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RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/12/2013 4:55:51 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
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Having been in a similar situation, I can sympathize, but I also think it is unfair both to your wife and to the domme the way you are doing it. I played for a number of years with pro dommes because I had strong feelings and because it was professional, it didn't have the emotional baggage or sexual baggage, in that no sex happened there, it was all play (eventually I did tell my wife and have her blessing...eventually we got into it lifestyle).

Trying to find a lifestyle domme is wrong to me because that is a personal relationship; when I played professionally I became friends with the dommes, but it was never lifestyle, neither I nor they would want me to be their lifestyle sub/slave, because I was married, it had to be professional,play only, and a domme who thought I was getting too close broke off me seeing her because she knew what was happening.

My advice? If this is so important to you, then actually talk to your wife about it, you may be surprised. Between 50 shades of gray (okay, I know, no teeth gritting from the peanut gallery *lol*), and other things, she at least probably has heard of this, and if you talk to her you might find some interest. If you are truly sub, rather than just looking for play, she may see the benefits, and if it is just play, she might see it as simply fun...if you are finding you want to be a lifestyle sub, and she can't deal with it at all, then I agree with others, you may want to think about splitting up to allow finding someone else. Besides the fact that few lifestyle dommes I know want anything to do with married men (and if you are searching for someone lifestyle and not telling them, that is bad news) or the drama, your wife will find out, then what? If you are going to talk to your wife, start slow, and talk about what kind of things you mean, about what it means to you and so forth, but take it easy. If she has heard of 50 shades, you could use that as a starting point, except you would be in the position of Ana and your wife, Christian Grey (well, okay, but you get the point)....Actually, I liked what one poster wrote, put yourself in the mindset of being sub, serving, her, being mindful of her, giving her lead on things, making decisions , keeping the tv remote *lol*......and then after a bit, see if she notices it, compliments you on it, and then talk to her, because she will have seen the benefits.

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Post #: 21

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/13/2013 1:40:03 PM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
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So let me get this straight, OP. You're sneaking out on your wife, so you think the best plan of action is to meet the other woman in a public place where people who know you or your wife can see you with the other woman?

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Post #: 22

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/13/2013 5:06:50 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
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I would say take whatever you can get, OP, because you are beyond undesirable to the vast majority of your target demographic. I skimmed your profile for five seconds and found two cardinal sins staring me in the face. 1) You conceal your married status. 2) Half your profile is a dissertation on how "very oral" you are.

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Post #: 23

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/14/2013 3:22:39 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

New to collarme (several months), and trying to find a lifestyle not pro mistress to serve. twice i have messaged with dommes, and got to the point of arranging a personal meeting, and both times they wanted me to come to their apt. At the advice of a prodomme i am seeing and have been open with about finding a lifestyle mistress, i requsted that we meet in public. The first domme never emailed me back, and the 2nd was insulted and called me a fake. Am i wrong to expect the first meeting to be in public. -- for both our safety?
S

As many others have said, public meetings IMO are the best idea.

There is the safety aspect and also the awkwardness aspect.

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Post #: 24

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 5/14/2013 3:26:15 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

one bit of information i left out that adds to my safety issue..I am married. I am upfront about that right away in my initial messaging on cm, but my safety concern is not just personal safety, but not putting myself in a situation where my wife could find out.
S

Reading replies and catching this one and putting aside comments on the matter of cheating in general... this seems quite backwards to me. I mean, wouldn't it be easier to get caught being out in public with a strange woman that your wife didn't know you were meeting than to go to someone's private home?

Just seems odd to me there lol.

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Post #: 25

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/9/2013 4:26:02 PM

Boudica

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Jacksonville, Florida
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ALWAYS meet in public!! Coffee or tea, but it's safer that way. I prefer to meet at a local gay hotspot where conversation can cover anything and is not likely to shock anyone who happens to overhear it.

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Post #: 26

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/10/2013 3:43:01 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
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I'd say a public meeting first. If a coffee date, or a meal is too big an ask for the Lady, you have to think to yourself, why?

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Post #: 27

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/10/2013 4:34:10 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SophiaMaam

It's always amusing when someone who lacks basic honesty is worried that others might also do so.

Sophia, do you know the OP in real time? Dearie me, I had the oddest notion just now that you could be the OP's wife and that he's already been found out.

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Post #: 28

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/10/2013 8:30:35 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

We all take chances in life. its just too hard to repress my submissive feelings anymore. Maybe i should change my profile photo.
S

I don't think you should change the photo, but you may want to mention that you are married on there. That way the domme will know up front that you are a lair and neither one of you will have to waste time on someone you aren't compatible with.

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Post #: 29

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/13/2013 5:21:00 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
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~FR~

I have met dominant women in private, played almost immediately, with no safe call and never had cause to regret it.

It is an unfortunate, but invariable, fact of life that a woman meeting with a man in a private setting is FAR more likely to be victimized by him than he is likely to be victimized by her, regardless of which is dom or which is sub or even if both are vanilla.

(in reply to Chinacatt67)

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Post #: 30

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/14/2013 1:45:23 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
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While agreeing whole heartedly with what Harry is saying, it's also very necessary for a man to protect himself from future allegations of abuse, I don't know if people in the USA are aware of the major sexual abuse scandals that are in the English newspapers at the moment involving public figures, some of them going back 50yrs!

The original poster should put that he is married, as a lie escalates & will ALWAYS be found out.

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Post #: 31

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/14/2013 9:03:42 PM

Dreamless

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
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I had a woman get mad at me for declining her offer to go straight to her place, because I was insulting her as a host. She was all "well get back to me when you're ready to come somewhere there's a good host." because I suggested dinner in a public place instead or at least meeting somewhere public first. I guess she figured her scarcity would have me flinging myself at her pictureless profile. I'm pretty sure she would've turned out to be a huge guy and killed me. Am I paranoid? I don't know! But anyone who's afraid of meeting publicly has something to hide.

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Post #: 32

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/19/2013 10:27:35 AM

MistressMeltz

Posts: 124
Joined: 7/8/2007
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follow your 1st mind. i never let strangers come to my house bdsm or vanilla

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Post #: 33

RE: requesting first meeting in public - 6/19/2013 11:09:46 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chinacatt67

We all take chances in life. its just too hard to repress my submissive feelings anymore. Maybe i should change my profile photo.
S

I`m with you. I like to meet any potential Mistresses in a darkened alley, down by the docks.

Except Rawni and LadyP..... I would only meet them in a floodlight sports stadium full to capacity.