RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (Full Version)

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MistressDarkArt -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/17/2013 3:27:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

Doesn't the use of a list make the whole thing seem... impersonal


Not to me. I insist on a checklist whether partners are new or already familiar. One of my favorite ways to use it is sit down with the potential partner and go item by item together, adding in whatever comments or qualifiers as needed to the activities. I think a checklist is a great way to open up discussion, and another way for me to express my dominance by leading the interview about it. I am always surprised at what I learn about a person through this exercise.

I highly recommend using them.



DesFIP -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/17/2013 9:05:03 PM)

No way am I ever going to fill out a list like that. I'm more a believer of "these are my top ten interests, what are yours?". If they don't match up, I'm not compatible with the other person.



SomethingCatchy -> RE: I found this checklist for subs online (5/18/2013 12:19:06 AM)

I'd like to know why people keep insisting on listing bestiality as a kink within BDSM. BDSM involves consenting human adults.

Beyond that I like lists because I like lists. I make lists all the time. They help me think about what needs to be done, what has been done, and what else I need to think about. Plenty of people are list people. Plenty of people hate them. I've used BDSM lists to get to know some basic facts. It's helpful to know if 'main kinks' mesh before wasting too much time on someone who will ultimately not be a good fit.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/18/2013 2:27:47 AM)

I might have missed it, but I swear I looked twice, did I miss furries ? Personally I do have a list. It has two questions on it and the person answering the questions must do it outloud infront of me (conversation for the win)

Questions...

1) What do you dream about?

2) What do you have nightmares about?



Kana -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/18/2013 8:01:16 AM)

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.

A small but subtle shift which makes all the difference-kinda like the gap between fantasy and reality.



kalikshama -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/18/2013 8:07:49 AM)

quote:

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.


Oh yes, I am now doing many things I never would have dreamt of doing before, and refused to do with other partners.



SomethingCatchy -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 3:16:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.

A small but subtle shift which makes all the difference-kinda like the gap between fantasy and reality.


This doesn't apply to me. There is no shift. It's one and the same when my type a personality allows another human being inside.









TieMeInKnottss -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 3:40:04 AM)

I have to second this... Starting out, there was not much I would agree to. I am not a masochist, so pain does not feel good and I don't like it. What I LOVE (& thrive on), is the approval. I am one of those "would walk on hot coals for the right person" types.. I will endure any type of humiliation or pain when it comes from the RIGHT person.

The list is great to kind of "jog" your memory but the reality is that, when push comes to shove, most of us are going to do it unless it is a hard limit (I.e.-I will NOT eat peas for ANYONE!)



LafayetteLady -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 4:59:23 AM)

I think that those lists are great for people to use, and keep to themselves. We have had more than enough discussions about limits being violated, but it was something that the person never thought of mentioning. So someone (especially those who are new) taking the list and thinking about the various items gives them an idea of some of the stuff that they may not have even considered. Some they may find intriguing, others they may realize is a hard limit.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 5:56:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.



I agree with this. It's one of the reasons why lists have little benefit for me.

If I were to look at a list that I had composed 5 years ago, or even 2 years ago, it would look very different now. With the right partners, I have expanded my boundaries and tried things that I never thought I would try.

So even if you choose to use a list, just remember that your list is likely to change over time. Hard limits sometimes become soft limits, and soft limits sometimes become enjoyable activities. It just takes the right partner to make you comfortable enough to try something new and unexplored.



Rasciallymisty -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 5:58:29 AM)

I have to agree with LL. When I first started I liked the list it was pretty helpful as DJ was also new to the lifestyle. He and I got a lot out of it, but now no list its just open convos.

misty



seekingreality -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 8:58:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: hrxxx

Well does anybody use checklist?

And do any one have somthing to add to the list?

I have one "imprisonment"



What you're quoting is a fairly standard list.

It is useful as a means of starting discussions. You can't take the answer as gospel, because people don't always respond to stuff in real life as they think they might when filling out a form. So it doesn't replace discussion and safewords.



littlewonder -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 5:03:13 PM)

Lists have always been a waste of time for me. One, because I don't really have any limits except the duh ones that everyone mentions. But other than that, if it doesn't kill me or leave me a vegetable then he does what he wants. I've always been that way with all the men I have ever met. If I truly love and trust someone, I will do absolutely anything for him. I hate pain but in the end my love of him is greater than my hate of pain or anything else he may want/do.

I think especially after my husband died, I came to the realization that most things in life are simply not important and definitely not worth arguing over or leaving someone you love over.



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 6:16:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Lists have always been a waste of time for me. One, because I don't really have any limits except the duh ones that everyone mentions. But other than that, if it doesn't kill me or leave me a vegetable then he does what he wants. I've always been that way with all the men I have ever met. If I truly love and trust someone, I will do absolutely anything for him. I hate pain but in the end my love of him is greater than my hate of pain or anything else he may want/do.





^^^^EXACTLY^^^^




Kana -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 6:29:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Lists have always been a waste of time for me. One, because I don't really have any limits except the duh ones that everyone mentions. But other than that, if it doesn't kill me or leave me a vegetable then he does what he wants. I've always been that way with all the men I have ever met. If I truly love and trust someone, I will do absolutely anything for him. I hate pain but in the end my love of him is greater than my hate of pain or anything else he may want/do.

I think especially after my husband died, I came to the realization that most things in life are simply not important and definitely not worth arguing over or leaving someone you love over.

*Chortles*
"If you really loved me, you'd do..."



littlewonder -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 6:57:32 PM)

"If you really loved me you wouldn't ask....."

[8D]



GotSteel -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 8:25:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
This is a list of BDSM activities.

You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s.

You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

You can do bondage or sadomasacism without Ds but if you're engaging in bdsm you're doing the Ds, it's right there in the middle.



sexyred1 -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 8:37:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

List people miss the point: It's not about the things that you do. It's about who you do it the things that you do with.

A small but subtle shift which makes all the difference-kinda like the gap between fantasy and reality.


Exactly. And to add to that, there are some things on "lists" that you might do with someone and not with someone else.

I am not inspired by lists. I am inspired by someone who who communicates with me and we work through fun things to do.

People love to short cut through interpersonal communications.



descrite -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 8:39:23 PM)

I tried a list with one partner, once. It didn't work.

I can totally see the utility in them...but I can also see how they'd deflate some of the romance/excitement.

Of course, rational thought often does.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: I found this checklist for sub´s online (5/20/2013 9:34:17 PM)

I looked at something similar several years ago, and thought it was a nice suggestion/ideas to play with,
This is a good idea for someone who thinks they want to try out BDSM play/lifestyle, experiment with D/s play, it opens one's mind to different activities.
Also keep in mind, that what one says absolutely not on day/years one, often changes with time, building confidence with themselves, and with you.
Good luck, M



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