RE: trouble letting go

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littlewonder -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 5:01:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Dear Gawd, those are massive titties Gasps! Oside is showing off her titties somewhere? Kindly point me in that direction please. [:)] No-the OP's.

littleclip -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 5:32:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: teachmetomind okay okay...you guys can really read into stuff. Missing things I said though. And no never said hey everybody what do ya think of my pics. Jeeze nevermind ill look for answerd somewhere else. The only question I had was If jealousy is counter productive to submission. Now ive got people worried im so new or stupid id go get drunk with a stranger. Hon, there is no way on this planet you are going to convince Me that you aren't used to some people noticing your breasts rather than listening to what's coming out of your mouth. OK. Moving on......... Is jealousy counter productive to submission? It can be. If you are thinking of getting involved with somebody who is poly (which it sounds like he is) and you are the jealous type, you've got a recipe for disaster. Jealousy can rip up any kind of relationship.[/b]Which leads into the other advice I'm going to give you. This "whole new world" thing that you've got going can also be counter productive. Basic life stuff still applies. If this guy wasn't a "Daddy" and he was just a man, would you be cool with him dating other women while he's dating you? That's where your answer lies. The best advice around this joint when a person is new is to examine things without the kink colored glasses on. Don't check your head (or your common sense) at the door. You'll save yourself some hurt. Good luck. yes this has happened all to often in many relationships the green eyed monseter can strike it happened to me once in ga it suprised me and scared me a little i was able to deal with it in just a few min of reflection but others may not even recognise the green eyed monster much less deal with it

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 5:33:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teachmetomind No will not meet. He isnt asking for me to be with her. She is married. So she doesnt sleep over, go out to events with him. He will want that from me. And he has stated though he is very interested in training me, keeping me, owning me...maybe this isnt what im looking for. But i have no experience to base this on. Only know pics with her in them do not turn me on. though i am bi. I feel possesive. Does his wife (or significant other) know and give her consent? This would be a huge issue with me, even with a friendly play partner that I had no intention of ever owning. quote: im new to this Then I suggest your going to Amazon.com or Ebay and buying some non-porn, non-fiction BDSM educational books like SM 101 by Jay Wiseman and The Loving Dominant by John Warren...reading them...and then finding a munch group in your area, meet others and make friends (great for safe callers). And then start searching for someone compatible. You are forming an attachment to someone you have never met in person. I know it feels lovely to submit to someone, even just online or over the phone. Your brain is producing an intense chemical cocktail in response, and some people can even subspace from D/s emotions from cybering/roleplay. (You need to learn about "sub frenzy", "subspace", "sub drop", and what you need for aftercare). A friend of mine used to get very attached to Doms she was getting to know online and would go through an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Trying to anchor her drove me batshit crazy some of the time. [:D] quote: My only concern should be pleasing him. Which boy oh boy...i want to. In my opinion, your concern should be with finding the right partner and not getting swept away by "sub frenzy". (How would you like to be deeply in love, given your loyalty and trust to someone...who is actually a pimply faced teenager living in his mother's basement? ...to someone who lied about his height, weight, age, location, job, and mental health, who is cheating on his wife and she hates your guts when she finds out, and cannot wait to "out you" at work, and slash your tires or worse?) Meet the man in person. [;)] Give your spidey senses time to work. You have all the time in the world to find potential partners...you will have hundreds if not thousands to choose from. Slow down. Choose wisely.

teachmetomind -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 6:04:56 PM)
Thank you. Yes anyone ive talked to ive told I will only meet in a munch setting. Going to my first one saturday and a rope dinner tuesday. I understand what your saying. My personality is silly and excitable. Hard to read through in text. He was just my first crush. I appriciate that advice. Ill go find those books.

kiwisub12 -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 6:37:07 PM)
OP - you might consider meeting people for the first time in a non-kind environment. For instance a starbucks is a nice neutral place, you can drink coffee, talk about what ever and figure out if there is a spark there without kink being overtly involved. I met my first dom at Barnes and Noble, and talked books, religion, politics and a bit about general BDSM stuff. It gave us a chance to be real people first, and kinky people second, and was a very nonpressure place for me to meet someone. and as a woman looking for a man, you don't need to settle in any way, shape or form. You could have any number of casual play partners until you find your "one".

JstAnotherSub -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 6:40:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Never get emotionally invested in someone you haven't met face to face. Don't engage in D/s with someone you haven't met. Until you have met face to face in real life, you do not know that person. You're like a lovesick teenager mooning over someone that you've never met and don't know anything about. This. x 1000

OsideGirl -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 7:13:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 OP - you might consider meeting people for the first time in a non-kink environment. I second that. A coffee date can be over in 15 minutes if you don't hit it off. Munches/socials tend to go on for a couple of hours, so if you get someone that can't get the hint, you're stuck with him unless you cut your own evening short. I learned my lesson about that when some guy followed me around the LA Social for two hours interrupting every conversation I had. Plus there are guys that treat socials/munches like a singles bar. "Hey, I'm kinky. You're kinky. Let's go have kinky sex, right now!"

littlewonder -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 7:28:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: poise quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Dear Gawd, those are massive titties Gasps! Oside is showing off her titties somewhere? Kindly point me in that direction please. [:)] No-the OP's. OMG. I thought I was loosing my mind. When did I make this post?? <looks around to make sure she wasn't slipped ambien> Geez...Master really needs to make sure he signs into his account. I'm starting to wonder if I'm sleeptyping. [:D]

Missokyst -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 10:27:23 PM)
Admit it. You were looking to oogle

teachmetomind -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 10:53:53 PM)
I hope i never lose my ability to act like a lovesick teenager. Even If it only last a day. :-)

LillyoftheVally -> RE: trouble letting go (5/9/2013 11:02:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teachmetomind Thank you. Yes anyone ive talked to ive told I will only meet in a munch setting. Going to my first one saturday and a rope dinner tuesday. I understand what your saying. My personality is silly and excitable. Hard to read through in text. He was just my first crush. I appriciate that advice. Ill go find those books. That is totally normal by the way. It is very common that when you first come to this kind of environment you are a bit like a kid in a sweet shop and let yourself get carried away with things. Being submissive doesn't have to mean forgetting what you want and who you are. I agree with someone else who said jealousy can ruin your submission just as it can ruin a relationship but for some poly relationships are simply not going to work so actually the jealousy in that instance is well founded. If you want someone to be just with you, and I suspect that you do, then there really is no shame in that whatsoever. You are still allowed to want what you want the trick is to find someone who wants the same things that you want.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: trouble letting go (5/10/2013 4:19:47 AM)
Fast Reply On jealousy - yes, it can get in the way of being submissive. It can get in the way of a vanilla relationship too. But there are different types of jealousy. Destructive jealousy - you feel insecure whenever he talks to a woman, you want him to spend all of his free time with you, you are suspicious of other females around him, you doubt your own worth, you check his messages, you put unreasonable demands on him (i.e. you can't go to your work Christmas party because there are women who work in your department and I don't want you to socialise with women) Hell yes this will get in the way of submission and healthy relationships 'Ordinary' jealousy - maybe you feel a bit jealous that he's so close with his best buddy and you'd like that closeness, but you recognise it's an important part of his life and get over it. You feel a little flicker of jealousy when a woman flirts with him in a bar, but ultimately you understand it happens and it won't destroy your relationship. Most people get this sometimes. There might be some benefit to moving past it and keeping it in perspective so it doesn't turn into the destructive type, but it's a very human trait. Not-really-jealousy - things like wanting to be monogamous, or wanting to see him more than once a week, or wanting to be made a priority on your birthday, and being upset/frustrated/hurt when it doesn't happen. This isn't jealousy, it's just a personal boundary. SOME people are happy with open relationships and poly, SOME people NEED that to feel happy, others can't cope with it. You don't have to get past your core needs and boundaries to be a good sub, you just have to find someone who is compatible with them. As long as you respect your partner as an individual and understand they will have needs outside of you (even if it's just for friendship or an independent hobby), and the two of you have compatible relationship needs, it's not jealousy and you shouldn't need to push past it.

theRose4U -> RE: trouble letting go (5/12/2013 8:49:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders It's unrealistic to expect yourself to be able to let go and only think of his pleasure when you haven't even met. That's not you failing as a sub, that's your brain protecting you from harm. Two things: Do you want a poly arrangement? I know that I need a monogamous partner. If you're wired like me, this will never make you happy, and don't put yourself through it. If you do want a poly relationship, I'd advise verifying yourself that the other woman is aware and on board (actually speak to her, even if you never intend to spend time together in the future). And spend lots of time talking to him and figuring where you stand. Who gets him at Christmas and Valentines? Will you all play together? Will you have any other partners? How are you keeping yourselves safe from STDs? Will there be more women in the future? Second thing is get to know him - people online can pretend to be whoever they like. Don't fall into the trap of thinking everything is different in a BDSM relationship - it's still a relationship, you still get to feel fulfilled, safe and happy even if you're the sub. You get to say 'no thanks' if this guy's relationship goals don't match with yours. You get to say 'I'm not ready to submit yet' and 'I need to get to know you face-to-face before we discuss that'. Think what you would tell a friend in this situation. Letting go will happen when you've found someone who is a good fit and taken the time to build up trust. Also be aware if you are online only & long distance there may be no local girl!! Its not uncommon to use "have another prospect that will ___ if you won't" to get behavior they want. "Well if you won't naked cam with me (so I can tape it & put it on porn hub) then suzie, betsy & lucy will...these women DO NOT EXSIST! Get to a local munch or meetup lils group & go from there. If you can see, touch, hear someone for non-verbal clues its not something to get so wrapped up in. Trust me there are more daddies out there than this guy. Contrary to what you may believe women (sub, domme, poly, lil, sideways & upside down) are the most sought after in what we do, there are more where he came from.

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