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internaly collared - 5/13/2013 6:15:46 PM   
littleclip


Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline 		i became internaly collared during a very trying time and with great emotional turmoil. now i have been released i do not know how tobecome internaly uncollared. its not like a switch i can set to off my thoughts and even my dreams are of the dynamic. any sujestions

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i will always come to the call of those i love

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RE: internaly collared - 5/16/2013 4:46:44 PM   
ThundersCry54


Posts: 71
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline 		First of all your not the first person to have lost a *collar* nor will you be the last.

It takes time to get over any *conditioning* you may still be subject to...

I have read some of your journels and it appears your so caught up in yourself that nothing around you matters. I do know *that* feeling, if you can even call it a feeling, either way it does not matter. Feelings are just that, some real, some not. Actually nobody has the ability to make me feel anything. I chose to feel them in whatever way I chose.

I wish you the best clip , however ...when I was *going* thru something like you appear to be going thru I had to step back, focus on those around me and forget some of this other *stuff*, not only for my own well being but for those around me.

I had to stop living in my head...as I was making it miserable for those around me.

I looked at it as just another season in my life that came to an end, and was gratfull for the experience.

You know what you need to do...like the nike add says...*just do it!*

You`ve been around long enough to know that coming here and asking people what *you* need to do is not really going to make much of an impact on your life unless your willing to try something different.

*Keep doing what your doing and your going to keep getting what your getting*

(in reply to littleclip)
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RE: internaly collared - 5/16/2013 5:06:15 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleclip
i became internaly collared during a very trying time and with great emotional turmoil. now i have been released i do not know how tobecome internaly uncollared. its not like a switch i can set to off my thoughts and even my dreams are of the dynamic. any sujestions

Suggestions:

1. Keep all relationship and breakup issues off online message boards.

2. Go to the gym more. If you're exhausted, you'll feel fewer pangs of loneliness.

3. I seem to recall from earlier posts that you're married. Perhaps take this situation as an opportunity to increase your affections toward her? Flowers, chocolates, massage, a week or weekend away together, even if it's just to a local nice hotel, or camping in the spring weather.

4. Time will heal all or most of this. Just repeat things like (1)-(3) until enough time passes.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to littleclip)
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RE: internaly collared - 5/16/2013 5:24:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I seem to recall he ended the marriage.

If you have children, it's time to reconnect with them. Mend fences for abandoning them.

Give yourself time to grieve. You're a medic, have you any understanding of the grief process? Recognize the stages you're going through.

Make a list of things you used to enjoy that you weren't allowed to do or she didn't enjoy. Then do one of them every day.

This is a natural depression that everyone goes through after you get dumped. Part of it is just pride. Realize that it will take time to get back to normal. A new normal.

And figure out what this relationship lacked that you need in the future so as not to repeat getting into one that doesn't fulfill you.

But you also need to accept the fact that people on the boards don't want to feel that if they are sympathetic to you, they can't be friendly to her. This is probably not the best place to come for support. Wait a few months and then see a grief therapist if you aren't progressing. If you aren't familiar with grief, read On Death and Dying, still the bible in the field.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: internaly collared - 5/16/2013 5:38:45 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I seem to recall he ended the marriage.

Well that's unfortunate. Being alone-alone makes it harder.

So here's another suggestion.

4. Don't do anything that reminds you of your former dominant. Meaning:

4a. Stop referring to yourself as "clip" at any time, anywhere. That includes deleting this profile, the littleclip one.

4b. Avoid all events, either online or real, in which your former dominant is present. Realistically, this means walking away from the kinky internet for a while.

To build a life without her, you have to build a life without her.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: internaly collared - 5/16/2013 5:42:15 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		clip,

I don't know enough about your relationship to offer any other advice than what's already been offered.

There has been talk off the boards that you've made some allegations that lack credibility in my view, but I missed that thread.

So long as CollarMe doesn't allow people to post about their breakups and concerns, I can't comment.

We don't, do we?

IWYW,
— Aswad.


< Message edited by Aswad -- 5/16/2013 5:57:33 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to littleclip)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 2:00:07 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Clip, if it helps I have been through similar. Although its like ending a normal relationship, with all the associated hurt etc, there is also the mindset of being a submissive to deal with. So in many ways it is like two empty spaces in your life and not just the one. Many of the usual suggestions about time heals and keeping busy have been given. I also threw away stuff that really upset me to look at. Its not an easy time but it does pass slowly. Good luck with this.

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 5:57:44 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Hi Clip

Been there done that wallowing in grief, for a brief time. You do need to try to move on, but I have been there where you thought the sky would fall and you didn't want to get out of bed. The only difference is I always kept a bit of myself, I secretly kept a bit of myself. I also found myself wanting to be vengeful in the beginning, which is just stupid. If you knew of something going on while there, and didn't act on it then, and now you want to act on it, that's being vengeful, although we can cloak it in care. So stop that seriously stop that nonsense. I have no knowledge of your relationship other then the boards, but I did read all your journals. I am guessing, but I feel that might be going on.
As long as your still alive, breathing, and able to stand on your own two feet and walk, you kept a part of yourself too. There is power and strength inside of you, you need to tap on now. Right now that light isn't shining so bright, its dim and barely visible. You need to speak to yourself in a positive voice, not the negative things you have been telling yourself in your journal. No more Im worthless, etc. It might not be today, or tomorrow, or even a month from now, but if you force positive thought, the power and strength will build momentum. Constantly telling yourself you cant live without her, is going to prolong the misery. I know you wont feel like forcing yourself to do these things, but do them!!! That's control, gaining control, doing the things we don't want too even when we feel so bad, but it works once you get over the hump.
When I first seriously broke it off with my dom, he had told me " It will end when I say it ends" and just like a child believes in santa whole heartedly, I believed I didn't have the power or strength to end it. The day I found out Santa Claus didn't exist, was the day I knew I had the strength to end it, I was giving someone just to much power over my thought process. Guess who ended it?
Everyday start walking in strength, instead of giving in to weakness, and deprogram the THINKING I cant do it alone, because you can. Stay busy busy busy!!!
I do hope you feel better soon.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 6:22:38 AM   
MsEloquence


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

4. Don't do anything that reminds you of your former dominant. Meaning:

4a. Stop referring to yourself as "clip" at any time, anywhere. That includes deleting this profile, the littleclip one.

4b. Avoid all events, either online or real, in which your former dominant is present. Realistically, this means walking away from the kinky internet for a while.

To build a life without her, you have to build a life without her.




Tattoo the part in bold on your heart.

4a is a great idea (unless you were clip before her)
4b is a good idea, unless you can demonstrate grace and civility; avoid all whining; and not bring up the relationship or its end

_____________________________

Eloquence

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 6:32:28 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Find ways of occupying yourself: volunteer at an animal shelter or nursing home.
Become busy in those contexts; helping someone who has their own troubles often helps keep things in perspective and animals both need attention and give unconditional love freely.

I recently came across this post and think it may be helpful:


http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4373858



_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 7:04:57 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		OP, I've been in your shoes. Most of us have been, we've had to deal with a breakup - which is what this is at the core of things. Most of us have also had to deal with this more than once. This may sound cruel but the streets aren't littered with the bodies of heartbroken men and women- they recover and move on. Although at the time it seems like an impossible thing to do. So take heart from the thought that it isn't impossible to once again find a fulfilling life- millions of others do it every day. You can too.

Could you possibly be putting the idea of being internally enslaved into your head as an excuse not to move on? It seems to be giving you a place to hang your hat so to speak, seems to be giving you that hook where you can endlessly revisit the relationship. No matter if you are internally enslaved or not, you have to move on now. So the enslavement really has no bearing on things from this point on.

Please take Red's advice and get yourself away as much as possible from anything to do with your old relationship, including being on here. Quit touching the wound to see how badly it still hurts, by continuing to bring personal details into a venue where it doesn't belong. Whatever reason you believe you are doing it for doesn't matter, as it's doing you no good, it just keeps you invested in poking at your wounds and never getting on with your life. Plus the people here cannot possibly give you the support you seem to be seeking because we don't have all the details.

After truly doing your best to put your old relationship out of your head, start putting some real effort into finding a new path. Something old needs to be replaced by something new, you don't live in a vacuum. Your days should be filled with searching out possibilities that will keep you busy. If friends call, go out with them, or talk (not about her). Check out the new restaurant you've been meaning to go to, find an event/tradeshow/entertainment of something you are interested in. Join a club for xyz. You really do have to make a new life now or you will keep mourning the old one. When all my kids left the home to move on with their lives, I mourned hard to a ridiculous point, and then I went back to school. I'll be graduating next week.

No one can do this for you- live your life, it's up to you, and it's hard as shit. My closest friend will always tell me to take baby steps when I'm going through something hard. Take baby steps. Today (outside of work) close your account here and clean your home. Tomorrow go through your belongings to get rid of things to donate and de-clutter. The day after....who knows. You get the idea. Set a daily small goal and follow through on it. Do what Red said about getting to the gym.

Take melatonin at night to sleep better or ask your doctor for some medication to help with that. See a counselor. Do something. You have to. No one can lead you through this, so stand up and do it. I wish you the best.

(in reply to littleclip)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 9:38:38 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I read an article the other day that stated that social media makes break ups harder to deal with.

I agree with that and remove yourself (for awhile at least) from the site you can move on in peace.

I am Thrilled that my ex is nowhere to be found online.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 5/17/2013 9:39:25 AM >

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 10:48:36 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I like RedMagic's answers (LOL... huge surprise). Essentially, "live well"... eat well, sleep well, exercise. It really is good for what ails you. That, and build a life going forward rather than looking backward.

Try to remind yourself that you're not alone. Breakups stink. When another human has become a part of you and suddenly it's gone then it hurts. The tighter the relationship and the longer time period the worse that is. You might console yourself by thinking thoughts like, "Thank god it wasn't my 12 year old daughter I just lost or my 45 year loving wife" (both real situations going on in my circle of friends). Not that I want to minimize your pain (yup, breakups suck). But perspective is often-times helpful for me.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 11:00:02 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		My understanding is that you still have a family at home. Start focusing on them, along with following everyone's advice here. I understand that you are hurting, but there are people who still need you to be there for them.

(in reply to littleclip)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 6:37:16 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Clip, I'm sorry about the break-up. I'm sure there are two sides to it, as there always are. Just be good to yourself. The things you would tell your best friend to do in the same situation, do them for yourself.

And I agree w/ what someone else said, continuing to call yourself "clip" is not helping you to move on with your life. Were it me, I would create an entire new profile with a name that has nothing to do with your previous relationship. It will be better in the long run. If you want to, just put something in your sig line about who you "used to be."

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to littleclip)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 7:29:54 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		When my dom died, i had to clean my house. I had to sort out the accumulated stuff that we had gathered, and decide what i was keeping, and what was to be given to Goodwill. I took out my labial rings - his rings that he had put in personally. I had to untangle my life from him.

I had to acknowlege that he was gone, and i had to go on. It wasn't easy, but the alternative was to go to bed and pull the covers over my head. Wasn't an option for many reasons.

Your relationship with LP was a long term one. You are going to feel bad for a while, so gird your loins, and suck it up. You can and will get past this. There is, after all, no alternative.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: internaly collared - 5/17/2013 7:57:48 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleclip

i became internaly collared during a very trying time and with great emotional turmoil. now i have been released i do not know how tobecome internaly uncollared. its not like a switch i can set to off my thoughts and even my dreams are of the dynamic. any sujestions


You go about your life. You go to work, you take care of your family, you hang out with your friends, you cry in your ice cream tub for a bit and then eventually you forget all about it and it's over.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to littleclip)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: internaly collared - 5/18/2013 6:41:07 AM   
garyFLR


Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline 		Hi Clip,

I'm actually new to CM, but, I get t he feeling there's a history behind this, notwithstanding, I suspect a Domme/sub relationship is similar to a vanilla one. When people have been together for quite a while, a strong bond builds up, that when it breaks you can feel desolate. I've had that feeling when you believe that nobody 'new' can ever replace that missing gap inside you, so you don't try for a long while. It's all very well people telling you to move on, when you know you can't, because your head's in the wrong place.

Previous posters here have given some good advice, the old expression 'when something's doing your headcup in, go clean a pair of shoes'. Go to the gym, do charity work of some description, take your mind off it. There is a time for grieving over past' or failed relationships, but, you can' grieve forever, then it's time to move on, meet new people, forge new ties.

Best wishes, & much empathy, Gary.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: internaly collared - 5/18/2013 7:43:36 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I was just sitting here ready to take my meds this morning while reading this and it dawned on me.

Clip, have you taken your meds lately? I'm just asking because sometimes when I read stuff you write, one can sometimes tell when you are not. And since your breakup is fresh, I'm wondering if you have maybe stopped taking them which happens a lot with people who are depressed when extra stress is on them. I know it can happen to me sometimes if my depression starts to hit the all time low.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to garyFLR)
Profile   Post #: 19
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