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Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 9:48:17 AM   
Subprincess19


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/13/2012
Status: offline 		As many say, submitting is just in my nature. In the last few months, I put a lable on what I have been feeling my whole life. With that being said, I still feel like I am in that stage where I am more than ready to find my Dominant and to submit (not to just anyone by all means..) But I am also in that awkward stage where I am unsure how to feel and I am uncertain how to go about it. There are times I just question who I am.. I think the reason being is because this isn't really socially acceptable.. Enough with the rambling, I guess my question is.. When coming into this this lifestyle, how do you transition from 'vanilla' to 'submissive/slave' or even 'Dominant/Master' When starting the journey, was one of your initial feelings nervous/uncertain about how to go about this lifestyle?
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 10:04:59 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Yes, I definitely was uncertain at the beginning of my journey into BDSM; it seemed like a shoe that fit me well, but I barely knew anything about it. What I did about that was to learn as much as I could about everything, and talk to people about it. There is a wealth of information on this site as well as others....just start reading and see if some of the uncertainty begins to go away. You're already here asking questions, that's great!

(in reply to Subprincess19)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 10:20:01 AM   
Subprincess19


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/13/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you! What reading material do YOU suggest

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 10:22:28 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Yes, I suppose so. I spent years fantasizing, reading about D/s, and chatting with people online before I ever tried much of anything, because I was pretty nervous too. (Also, at first, I was a minor.)

But honestly, that was mainly because I had a lot of unrealistic ideas and expectations about what D/s was like, based on fantasies and erotica and stupid BS I saw on the internet and TV. When I got to know people who actually do D/s in real life, it cleared up a lot of that.

I would recommend trying to find a local munch (social group for kinky folks that meets in a vanilla setting like a restaurant) and meet some people. You may or may not want to date any of them, but I think it'll put your mind at ease to see that dominants and submissives are normal people, and that kinky dating is pretty much like regular dating.

As far as finding a dominant person to date or play with, sites like this or Fetlife are actually a pretty good way to meet people. You just have to weed out a lot of guys who are really only interested in getting you to talk about sexy stuff so they can jerk off, as well as plenty of people who you just aren't compatible with for one reason or another.

< Message edited by graceadieu -- 5/26/2013 10:23:23 AM >

(in reply to Subprincess19)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 11:42:20 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

When coming into this this lifestyle, how do you transition from 'vanilla' to 'submissive/slave' or even 'Dominant/Master' When starting the journey, was one of your initial feelings nervous/uncertain about how to go about this lifestyle?

Meet the right man and it will flow smooth and natural

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to graceadieu)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 1:25:26 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I wasn't just awkward, i was completely ignorant. My first dom knew i was ignorant, but still asked me about hard limits. I didn't have a clue, since i didn't know what could be encompassed into the lifestyle.
I was terrified, excited and completely turned on, and couldn't have turned back it i had wanted to. And trust me, i didn't.

The thing is, i think you have to go on, and not worry too much. The things you don't like you can say no to, and the things you like are good to go.

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 3:59:48 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subprincess19

Thank you! What reading material do YOU suggest


I read The Loving Dominant and When Someone You Love is Kinky, mostly though I read the forums here. They gave me a solid background on things, enough to start hammering out my own feelings on things and know where i stood with them. I also searched the internet for stuff and found some things that seem impossibly naive to me now, but helped back then. I think the learning process just helps you make sense out of everything and gives you a sense that what you want is normal. Good luck with things

(in reply to Subprincess19)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/26/2013 8:22:16 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I never transitioned. I'm a submissive personality, always have been. But I'm also a mom and was single with her the entire time until she was an adult. Even though I'm a submissive personality, I either learned to keep from being taken advantage of or walked all over. That doesn't mean I was not still a submissive personality. It just meant I had to do things I didn't like. When I met men, whether they were "vanilla" or into "bdsm", I acted exactly the same. They either liked me or they didn't. I didn't try to transition. There was nothing to transition from.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Subprincess19)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/27/2013 2:37:40 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subprincess19

But I am also in that awkward stage where I am unsure how to feel and I am uncertain how to go about it. There are times I just question who I am.. I think the reason being is because this isn't really socially acceptable.. Enough with the rambling, I guess my question is.. When coming into this this lifestyle, how do you transition from 'vanilla' to 'submissive/slave' or even 'Dominant/Master' When starting the journey, was one of your initial feelings nervous/uncertain about how to go about this lifestyle?


For me, I wasn't so much concerned with "socially acceptable" because I had never been all that social or dependent on social acceptance. I was always pretty much by myself. Any uncertainty I felt was mostly aimed at myself; I had periods of wondering if something was wrong with me, things like that, but I was also kinda leaving my super traditional, sheltered upbringing behind, too, which was sometimes a lot to contend with.

But as far as "transitioning?" Not really... The person I met was the right fit for me, and it was synergystic, smooth, everything just worked.

I have known some people who struggled with not being single, with having to think about someone else when making plans, etc., but that was never me.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to Subprincess19)
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RE: Awkward stage.. - 5/28/2013 1:47:07 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:


I wasn't just awkward, i was completely ignorant. My first dom knew i was ignorant, but still asked me about hard limits. I didn't have a clue, since i didn't know what could be encompassed into the lifestyle.

Oh gosh!! I really hate this part too! When a dom wants you to declare your hard limits when you're still in clueless stage. Got me into such a big shit fight with my X, because I didn't know bdsm includes having naked pictures taken, which I didn't declare as my hard limit.
That huge bdsm check list thingy is probably most useful and every newbie should go through it and use it.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 10
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