either:
1. watch, learn and ask questions later OR 2. turn and walk away and let them get on with it.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

PS Just love the cute kitty in your pic sansa



LafayetteLady -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 3:55:52 AM)

It depends on what it is. There are some things that I believe people shouldn't do under any circumstances. Such as forced anorexia, feeders, and of course, those with a death wish just to name a couple.

Other things like sadism/masochism, fire play, knife play....well, it won't be done with me, and I might watch it, given the opportunity.

Again, it all depends on what it is and the circumstances around it.



LizDeluxe -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 4:58:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sansa
Do you accept it as the other person's kink and just work around it?


I accept the fact that other people are into things I am not into and get on with my own business.



ResidentSadist -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 5:20:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sansa
By the way...

This isn't in reference to a potential play partner but more in reference to people you come across in the lifestyle. Those people you are acquainted with who are into things you're not into, those people who you just happen to see at a play party, in a club, at a munch, on a website, who do things differently than you do and your reactions to them and their ways.

Why would I have any reaction? The only reaction anyone does get out of me is the tourists. Over the years, they have wasted my time with stupid questions and silly reactions to edge play, so my reaction is to avoid them when possible. Otherwise, to each their own.



Thaz -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 5:56:41 AM)

If it doesnt squick me out or strike me as being dramaticaly dangerous, sure I'll give it a go. Who knows I might like it.

I found entire kinks I would have rejected out of hand that way.....



Cilicia -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 6:31:45 AM)

There are two things that seem downright silly to me:
1. Someone else's kink
2. Any kink after orgasm



njlauren -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 7:23:05 AM)

If it's not my kink, I respect other's right to do it, there are plenty of things I personally find noxious, like smoking fetish or roman showers or degradation, but others have that right. The only times where I could have issues are when I think someone is doing something I feel strongly about, like the discussion on playing with loaded guns that was on another thread, or if I saw a relationship I thought was over the line from being D/s to true abuse, like people arguing in a M/s that the M had the right to do anything, including killing them, but it takes very extreme cases, and even there I tend to take it to the side of trying to be respectful (I might say my piece about someone playing with loaded guns, but I also wouldn't try to stop them either). It is kind of like where you have a neighbor where you hear loud arguments and such, screaming and whatnot, and trying to figure out what to do...is it just a loud argument, or is something worse happening? With a severe M/s, I have a hard time sitting back and saying "anything is valid' in those cases, when there is the real potential for abuse.....I haven't run into that, i have yet to find Masters or Mistresses in those situations who thought it was fun to break bones deliberately or truly hurt their slaves, I am glad I haven't, because I would be torn, I have a strong moral sense that says allowing someone truly to be hurt is wrong, but I also have respect for others wishes, and it isn't an easy line.



JeffBC -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 7:24:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sansa
[If it's not your kink...how do you react to it?

I'm the vanilla guy floating around a bunch of freaky kinksters. At first, it freaked me out but I stuck with it. Sometimes it was akin to pressing my cheek up against a belt sander. I think, though, that because all of this is alien to me I pretty much reconciled all of it -- even the pragmatic parts where my concern was actually valid. Nowadays I look at whether happiness is produced not the method of production.



LadyPact -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 8:11:55 AM)

As long as nobody is trying to incorporate Me into their kink, it's a kink that is permitted by the dungeon rules, and the participants aren't in jeopardy, they can do whatever floats their boat. There are kinks that I don't want to be around. If I'm just an attendee, I don't have to hang out and watch. If that's the part of the night where I've signed on for a DM shift, then it's just a part of the task that I've volunteered to do.

I'm of the mindset that the door to the dungeon area swings both ways. If there's something going on that I don't want to watch, I can go out just as easily as I came in.



DarkSteven -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 8:15:25 AM)

If it's safe and consensual, it doesn't matter what I think of it. That applies to a lot of things, not just kink ones.



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 8:40:41 AM)

It depends. Based on your initial question where I thought you were talking about meeting a "partner", I think it is important to be clear and honest upfront. I may be friends with certain sadistic, prototypes of God but I could never be involved with someone who has a need for edge play. Certain things, you can tell, are important to someone and, asking them to give it up is going to lead to resentment. I don't even entertain the thought of being with a sadist or poly because, even if they say it "is not that important" & "they can do without it"...I believe they will eventually want that again. It is why I don't become involved with men who are bi-sexual...I believe certain things that we get a taste of and that we enjoy we will want again even if not a steady diet. It is different for someone to say, "I tried caning a sub but found I did not like it" to "I enjoy some caning play occasionally but am sure I could live without it".

Now,if you are asking from the POV of being at a party or a munch & the person says "I am a sadist"...I will ask questions, talk to him/her, might become friends and go out to dinner...long as he isn't hitting me..I don't care. If I like you as a person then we can be friends who have different interests....Now, I meet someone who says "I love little girls. I think the best subs are under 15." I think you are a sick MF who either is breaking the law or has a sick sense of humor and enjoys "shocking" people with that type of statement. Either way...I have no desire to Know anything else about you. case closed.



NuevaVida -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 8:50:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

It depends on what it is. There are some things that I believe people shouldn't do under any circumstances. Such as forced anorexia, feeders, and of course, those with a death wish just to name a couple.


I'm in this camp, and if I'm in a conversation (or here on a discussion board) in which people are discussing it, I'll express my concerns. But these are significantly unhealthy/harmful/dangerous activities.

Otherwise if it's something along the lines of really sadistic and/or degrading...it's between the parties involved and doesn't affect me other than I might jump in and share my own experiences.

I just figure people are wherever they need to be at any given time, for reasons unknown to me. I sure had my share of "You're insane!!" "You're so fucked up!!" type of reactions when I was with the former dude, but yanno, it's where I needed to be, and I survived and came out better for it, so who am I to turn those reactions around on others?

Since I don't go to play parties, I can't speak to actually watching it.



HisPet21 -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 3:14:01 PM)

quote:

It depends on what it is. There are some things that I believe people shouldn't do under any circumstances. Such as forced anorexia, feeders, and of course, those with a death wish just to name a couple.


I think I am with Layfayette Lady on this one, too. By and large, I may feel a little squeamish or uncomfortable with the kinks you love, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends or find common ground somewhere else. To each their own and I am not one to judge, generally speaking. On the other hand, I have to admit that there are some activities I find to be inherently unethical. They are far, few, and inbetween, but they are there. For example, I've heard of people who have a fetish for flashing a random person on the street or answering the pizza guy at the door with a naked sub. It's a nice fantasy and even something you could enact by setting it up with consenting parties ahead of time, but with non-consenting parties? Sorry, it is unethical and not okay to involve people in your sex life against their will.

Can't say much about play parties, as I've never been (but that may change soon). However, I can imagine--as LadyPact says--that it is as simple as walking away from the stuff that you aren't comfortable watching.

quote:

PS Just love the cute kitty in your pic sansa


Agree! The kitty is adorable!



DesFIP -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 5:44:13 PM)

If you're talking about play parties, I'd walk out of the room and not watch. I'm easily squicked.

Pushing me to do it when I've made my dislike and disinterest perfectly clear? That makes you rude and I don't choose to associate with rude people.



ARIES83 -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 6:43:11 PM)

If it's not thrust in my face I would rather say, to
each their own, but depends on the delivery, and
the situation, I find somethings objectionable or in
bad taste, but I try to be accepting to a point.

I'm not one to flaunt my relationship dynamics or
sexual fetishes in public. Just as I don't force my
beliefs or judgements onto other people.
I don't think it's unreasonable for me to expect a
similar level courtesy.



littlewonder -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 8:10:15 PM)

If it's not my kink, I will usually just shrug my shoulders and move on without a single word said. That doesn't mean I accept it. It just means I don't feel like making a big deal about it.

If I feel it's horrible like trying to make your illegal activities seem like it's ok because you're calling it bdsm, I will call you out on it and THEN walk away and I may even let others be aware of your activities depending on the illegality of it.

But just because I walk away, does not mean I am accepting or not judging you. I am. I judge. We all do no matter how much others deny it.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: If it's not your kink... (4/20/2013 8:47:46 PM)

...how do you react to it?
It depends on whether it's being crammed down my throat or not, i.e. whether I'm being pushed to get involved in it myself or not. If no one is pushing it on me, I'm free to just walk away if I don't like it.

Do you accept it as the other person's kink and just work around it?
Sure. Like I said above, if it's not being pushed on me, I have no issue with it. I can just walk away if I don't want to watch.

Do you berate the other person for being into something that annoys you or that you don't understand?
No. Depending on what it is, I might even ask questions about it after the scene and aftercare are over of course. I don't want to interrupt a scene/aftercare in progress.

Do you ignore the person completely, even if you might have been able to make a really great friend in the lifestyle, just because you don't understand their kink?
Even if I do ignore the scene, were it something I just couldn't handle, I can always go up to the person well afterward and introduce myself. It doesn't have to be right around the timing of the scene/aftercare, ya know.

Or do you react in a completely different way?
There aren't too many kinks that will outright gross me out. I would make a point of avoiding being around something that was, say totally illegal, like kids, animals, that sort of thing. But then that never goes on in any of the places I frequent anyway.

This can be in reference to ANY form of kink, from physical acts, to levels of Dominance or submission, to methods of discipline, to anything, literally anything that goes on in the lifestyle.
Some stuff, yeah, I just don't "get." But if I don't "get" something and I'm genuinely curious, I have a mouth and I can open it to ask questions. Again, not during the scene or aftercare.

NBMG




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