some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male

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CuteIrishM4F -> some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 6:07:38 AM)
Ok, i know there are many kinds of Dominant Women out there, but i seem to have a hard time meeting them so i need advice and a question or two answered! Firstly, though i am aware thet there are Switches / Lifestyle Dommes / Professional Dommes and Professional Lifestyle Dommes in existance, as well as those Lifestylers who preferr a Vanilla relationship alongside D/s (and of course those who prefer B/D, S/M too!), i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? (obviously this question only applies to straight or bi-sexual Dommes) -also- a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Thank You for Your precious time. xxx althalus.

MizSuz -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 6:20:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? There are no pat answers to this question. It will vary from one person to the next. There are a TON of 'what women/ dominas want' threads on this board and reading them will give you a general idea of what women on this board want. quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F -also- a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. Sissys are not, by default, a dominant woman's fetish just because she happens to like submissive men. Do enough research and you will find there are a large contingent of women who prefer the submission of a 'manly man' who willingly submits over other forms of BDSM expression. quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! Depends on how young, I'd guess. I'd also guess that it's likely to be a bit of a disadvantage for a while. A lot of people don't come to their kink until later in life and, IMO, generally look for people in their own age group. quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). No, "professional" dominas do not single people out to make money. Disreputable women calling themselves pros often do, though. The BDSM community is just a cross section of our society in general. You will find there are genuine people and there are players and there is every conceivable middle ground in the BDSM community just as there is in the vanilla community. Use your discernment and don't rush into anything just because you find it exciting. Don't rush in especially if someone is trying to push you into it. Consider getting out and meeting a local group of people real time for casual networking. You may find that a lot of the myths and illusions will melt away when the light is cast upon them.

CuteIrishM4F -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 6:26:23 AM)
Thank You MizSuz for Your honest answers. It's very much appreciated

Oumae -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 9:55:50 AM)
quote: a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. Be yourself, there are many different personalities involved so they will be attracted to different things, being honest about who you are etc will help in finding a good match. quote: b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! Look on it as an advantage, you'll have longer to be what is right for you and giving off a positive attitude is more attractive. quote: c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). If someone does approach you that way and you are not interested just say no ty. There are twice monthly munches held in Dublin and they can be a good way to meet and make friends with others. Oumae

TeeGO -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 10:07:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F Ok, i know there are many kinds of Dominant Women out there, but i seem to have a hard time meeting them so i need advice and a question or two answered! Firstly, though i am aware thet there are Switches / Lifestyle Dommes / Professional Dommes and Professional Lifestyle Dommes in existance, as well as those Lifestylers who preferr a Vanilla relationship alongside D/s (and of course those who prefer B/D, S/M too!), i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? (obviously this question only applies to straight or bi-sexual Dommes) -also- a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Thank You for Your precious time. xxx althalus. Look at the profile carefully to make sure your interests align.. Take for instance "cross-dressing." I always look to see if it is in the "Hates" or "Hard Limit" spot. One of my hard limits if forced Bi. Obviously a Domme looking for that would not be on my list. Answers: A: Depends on what a woman wants. There are some that want complete micro management while others want a mostly vanilla relationship with them dominating in the bedroom. B: Youth can be an advantage. Your healthy, better looking, not warped by cynicism. What you need to do is study and read. Learn to hold an intelligent conversation about all things D/s. A young man that "gets it" is in a very good position. C: Pro's are on the prowl for anyone that bites (IE will pay). But mostly they look for the fetishists. That is they guys that are not really submissive but get off on pretending to be for a short time, as long as they can control what happens. It is for them that the Pro Domme exists. I know several Pro's and we get along fine and they certainly do not try to work me because they know I'm not into their style.

AAkasha -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 11:39:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F Ok, i know there are many kinds of Dominant Women out there, but i seem to have a hard time meeting them so i need advice and a question or two answered! Firstly, though i am aware thet there are Switches / Lifestyle Dommes / Professional Dommes and Professional Lifestyle Dommes in existance, as well as those Lifestylers who preferr a Vanilla relationship alongside D/s (and of course those who prefer B/D, S/M too!), i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? (obviously this question only applies to straight or bi-sexual Dommes) -also- a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Thank You for Your precious time. xxx althalus. a) You don't have to be a sissy. Not all femdoms are into that, and many of the femdoms that dabble in it also do prefer a non-sissy or a more masculine submissive. b) It will depend on the femdom and her particular desires, but I don't think young has a disadvantage at all. There are some older femdoms that like the idea of having a young man on her arm or mentoring a submissive who is still a novice. Some consider it very hot! c) Ethical pro femdoms have no need to single out/seek clients, they have plenty of business from customers that seek their services. I would imagine that scammers and those seeking cash either look for older men with more cash or who can provide; or, they seek "anyone" at first and just weed men out via finding out who is willing to pay. Just don't be willing to fork over any money and you'll eliminate those prospects from your search. They won't waste time on a poor college student if you explain to them you are putting all your additional cash toward finances. That said, do not think that you can court a femdom easily because you are broke. There's still a level of expectation even in a non-pro relationship that the lady will be courted, or that you will demonstrate your sincere interest in her with tokens of affection. This does not have to be financial, though. It can be through well thought out romantic gestures (a story you wrote, a photo collage you put together), a compilation CD, a trinket from your hometown mailed inexpensively, picked flowers if you meet her in real life. The common theme here is thought/time/investment. It does not translate into cash. There are some femdoms (like me) that actually love to pay for things. In my personal relationships, especially with younger novice subs, I do not allow them to pay for anything. I like sending gifts. I like paying for travel, hotel, whatever. That's what led into what is now my permanent relationship; my much younger boytoy (he was 22 at the time, I was 32) had no money at all to his name. That didn't matter to me; I enjoyed sending him toys, digital cameras to record various nasty acts for me, and gifts like hockey gear that he could not afford but wanted badly. It's fun being able to spoil people. I remember very clearly what it was like to be a "poor starving college student" and how the smallest things brightened my day. Best of luck in your search. You seem like quite a charmer. Akasha

CuteIrishM4F -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 12:51:07 PM)
Thank You to all that responded. You have been invaluable to me. Your advice will go a long way towards limiting the mistakes i may have made. Thanks again! althalus.

MistressTaboo -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/24/2006 8:43:37 PM)
In the US here... I have many subs around your age...you aren't insanely young at 25...I've got a few on hold till they turn 21...they've been told grow up and when you are legal then email me! Go to the local munches and meet people. You need to sit down with a BDSM check list and decide what is for you and what isn't. Any Domme that trains or plays you is going to have you do it. You can put no cross dressing or sissy play. Personally it's not my thing and I limit it to the occasional stockings and heels...anything more than that and they need to find someone else to play with. And READ READ READ...and I'm not talking about all the fantasy sites. Sit down and read the books...start with SM101 and BDSM realm (they have a website). Know who you are and what you want...and for god's sake DO NOT TAKE THE FIRST COLLAR OFFERED TO YOU. If I had a dollar for every sub that's done that...and regreted it later I'd be a very rich woman! I know serveral subs that got their training from local Pro-Dommes while they were poor college students. One was a part time slave, cleaned up after sessions, cooked and cleaned after parties and also built her dungeon equipment. The other designed and maintaned her website. I've got a sub now that builds toys for me.(no I'm not a pro) but that's how he shows his effection. Just for the record a sub that can cook and clean can ALWAYS find a Domme that will need him. Remember service is not always sexual...offer to clean someone's house...even the Pro's need their house cleaned...join the local groups and offer to help out. It's a big production to put on a party. Stay late and clean up. That's the best way to make friends and influence people (probably just dated myself with that quote). What do Domme's look for in a sub? I get asked this all the time. Compatability...personality wise and kink. Intelligence. Personally I'm not a huge fan of the doormat sub. I want someone who is going to question out of scene and make sure they obey in scene. I don't have a vanilla life so to speak (other than the kids) I'm married to my sub. We met in the vanilla world. And the kids teasingly ask me why I married their dad...I tell them because he makes me laugh...and when they leave the room I whisper to the adults and because he has a tongue long enough to lick his own eyebrows! Hope that helps..

peterK50 -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 5:29:24 AM)
There are "Horses for courses & courses for horses", meaning your Domme is out there. Patience & persistance my boy

Samwhiplash -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 7:06:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Thank You for Your precious time. xxx althalus. I guess everyone has a different take on this kinda stuff. For me, I am not interested in sissification at all, and in terms of being 'weak'..... I dont want a weak man, I want a strong man, not a doormat - it would make his submission even more special. Being young is an advantage..... tho having said that I dont think 25 is too young at all. If you browse the Irish profiles, Id guess that the majority of ppl fall into the 25-45 bracket so its a pretty broad spectrum. Id consider it a bonus to be 25 and to already hve found bdsm :D

jonathan -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 8:00:55 AM)
althalus, i've noticed a few recent posts from you here and all i can say is that you are in the right place. i'm twice your age and been looking for a long time and participating in the boards here will help you tremendously. you'd be surprised who posts here. The fact that you got a reply from Ms. Akasha is a big plus for you. She is one of the best, follow Her advice. i also advise you to visit GoddessDustyGold's site. Maybe a little biased as i am under consideration by Her, but She & Akasha (and many other Ladies here) understand us better than we do ourselves and GoddessDustyGold defines the differences between bottom, submissive, and slave very well at Her site. i suggest that for reading to help you find out which you are. i went through all three phases over the years, never thinking i could go to the next level and be that. Do not hesitate to approach Someone that your searches turn up. But also don't do it until you are moved to. i first found GoddessDustyGold here about two years ago, but wasn't really ready to contact Her until recently. Both happy that i did and happy that i waited until i was ready. you've had comments that you are a charmer. Yes, you do present yourself well and that is the biggest hurdle to getting noticed. Keep it up. Don't forget that, besides compatibility, it's about Her, not you. To answer your specific questions: a) Not at all, but if She wants to put you in panties, that's up to Her, not a reflection on your masculinity. b) i've been at this most of my adult life, and with this becoming more mainstream, more younger Women are expressing their desires. you have a huge advantage in that there are many more available close to your age. c) No one can take advantage of you if you don't let them. Best wishes. Fortune passes everywhere.

Lashra -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 8:39:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F Ok, i know there are many kinds of Dominant Women out there, but i seem to have a hard time meeting them so i need advice and a question or two answered! Firstly, though i am aware thet there are Switches / Lifestyle Dommes / Professional Dommes and Professional Lifestyle Dommes in existance, as well as those Lifestylers who preferr a Vanilla relationship alongside D/s (and of course those who prefer B/D, S/M too!), i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? (obviously this question only applies to straight or bi-sexual Dommes) -also- a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Thank You for Your precious time. xxx althalus. A) I like my man to act like a man, a submissive man to be exact. I don't want a sissy, but if I tell him to wear panties he is going to do so. Weak and submissive aren't the same thing, some of the strongest people are submissive. B) Nope there are Dommes out there of all ages who look for subs in all age categories. Rest assured you will find someone or she will find you. C) My advice stay away from the pros unless its a desire to pay for services and not have a relationship style thing going. Good Luck, ~Lashra

Evanesce -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 8:55:33 AM)
quote: a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). A. Many of us don't want sissy slaves. For myself, if I see a profile that says "sissy," I'm automatically turned off to that individual because, while I do on occasion enjoy seeing a man in corset and fishnets, I want a manly man in that corset and fishnets (think Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show), and sissies almost always affect effeminate mannerisms when in female clothing. I'm female. I don't want a male to act like he's female. B. Age can, on occasion, be a hindrance. Sometimes older folks (those in their 40's and up) can be rather condescending and dismissive of younger members of the community, but what counts to me is experience and maturity. I know people in the scene who are your age and have six or seven years' experience. And I know people who are my age who are just barely beginning to explore. There are TNG (the next generation) groups that cater to people in your age range, and it might be a more comfortable place for you to begin. But if you're 25 and out in the world, I have every confidence you can hold your own among the 40 and 50-somethings. C. Some who claim to be professional dominants will take advantage of the inexperienced, but not all. I would say if you can't afford a pro, and if you want a relationship, rather than just a play session, don't go see one. But if you do choose to go to a pro, ask others who have been around awhile who they would recommend. Don't just pick one randomly out of the phone book (or the Internet).

SweetDommes -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 9:37:57 AM)
I'm far more disappointed by which country you live in than the fact that you aren't a sissy ... [sm=tongue.gif] As the other posters have already said, there is someone out there who will like/love you just the way you are, non-sissy, whatever age you are, etc. just be yourself, and be patient.

Proprietrix -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/25/2006 9:51:16 AM)
quote: Firstly, though i am aware thet there are Switches / Lifestyle Dommes / Professional Dommes and Professional Lifestyle Dommes in existance, as well as those Lifestylers who preferr a Vanilla relationship alongside D/s (and of course those who prefer B/D, S/M too!), i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? (obviously this question only applies to straight or bi-sexual Dommes) What I look for: Personality. Education. Open-mindedness. Obedience. Loyalty. Devotion. Caring. Sincerity. Motivation. Hard-working. Diligent. Persistent. Manners. Initiative. Responsibility. Accountability. Kindness. Decorum. Etc… quote: a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. Two-fold. No, being subordinate is not good enough. He needs to have all of the virtues listed above (and more). I personally am not looking for a sissy and have no room for one in my life. I want a manly man and a feminine woman. Other ladies may be looking for sissies. Most women are more interested in a guy’s personality than his kink. quote: b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! Depends on the lady you ask. Some have set perimeters for the ages they prefer in a sub. Most women are more interested in a guy’s personality than his age. quote: c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Most Pro-Dommes don’t "single out" guys. They put up their ad/profile/availability and get plenty of responses without having to chase down clients. There are however ladies who haven’t learned non-intrusive manners of conducting their business that will troll for clients. If you don’t want to pay for play, and you are approached in that manner, simply decline or don’t respond.

thetammyjo -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/26/2006 10:16:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F a) Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. Weak? Someone weak would not last more than a few hours with me. Male or female. Someone who serves me need to be strong in body, mind, heart, intellect, and soul. quote: b) Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! I perfer younger partners. Age depends on other factors and interests. Someone who I have a lot of interests in common with will be someone where age (older or younger) isn't very important. quote: c) Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperianced). Can't answer, not a pro. Though a person in business has at least part of her goal to make money, right? So she needs clients and looking for clients seems like a good approach to finding them.

wickedlatina -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/26/2006 10:34:52 AM)
Well, CuteirishM4F, to answer your first question, each Domme is different, so there is no way to give you a generic answer as to what We are looking for; that is a matter of personal preferences My pet. As far as this Domme is concerned, I don't enjoy sissy subs. I don't view it as a sign of your non-commital to being weak for Me. It makes Me feel more empowered to enslave a very masucline submissive; that does not include sissification for Me. Your age may matter to some older Dommes, but I prefer younger men; again another personal preference. As far as Pro Dommes singleing you out for money, if they are Professionals, they most likely do not need to pursue you as They would be the ones being pursued, and if they do, they would go for someone who is already established in a career, not a college student on a tight budget sweetheart. You may be encountering Dommes who are looking for financial enslavement as well, in which case, just say the word "college student", and they will be on their way...lol...I hope I was able to shed some light on your topics of inquistion...good luck in your search pet...Lady Nina

malesub18foruse -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/26/2006 1:40:50 PM)
im a newbie but i have had a dom for about a month , then she split and since then i havent been able to find another dom and i dont know y

MisPandora -> RE: some pertinent questions from a newbie sub-male (6/26/2006 2:09:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F i would ike to know what they are looking for in a male? (obviously this question only applies to straight or bi-sexual Dommes) I think that depends upon the domina in question. First thought would be to check her profile. A woman who is serious about her involvement will more than likely detail out what she does or does not seek, or will be happy to explain if asked nicely. I myself have a detailed profile, as well as a website, and I often communicate to a slave my expectations and desires early on in our discourse. quote: Is being subordinate good enough, or does he have to be sissy aswell? i am not sissy, so i fear i'm not being 'weak' enough sometimes. Not all of us enjoy sissification or feminization. Personally, I do not. I like to keep my men MEN. The more butch and tough they are, the better. I like it when the big tough ones cry for me. quote: Is being young a disadvantage or an advantage? i am young, but invariably getting older! Yes, but I'm getting older too! I generally state my own age range for the subject that I seek between the ages of 30 and 45. Would I consider someone a few years younger or older? Maybe. I think that would depend upon the chemistry and how well they fit my expectations otherwise. Some women truly enjoy a younger man. I'll probably think the same thing when I'm in my 40's and 50's! quote: Do Professional Dommes single out people like me to try and make money? i have no interest in paying for 'services' as i am both lifestyle and a poor student (even if i am inexperienced). Ethical professional dominas don't generally troll for clientele. They especially don't bother stalking upon fellows who have no money! I'm sad that good professional dominas who work hard to maintain the ethics of their business, the quality of their space and the service that they provide often get mixed up with women online who are taking something for nothing in the name of "prodomination". To each his own, I suppose, but I suspect what you might be running into are women who are out to make a quick buck with no effort. And incidentally boy, there are a good number of professional dominas who are also in the lifestyle personally. Imagine being able to work a career that you love!?! A sensible pro is often a good, safe option for novices to get their feet wet, so to speak. Formerly a pro myself, I remember a few "first timers" that were so young that I carded them! And one of my faithful personal slaves a number of years ago was in college, and would come by and help me with things in the dungeon, taking care of setting up my advertising and running errands for me. He was 22 when he started with me (granted, I was 27 at the time!) quote: Thank You for Your precious time. xxx althalus. You're quite welcome boy. It's refreshing to have this sort of discourse here on the boards from a respectful fellow. Best of luck in your search.

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