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Communication issue - 11/11/2004 5:02:14 AM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		Hi:

I would like to know if there is a good way to make a Dom in this case My Sir to talk about other things than BDSM? Lately i noticed that He is absent minded and trouble in some way. I have told Him that He can talk to me about everything, i am His sub, but also His confident, friend. I am not only a thing that He uses for His pleasure, i have a very good mind and i also can have a good conversation. If this can help Him, it would make me happier.

It really hurts me to see Him this way, i wish i could do more....this is a partnership for me and i would like to help Him, make Him happier.

Any good advice would be welcomed.

thanks

softysub
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Communication issue - 11/11/2004 8:37:02 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

Once again, Dominants are people too. Each person deals with issues in their own way and it's quite possible that your Sir happens to be an introverted personality. From the limited impression that i can get from your post it seems likely that this is a fairly recently developed relationship. If this is the case it might take a bit more time together before your Sir feels comfortable enough to confide in you. my best advice would be to assist Him in other ways to help alleviate His tension - baths, massages, good home cooked meals, etc. all the while reinforcing that you are a subtle and welcoming presence should He decide that He is really to divulge additional information to you.

Well wishes!

(in reply to softysub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Communication issue - 11/11/2004 1:29:04 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Without knowing thwewhole story it's hard to say much. But it is possible that what is troubling him could cause you hurt (an affair, a financial problem, a lie, etc. )if he talked about it so he refuses. I hope that's not the case.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 11/11/2004 7:37:05 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Communication issue - 11/11/2004 6:04:07 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'd agree with Destiny here. One would think we would live in a perfect world and our significant others would talk to us about everything. Sadly we do not. More often than not communication breaks down.
Perhaps ask him if something is bothering him and if he would like to talk about it? If not, what can you do for him to help? He may have some ideas. The offer might bring the two of you closer in the long run. Turn yourself into something more than a playtoy by showing you can be more than one.


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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Communication issue - 11/14/2004 5:12:41 AM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		Hi sub4hire:

Last friday, i have talked to my Sir and told Him that i was more than a toy and that this is a partnership for me and if there is anything He would like to talk about, that i am here for Him.

I truely care for Him and i want Him to be happy.

thanks :)

softysub

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Communication issue - 11/14/2004 7:16:28 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Last friday, i have talked to my Sir and told Him that i was more than a toy and that this is a partnership for me and if there is anything He would like to talk about, that i am here for Him.

Good for you, i hope he opens up to you.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Communication issue - 11/14/2004 8:41:38 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

told Him that i was more than a toy and that this is a partnership for me


I think you've missed the mark by being too subtle or indirect. That sounds more like a gentle hint that you are being treated like a toy while avoiding mentioning that you notice he seems distracted as if he may have a problem.

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"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Communication issue - 11/14/2004 10:00:32 AM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		happypervert:

I guess i expressed myself wrong, Sir doesnt treat me like a toy, it was an example i wanted to give, which was the wrong words to use. When i said that He was distracted, i meant His everyday life, His real life, work etc....

He is still new to this lifestyle and not used to talk out things that can be hard for Him to talk about. For now, the only thing i can do, is to be there for Him, if He needs me... :)

Thanks :)

softysub

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Communication issue - 11/14/2004 12:58:22 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		softysub:

What you wrote was clear enough to me because of your comments here. I'm pointing out that it probably wasn't clear to him because you don't mention addressing the real issue (that he seems troubled) directly.

It is great that you tell him you are there for him, but it isn't likely to get him to open up if he hasn't already. If you are content with just being available, then I suppose you've done enough.

But this has nothing to do with him being new to the lifestyle as you seem to think -- it is a common complaint by women that men don't communicate. You know, the whole mars/venus thing. Furthermore, as a male I am often bewildered by the way females talk in some indirect code (just as you are doing with him) and expect me to read their minds for the real meaning. So if you really want to get your point across I'm suggesting that you also SAY something seems to be bothering him. He may still say it is nothing, but at least you will have made a direct effort to get at it.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Communication issue - 11/14/2004 4:22:00 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline 		i have found in my experience that my relationship with my dom is not unlike any vanilla relationship in my life - he knows that i care, want to share and hope that he will open up to me - but if he still chooses not to, then i can do no more - i have found that to keep pushing the issue seldom produces positive results - i trust that he is my dom and he knows best

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Communication issue - 12/5/2004 1:21:18 AM   
Wolfsbabygirlz


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		greetings ....I hear ya and I thank god found a most wonderful Dom who believes in open communication & desires to know all about me, which is priceless to me. Ive noticed too many Dom's not interested in more from a sub then having his needs met and thats not for me. It makes all the difference in the world finding a Dom such as mine who respects and wants to knopw me outside my sub role. This keeps me a happy sub, and willing to give more in return, my respect for him couldnt be higher from his caring, nurturing nature. I'm currently under collar of consideration, very honored, so very proud to say. I wouldnt feel whole if he didnt care to know me beyond sub.
Wolfsbabygirlz =)

(in reply to softysub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Communication issue - 12/5/2004 7:52:40 AM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for all Y/Your comments, it was very much appreciated

softysub

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Communication issue - 12/5/2004 8:27:56 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		For me after some long retrospection, HappyPervert say's it best. I am not direct enough, almost like a computer, garbage in garbage out. I think it's difficult for those of us who are or want to be submissive to
bring up things that we feel are *our* issues. I know i've spent way too many years telling myself that the things I want were so much less important then *his*. Could that be part of your problem too SoftySub?

(in reply to softysub)
Profile   Post #: 13
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