RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners.

RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (Full Version)

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lilcracker -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 5:56:38 AM)
Raspsberry---this is pretty much how it is with us. I am pretty much shy and unwanted flirting does make me uncomfortable. Normally we are always together, it's rare I need to handle it myself but it has happened a couple times at work or on the bus. Most days he is watching when the bus drops me off and can see me from the front porch but there was one day I did call him and tell him I felt uncomfortable and he was waiting for me at the bus stop. I understand the protectiveness. I also understand the feelings of his getting hit on a lot. My partner is nine years in my junior and is attractive. I often wonder how I got so lucky, but we just sort of clicked. I don't say anything and sometimes, it takes effort. When we are alone, then I express my feelings. "Wow she really pissed me off," or "Damn she was pretty I felt jealous." or "LOL that was funny." I guess a lot of the reason I don't say anything is I am introverted, but I also know if my anger causes my mouth to go off, it's never pretty and I HATE drama and yep I would create it if I went off so I try hard to control it.

LaTigresse -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 6:07:29 AM)
I am an adult and only have relationships with adults. It is a non issue.

egern -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 6:40:47 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: lilcracker I guess maybe I should have been clearer and perhaps my story was to blame I used it because it lead us as a couple to talk about flirting and made me wonder what other's thought. I guess I am not talking about harmless flirting---and in this case (my story) it was pretty much harmless flirting or flirting that is not going to go any where. Trust me when I say she is so not a threat and if you knew us all personally---you'd probably agree completely. Sorry, but this, to me, tells me you are insecure. Gods, what utter nonsense!! What do you know about this poster that enables you to make such a statement? I know this game, as a woman you are not allowed to be jealousy or feel insecure if someone has the incredible bad manners to flirt in front of you with your mate, or with you in front of your mate. You are not even allowed to be angry, and most of the posters here are falling over their own feet to explain how little jealous they are. Let me tell you, and the others here and OP, that I consider it social ineptness and bad manners for anyone to do such a thing, and sometimes it is quite simply harassment. Of course you(generic) have a right to be angry, no one has to put up with that kind of thing. If people were racist or silly in other ways would you feel obliged to not react? Of course not. This is the same thing. To the OP, you do not have to play this by the flirter's rules, I suggest you and you man just leave her and go away, or that he, (being the one flirted with) have a serious talk with her about harassment.

egern -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 6:43:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I love to flirt, but do so to make others feel good; if I can tell it isn't appreciated, or if I'm told that, I apologize and move on. Flirting shouldn't be disrepectful or discomforting. Exactly.

egern -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 6:50:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon My Master and I are monogamous, and also both quite possessive of each other--so others' flirting is bothersome in a sense. It's not an issue about trust in each other, it's an issue with other people overstepping our boundaries. It's unpleasant. Exactly. quote: On the other hand, my Master gets hit on a lot, even sometimes in front of me. It does bother me, because as stated above it's a boundary for me, especially when it's right in front of me (I mean come on, that's just downright rude.) Yes, it is. quote: When the rare occurrence happens that I am hit on, I will react to/handle it myself regardless of whether or not my Master is around, but I can and do feel intimidated by those situations and I'm shy with strangers, so I am appreciative that my Master will react as well even if I've already handled it. As said above he's protective and territorial, and especially because of my feelings of intimidation when others make advances on me, he will step in and create a physical barrier/say something/etc. which makes me feel safer. And in contrast to my reactions to him being hit on having nothing to do with his being in charge, his chosen reactions to advances made on me DO have something to do with me being his property. Your relationship, your rules.

egern -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 6:53:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilcracker I also understand the feelings of his getting hit on a lot. My partner is nine years in my junior and is attractive. I often wonder how I got so lucky, but we just sort of clicked. I don't say anything and sometimes, it takes effort. When we are alone, then I express my feelings. "Wow she really pissed me off," or "Damn she was pretty I felt jealous." or "LOL that was funny." I guess a lot of the reason I don't say anything is I am introverted, but I also know if my anger causes my mouth to go off, it's never pretty and I HATE drama and yep I would create it if I went off so I try hard to control it. How does he handle it?

egern -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 6:55:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I am an adult and only have relationships with adults. It is a non issue. You never meet people who do not behave like adults?

LaTigresse -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 7:03:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: egern quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I am an adult and only have relationships with adults. It is a non issue. You never meet people who do not behave like adults? Problem with reading comprehension?

lmpishlilhellcat -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 7:16:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilcracker Last night was a beautiful evening to enjoy the outdoors. The man and I were relaxing on the front porch when one of the other tenants in the building came out to converse with us. I actually met my man through her as he was friends with her male friend. My man told me that on several occasions that this woman had flirted with him in the past (prior to us being together) and he just brushed it off thinking she was perhaps kidding since she is twenty years older than he is but one night she actually came on to him in a highly physical way, in that way he knew her flirting was not just kidding but serious. He did decline her offer and keeps his distance. Anyway last night she told us this long drawn out story about not having the keys to her apartment--which really did not add up because the lady across the street has a key to her front door and there is a hardware store less than a block away in which she can make a copy. Then later on she gets locked out and wants my man to boost her up through a window---but since we have a key to the back entrance to the building and he was able to unlock that door so she could get into her apartment. (she doesn't lock her door in the back.) We sort of thought it was her flirty attempts to get close to him and get him to come into her place or come up to ours since she figured I had went to bed already which I had. This got me thinking about unwanted flirts and come ons. In my relationship if a woman comes onto the man, I say absolutely nothing to her at all. He deals with it and has had to in the past. I do express my feelings about it to him privately. But, since I am the submissive one in the relationship, I feel it is his place to handle that sort of stuff and not aide him when he is capable of taking care of it. On the flip side, if a man gets flirty and out of bounds with me, if my man were there while it was happening, I know and expect that he would handle it. If we are not with each other when it happens I will handle it on my own but let him know that it did happen. My question is and it doesn't matter what side of the kneel you are on how do you deal with 'flirty people' both towards you and to your partner? Also does your partner agree with the way you deal with it? (Because the way it is handled in my relationship it's mutually agreed that it is to be handled in just that way.) The flirting happens quite often with my husband. By that I mean, girls often flirt with my husband. I'm not sure if it is because he's really friendly. It's not uncommon for him to call the pizza place and say, "How are you doing today Sandy?" (a made up name). I find that the older women think he's adorable and the younger ones flirt with him shamelessly while I'm standing there. As far as I know no one has gone far enough to try and take it physical. On our very first date the waitress flirted with him. He didn't even know she was flirting with him. Friday night when we went out to dinner, the little girl (the hostess) only had eyes for him and repeatedly bent over in front of our table with her ass in his face. She couldn't have been more than 18 and he's about to be 40. I find it extremely funny. Most of the time he's not paying attention and they have to be really obvious. However, at the end of the day he's coming home to me. I know he only has eyes for me. I know that he's really selective and I know that he's very serious about our marriage working. If it gets to the point that it's really uncomfortable for him, he will tell them to stop. It's not my place to step in and speak for him. Just like he doesn't step in and speak for me in the same type of situation. If it ever gets to the point where I feel really disrespected I will step in and say something. It hasn't ever gotten to that point.

lilcracker -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 7:30:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: egern quote: ORIGINAL: lilcracker I also understand the feelings of his getting hit on a lot. My partner is nine years in my junior and is attractive. I often wonder how I got so lucky, but we just sort of clicked. I don't say anything and sometimes, it takes effort. When we are alone, then I express my feelings. "Wow she really pissed me off," or "Damn she was pretty I felt jealous." or "LOL that was funny." I guess a lot of the reason I don't say anything is I am introverted, but I also know if my anger causes my mouth to go off, it's never pretty and I HATE drama and yep I would create it if I went off so I try hard to control it. How does he handle it? When he is flirted with? most of the time he ignores it...in the case of the lady with the key---he woke me up told me the situation and asked, "Where's the key?" So I suppose in that way he was ignoring it. If one got physical, he normally just removes himself or would let them know touch was not appropriate.

DaddySatyr -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 8:08:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MercTech Trust me, guys are not clueless to flirting, but often ignore it knowing it is all a game to the ladies. +1

theshytype -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/21/2013 9:31:16 AM)
If its casual flirting, I find it funny. Sometimes I even view it as a compliment - I've chosen someone others want but can't have. If they start to cross the line, they'll get the look. I've perfected the look over the years and people usually back right down. We've never really had any other issues simply because we make it clear we're not interested by not associating with them or, if a reply is necessary, will reply cooly.

Dreamless -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/22/2013 1:25:41 AM)
No one flirts with me. Problem solved? I think a lot of women flirt out of habit anyway. Someone getting physical with me or my pale love, that might intact a reaction, but towards me I'd probably tell them to just back off and for her I'd just butt in to say she's taken. But hell I'm usually the flirty one, and I do it without even thinking. I get the stink eye sometimes but honestly, I'm not trying to steal your man that's just how I talk. I'm pretty non-offended by verbal flirting, probably because I'm almost never the target of it and it seems like the oblivious, non-antagonistic approach works pretty well in my non-dangerous Canada.

Level -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/22/2013 4:06:52 AM)
Give me time... [;)]

kalikshama -> RE: How others handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/22/2013 4:35:06 AM)
I'm having a very hard time understanding the issue here. Underneath all the talk about flirting, it seems like you feel trapped in a bad neighborhood, in which case you should move to a better neighborhood within your city. Subissue A: If I wanted monogamy but had never discussed this with my partner, I might feel insecure if he was an attractive younger man with whom others flirted. Subissue B: I used to spend a lot of time at a clothing optional beach where my polite Southern girlfriends often felt uncomfortable with unwanted male attention. This was not an issue for me, which I attribute to having been raised in Massachusetts, being comfortable with men having worked in many traditional male jobs including the USAF, having good personal boundaries, and having taken self defense classes. quote: I will say this....if the our neighbor were anyone else I might be able to fathom the insecurity slam but have you ever seen the effects of crack use? Not a pretty sight and quite honestly if I even had a hint that my partner was would 'slum' it---he definately would not be my partner. And further, I have never put any conditions on his sexuality....we don't discuss monogamy....I am faithful because that is the way I am wired....when he walks out the door his actions are on him....I never ask where he's been, who he's with...what he was doing (he usually tells me but if he doesn't it's not a big deal).... with that said, I've known him long enough to know how he is wired (we knew each other quite sometime before he asked me out officially) and if I ever learned he cheated, I probably would be so suprised that it would stop my heart. Our relationship is secure and that provides me with security. quote: As for where we live, yes it is scary. We live in the hood...lots of gang violence...drug use....there was a recent rape right on my block not too long ago and our block is one of the safer ones...and this area is where the recently released prisoners are relocated to if they have no where else to go, there is a halfway house of sorts for them....it's very rare that I go out alone even to walk the dog, I never venture very far from our apartment. Normally I take her to the back yard and let her run, because it is fenced in and much safer for both of us. It's not a game it's our reality...but seriously I would not want to live anywhere else. This city is my home, I am established, we have fairly good jobs, we have family here. In response to standing up for myself, if I did when my parner was around the flirter could also assume that I said no because my partner was present and still assume I was interested. One can never tell how another will react. So it can go both ways and no one way is right or wrong it just depends on what works for people.

egern -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/22/2013 3:28:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: egern quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I am an adult and only have relationships with adults. It is a non issue. You never meet people who do not behave like adults? Problem with reading comprehension? No, but with rudeness.

LafayetteLady -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/22/2013 3:46:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilcracker When he is flirted with? most of the time he ignores it...in the case of the lady with the key---he woke me up told me the situation and asked, "Where's the key?" So I suppose in that way he was ignoring it. If one got physical, he normally just removes himself or would let them know touch was not appropriate. So when you first posted about this, you were there watching what she did, but now, you were sleeping and didn't see a thing? quote: Anyway last night she told us this long drawn out story about not having the keys to her apartment--which really did not add up because the lady across the street has a key to her front door and there is a hardware store less than a block away in which she can make a copy. Then later on she gets locked out and wants my man to boost her up through a window---but since we have a key to the back entrance to the building and he was able to unlock that door so she could get into her apartment. (she doesn't lock her door in the back.) We sort of thought it was her flirty attempts to get close to him and get him to come into her place or come up to ours since she figured I had went to bed already which I had. Yea, you are definitely insecure. No one who is secure goes into the detail that you did trying to explain how you are NOT insecure, nor do they lie to make the story more credible. At this point, we can see that you didn't witness anything, it was just what your partner told you. As for living in the hood, you say you both have decent jobs, so why don't you move? Your excuse of being "comfortable" there is ridiculous. Who is comfortable hearing gunshots on a nightly basis?

RemoteUser -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/22/2013 5:49:01 PM)
My girl has mentioned several times that she gets hit on/flirted with repeatedly. If anything it shows they have good taste, but beyond that, I don't care. She's able to take care of herself in that regard, and I trust her.

lilcracker -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/23/2013 1:15:35 AM)
Lafayettelady---pfffftttt no matter what I say you've made up your mind so whatever.

kookycreature -> RE: How other's handle flirts and come on's to their partners. (4/23/2013 2:03:46 AM)
If me and my Master are together, we will generally joke about it. We've had it happen where someone has come onto me, and then he'll make a comment that makes it distinct as to our status. Usually this works. He's not had anyone come onto him that he's had trouble with; he brushes it off like water off a duck's back. I'm often quite oblivious to any come-ons to me, which he finds hilarious.

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