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RE: Coping with someone else's insecurity - 4/25/2013 6:46:15 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
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Dreamless, I don't think admitting insecurities, at any time, makes anyone less domly. Only if you let it consume you and take over, never attempting to change it, then maybe. Admittingly, I tend to carry a false perception in thinking submissive personalities are more prone to insecurities but I know it's not an accurate assumption. We're human and I think a certain level of uncertainty is normal. I really do appreciate your point of view.

And now with all of these thoughts and everyone's input, my brain is running a marathon. I'm really going to have to rethink today being coffee quit day.

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RE: Coping with someone else's insecurity - 4/25/2013 9:54:14 AM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

Everyone has listed good points so far, thank you!

We both know where the feelings stem from and they are very much on him. Still, I have to live with it so I try to make the best out of the situation. Is it ideal to struggle through? No. Do I find it attractive? God no, not at all. But, I understand that many people suffer from some form of insecurity at some point in their life, whatever the cause may be, and don't believe in throwing something out the window when they hit a rough patch.
If it had been this way from the beginning, and I put up with it, I'd call myself an idiot. However, it has not always been this way, it's not who he is, and I fully believe this will pass eventually. It's not going to change overnight, but hopefully with my help will bypass quicker. I'm just trying to do my best in supporting him.

It is commendable that you don't want to toss it away.

If he could fix it on his own, he likely would.
Since it appears he can't, then finding someone who can give him tools and help him change his negative thought processes probably will be necessary.

A therapist.

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RE: Coping with someone else's insecurity - 4/25/2013 10:11:53 AM

JessicaAnn87

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Joined: 9/20/2011
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You can only be there for the person, but you can't "fix" them. They need to get professional help.
Too many people try to fix the "broken" and it wears them out. You can't.

(in reply to kookycreature)

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RE: Coping with someone else's insecurity - 4/25/2013 10:35:20 AM

chatterbox24

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Joined: 1/22/2012
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Insecurities and the dwelling on them or the fears these insecurities bring can actually create a reality one fears so much. It is so very unattractive. Confidence is so attractive. Pointing out your own flaws makes someone think "they are right, they are fat or ugly or stupid or short or or or" " well yes, maybe I am to good for this person, they sure dont think much of themselves do they"

Insecurity can actually be so unattractive, a person who otherwise was faithful and never had any intent of cheating, went out to find a confident man because the things the insecure person saw that person didnt see, but thru time, it was the insecuirty of the person with no amount of reassurance that helped, that caused the thing they feared most.

We all have insecurities, but its really how they are dealt with. Letting them take over your life is a true recipe for self fulfilled prophecy.

Sometimes reassurance isnt the key, although it is effective sometimes. SOmetimes a dose of the simple rude truth helps. Like saying your constant insecurity is ugly, you are creating exactly what you dont want. I haven't seen what you see, but I do see this ugly insecurity.
Ya I know Im mean but thats my take on it.

I lived with unreassurable insecurity for many many years. The ugly truth was what changed things for the better.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 4/25/2013 10:38:11 AM >

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RE: Coping with someone else's insecurity - 4/25/2013 10:43:48 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
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I agree. Believe me when I say I am not trying to fix or improve him. I should have probably worded that a little more carefully when I stated 'help him'. I have absolutely no desire to have that kind of control, nor do I think it's even possible. I do have a problem sitting idly by and telling him to deal with it on his own, and I certainly don't want to make anything worse (like compliments have).

Truth be told, I'm not a fan of seeing therapists. Neither is he. We really view them as a last resort and would probably fit in the list of ultimatums. If, after some time, I can no longer stand it, no improvements are being made, or things are getting worse, then I believe that ultimatum may be necessary.

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RE: Coping with someone else's insecurity - 4/25/2013 2:22:00 PM

angelikaJ

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I understand not being a fan of them.
Sometimes it is a bad therapist that can do that and sometimes it is simply not being ready to make the changes necessary and sometimes it is having therapy crammed down one's throat when young.
The majority of therapists are competent.

He has a specific issue and probably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (which works on changing one's thinking) can fix that.
Often CBT can do a lot in as little as 6 weeks.

Waiting it out seems like unnecessary suffering for both of you.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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Post #: 26