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njlauren -> RE: Is it possible? (4/27/2013 9:55:56 AM)
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I'll give you this from a different perspective that may help,leaving out the dominance stuff. Being who I am, when I was going out a lot presenting as myself, going to clubs and such (talking t centered ones), it was natural to get hit on by men, it was part of the scene. The problem there was the guys saw us as fetish objects, probably from watching too much porn or something, and they would forget we were people. If I was all dressed up nicely, whether slut wear or wearing jeans and a sweater and boots (the latter more than the former), took the time to look nice, it was no different than any women out. I wasn't necessarily looking for anything, but it was a turn off, most of the guys were treating us like fetish objects or like we were just these things for their pleasure. I asked one of the guys if he would approach a woman in a regular bar like that, and he was like 'of course not'.....and he didn't get why I told him to get lost.
I think the way you have to look at this is that as important as being dominant is to some people, it is still a facet of them,whether it represents 70% r 20%,it mixed with the other things. I described it in my case as yes, I was trans, but it was what I was, not who I was, that I had a brain that I was given, I have interests, can talk about Brahm's 1st symphony or enjoy laughing at a Weird Al parody, I can enjoy being the girl girl slut or the 'more mature' woman, but those are facets....sexuality is a part of me, but it isn't the whole kettle of fish, what goes on before I am in bed (or tied up, or whatever) is a lot more important, since I am a person,too. LP is seriously into leather protocol lifestyle, but she also lives a regular life, too, where she is just herself, true for every other dominant on here. I think one of the things the OP and others need to realize is that they need to separate out the role play aspects of domination with it simply being. I can't speak for others,but 'erotic domination' where it is based on strict control, the image of the domme in leather and boots, the 'totally controlling' woman, are role playing (and these are my opinions, not gospel fact, how people live this is varied), but the real domination is in the mutual respect and understanding between domme and sub/slave. When we were more lifestyle (maybe to re-emerge with the chick flying the nest) we were young parents, and anyone who expects a woman with a young baby/child to have the space to be the 'active/controlling ' dominant 24/7 is going to be in for a disappointment IMO, because that baby makes the most demanding domme look like a piker.
I agree with others, rip your profile apart and put it together again, and focus on who you and and what you want. When you say you want a D/s in private, say if that is a bedroom thing, at home while tempered in public, or all out. Keep in mind that with D/s, you can be 24/7 and no one outside yourselves will know it exists, if you mean private that others don't know, that goes on all the time...nice part is, you and the person you find can work that out yourselves, people who were bedroom have ended up as M/s, all depends:). Make yourself attractive to the woman as a person, and the rest will follow, highlight what think makes you a a good catch as a partner/bf/spouse in potential, the rest will flow from both your interests once the other connection happens IME.
Put it this way, in my own life I am trying to work to rebuild what we once had, which was an incredible D/s, along with our overall relationship, and what a lot of that is is building things like trust and openness, something that was blown to shit by a lot of things, lot of burdens, and that is true whether you are mr. and mrs total vanilla or the queen and king of kink. There are people on this board who post here that if I weren't attached and settled, I would be definitely interested in getting to know them, and to do that I would be doing everything I could to put my best face forward as a person, to make me attractive to them, to see if there was any interest (and yeah, there are some people if out of the blue, they sent me an e-mail saying "I am just dying to meet you", I might even rethink being setttled ...well, not really, but I would be tremendously flattered:). It is kind of like sending a resume in with a job, it is saying "I am this super candidate, look at my background, look at my experience, this is who I am professionally"...what your original profile was like was sending in a resume to let's say a programming job that gave your name, address and other contact information, and put down "I think your company is hot and I want to work there, I am so cool I would be a natural fit" as the only other thing on it and a couple of lines of' cool code' you once wrote.....you get the idea.
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