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ameekkat -> question (5/13/2013 11:17:30 AM)
I have a question, if a sub has been looking for someone to be in her life and normally she would not see more than one than one person at a time... this past weekend she met two men in person, they are both really nice and are looking for what she is looking for as well... it has been so long for her to find someone, and one of them is more persistant than the other... but she has a problem with wearing her heart on her sleeve and falling too fast, that she is afraid of falling before getting to know them better.... is this normal when seeking the other part of ones heart?

RedMagic1 -> RE: question (5/13/2013 11:23:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ameekkat is this normal when seeking the other part of ones heart? When anyone, male or female, dom or sub, has an overly romanticized view of reality, it is normal to make decisions that one later regrets. If I were you, I'd stop talking about this as though it's a kinky romance novel, and deal with facts. You've met two men, one time. Nobody knows the best fit for you at this point, not any of the three of you, and not any online strangers. But I'll guarantee you this: men in real life are not the same as characters in a steamy novel. Unless you deal with people as they truly are, instead of how they measure against the fantasies in your head, everyone will end up disappointed.

garyFLR -> RE: question (5/13/2013 12:12:48 PM)
You must have a really excited, bubbly feeling in your tummy [:)]. Congratulations, & enjoy the attention. You don't have to make a decision straight away, surely? Spend some more time with each of them & see which one really 'floats your boat'. Good luck & once again, congratulations, Gary.

Rasciallymisty -> RE: question (5/13/2013 12:20:20 PM)
I agree with what both Redmagic and gray said. Only you will know if there is something between you but I do not think you can usually tell after one date. Take some time and have fun with it all. Good luck to you. kar

DesFIP -> RE: question (5/13/2013 12:24:54 PM)
So you met two guys both of whom seem nice on the first meet. Okay, good for you. Meet one for coffee on Wednesday and the other on Thursday. Spend half an hour chatting in a pressure free environment. If you don't like one as much after the coffee, you only invested half an hour to find this out. If you still like both, then keep dating both. Maybe they're both perfect for you and it's time for you to consider polyamory. Maybe you need a monogamous relationship at which point the fact that neither one does it more than the other would indicate to me that although nice, neither one is worth settling for. At which point go talk to someone new. But going out seeking the perfect soul mate is the surest way I know of not to find it.

ResidentSadist -> RE: question (5/13/2013 12:34:39 PM)
quote: normally she would not see more than one than one person at a time. I think you are wrong there. BDSM dating is the same as nilla dating, gay dating or otherwise. You date several people until find someone that is compatible enough to start a relationship with. Don't jump the gun out of desperation. You sound a bit insecure. You don't judge them by what you like about them but by which one likes you enough to be more "persistent than the other". If you had said, one of them has giant cock and fucks like God, while the other one makes my heart feel full . . . well, there is a conundrum based on how they interact with you. And you say you are, "wearing your heart on your sleeve and falling too fast" . . . Honey, I don't think that's your heart. But I could be wrong. Feel free to set me straight.

DesFIP -> RE: question (5/13/2013 12:37:35 PM)
I hate to disagree with you RS, but some of us really only date one person at a time. I'm one. I can't concentrate and focus on multiple people. So I prefer to date and talk to one guy for a couple of weeks until I know if there's any commonality and chemistry and what not. If so, great. If not, I would move on. The Man's like this too. One of the things that made us compatible, we simply view stuff from the same angle most of the time.

ResidentSadist -> RE: question (5/13/2013 12:43:13 PM)
^ No No No... not dating two at same time on same date. Dating two in same time frame but you focus only on one at a time, only go out with one while on the date.

LafayetteLady -> RE: question (5/13/2013 1:09:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I hate to disagree with you RS, but some of us really only date one person at a time. I'm one. I can't concentrate and focus on multiple people. So I prefer to date and talk to one guy for a couple of weeks until I know if there's any commonality and chemistry and what not. If so, great. If not, I would move on. The Man's like this too. One of the things that made us compatible, we simply view stuff from the same angle most of the time. Yet you were the one who told her to date both and possible consider poly.

kiwisub12 -> RE: question (5/13/2013 1:35:00 PM)
OP - i have to say that if you are looking for the other half of your heart, you are pretty much guaranteed not to find him. How about you date men looking for a fun time, and maybe a meaningful relationship. And how about you don't date just one guy at a time? There is no rule that you have to just date one guy at a time. As long as they don't think you are dating them alone, there isn't any harm. In fact, it can be a factor in finding a long term relationship. I was dating three or four guys, and my sweetie was the one who said he would wait for me to decide............. How could you not love someone who is willing to wait for you? Anyway, how about having some fun, go out with some guys and leave the half a heart thing at home. Actually, if i heard someone say they were looking for the other half of their heart, i'd leave them at the door. Talk about some unreal expectations from just a date! [:)]

LadyPact -> RE: question (5/13/2013 2:03:52 PM)
You know, if I met two guys over the course of the weekend, the LAST thing I'd be thinking about would be which one of them was "the other half of My heart" or am I going to fall in love too quickly. Why bother to have the relationship? Sounds to Me like you've already planned out how the emotions are going to work. Instead of worrying about how fast you are going to fall in love, here's a novel idea. How about getting to know these men as human beings, rather than typecast them for roles in your fantasies? That requires you putting your feet back on the ground instead of dreaming stuff up in your head.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: question (5/13/2013 3:56:56 PM)
Ameekkat, I've kind of come across your conundrum from the other side of the slash. In the period of about two weeks, I've met three different guys in person, believe it or not. They are all really really nice guys and all submissive. I've met them all at least twice or more in that amount of time. I decided I can tell there are possibilities with two of them and the third, well, I felt absolutely nothing and politely told him I don't think it will work but thank you for meeting with me and he was gracious about it when I told him. My advice would be to not get too riled up about either one of them at this point. If you feel comfortable doing so, continue to date both of them until you can get more of a feel how you feel about each of them. It's up to you whether or not to tell them but, in my case, I'm letting them each know that I'm dating someone else also. After all, I'm on this site to meet people and that's what I'm doing. I'm thinking they most likely are too. I think it's better to take your time and get a feel for how you really connect or not with each of them, rather than rushing into anything. NBMG

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: question (5/13/2013 4:21:26 PM)
You know this is something I have noticed in both the vanilla world and the kinky one--nobody dates for FUN...we all seem to think that if we go out with a person once and don't hate it that we should "focus", "see where it goes"... And I don't think that is the best course of action. My mom made a comment once about how different it seemed to be from when she was of dating age (1950s & 1960s). To her it was odd because, from the moral standpoint...in the 50s & 60s dating 2-3 boys/young men was normal & no one thought that you were "playing" or " slutty". Anyway, I say that, as long as you are not intimate with either, have fun and get to know each one. You can't "choose" because there is no criteria...it is like tossing a coin. I am not a big believer in "letting a guy know you are still out there" but nor should you expect him to NOT still be out meeting people & maybe connecting with someone else... Once being naked enters the picture then you start the " At this point, I am no longer seeing or looking for anyone else" discussion.

ameekkat -> RE: question (5/13/2013 4:34:03 PM)
I do not live my life as though in a steamy romance novel... I know I need to take it slow and see what happens. I need to not let my heart and body lead and let my head have a say... I am not looking for poly, been there done that and it was not for me... And from a bdsm stand point they both are in tuned to what I would enjoy. They know i have met others so that is in the open...

littlewonder -> RE: question (5/13/2013 5:01:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ameekkat I have a question, if a sub has been looking for someone to be in her life and normally she would not see more than one than one person at a time... this past weekend she met two men in person, they are both really nice and are looking for what she is looking for as well... it has been so long for her to find someone, and one of them is more persistant than the other... but she has a problem with wearing her heart on her sleeve and falling too fast, that she is afraid of falling before getting to know them better.... is this normal when seeking the other part of ones heart? Normal? For some I suppose. For me, no. This really has nothing to do with bdsm and everything to do with being a person who falls too fast and too hard for people. You need to ask yourself why you do that. Once you can find your reason, you can start to fix the issue.

DarkSteven -> RE: question (5/13/2013 6:13:56 PM)
You're dancing with more than one man. Nothing wrong with that at all. Marrying more than one is an issue. But you're fine as long as it's just dating.

RedMagic1 -> RE: question (5/13/2013 8:47:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ameekkat I do not live my life as though in a steamy romance novel. I said you were talking about your life as though it were a steamy novel. And you were. Fact. You know as well as I do that if you're typing those words in public, you're probably saying them to yourself in private. Your perspective on life will affect your notion of success, and your understanding of what you need to be happy.

FrostedFlake -> RE: question (5/13/2013 10:40:55 PM)
quote: OP ...she is afraid of falling before getting to know them better.... is this normal when seeking the other part of ones heart? "Seeking the other part of ones heart" seems like a whole nuther thread. And I'll get back to that. First, I think it worth saying that dating one person at a time is often referred to as 'going steady'. You just met these guys. Has either of them mentioned the idea of an exclusive arrangement? In the absence of an exclusive arrangement, does it really make a lick of sense to tell a guy whom you like to go fork himself, because there is another guy you also barely know who MIGHT have an edge on him? Doesn't doing things that way AUTOMATICALLY screw you and him in favor of the guy who won the coin toss? Girl. You have to get over this 'one guy at a time' idea. Now. returning to the "Seeking the other part of ones heart" thread. I really don't believe this is something you can set out to do. Or make happen. I think instead, you have to keep an eye open for it and let it happen if it does. Then spike the football. It is tough to keep an eye open for love when you habitually focus exclusively on the guy who happens to be paying for dinner one night this week. Is the rest of the World really worth no more to you than the price of a meal? I'm not saying flirt in front of your date. That hurts. I'm saying, when you are not on a date, flirt with anyone you please and don't feel guilty for a second. On the contrary, feel GOOD when you get a nice response from a guy. If he goes so far as to suggest a date, feel free to accept. It's hard to tell which, but one of them just might be Mr. Right.

DesFIP -> RE: question (5/14/2013 7:41:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist ^ No No No... not dating two at same time on same date. Dating two in same time frame but you focus only on one at a time, only go out with one while on the date. I understood. I don't do that. I don't date more than one person when dating. I date one and see if it has potential. If it didn't, then I would start to date someone else. You may be fine having coffee with A on Monday, lunch with B on Tuesday and so on. I'm not. I would only date A until either we were committed or we stopped dating. And at that point I would contact B and ask if that invite to the movies was still on or not. LL: the fact that I don't do something doesn't mean I can't see its value for others. I was suggesting alternate ways for the op to do things. Since searching for the other half of her heart seems a good way to get screwed over.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: question (5/14/2013 8:18:01 AM)
Whether or not you date more than one person at a time is a personal decision based on what feels okay to YOU. I've had no problem dating more than one person at a time, but I am honest about it. How a man reacts to this info tells me a lot about him. Does he turn all jealous and macho? Does he get all competitive and possessive? Does he respond by being equally as honest with me? Does he take in the info, play his cards close to his chest so to speak and wait to see how things play out? Personally, I'm always interested in how someone responds to this sort of situation. Not what they SAY, what they do.

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