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AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Becoming emotionally attached (5/8/2013 10:44:11 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: new2subaz
Sound advice, thank you again everyone!
To answer some questions, no I have not met this guy yet. We've talked about it, but I think it's better off this way for now--that way I can't rush into something I might regret later. Yes, I do know his name, what he does for a living, if he has kids, etc, etc. We DO have great discussions about anything and everything which is what attracted me to him in the first place.
Anyway, I think this is more about my insecurities than the guy I'm talking to. Statistics show nothing will come of "us", and that's OK. I'm certainly not new to this online world, I've met men from across the country before and it turned out fine. I know warning signs when I see them :)
I just need to get my emotions in check. Today was a lot better than yesterday. I've listened to you all, read up on the subject, and feel a lot more calm and level headed.
Thanks all :)
I actually think this might not be for the best in your case. If you have a tendency to feel big emotions over people you talk to online, I think you should make a point of meeting them as early as possible, so you can compare fantasy to reality. Before you have chance to build them up in your head.
On the internet we can take our time and type exactly what we want the other person to read. They can't see our body language or hear our tone of voice. They can't smell whether we've washed our clothes recently. They can't see how we speak to the waiter at the restaurant. Tons of little clues that might say 'you're not for me'. Go on a date early, spare yourself the heartbreak of disappointment when he turns out to be different than you thought. And if he does turn out to be a promising date, great! At least you've now got something more solid to latch on to.
Not forgetting that a large chunk of people are never intending to actually meet you - married, too scared, only looking for someone to jerk to - so it's good to filter those out now and not in three months when you think things are rosy.
I also think rushing into things you might regret (I assume you're thinking you might get carried away and play/have sex right away?) is just as likely online. I'm thinking naked cam sessions that get recorded, or just over-sharing of information when your relationship isn't really that intimate. I find it easier to share intimate details with the safety of a computer screen between us, if we 'clicked' I might feel safer discussing my sexual preferences over instant messages than I would in say, a busy coffee shop with someone I just met. You might actually find that meeting in person slows things down because in most public places the focus of your conversation will tend more towards the old fashioned getting to know you. Go ahead and set boundaries ahead of time - 'I won't be playing on the first date'.
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