Stress relief, spa versus dominance?

Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (Full Version)

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focalss -> Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 9:11:10 AM)
I asked a woman a question about being dominant and if she found it a way to relieve her stress to get the urge out of her system and she said it was more stressful to be a Domme. If she wanted to relax she would go to a spa. How many of you agree with that? Can't you just order your sub to give you a bath or massage and go do his chores? If the sub wants constant attention I agree it can be stressful or if you are doing it to accommodate him/her but if you are doing it for yourself isn't it freeing to be yourself?

Rawni -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 9:36:48 AM)
Of course being a dominant relieves stress... because being who you are is a comfort to your soul. If you are anything other than who you are, you cannot be totally comfortable. Living as a dominant person can have stress, just as any other thing in life. We find tools in life in general, to cope with all things. Being in power to control some things may be comforting, but we can never control everything and power can never be fully comforting on it's own. Having people in our lives that may help us, is also comforting, it also carries some responsibility. Having people in our lives that can bring challenges to us and many do, we can take comfort in who we are and dealing with it, even if it isn't easy. Now... if your question is... does telling someone what to do or doing kinky things to them is comforting... it could only be so, if you were being true to who you were and those involved were on the same page. Most things I do, even the harder things, the more challenging things are comforting in some manner. Being a dominant... doesn't mean just one thing and being a human being shouldn't mean just one thing. It is a mix of everything. It is simple and yet it cannot be simplified without losing merit.

LadyPact -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 10:32:38 AM)
If the wording on the post is the way the exchange happened, I think you may have been trying to ask the woman a loaded question. The "if she found it a way to relieve her stress to get the urge out of her system" is usually geared toward folks who top when the information seeker is trying to imply that people are using their sadism to deal with imaginary anger or control issues. Kind of a 'can't hack the world, take it out on a bottom' type of theory. Granted, you did pose your question specifically about Dominance, rather than topping or sadism, but since so many people lump them all together instead of separating these things in terminology, it's worth expanding on what might be the underlying question here. That being, can sadism or topping relieve stress? Is stress relief a possible motivator? Sure it can. When you think about it, so can a good game of tennis. It doesn't have to be any deeper than any other good form of exercise that a person enjoys. How many joggers do you know that say they want to go for a run to relieve stress and clear their mind? How many people play various sports to "relax"? What do we know about the benefits of aerobic exercise? We know that we are allowing the body to remain fit, that it triggers adrenaline and certain chemical reactions in the brain. We know that such physical activities are beneficial to our physical as well as mental health. To go even further, it is also good for our emotional health. Think of any other physical activity that we engage in for the purpose of having fun. If a person goes out dancing, isn't that a good way to elevate a person's mood? If we engage in an activity that we enjoy where we smile, laugh, and have fun, isnt' that going to relieve stress? People have different types of personalities. On a personal note, I'm not the type to get "relaxed" by a back massage. I don't trust enough people to be comfortable to allow most people to touch Me from behind. The spa? Not going to work for Me. The shop that I go to for My manicures is completely used to having to tell Me that I need to relax My hands just so they can do their job on My nails. You do get bonus points for this part. " If the sub wants constant attention I agree it can be stressful or if you are doing it to accommodate him/her but if you are doing it for yourself isn't it freeing to be yourself?" Complete and total drag when you feel like the fun is being sucked out of you. When it becomes an obligation, the top isn't enjoying themselves anymore and the positive benefits are no longer being realized, what's the point?

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 10:34:45 AM)
Being dominant may be who I am, but interacting with a submissive involves my energy (hence the term power exchange) otherwise my servant could just as easily join Merry Maids, clean to his heart's content, and get paid for it. lol So there are times, for whatever reason, I'm just not in the mood for that interaction, and that may be what she's talking about.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 11:08:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact If the wording on the post is the way the exchange happened, I think you may have been trying to ask the woman a loaded question. The "if she found it a way to relieve her stress to get the urge out of her system" is usually geared toward folks who top when the information seeker is trying to imply that people are using their sadism to deal with imaginary anger or control issues. Kind of a 'can't hack the world, take it out on a bottom' type of theory. Granted, you did pose your question specifically about Dominance, rather than topping or sadism, but since so many people lump them all together instead of separating these things in terminology, it's worth expanding on what might be the underlying question here. That being, can sadism or topping relieve stress? Is stress relief a possible motivator? Sure it can. When you think about it, so can a good game of tennis. It doesn't have to be any deeper than any other good form of exercise that a person enjoys. How many joggers do you know that say they want to go for a run to relieve stress and clear their mind? How many people play various sports to "relax"? What do we know about the benefits of aerobic exercise? We know that we are allowing the body to remain fit, that it triggers adrenaline and certain chemical reactions in the brain. We know that such physical activities are beneficial to our physical as well as mental health. To go even further, it is also good for our emotional health. Think of any other physical activity that we engage in for the purpose of having fun. If a person goes out dancing, isn't that a good way to elevate a person's mood? If we engage in an activity that we enjoy where we smile, laugh, and have fun, isnt' that going to relieve stress? People have different types of personalities. On a personal note, I'm not the type to get "relaxed" by a back massage. I don't trust enough people to be comfortable to allow most people to touch Me from behind. The spa? Not going to work for Me. The shop that I go to for My manicures is completely used to having to tell Me that I need to relax My hands just so they can do their job on My nails. You do get bonus points for this part. " If the sub wants constant attention I agree it can be stressful or if you are doing it to accommodate him/her but if you are doing it for yourself isn't it freeing to be yourself?" Complete and total drag when you feel like the fun is being sucked out of you. When it becomes an obligation, the top isn't enjoying themselves anymore and the positive benefits are no longer being realized, what's the point? THANK YOU! I'D LIKE TO PRINT THAT OUT. This is exactly how I feel about the adrenaline and endorphines, stress relief, mood improvement, etc (don't forget enjoying mental challenge of using the imagination to come up with creative and evil things, heh heh) ...and the last two paragraphs about "sub wanting constant attention" should be pointed out to those subs wanting to find a Dominant. That type of sub really CAN suck the fun right out of the relationship for a Dominant. That's why I shun those wannabe "subs" who are too clingy/needy, or who constantly require reminding for the same exact overstep, time after time after time...or who expect Me to put on some type of "performance" at THEIR whim so they can get their jollies. IF I'M NOT BENEFITTING, FORGET IT. To answer the OP, I do find it stressful at times. I more or less "manage" My subs, since I'm actually coaching some of them through tough situations in their lives, and of course, forming a friend Relationship with them I tend to ABSORB a lot of the stress they are going through (plus I've got a MammaBear protective streak if something happens to them)...I don't function in a vacuum, I feel what they are going through, so yes, it CAN be stressful. Personally the idea of a spa sounds nice sometimes, but who has the time for one thing, and secondly, I agree with LadyPact, having a complete stranger touch you takes some getting used to...and I also don't think I'd derive enough benefit to make it worthwhile.

focalss -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 11:37:30 AM)
To clarify the question the woman who wrote me said dominance was similar to work, or that's how I interpreted it, and if she could have what she really wanted she would go to a spa.

Rawni -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 11:46:53 AM)
Maybe she was hinting at wanting you to pay for a spa day.

Tantriqu -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 1:01:36 PM)
Bet the person you talked to is a pro or a top, not a lifestyle Domme. Dominance for me is like slipping into a warm bath, followed by a cool drink, a great massage and multiple orgasms from a happy, good man, in various and surprisingly pleasing ways. A spa day lasts a coupla hours and doesn't have a 'happy ending'. Plus, I always get my partners tested, and I'm never sure about spa manicure tools! So I'd say it's the difference between Domination and a spa day is vast: a lasting, growing and mutually satisfying intellectual, physical and emotional relationship vs. paying a possibly diseased pro for a coupla hours for a fleeting experience.

littlewonder -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 3:06:41 PM)
I'm pretty sure Master finds it relaxing. He doesn't have to do anything for himself unless he wants to, he doesn't have to really push me to do things most times, I will do things for him without him having to tell me, he gets to sit back and relax and there is no drama in our relationship. I can't imagine him being stressed out at all with being my Master. If he said it was, I would immediately be making arrangements to change that to make his life even easier.

LadyPact -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 6:16:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss To clarify the question the woman who wrote me said dominance was similar to work, or that's how I interpreted it, and if she could have what she really wanted she would go to a spa. Send Me your exchange. I'll be more than happy to tell you what she meant from a woman's point of view.

littlewonder -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 6:23:10 PM)
I'm thinking if she's not getting what she wants then she's doing something wrong.

njlauren -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 8:56:36 PM)
If dominance was work to her, it sounds to me like the sub in the relationship wasn't doing their job right. If having a sub is like having a 2 year old (or a parrot) running around, constantly getting into mischief, not doing what they are supposed to, or are a needed sub who 'needs' to be actively dommed, told what to do, etc, all the time, then I could see being tired out. If the person is a pro, given that pro sessions are in fact all about the client, of course it is tiring, especially as the clients of pro dommes can be first class jackasses, many of them are well off types who go to submit but can't leave the alpha dog at the door....... I think that play can be a stress reliever for both s and D, but that is true of all kinds of play:)

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 11:42:01 PM)
quote: If dominance was work to her, it sounds to me like the sub in the relationship wasn't doing their job right. This. It's not even always the submissive's fault for not doing the job right. Plenty of people get involved and then later find out it's not going to work long term. Until that epiphany the relationship, and subsequently the dominance, can be draining and stressful.

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/19/2013 11:43:07 PM)
quote: If dominance was work to her, it sounds to me like the sub in the relationship wasn't doing their job right. This. It's not even always the submissive's fault for not doing the job right. Plenty of people get involved and then later find out it's not going to work long term. Until that epiphany the relationship, and subsequently the dominance, can be draining and stressful.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/20/2013 12:24:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: njlauren If dominance was work to her, it sounds to me like the sub in the relationship wasn't doing their job right. If having a sub is like having a 2 year old (or a parrot) running around, constantly getting into mischief, not doing what they are supposed to, or are a needed sub who 'needs' to be actively dommed, told what to do, etc, all the time, then I could see being tired out. If the person is a pro, given that pro sessions are in fact all about the client, of course it is tiring, especially as the clients of pro dommes can be first class jackasses, many of them are well off types who go to submit but can't leave the alpha dog at the door....... I think that play can be a stress reliever for both s and D, but that is true of all kinds of play:) Well, AgePlayers (AB's) can be that way as part of the dynamic, especially when dealing with a "bratty twosy or a teen" who has stress issues he/she needs to express (try taking one to a mall sometime if you haven't experienced it yet)...but it shouldn't be ALL the time, just during specific times (one hopes).

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/20/2013 12:50:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I'm thinking if she's not getting what she wants then she's doing something wrong. Or very likely she settles for self-centered wankers instead of actual submissives. Perhaps she needs to practice better selection procedures. It's not like there aren't enough out there.

RemoteUser -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/20/2013 12:53:32 AM)
Life and everything in between is stressful, some of it positive. How that stress is dealt with is a whole other ball of wax. I do a number of things for my sub, and I don't find them stressful. A prime example: she has been performing the in-class part of her teacher's certification as part of her Masters degree. This involves a lot more standing than she's been accustomed to; so when I visited her several weeks ago one of the things I did for her was to make sure I gave her a good foot rub each night. As you say, OP, this is something I do in part for myself. She was more relaxed, very grateful, and the smile it placed on her face after working a hectic course was satisfying to me. She worked hard and diligently, and deserved a reward for her efforts, but wasn't likely to reward herself. If I wanted or needed something from my girl, I would sensibly judge her current state and then tell her my desires. If she couldn't follow through, I would be more inclined to reevaluate what I had asked than judge her, because under normal circumstances she will do what I ask when she is able. Perhaps the person you spoke with would benefit from considering what she does and what she wants. The hard math of an interpersonal dynamic, kinky or otherwise, is not measured simply by what you get out of it, but how all parties concerned interrelate. If the goals don't match the situation, and the goal becomes the only consideration, the likelihood of understanding and rectifying the difference dwindles.

kalikshama -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/20/2013 2:58:11 PM)
quote: If she wanted to relax she would go to a spa. How many of you agree with that? Can't you just order your sub to give you a bath or massage and go do his chores? I've been massaged by dozens of amateurs and dozens of professional, and with very few exceptions, those who are professionally trained are better.

littlewonder -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/20/2013 5:22:21 PM)
Sigh. I wish I could find a good masseuse. I've been to at least three here in Baltimore and each of them sucked. Everytime I told them I wanted the deep tissue massage, all I got was this new-agey, run their hands over my body to get me to "relax", reiki stuff and all that jazz. [8\|] And no, none of those spas advertised they were "alternative". They were all supposedly trained masseuses in deep tissue, swedish, and all the other types of professional medical type massages. Hopefully one of these days I find a good one.

focalss -> RE: Stress relief, spa versus dominance? (5/24/2013 9:25:25 PM)
Thanks for answering but I would rather not copy the exchange, I don't think it would be fair to the person who sent it.

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