RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (Full Version)

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irishbynature -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:34:07 AM)



Ah...I see...Wulf's reply got the confusion going...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmm... Irish I must admit that is odd. So you are in a sexless marriage that has now diminished to a total lack of respect and ultimately to cheating


Gosh, if my life were that messed up.....i'd have my running shoes on:) Grins, Erin..I certainly can see where it got VERY confusing. I don't blame you one bit for questioning that. I know you motivation is purely to help and give sound advice.

But your advice and input are always excellent insights to read[:)] Thanks for pointing that out...I'm sure Wulf assumed it had been 4 years for me as well? No matter. Wulf's cool.

Thanks again!
Love, Peace, Light!
Irish!  [sm=boohoo.gif](this icon is good for me right now, huh..lol)



mnottertail -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:40:10 AM)

You come on up to my house honey, I got 97 acres, who is gonna hear you keening?

(do you know that irish term?)

Ron



Wulfchyld -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:42:49 AM)

Oh crap! I didn't realize I started the debate. When I saw the sexless marriage thread I stayed off of it because it got pretty hot. I responded to your OP, and didn’t realize it would be fore shadowed by another thread. Sorry about the confusion folks.

Does anyone have sound advice on how she should broach the subject of opening the marriage and actually being heard?



feastie -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:42:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

I found out last night that my spouse had placed my profile on an adult web site stating, "Couple Seeking Bi-sexual Female"...(true story)

Facts as is:
1. I wasn't hurt about it....but curious as to why he would seek a bi- female, stating it was for me, when he and I have never had this conversation, nor had I been asked if my information could be posted in such a manner.
2. Clincher:  I am not bi-sexual.
3. Various emails he sent were asking these women for a lunch date/meeting. Problem was, he used our main email as a backup(secondary email) and they came to our server's address. Hence, I got a big surprise, huh?
4. I'd asked over a year ago about an "Open marriage" and he flat out refused. Yet, he uses my information to seek something.
5. He's not had any interest in sex with me; hence, I can assume, he must have a fetish for bi women? That's fine, but don't use me as the "jumping off point," esp when it's not my "thing"
6. I'm not innocent by any means. I'm not seeking pity. It's just this kind of search he's doing  made no sense to me.


I guess I have to approach him about this of course. When I did in a 'round about way' he acted as if he knew nothing of what I was addressing.

I am disappointed that he would use my information to "surf" for couples/bisexual females without my approval.

If he'd asked, I  would have said, "Go explore YOUR needs, do what YOU need to, but don't list me as anything on your profile and do NOT involve me in your personal quest....esp. a bi-sexual female and seeking couples. I'm not interested in couples/or bisexuals (?) Strikes me as very odd.


Well Masters/Doms/Mistresses/Dommes.....what's your take?
Thanks and be well[:)]
Irish



I think the highlighted sentences will help you understand how the "link" between you and your "friend" were made. 



irishbynature -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:45:54 AM)

Gotcha Feastie...My best friend and I are best friends for the reasons that we have some issues in common...but ya know what's funny? We dance around them, asking eachother for advice...and find out we are both just living in the same type of denial! LOL...Maybe calling Jerry Springer would help? LOL.





irishbynature -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:48:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Oh crap! I didn't realize I started the debate. When I saw the sexless marriage thread I stayed off of it because it got pretty hot. I responded to your OP, and didn’t realize it would be fore shadowed by another thread. Sorry about the confusion folks.

Does anyone have sound advice on how she should broach the subject of opening the marriage and actually being heard?


Hugs Wulf...you're so easy to forgive! No worries![:D]



feastie -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:48:16 AM)

Actually, having been in the situation, a firm decision on one side or the other is what helps.  You'll make that decision when you're ready, but it truly is the only thing that makes a difference.



irishbynature -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:49:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

You come on up to my house honey, I got 97 acres, who is gonna hear you keening?

(do you know that irish term?)

Ron



97 acres! Dude, you could ahave a community of subs kneeling around you with that much land! LOL.



irishbynature -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:50:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Actually, having been in the situation, a firm decision on one side or the other is what helps.  You'll make that decision when you're ready, but it truly is the only thing that makes a difference.


Well said...!!!



Wulfchyld -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 6:50:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

Hugs Wulf...you're so easy to forgive! No worries![:D]



Oh hell if a slip of the tongue is going to get me a hug I need to F-up big time and see what that gets me!



Lordandmaster -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 7:41:36 AM)

Well, let me put this succinctly:

You're a pretty girl and I like your politics.  But your husband is a dumass, and what you've said about him on here doesn't reflect well on you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

Well Masters/Doms/Mistresses/Dommes.....what's your take?



sskitten -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 10:29:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

Ah...I see...Wulf's reply got the confusion going...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmm... Irish I must admit that is odd. So you are in a sexless marriage that has now diminished to a total lack of respect and ultimately to cheating


Gosh, if my life were that messed up.....i'd have my running shoes on:) Grins, Erin..I certainly can see where it got VERY confusing. I don't blame you one bit for questioning that. I know you motivation is purely to help and give sound advice.

But your advice and input are always excellent insights to read[:)] Thanks for pointing that out...I'm sure Wulf assumed it had been 4 years for me as well? No matter. Wulf's cool.

Thanks again!
Love, Peace, Light!
Irish!  [sm=boohoo.gif](this icon is good for me right now, huh..lol)


Uhhhh..... don't look now, but does anyone else see blame-shifting somewhere in the neighborhood?
 
And now you are sweetly "forgiving" Wulf for the confusion?
 
A lot of us came to the same conclusion from your own words; it had nothing to do with Wulf's summation.  Your "friend" was looking to hear from others in her situation.  You gathered up 20 pages of input without ever letting on that you are in the identical situation (except, if there is a friend, we don't know if she is also cheating and we don't know how long your marriage has been sexless).  You stayed high and dry when the debate got a bit stormy exploring the realms of blame and personal responsibility.
 
Your last words on that thread were:
 
quote:

Wow...some interesting twists and turns from the OP!!!

I think Level put it best...things don't get solved on a thread like this. However, it was interesting to see the vast array of responses. The OP asked if anyone had been in the same situation, and it appears Susan and Incognito have been. Therefore, since they've lived it...their responses were highly regarded by my friend.

As far as the advice I give her (my friend)...is to be happy, no matter what that means to her. Leaving, staying a while longer, finding a lover, open marriage...etc. For the last 2 years, she hasn't even wanted to have sex with her spouse because he has hurt her too much with that issue....furthermore,  he is unable to open up emotionally and that is the icing on the cake. She maintains that she will never marry again.

 
An hour later you came to this board and started this thread.  Whether or not you have a similarly beautiful sub friend whose husband, like yours, won't have sex with her and won't permit an open marriage, and said friend apparently had not found your own highly relevant input sufficient (while implying in your OP that you were unfamiliar with a situation like this) - even leaving all that aside, you've made it clear on other threads that you entered into the world of BDSM with a colleague four years ago and that you have a current Master.  If you are asking Masters and Mistresses here what they think of the situation with your husband, it's relevant for them to know that not only is your husband doing something odd behind your back but you have been going behind his back for years.
 
If this is my claws showing, so be it.  I don't look at it that way.  If you ask for input, it helps for people to know the full story, not half of it.  Simple as that.
 
And so far the more you say to "clarify," the less I trust you.  Ok, there's a claw.
 
But as to your situation with your husband:  some men who are no longer interested in sex with their wives find it less threatening to find a female partner for their wives than to let them go seeking other men on their own.  (I have a friend whose husband tried something similar but with her knowledge, even though she was not the least bit bi.)  Your husband is probably hoping to ward off or end the cheating that is already underway.  He may have intended to interview a few candidates first before letting you in on his brilliant idea.
 



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 10:42:30 AM)

Very well said, sskitten. You summarized irishbynature's true nature and situation very well.



primeslave -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 11:34:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

curious as to why he would seek a bi- female, stating it was for me,

My guess is he is trying the old bait and switch. He.used your pic as bait because you're a good looking gal, and he figures his chance of scoring is higher going after bisexual gals who want a piece of you than he would competing against all the other "single" guys trying to get laid.

Then if he actually meets one he can claim you are sick or something so he can fuck her by himself.

 
absolutely, i agree.  bait and switch.  trolling for other women using you.
 
its the same thing as having the submissive troll for other women for him except that he knew that you wouldnt cooperate so he used you without you knowing.
 
i have much more respect for a guy who trolls for himself.  at least he is honest.  i have a very dear friend who is married and will tell you that right up front.  i respect Him very much because of his honesty.
 
i wish you luck.  in this day and age, someone else using your profile could get you in jail.  its your profile and you are responsible for where your profile goes and the things you 'say and do' under your profile.
 
 



classykindasassy -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/25/2006 11:03:29 PM)

We teach the universe how to treat us.
What do you have if your needs are not met and you have no trust in someone who would pimp out your image to shop for pussy behind your back? Pussy that you have no interest in sharing, yet this is how you have been represented???

Hey - masochists love misery. You must love this shit, or you'd be getting the fuck out and getting a life.

How about getting that before you are too old to enjoy it??? either learn to embrace and enjoy the restraints you are keeping on yourself, or do something about it that works. What else is there except hot air???




NeedToUseYou -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/27/2006 5:08:00 PM)

This whole thing blows my mind. So, now there are two women in the exact same situation one  attractive(irishbynature), the other who knows(friend). And both husbands won't have sex with them. Bizarre. I just can't comprehend this. Not wanting to fuck a hot woman. What's the world coming to!!!! And two men in two different marriages both not wanting to fuck either wife!!! That must be a statistical anomaly on par with getting struck by lightning.

LOL, maybe the end of the world is near. Pigs will be flying next....  Maybe I'm to young to comprehend such incomprehensible notions.



juliaoceania -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/27/2006 7:18:44 PM)

I did not post on the "other" thread. I know much more about this situation as Irish is my best friend. I have been away from home visiting my Dom for the last few days, and I am very glad of it because I would have been tempted sorely to jump into these replies to Irish. She is a big girl, and  I know she can fight her own fights, but I love Irish and do not like to see people pile on her.

I have seen Irish go through this for a few years now, been there for her, saw her evolution in this marriage.. and I know what a wonderful person she is. I also have had interactions with her hubby. He is a funny, charming person. I think he does love her, but I also think he is pathologically selfish too. I do not think I know his side of this story, and I do not need to, he is not an evil person, he is a good person too. He is also a confused person...

I did not weigh in on the other thread because Irish knows what I think, and since I had more information about the particulars than the others, I figured what I had to say wasn't what Irish needed to hear at this point... I understand that and respect it...I have never walked in her shoes.

I will only state what I have stated again and again.. Anyone that wants us to live in the dark and be untrue to ourselves needs to be gone out of our lives. If being with someone means I have to live a lie to stay in the relationship, well that relationship is not one I would tolerate. If I was with someone that refused to meet my needs and refused to let me get my needs met elsewhere I would go. If I found out that they were living a double life too, I would definitely want out. Life is too damn short to be untrue to ourselves. Life is too damn short to live it in a lie. People that live lies are miserable people.. It may seem that their lies are the only recourse, but more often than not people find that this "lesser" evil is still just evil.

People are not bad people because they fall short, live lies, have failing marriages, and live double lives. Irish knows what I think of her... She is one of the most intelligent beautiful and kindest people I know.. or have ever known for that matter. She is also very unhappy... Irish.. I just want you to be happy sweetie.. I love you.



bandit25 -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/27/2006 7:39:11 PM)

Julia,

Hi, it's me, bandit.  You know how highly I think of you and of your opinions.  I haven't said anything because I remember reading somewhere that Irish is your friend and I respect that.  But, what is she trying to accomplish?  Irish, do you really need to ask this question?  You are a grown woman.  How do you feel about it?  Base your decision on THAT not on what anyone here says.  Good Lord woman, be the intelligent, sweet wonderful woman that julia says you are.  Who the hell cares what my take is?  It's your take that counts.  If you are going to stay in this marriage, then stay but don't post stuff like that.  And if you aren't, then go, but do it because it's what you want...it's the best thing for you...whatever...but not because a group of people you don't even know tell you to. 



Wulfchyld -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/27/2006 8:05:20 PM)

I think what she is trying to do is avoid paying a councilor who cannot relate to the situation. She is approaching a community of her peers in the hopes that those who have gone through a similar experience, or is going through it, can help her sound through her own confusion. Perhaps she is trying to evolve herself into the BDSM world and trying to cope with the situation as a submissive. Being a submissive does not give him the right to make her a doormat nor does it give him the right to betray her trust. I am not schooled in this relationship; I only draw from the posts of the situation. Which leads me to the conclusion that in time she wishes to explore submission and is dipping her toe in the water to see if Dominants bite in such ways and if so, how a submissive should deal with it.
 
IMO YMMV



juliaoceania -> RE: He used my pic to find bi-women secretly (6/27/2006 8:08:14 PM)

She is trying to find other people who have experienced similar things, I haven't experienced what she has, I cannot help her other than tell her what I really think. She has found others that have experienced these things on here.. But Bandit you are right.. no one here lives her life, no one can tell her what to do, and no one here really matters when it comes to deciding what we do in our lives. There are a couple of factors she has not posted that make it understandable why she has remained in this situation... But she can't post it here.

Yes you are right Bandit.. It is sorta frustrating to know much more than most people responding to her and know they do not have relevant facts to give an informed opinion as to her plight. I will say this though... there have been a couple of responses that have helped in that she does know there are others in her situation... if for no other reason then it helps to know others have been through this and come out the other side then it was worth posting what she has I suppose.



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