Positive Dom and drama queen sub (Full Version)

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wisdom787 -> Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 4:46:14 AM)

first could a sub be a darma queen ,,,always complaining,,, making an issue of no issue,,,, or this is an unaware scream asking to be given pain.
other than those times,,, she is soft and sweet,,, those bad times are more often than good ones.
in all cases how a Dom could handle such a sub.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 4:52:26 AM)

Not an overly clear post but if I have got the gist of it then you need to realise that regardless of what label people have applied to themselves they are still people and therefore capable of any human emotion/action. I don't really understand the aware scream part so I can't comment there. Also I guess one persons issue is anothers none issue, if its important to her then there isn't much you can do about it. As to how a dom can handle it, again think human behaviour how would you handle this issue if D/s wasn't there, its normally a good place to start. In most cases communication will help.



wisdom787 -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 5:32:55 AM)

thank you for your reply ,,, sorry i meant unaware



DarkSteven -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 6:29:45 AM)

Salaam.

First off, there is no way that you can control her feelings. But you can control her actions.

My sub complains occasionally. If it's about my actions or our relationship, I think of it as input, and listen. If it's about something else, then she's blowing off steam. Sometimes I listen to her and let her vent, sometimes I'm not up to it and let her know that.

If I felt she was doing it to earn a spanking, I'd stop that pronto. She can get one any time she likes (or I like), and I don't want her manipulating to get it.



lizi -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 6:31:49 AM)

If you don't know what to do with this woman or how to handle your relationship, then I"m not sure the two of you should be together. Seems like a bad match-up.



Missokyst -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 6:43:27 AM)

when the scale tips to the bad side more often than good, what is the point of staying?

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdom787

first could a sub be a darma queen ,,,always complaining,,, making an issue of no issue,,,, or this is an unaware scream asking to be given pain.
other than those times,,, she is soft and sweet,,, those bad times are more often than good ones.in all cases how a Dom could handle such a sub.




Kana -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 7:07:08 AM)

Goodness, and here I popped in thinking someone had made a thread about my relationship :-)

When the bad outweighs the good, it's time to beat feet, Son



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 7:26:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Goodness, and here I popped in thinking someone had made a thread about my relationship :-)

When the bad outweighs the good, it's time to beat feet, Son


See I can see what you are saying and I have said this myself before but sometimes you can go through times where things are more bad than good and then you talk and things get better again and the balance flips the other way. I don't know the ins and outs with the op and so it may not apply in this instance but I still think that the blanket advice may not always be the best.



DarkSteven -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 7:36:23 AM)

Missokyst and Kana, I disagree.

If a relationship's going badly, it's the Dom's responsibility to determine why and try to fix it. Leaving the relationship is a last resort.



OsideGirl -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 8:40:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdom787

first could a sub be a darma queen ,,,always complaining,,, making an issue of no issue,,,, or this is an unaware scream asking to be given pain.
other than those times,,, she is soft and sweet,,, those bad times are more often than good ones.
I'm curious as to why you think it's not possible. The people involved in WIITWD are just a slice of society. So, the same personalities that exits outside of our community, exist within it, as well.
quote:

in all cases how a Dom could handle such a sub.
If the bad outweighs the good, I'd sit down and have discussion about what is going on. Give her a chance to correct her behavior after that discussion and if it continues, release her and be clear about why you're ending the relationship.



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 8:42:36 AM)

It depends on the type of "drama"...First, we all have bad days, people in our life that push buttons, things we're sensitive about. Subs/slaves are no different than anyone else...we too need a "safe harbor"-probably more than other types because we really strive to NOT erupt on others. The Dom is often the one person we feel safe with fully expressing ourselves. So, if it is complaining about the jerk who stole her parking space, the teacher who gave her an F on a project..as long as it is periodic and not indicative of her being a "victim" then just listen. I say set a specific time & length for it. Maybe the first half hour after getting home...you just listen to each other and then shut it off.



myotherself -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 8:53:21 AM)

Have you asked her?

We can only guess. You are in the best position to find out for sure.

And then, when you know why, you can work out a solution.

It's not rocket science - it's all about being in a relationship.



angelikaJ -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 9:07:17 AM)

Without knowing what you mean about making an issue where there is no issue, it is hard to say.

One point of view is that these things that are non-issues for you are big issues for her.
It doesn't mean either of you are wrong; it is just a perceptual difference.




DesFIP -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 3:51:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ



One point of view is that these things that are non-issues for you are big issues for her.





QFT. Just because you don't think it's important doesn't mean that it automatically isn't important to her.

Sounds like you either don't want to listen to any criticism or you aren't compatible. And being a cynic, I'm betting on the first.



frazzle -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 3:59:52 PM)

A relationship is both parties responsibility, not just one persons.

kink or vanilla is irrelevant.



littlewonder -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 5:55:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdom787

first could a sub be a darma queen ,,,always complaining,,, making an issue of no issue,,,, or this is an unaware scream asking to be given pain.
other than those times,,, she is soft and sweet,,, those bad times are more often than good ones.
in all cases how a Dom could handle such a sub.


Show her the door.



littlewonder -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 5:56:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Goodness, and here I popped in thinking someone had made a thread about my relationship :-)

When the bad outweighs the good, it's time to beat feet, Son


wwhhhaaaa??? ppfftt....good thing I know you're not talking about me. [8D]



kiwisub12 -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 6:01:28 PM)

Some people grow up in families where the norm is to be larger than life - everything is a tragedy, every person is a saint, or a sinner, every issue warrents overreaction.

My exhusband came from such a family. If the waiter was a bit slow getting to the table after being seated, he let the whole restaurant know about it.

I came from a family where stoacism was the accepted norm.

Needless to say, we didn't last. Our ways of communicating and dealing with lifes ups and downs were too different -especially since we didn't know enough to talk about it.

Perhaps your subs way of communicating is just so different from yours, and what she is complaining about isn't so bad.



alildifferent -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 8:12:38 PM)

There are so many factors here that it's hard to give advice not knowing the facts. If your passing known limits the sub has every right to bitch. If your clearly within limits then ball gags end all bitching. If it's a grey area which is where most grievances start between dom and sub then you both are at fault or neither is because you both have an equal share of the same problem. That problem is that you both weren't specific with expectations and limits. I think only a really bad submissive complains without merrit. I'm no award winning sub but even I swallow my tongue when an action occurs that is within limits I don't like. For instance, I recently agreed to be the submissive center of attention for two gentleman. One of the gentleman was rather large. I agreed to oral and anal not knowing how large. Well I was quite uncomfortable getting fucked by the endowed gentleman. Still, I bit my tongue everytime he slammed it home. He was acting clearly within limits. The only reason for not following through on agreement as far as I can see is someone can get hurt. I'm not talking a little sore or putting up with a little discomfort. I'm talking truly hurt.



theRose4U -> RE: Positive Dom and drama queen sub (5/12/2013 10:39:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Missokyst and Kana, I disagree.

If a relationship's going badly, it's the Dom's responsibility to determine why and try to fix it. Leaving the relationship is a last resort.

Why? If it looks loke shit & smells like shit all the lysol in the world won't change...its shit! Maybe flower, lavendar or linen flavored but still a big black hole of shit.
Then I'm a fan of whole people that understand how to function independently I had a drama queen, initally chalked it up to a sheltered upbrining ...nope it was a black hole.



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