RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (Full Version)

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ClassAct2006 -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/25/2013 2:09:44 PM)

Contact - if someone (either gender) wants someone they will be in touch whatever it takes. I've managed to find ways to contact someone on remote island, in countries with most mobile contact blocked etc etc. you do what it takes to contact them. If you are really not that into them though then you could have all the time in the world but they are not top of the list. Sometimes two people are just out of time and if you wait a bit the other gets more into you in due course so it's worth waiting a bit to see how things develop.

Meeting - if I am seeing someone once every 2 weeks is pretty hard. Once a week is fine. That is what I have found is tolerable. (I try to avoid long distance relationships if I can as most of us want to be with and near the person we want in a physical sense, not just remotely).

More information on one side - if a man just wants to talk about sex I am not interested. I need to know about his life, to an extent his feelings, what is important to him. If he will not tell me about anything other than sex then I will not want him. I might as well buy a male blow up doll. I want a real person, to hear about his life, work, ideas, children, hobbies. If I just wanted a sex talker I'd buy an electronic device.



VioletViolence -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/25/2013 8:02:40 PM)

My most recent ex has severe trust issues, is incredibly manipulative and did his absolute best to keep me miserable because (in his words) "I know you care about me when you're upset/crying". We broke up a few times, always getting back together because, although he'd be the one to storm off and leave saying "It's just not working" and "I don't want to do this anymore", once I'd remove him from Fet, Facebook and whatnot he'd come crying back, saying that I was the one who ended things (because I did the deleting), that he didn't mean it and that he was just wanting a "break". Because I've got a bit of a White Knight complex he was able to use that against me to push my buttons and make me take him back, since he was very good at convincing me he was so close to changing and I was the one he needed because everyone else would just abandon him. And of course things would be OK for a bit, but it would go right back to him being the biggest douche on the planet. After the final break-up he went on a date with another girl and then tried to use that to make me get back together with him (the old, well if you won't she will sort of thing) but since he'd done nothing but be a shit the entire relationship I told him that if he wanted to get back together then he had to prove himself by being my friend first and actually start doing the things I'd been asking him to do all along. When he realized that I was serious and wouldn't be fucking him, he left, never to be seen again (and burned through the new girl in a matter of weeks, poor thing). All in all, he was one of the relationships that taught me the most about myself, even while it's the one I regret having the most...and considering some of my history, that's saying something :/



chatterbox24 -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/25/2013 8:33:37 PM)

Thank you everyone for participating and sharing. I enjoy reading the individual stories. Some of the toughest things teach us the biggest lessons. We all have different needs and out looks, and different things to be taught in life. All unique laws of attraction.



descrite -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 1:48:32 AM)

Ummmm...to offer the converse: I had a sub who asked me to share everything, but would get upset when she heard something she didn't like. So I stopped sharing everything, and told her I had no interest in doing so, because it didn't benefit either of us.



tsatske -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 10:04:58 AM)

My last Master, there were warnings before it ended. When I asked about his last sub, and why it ended (I always ask), he said it was because they were different races, so he couldn't marry her. I should have taken that as a warning. His exact words were 'How can I take a Black girl home to my mother?'.
Eventually, after we were engaged to be married, his mother decided she didn't like me. On the way home from that visit, I said something like, 'That's okay, we're still getting married', and he said, 'no, probably we're not'. I tried to end it but didn't. I should have ended it there. That was a deal breaker and should have been treated as one.



NuevaVida -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 11:35:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


Why did I still see him for so long you ask?

I thought I loved him and he loved me. The physical chemistry was seriously off the charts and I was a complete idiot about him. We broke up many many times, dated others and then would see each other again.

Finally I woke up when I heard: "But baby, I love you more than anything, I cannot live without you" one time too many and FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY decided I would never again listen to words that had no actions to back them up.

Totally relate to this, in regard to my former marriage.

I remember telling my therapist, "But the highs are just so damn high, even though the lows are terribly low...we keep trying to sustain the highs and make that work, but can't."

He explained to me my marriage was much like a drug addiction - continuing to reach for each high, thinking the lows are temporary. When really (in our case) the lows were our "normal" and the highs were an escape from that. It was very enlightening to me.


To descrite:
quote:

Ummmm...to offer the converse: I had a sub who asked me to share everything, but would get upset when she heard something she didn't like. So I stopped sharing everything, and told her I had no interest in doing so, because it didn't benefit either of us.

I went through something like this with ex owner dude. He didn't share much about his life with me, and I always felt at arms distance. He tried sharing more....then shared, "Oh by the way, I have another girl in Connecticut who I go see several times a year. I've had her for the last 18 months."

When I had trouble processing that, he said, "See? I can't tell you things - it just upsets you!"



Kana -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 11:36:37 AM)

When I started getting 16 emails a day, each full of independent thoughts, questions, comments and subsidiary text messages, yeah-I realized I didn't have the time to meet that chicas emotional needs



littlewonder -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 7:33:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

When I started getting 16 emails a day, each full of independent thoughts, questions, comments and subsidiary text messages, yeah-I realized I didn't have the time to meet that chicas emotional needs



I've been cut down to 4 emails a day. [&o]

[:D]



littlewonder -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 7:46:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

Ummmm...to offer the converse: I had a sub who asked me to share everything, but would get upset when she heard something she didn't like. So I stopped sharing everything, and told her I had no interest in doing so, because it didn't benefit either of us.


That happened in my last relationship with the ex Dom. He always said he wanted to know everything I was thinking so I told him. He didn't like it when it was something that wasn't happy or good and he'd get pissed off. So then he told me to keep a journal he could read. Again, he didn't like it when I wrote stuff he didn't like and again he'd get pissed. So at that point I stopped writing and I stopped telling him anything.

Unfortunately, for the first few years of Master and I being together, I was still skittish about sharing stuff with him because I was afraid he would do the same thing. He would always ask me what I was thinking or feeling and I would say "nothing". Well the "nothing" is what pissed him off. So I had to relearn how to share myself with someone. I admit there are still times even after all these years where I'm still afraid to say something when it's bothering me even though I know he would never get mad at me for it. It's just a nasty ptsd reflex with me that I still struggle with.



NuevaVida -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 8:23:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

Ummmm...to offer the converse: I had a sub who asked me to share everything, but would get upset when she heard something she didn't like. So I stopped sharing everything, and told her I had no interest in doing so, because it didn't benefit either of us.


That happened in my last relationship with the ex Dom. He always said he wanted to know everything I was thinking so I told him. He didn't like it when it was something that wasn't happy or good and he'd get pissed off. So then he told me to keep a journal he could read. Again, he didn't like it when I wrote stuff he didn't like and again he'd get pissed. So at that point I stopped writing and I stopped telling him anything.



That happened here, too. He'd get pissed at what I was feeling. He ultimately dealt with it by letting me go.

I was adamant a about expressing myself with the Mister though. I figured if he didn't like my thoughts that was his problem. So far he's been interested so yay :)



littlewonder -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 8:27:28 PM)

Yeah, I'm glad I can share absolutely everything with Master and he never gets angry at me. Instead he talks it out with me and we deal with it together both the good and the bad. It's one of the things I love about him. It's so easy to just talk to him. And he rarely gets angry or even upset. That's not to say he doesn't get exasperated with me sometimes with my stubbornness sometimes. [8D]

Besides trying to hide anything from Master is a lesson in futility. He can just look at me or hear my voice and know. And then it's either spit it or out or he'll make me wish I had. [:'(]




Kana -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 8:43:41 PM)

I dunno-I kinda like it when ya ask em what they are thinking and they always, as in w/o fail always, reply, "nothing."
Which I'm all for cuz it just supports my secret theory that all slaves are nothing but mindless, brainless holes made for fucking. [8D]



littlewonder -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 8:45:36 PM)

[sm=marionette.gif]



Extravagasm -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 9:19:23 PM)

OMG, these last two from Kana & the Mouse are precious pearls. Now you're a comedy team as well as everything else. LOL



littlewonder -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 9:21:12 PM)

OMG! I'm becoming Master! HELP!



sexyred1 -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 9:50:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


Why did I still see him for so long you ask?

I thought I loved him and he loved me. The physical chemistry was seriously off the charts and I was a complete idiot about him. We broke up many many times, dated others and then would see each other again.

Finally I woke up when I heard: "But baby, I love you more than anything, I cannot live without you" one time too many and FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY decided I would never again listen to words that had no actions to back them up.

Totally relate to this, in regard to my former marriage.

I remember telling my therapist, "But the highs are just so damn high, even though the lows are terribly low...we keep trying to sustain the highs and make that work, but can't."

He explained to me my marriage was much like a drug addiction - continuing to reach for each high, thinking the lows are temporary. When really (in our case) the lows were our "normal" and the highs were an escape from that. It was very enlightening to me.




I was told the same thing years ago by a therapist. I kept asking what happens when you finally do try and let go and you never meet someone who you attain that extreme high with?

He said you may never again feel those highs but if you find someone who can give you a more sustained peaceful type of relationship, it should suffice.

I am still not sure of his advice since I have not met anyone who I felt anything for.

And that is damn scary.



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 9:58:28 PM)

Thankfully when I was unattached there was no internet or cell phones. I am not a clingy person ay all. I sometimes put my phone down and forget about it and the battery dies. There have been a few times I plugged it in to find he had lunch and tried to text so there will be 20 messages from him. hello. hello. are you there? Why aren't you texting back. hello. Are you ignoring me. Why are you ignoring me. All the while I am ready to scream because my phone is freaking out with all the messages hitting at once and I am yelling at the phone Oh my god my freaking phone died! I threatened to throw my phone out the door once which he found rather amusing. He knows I forget about my phone and it will die so he does that knowing my phone will freak out with all those messages hitting at once. Aww wedded bliss. LOL



Extravagasm -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 11:06:41 PM)

quote:

sexyred1: I am still not sure of his advice since I have not met anyone who I felt anything for. And that is damn scary.

If you recall, this is the exact way Elizabeth McNeill ends her astonishing first person account in Nine and a Half Weeks, the original book. Must be heart-rendering for you, SR.

Also weakly hinted in Gone With the Wind. Maybe being consumed with reminiscent, lust, fantasy for someone estranged for a reason (or dead) . . . is not that uncommon. My guess is, there's company. Wonder how was during centuries of arranged marriages?

BTW the staid counselors advice twice offered, seems fatally limited by monogamy. I've seen combining qualities of more than one man, successfully resorted to more than once. Even in transition.

Peace and care.



sexyred1 -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 11:22:31 PM)

I appreciate what you have said. But it is difficult to meet even one interesting mam, let alone a few.

It is heart rending, but life goes on.



hlen5 -> RE: incompatiblities & ending relationships (5/26/2013 11:35:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst




He could have drove to you too, right? That's the way I would have felt about it if he hadn't offered.


That's why I quit a relationship. I figured if he couldn't drive to me on occasion, and wouldn't offer me gas money (after I hinted) I didn't loom very large in his life.



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