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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 9:03:53 AM

Spiritedsub2

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Joined: 7/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I say subbie sometimes... Whats so bad sounding
about it?? It just seems like a lighthearted way of
saying it to me...

I feel this way. Doesn't bother me at all; it's cute.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 9:30:38 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I despise the words "subbie" or "sub". To be fair, I despise the words "submissive" or "dominant" when used to replace the words: "lady" or "man".

I am NOT a dominant and I don't have inter-personal relationships with submissives. I am a man who is dominant who has relationships with ladies that are submissive.

I think when people use even (what some might call) the less offensive words, they desensitize - even dehumanize people who happen to have submissive or dominant traits (or personalities, if you will).

To paraphrase and expand on what someone has already said: when a lady writes to me, talking about "I'm looking for a dom that can ..." or "I hope you're the type of dom that I can ...", I either ignore them completely or I send a reply along the lines of: "Good luck finding that perfect dom. When you're looking for a man, please let me know".

Peace and comfort,

Michael

While that is a nice point, on, on sites like this if you are seeking someone and you have a prediliction for being submissive or dominant, just putting a profile up that says you are a lady or a man is likely to get anyone writing to you, agreed?

To me, the label is just target marketing, not the essence of a person. If a man says he is a dominant person or he says he is a Dominant, it makes no difference to me; it only makes a difference if we click.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 10:05:01 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The moment I saw the word "subbie" I couldn't be bothered to read it.

Me too!!!

Me three.

If someone I was close to called me subbie, that would be ok. To have a stranger use it as a generic term feels very condescending to me. Ew. I'm not someone who generally objects to whatever terms of address people use, but to me this is like the men I don't know who start off by calling me baby, sweetie, honey, etc. It has that inappropriate patronizing feel to it. JMO.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 10:10:47 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I despise the words "subbie" or "sub". To be fair, I despise the words "submissive" or "dominant" when used to replace the words: "lady" or "man".

I am NOT a dominant and I don't have inter-personal relationships with submissives. I am a man who is dominant who has relationships with ladies that are submissive.

I think when people use even (what some might call) the less offensive words, they desensitize - even dehumanize people who happen to have submissive or dominant traits (or personalities, if you will).

To paraphrase and expand on what someone has already said: when a lady writes to me, talking about "I'm looking for a dom that can ..." or "I hope you're the type of dom that I can ...", I either ignore them completely or I send a reply along the lines of: "Good luck finding that perfect dom. When you're looking for a man, please let me know".

Peace and comfort,

Michael

That is an excellent point Michael. It's the generic spot-filler-like quality of categorizing people by their relationship orientation rather than addressing the human person that bugs me. Then for me adding the 'ie' onto sub infantilizes the generic term somewhat making it even more repugnant.

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Post #: 24

RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 10:50:02 AM

littleone35

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Good read whn i was single i REALLY could have used this. Some of it i can use it Master's and i's relationship.

Matt's littleone

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Post #: 25

RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 12:18:57 PM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The moment I saw the word "subbie" I couldn't be bothered to read it.

Ditto.

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Post #: 26

RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 1:49:21 PM

SWDesertDom

Posts: 231
Joined: 4/5/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I say subbie sometimes... Whats so bad sounding
about it?? It just seems like a lighthearted way of
saying it to me...

I feel this way. Doesn't bother me at all; it's cute.

It bothers me to no end. I don't think it's condescending, I have no trouble being a condescending asshole (the mortgage underwriter apparently labeled my file "jerk" on the house I just bought).

I think there is something phonetically displeasing about the word. I can barely bring myself to say it in privacy, let alone public.

Most of the people I know who use it are submissive women, though.

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Post #: 27

RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 2:21:17 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SWDesertDom

Most of the people I know who use it are submissive women, though.

Really? I have gotten a significant number of cmails from men using the term.

Personally, I think a lot of it is people wanting to use the "correct" language, much like the capitalization and slashy speak. They think it is the way they are supposed to *speak.*

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Post #: 28

RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 2:30:29 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CoSubGirl

So if "subbie" is cute and fun, "dommie" is appropriate too, right?

I think 'dommie' is fine for shorter femdoms. 'Dommiekin', however, is preferable for a short one under the age of 30.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 3:20:44 PM

SWDesertDom

Posts: 231
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: SWDesertDom

Most of the people I know who use it are submissive women, though.

Really? I have gotten a significant number of cmails from men using the term.

Personally, I think a lot of it is people wanting to use the "correct" language, much like the capitalization and slashy speak. They think it is the way they are supposed to *speak.*

I don't interact much with dominant men online, so I wouldn't know. I meant people I know in person.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 3:21:02 PM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SWDesertDom

I think there is something phonetically displeasing about the word. I can barely bring myself to say it in privacy, let alone public.

This. And...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Personally, I think a lot of it is people wanting to use the "correct" language, much like the capitalization and slashy speak. They think it is the way they are supposed to *speak.*

...this.

For me, the use of the word discredits anything that follows. Their thoughts may be sound, but I'm not apt to pay much mind because I'm distracted by the bad taste in my mouth left from that word.

I did wind up skimming the post and I found her tone to be that of someone talking to a child, but...ha...that may be evidence of my very point. Her opening turned me off, so my opinion of what she has to say has already been slightly tarred.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 3:34:07 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CoSubGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Cripes, whatta page full of ubersensitive subbies.

Aww.........what a cute dommie trying to make a funny :)

He did, he did.

I ain't shy, or thin skinned. You can call me dommie any day ya want.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/11/2013 4:15:06 PM

PeonForHer

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FR

Not bad, in many ways. I'd fault it for being written much more for femsubs than malesubs, though. And all the points under 4.) don't relate to me. I cannot do 'casual D/s'. For me it's always been dry and somehow soul-destroying. The more I've tried it, the worse it's been.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/12/2013 2:33:27 AM

lilcracker

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FR---when I hear the word 'subbie' I always think of a new 3 inch sub at Subway for the people who practice portion control.

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Post #: 34

RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/12/2013 2:48:18 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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I call subcontractor tradesmen subbies for petes
sake... But whatever, if you don't like it, you don't.

Just like i call tradesmen tradies... Actually maybe
it's an Australian thing...

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/12/2013 3:17:18 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I call subcontractor tradesmen subbies for petes
sake... But whatever, if you don't like it, you don't.

Just like i call tradesmen tradies... Actually maybe
it's an Australian thing...

I call my dogs "poochie". It's not just an Australian thing :)

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/12/2013 6:02:18 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoSubGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Cripes, whatta page full of ubersensitive subbies.

Aww.........what a cute dommie trying to make a funny :)

He did, he did.

I ain't shy, or thin skinned. You can call me dommie any day ya want.

Thinks she's gonna start using the Dommie term more often with Master.

He likes to use subbie when he wants to annoy me. hhrrmmpphh

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/18/2013 7:06:22 AM

garyFLR

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It was a really good article, although I could never see myself in those situations, it doesn't hurt to take precautions. Especially if you're a male submissive, you're probably more open to scams, as you probably get fewer offers.

Just keep our eyes & ears open, there are just as many scamsters in this world of kink as there are in the vanilla world.

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/18/2013 7:32:04 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
It is with permission by the author, username Neolloydia on FL, that I post this remarkable post.
https://fetlife.com/users/1333538/posts/1550196

I have no fetlife access so I have no idea what she says. Right off the bat the "subbie" thing is enough to make me believe that whatever she says has zero relevance to me or Carol.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: The Single Subbie Survival Guide - 5/18/2013 10:31:54 AM

LafayetteLady

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SWDesertDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: SWDesertDom

Most of the people I know who use it are submissive women, though.

Really? I have gotten a significant number of cmails from men using the term.

Personally, I think a lot of it is people wanting to use the "correct" language, much like the capitalization and slashy speak. They think it is the way they are supposed to *speak.*

I don't interact much with dominant men online, so I wouldn't know. I meant people I know in person.

My comment remains the same for those who use it in person (although the slashy speak and capitalization is obviously not). It is the way they think they are supposed to speak.

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Post #: 40