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Qualifications ???????? - 6/25/2006 6:11:31 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I've been a member of Collar me for six months and into this lifestyle for just a litle longer than that. Every day (do i need to get a life?) i come here and read the forums, sometimes post on them, sometimes not. I have learnt a lot and changed my opinions on some things due to this and think they can be a very valuable learning source.
However, recently i have recieved private messages asking for my advice, help, knowledge. The truth is that whilst yes on many subjects i have an opinion and on some i have a little knowledge i do not in any way feel qualified to give others advice or answers.
In a forum i feel 'safe' giving my opinion because it is just one of many in and amongst but when it comes to a one on one i find myself questioning my so called 'qualifications' to answer.
My question is this, what qualifies us to give advice etc?
What changed to make me move from being a casual observer with an occasional opinion to a person people come to for advice/ answers?
And when we give advice / opinions to others do we not have some kind of responsilibity in what happens after?
Thank you in advance.
Respectfully
Misst xx

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/25/2006 7:04:49 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yes we have a responsibility when we give advice. So does the person asking for/taking it.
 
As to what qualifies us...... well, do you know what you're talking about? That always helps *grins*. You'll never see me give much advice on shibari because I know almost nothing about it. But some wisdom, if you want to call it that, can exist without having hands on experience-- I can advise someone not to hit their partner in the kidneys with a cane, even though I've never held one in my hand. It just depends on what's being asked, I guess.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/25/2006 8:11:50 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		In one way its like asking a physician for an opinion when your having coffee with a few friends and he is nearby.. You really dont expect a professional opinion which would usually happen after a consultation. At the best all he can do is to give you some resonable general advise based on his experience. many however refuse to do even that for fear of litigation.... He has to be responsible for every darned thing he says even about trout fishing because there will always be those who take everything he says as gospel.. CM is not all that different and we do have a reasonably good cross section of all professions and trades here. Just do what you feel comfy doing. People who seek advise also must accept responsibility if they don't seek a second opion from professionals off the web in important areas... 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/25/2006 8:13:19 AM >

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/25/2006 2:10:32 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Most questions can be answered by using common sense. If it is a technical question, you may not be able to answer it. You seem to understand the difference. There is probably a reason people keep asking for your advice. It could be that people see the common sense you possess by your posts here on the boards.

< Message edited by Estring -- 6/25/2006 2:11:25 PM >

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/25/2006 2:27:18 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Sure you have some responsibility when giving advice..if it is direct and stated as a fact, or based on experience. It still is the responsibility of the receiving party to use some common sense however. It usually appears for the most part, that unless it a specific kink/play instruction (hopefully based on experience) that most comments are worded as an opinion and should be taken as such.
 
As with Level, I wouldn't comment on how to do Shabari....I've seen it, I grasp the idea, I have an opinion on whether I like the idea or not...but I sure wouldn't have a clue on how to tell someone how to do it, so I wouldn't give advice on the subject. On the other hand, if was involving bondage, with lots of chains and cuffs and they wanted to know how to just drive their sub/slave bonkers...I might have a little more than just an opinion...lol.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 8:57:48 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		IMO we have only the responcibility to, IF we give an opinion regarding something we are asked for advice on, is to give what we, based on our own experiences, believe to be the best 'advice'/opinion.

Other than that, caveat emptor, it is the responcibility of the person asking for advice to treat it responcibly. IE it is only 'information', anothers point of view, which they factor in to their other sorces of information when making their decision.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 9:04:58 AM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		I'm going to fall in line with the rest of the responses....

Your own experiences and common sense are the best tools to use when giving advice... if they ask you something you don't feel comfortable dispensing advice on... then tell them you don't think you can help.

You can always point them in the direction of someone else on here.... lord knows there is a ton of experience floating around on these boards in virtually all types of situations.

T.R.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 9:09:54 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Being human qualifies us to give advice but there is some responsibilty in giving it and in taking it.

Most people appear to insist on learning the hard way anyway, otherwise the same old problems wouldn't be being aired all the time. Though dare I say it, when it comes to women, most men follow their brains which is securely situated in their out of control appendage, the penis.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 9:50:42 AM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		Your first responsibility is to be honest in any advice you give. If it is an opinion than state it as such. No opinion should be used as an absolute and you should never worry about a person taking it like gospel.

I personally try when people come to me for advice in any topic D/s, work and normal life will try to clearly state my level of knowledge. I tend to use statements like in my opinion, this happen to me exactly, and I have seen this a lot type phrases. Online is slightly trickier. I understand where you are coming from. Often times people have written me and asked questions and I will answer them and they respond like what I wrote was to be taken as factual and that throws me sometimes. Especially in this type of life personal preference is usually the right answer.

Honesty is usually a sure fire way to go. Here is my opinion or thought and this is where I am coming from.



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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 1:45:17 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		firstly ..... I have no issue with saying fuck if I know ..... that being said . if you don't know alot about it tell them ... no one is all knowing about everything ..... WELL ... except LA she knows everything lmao ............ anyway . if you give advice stand behind it ..... whatever you decide to do with concern to this lifestyle make sure you can comfortably do is stand behind your word
 
JMEO

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 3:15:44 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		All the advice anyone can ever give is a good, "This is what I'd do if I were you."  And if they're a trained professional in the topic at hand they can add, "This is my professional opinion."  As long as you're clear in the difference between the two, there's no reason you shouldn't be giving advice.  You seem responsible enough.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 3:34:23 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		A honest opinion and honestly given advice can be completely wrong. In the end it is the responsibility of the person asking advice as to whether they should heed advice or not.

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RE: Qualifications ???????? - 6/26/2006 6:06:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s
except LA she knows everything lmao

I wish.  :)

Forums tend to be self-weeding.  Everyone finds people they really enjoy, people they really dislike and people they barely notice. 

I take responsibility for what I say in that I honestly intend for my words to not harm someone, and I think it's pretty obvious when someone does otherwise.

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